夜间法庭（2023）

Night Court S01E13

Part 1 May 23, 2023, 9:08 a.m.

纽约市政♥府♥对约翰.奥特的起诉
-City of New York vs. John Ott.
奥特先生被控酗酒和扰乱治安
Mr. Ott is charged with drunk and disorderly conduct.
法官阁下被告闯入百老汇主题变装秀
-Your Honor, the defendant entered the Broadway-themed
跳上舞台脱掉他的衣服然后穿着
drag show, jumped on stage, removed his clothes, and then made off
约瑟夫的彩色梦幻大衣逃离
with Josephine's Technicolor Dreamcoat.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat是一台百老汇的经典音乐剧
法官阁下这种行为不是我委托人的一般行为模式
-Your Honor, this behavior is not typical for my client.
他只是在庆祝一个持续多年的
He had a few too many Sondheim Slings
科技项目完成的时候
while celebrating the conclusion of a tech project
多喝了几杯桑德海姆司令(Sondheim Slings)
that was years in the making.
译者：没听过这种酒，看名字不知是否捏他的Singapore Sling
至于"服装"问题
As far as the "wardrobe" malfunction,
很多人说裸体很有品味以及情怀的一部分
many said that the nudity was tasteful and integral to the plot.
请求案件驳回
Case dismissed.
辩方还有品格证人法官阁下
-The defense has a character witness, Your Honor.
品格证人一般是对被告很熟悉的人，为了证明被告在正常情况下
品行良好，以作为裁量的参考
-布洛克.加利文 -好的嗯加利文先生
-Brock Gallivan. -Okay, um, Mr. Gallivan,
能请你上前来吗?
can you please approach the bench?
你们两个是同事吗?
I understand that you two work together?
额约翰是我应用程序的程序员法官阁下
-Uh, John's a coder for my app, Your Honor.
这款应用会彻底改变我们寻求爱情的方式
An app that's gonna completely change the way that we fall in love.
你知道每个人都在寻求对自己特殊的人
You see, everyone wants to find that special someone,
但约会软件让这个过程变的冗长而肤浅
but dating apps make the process tedious and superficial.
但如果不是这样呢?
But what if it wasn't?
不好意思这是在辩护?
-I'm sorry, is this the defense?
只要起作用的话
-Only if it's working.
介绍注定的婚姻
-Introducing arranged marriage,
但是没有元音快使用恩基马基
but without the vowels, so "Rrngdmrrg."
我的算法♥会♥把你与另一位精确匹配...
My algorithm pairs you with exactly one person --
你完美的伴侣
your perfect match.
那么我现在开始回答提问
I will now answer any questions.
不不不这里不是干这个的地方
-No, no, no. That's not how this works.
-古尔斯? -好吧我要开始了
-Gurgs? -Sure. I'll start us off.
你的盈利是基于订阅
Are you subscription based
还是来自于广♥告♥收入？
or will you draw income from advertising?
怎么啦你都不看"创智赢家"的吗?
What, y'all don't watch "Shark Tank?"
创智赢家，是美国广播公♥司♥的一系列发明真人秀节目，
该节目提供给发明创业者展示发明的平台，通过说服5位强势的、
腰缠万贯的富翁们给予他们启动资金，让梦想成真。
肃静!
-Order!
不管Yelp上怎么说这是个正经的法庭
This is a real court, no matter what Yelp says.
Yelp是一个类似于国内大众点评的网站和应用
说到这个如果你对我的辩护满意的话
-Speaking of which, if you're satisfied with your defense,
之后请给个五星好评哦亲
I could use a five-star review.
你能信那家伙干的事?
-Could you believe that guy?
把这个法庭当作照片墙的定向广♥告♥来用
Using this court as a targeted Instagram ad.
照片墙是一个国外的分享照片和视频的软件，里边有很多攒劲的内容，懂的都懂
不我才不会买♥♥你的便携式电池功能香蕉剥皮器呢
No, I don't want your portable, battery-operated banana peeler.
因为我已经买♥♥了两个了
Because I already bought two.
是啊他的算法根本行不通
-Yeah. There's no way his algorithm works.
如果网上不能帮我找到裸♥露♥上身的照片
If the Internet can't help me find pictures of shirtless
曼迪.帕廷金和一堆小鸡混一起
Mandy Patinkin with an armful of baby chicks,
曼迪·帕廷金，美国影视演员，男高音歌♥唱家，出演过"犯罪心理"，"国土安全"等影视剧
这怎么可能帮我找到真爱？
how's it going to help me find love?
这应用听起来蠢透了
That app sounds dumb.
蠢就对了
-Dumb is good.
主意越蠢就能让你更快弄到钱
Dumber the idea, the richer it will make you.
既然那些孤独的人能把我的垃圾拍走我又为什么要扔呢?
Why throw away garbage when I can auction it off to lonely people?
我说的就是易贝
That's eBay.
eBay类似于淘宝和咸鱼的综合体，或者说淘宝就是从ebay学的这个模式，
少数国内也能用来国外主流应用，可以用来海淘
你别告诉我你真的从那个家伙那
-Don't tell me you're actually
买♥♥了什么他推销的东西
buying whatever that guy is selling.
让我和你们说说另一个因为交通违章
-Let me tell you a story about another guy
而穿着卫衣来这里的人的笑话
came through here in a hoodie on a traffic violation.
他问我 "嘿你想要加入
