夜间法庭（2023）

Night Court S01E04

Part 1 April 28, 2023, 11:20 a.m.

法官阁下被告因其手提包中
-Your Honor, the defendant was caught
存有被盗物品而被逮捕
with the stolen items in her purse.
法官阁下我的委托人贾瑟夫人...
-You Honor, my client, Mrs. Jasser --
是贾瑟女士
-It's Ms.Jasser.
注意是贾瑟女士...
-Noted. Ms. Jasser --
你可以叫我海伦
-You can call me Helen.
我的委托人并不知道...
-The defendant had no idea that --
我丈夫处于昏迷中
-My husband's in a coma.
反对法官阁下
Objection, Your Honor.
被...被告正在猥亵她的律师
Th-The defendant is groping her attorney.
辩护人上前说话
-Counsel, approach the bench.
哦我没什么要说的
Oh, I got nothing.
我只是想让你能喘口气
I just thought you could use a break.
是我疯了还是最近某人
Am I crazy, or has someone been getting
收获了很多女士的关注？
a lotof lady attention lately?
遗嘱检验部门的康妮不停在说
-Connie from probate won't stop talking about
关于一个有着浓密头发和翘臀的
the dashing new defense attorney with the thick hair
新来时髦辩护律师的事
and tush worth a push.
康妮简直是个怪胎
Connie's a big ol' freak.
这真的很让人头疼
-It's actually really annoying.
我受够了有女人问我有没有什么
I'm tired of women asking me if I've got any inside info
和我一起工作的银狐的小道消息
on the silver fox I work with.
餐厅的卡罗尔档案室的卡罗尔
Carol in the cafeteria, Carol at records,
总是穿着猫上衣的卡罗尔
Carol who's always wearing the cat blouse.
哦去买♥♥件猫上衣
-Oh! Go for cat blouse.
我是说我只是觉得也许她能成为那个
I mean, I just thought that maybe she could be your chance
可以分享你的希望和梦想的人
at sharing your hopes and dreams with someone.
而她可以和你分享在哪能买♥♥到那猫上衣
And she could also share where to get that cat blouse.
好吧我不是想扫你的兴
-Well, I hate to spoil all your fun,
但我恋爱的日子已经一去不复返了
but my dating days are behind me.
当然曾经有段时间我希望通过杀戮来获得
Of course, there was a time I would have killed
这种关注而且几乎做到了
for this kind of attention and almost did.
不是对人是对一只鸡
Not a human, a chicken.
路易斯安那州普拉克米明教区的一位巫毒医
A voodoo doctor back in Plaquimines Parish, Louisiana,
告诉我通过献祭一只动物可以使我对异性有无可抵挡的吸引力
told me that an animal sacrifice would make me irresistible to the fairer sex.
不管怎么说让我们把话题回到这些怪人身上
Anyway, let's get back to these weirdos.
这些观赏鱼里哪条看上去最有趣？
-Which one of these pet fish looks like the most fun?
这条眼神看着很温柔看上去是个很好的倾听者
This one has kind eyes and seems like a good listener,
但它的名字叫做“性感”
but this one's name is Zazzle.
除非你事只海豹否则弄条鱼
-Unless you're a seal, getting a fish
就是绝望哭号♥着呼救
is a desperate cry for help.
好吧我的未婚夫兰德
-Well, my fiancé, Rand,
已经和我异地恋有段时间了
and I have been doing the long-distance thing for a while,
这让我感觉有点孤独
and I've been feeling a little lonely,
所以我想找个宠物
so thought I'd get a pet.
但它又不能是那种你要花时间打扮的宠物
But it has to be one that you can't dress up
否则我就会一直宅在家里了
because otherwise I'll never leave the apartment.
好吧帅哥你把我铐住了
-Well, stud, you got me into handcuffs.
然后呢？
What now?
说真的这调情就不能更文雅点吗？
-I mean, seriously, is there no poetry left in flirting?
今天早些时候有个女的大喊“我想上他！”
Earlier today, a woman yelled, "I'd like to climb that!"
哦我得接个电♥话♥ 这是那卖♥♥鱼的人
-Ooh, I gotta get this. It's the fish people.
你好你能帮我...
-Excuse me, could you help me --
哦得了是啊我能帮你...
-Oh, please. Yes, can I help you --
什么你想要敲我的木槌
what, would you like to bang my gavel [grumbles]
或者一些其他折磨人的双关语？
or some other tortured double entendre?
让我告诉你
Let me tell you something.
我穿成这样只是为了我自己高兴
I dress like this to please myself,
不是为了给像你这样的变♥态♥看和意淫的
not to be ogled and debased by deviants like you.
我只是想知道档案室在哪
-I just wanted to know where the records room is.
沿着走廊向左走然后右转
-Down the hall to the left, first right.
额抱歉
-Uh, excuse me.
我得为此道歉真的很对不起
I'd like to apologize. I'm very sorry.
今天我...我不好过
I -- I had a long day.
哦我想说的是我没法理解你作为
-Oh, I mean, I can't begin to appreciate the indignities
一个中上阶层白人男性所受的侮辱
you must suffer as an upper-middle-class white man.