He asked me, "Hey, do you want to get in
我网站创始团队试试吗?"
on the ground floor of my website?"
我看着他回道
I look at him and I say,
"嘿你知道最快到底层的办法是什么吗?"
"Hey, you know the fastest way to the ground floor?"
边说我边打开了窗户
And then I open a window.
我大笑着
Huge laugh.
就这一声笑让我失去了十亿美元
That laugh cost me a billion dollars,
因为那个卫衣下
because that hoodie was wrapped
藏着的那个一脸苦逼的家伙叫马克.扎克伯格
around the haunted visage of one Mark Zuckerberg.
马克.扎克伯格，脸书创始人，2021年时身价1345亿美元
如果有10亿美金你会怎么用?
-What would you have done with a billion dollars?
我会另找个能
-I would find another planet
支持人类生存的星球
that was able to support human life,
然后把除我以外的人都送过去
and I would ship everybody who isn't me there.
我很遗憾你错失了脸书这个良机丹
-I'm sorry you missed out on Facebook, Dan,
但就像一个旧金山的烦人导游和我说的
but like an annoyed tour guide in San Francisco once told me,
"不是每个穿卫衣的家伙都是马克.扎克伯格"
"Not every guy in a hoodie is Mark Zuckerberg."
如果你对投资感兴趣
-If you're interested in investing,
你应该加入我的新项目共享座椅
you should get in on my latest venture -- Instachair.
就像优步但是用在座椅上
It's Uber but for chairs.
这个应用能让其他人付你钱
This app puts money in your pockets
来坐你的座椅
by putting butts in your seats.
好吧这个还在测试
Well, it's in beta now,
但这还有大量可用资源
but there's still plenty of equity to go around.
如果这是出租座椅的
-I-If you're renting out chairs,
那你是不是该叫它座椅币?
couldn't you call it ChairBNB?
就像我没想到一样
Like I didn't already think of that.
好吧我没想到这名字不错
I did not. That's a good name.
哦嗯嗨这座位我刚才坐着
-Oh, um, hi. Excuse me.
没错我共享了你的座位然后赚了38美分
-Yeah, I Instachaired your seat and made 38 cents.
叫"chair-ching"也不错啊?
-Couldn't it be "chair-ching"?
明白了你可真会取名字
-We get it. You're good at names.
我觉得布洛克的应用崩了
-I think Brock's app is broken.
我试着用它证明我和艾比是一对
I'm trying to prove that me and Abby belong together,
但它却一直告诉我匹配的是一只猫
but it keeps telling me to just get a cat.
你觉得那个应用会告诉你艾比是你的灵魂伴侣？
-You think that app is going to tell you Abby's your soulmate,
即使她已经订婚还是你的上司
even though she's engaged, your boss,
甚至都没在这个应用上注册?
and doesn't have a profile on the app?
-所以你是说... -没有不要上传她的资料
-So you're saying -- -No, don't make her a profile.
你知道吗这个现在归我了
You know what, this is mine now.
特大喜讯
-Exciting news.
我终于找到了未来的奥利维亚.摩尔先生了
I finally found the future Mr. Olivia Moore.
太好了但我要保留我的中间名
-Fine, but I'm keeping my middle name.
只要我能想得起它是什么
I just have to remember what it is.
不必了
-No.
布洛克那个技术宅
Brock, the tech douche.
我谷歌♥了他下...告诉我这是不
I Googled him -- tell me this isn't
你见过最性感的东西
the sexiest thing you have ever seen.
-领英的档案? -看看这简历
-A LinkedIn profile? -Look at the résumé.
领英，目前微软旗下的一个职业社交平台，在国外影响力比较大
盲目的野心没有什么兴趣爱好
The blind ambition, the complete lack of interests,
最棒的是是他不是个律师
and the best part is he's not a lawyer,
这意味着我们唯一要竞争的地方只有卧室
so the only place we'll have to be competitive is in the bedroom.
而如果他觉得他能从我这夺走被子
And if he thinks he can steal the covers from me,
那他是在做梦
he's dreaming.
他一眨眼这些被子就都是我的了
And the second he is, those covers are all mine.
玛里琳！
-Marilyn!
我想起来了
I remember.
我的中间名是玛里琳
My middle name is Marilyn.
好了兰德把你的脸在挪近点然后...
-Okay, Rand, move your head a little closer, and --
-没错就这样 -你好啊
-yep, that's it. -Hello.
-我看起来怎么样? -唔好吧
-How do I look? -Uh, well,
看着是棕色的就像个UPS司机
it's a lot of brown, so kind of like a UPS driver,
UPS，美国联合快递包裹服务，成立于1907年，全球知名快递公♥司♥
那我呢?
but how about me?
嗯我把你放在我的蝙蝠侠立像上
-Well, I got you on my Batman standee.
我得说实话...
I'm not gonna lie...
这真的戳到我了
it's really working for me.
这也对你们俩穿黑色都很好看
Makes sense. You both look great in black.
你们俩都在夜间打击犯罪
You both fight crime at night.
而且你们俩都不喜欢企鹅
And neither of you trust penguins.
译者：艾比蝙蝠侠说