我活该
-I deserve that.
能让我给你买♥♥杯什么来表达我的歉意...这是纸质报纸？
Can I make it up to you by buying your... real-life newspaper?
哦这是刚刚投递的
-Oh, I actually get this delivered.
嗯说我老派也行但我喜欢知道
Yeah, call me old fashioned, but I like knowing
当我睡觉时也有人在我门外的感觉
there was someone right outside my door while I was asleep.
我还以为只有我会读这些了呢
Ah, I thought I was one of the last people to read those.
事实上我的一天都是从...
Matter fact, I start every day by doing...
-猜字游戏开始 -...猜字游戏开始
-The Jumble. -...the Jumble.
额我是丹
Uh, I'm Dan.
-哦朱丽安娜 -你好
-Oh. Julianne. -Hi.
嗯谢谢你的指路
-Well, thanks for the directions,
那么祝你好运能躲开那些变♥态♥
and good luck fending off the deviants.
啊不管了你看我就是冲你来的
-Ah, screw it. Look, I did come over to you
因为我觉得你很帅
because I thought you were handsome,
而我的心理治疗师和我说我应该多找点机会
and my therapist told me that I should take more chances.
所以这是我的电♥话♥号♥码
Well, here's my number.
也许我们有时能一起玩猜字游戏
Maybe we can Jumble together sometime.
丹结识了一位女士！
-Dan met a lady!
我已经不会在爱了
-My heart is closed for business.
我的人生中已经有了最浪漫的时刻
I've had the great romance of my life.
这是大多数人都不曾拥有的
That's more than most people get.
我知道这话你自己都不信
-I know you don't believe that.
我是说就在今晚你还说我们都有权力
I mean, just tonight you said that we're all entitled
拥有不只一份伟大的爱情
to more than one great love.
当然你那是在为一个一夫多妻的邪教首领辩护
Sure, you were defending a polygamist cult leader,
但我能听出你是真心的
but I could tell it was from the heart.
额浪漫
-Ugh, romance.
就连那些电影也是让人不爽
Even those movies are depressing.
它们都在演些女人为了去机场留住
They're all about some woman who abandons a presentation
某个家伙而放弃发布会之类的
to catch some guy at the airport.
好好的完成发布会啊
It's like, finish the presentation.
公♥司♥领导都还在呢混♥蛋♥！
The head of the company is there!
嗯你们知道我的... 我总是有一个男友和一个备用男友
-Well, y'all know me -- I always got a boo and a back-up boo.
你们不会在亲吻镜头里
You will not catch me on the kiss cam
看见我没人亲而在一边画圈圈
with no one to kiss, bumming out a whole stadium.
这对粉丝们太不公平了
It's just not fair to the fans.
好了让我们给丹点空间
-All right, let's give Dan a break.
如果他自己不想约会那也没事
If he doesn't want to date, that's okay.
我是说即使他不找个伴我们也会陪伴他的
I mean, he doesn't need a special someone when he's got us.
我们都是他需要的感情纽带
We are all the emotional connection he needs.
我这就给朱丽安娜发消息
-I'm just gonna go ahead and text Julianne.
我是纽约助理地区检察官
-I'm an assistant district attorney in the city of New York,
你要对我保持尊重
and you will treat me with respect!
好吧你的委托人在理查德.金德的公♥寓♥里
Okay, well, your client should have thought about that
洗澡之前就应该想到的
before took a bath in Richard Kind's apartment.
哦好吧我们法庭上见
Oh, okay. I'll see youin court.
你收到薄荷糖了？
-You got any mints?
这简直是噩梦
-This is a nightmare.
我只是想找个安静地方能让我好好工作的
I'm trying to find somewhere I can work that's quiet,
但是这...这根本做不到
but this just -- this is not worth it.
嗯检察官们不有办公室吗？
-Well, isn't there an office all the DAs work out of?
啊！就没有我一个人的时候
-Ugh! No one will leave me alone in there.
好吧你知道吗？算了算了
Okay, you know what? It's fine. It's fine.
我...我要搬去停尸间工作
I'm -- I'm just gonna go and work in the morgue.
气氛有点恶劣但至少那有许多抽屉
The vibe is lousy, but at least there are plenty of drawers.
好了坚持住我打赌如果我们一起想办法
-Well, hang on. I bet if we put our heads together,
应该能帮你找到个安静的地方工作
we can find you a quiet place to work.
哦我不确定我哪都找过了
-Oh, I don't know. I've looked everywhere.
每一间办公室和大多数的衣柜是...
Every office and most of the closets are --
什么...你在干什么？
What -- What's -- What are you doing?
额你把图纸藏在厕所通风管里？
Uh, you keep blueprints in the bathroom vent?
每个通风管里我都藏了
-I keep blueprints in every vent.
你永远都不知道什么时候会发现自己在“虎胆龙威”里
You never know when you might find yourself in a "Die Hard" situation.
（虎胆龙威，1988年电影）
“虎胆龙威”