夜间法庭（2023）

Night Court S01E07

Part 1 April 28, 2023, 11:20 a.m.

好了各位是时候开庭了
Alright, everybody, it's court o'clock,
而如果你在艾比时间来
and you made it during Abby Hour.
一切都将享受半价
All decisions half-price.
-法官你脚伤了？ -有一点
- Judge, are you limping? - A bit.
我被辆出租稍微撞了下
I got a little hit by a cab.
而且不知怎的司机比我还生气
And somehow, the driver got angrier than I did.
所以还在适应纽约的生活啊？
So still getting the hang of New York, huh?
那话怎么说来着你还不是真正的纽约人
You know what they say-- You're not a real New Yorker
直到你给那个碾过你的人45美元
until you pay the guy who just ran you over $45
让他送你去医院
to drive you to the hospital.
不是你还不是真正的纽约人
No, you're not a real New Yorker
直到你凌晨1点去杂货店
until you buy a rattrap, a hammer, and an egg sandwich
买♥♥了捕鼠器锤子和鸡蛋三明治
from a bodega at 1:00 a.m.
首先是对卡洛琳.克拉兹的公诉
First up, the People vs. Caroline Kratz.
被告因将未被允许的动物带上地铁
The defendant is charged with disorderly conduct
而被控告扰乱治安
for bringing an uncontained animal onto the subway.
法官阁下关于此事有个很简单
Your Honor, there's a very simple
并且非常合法的解释
and extremely legal explanation for this.
那是只服务型动物
It was a service animal.
那是匹马
It was a horse.
那是匹迷你马而且是匹导盲迷你马
A mini-horse. Nay, a seeing-eye mini-horse.
而且根据纽约庞戈案判例
And according to New York vs. Pongo,
迷你马是被许可登上公共交通的
mini-horses are allowed on public transit.
很显然我得亲自看看那家伙
Obviously, I got to get a look at this guy.
在北部的时候我曾在县集市猜马的大小
Upstate, I used to guess horse sizes at the county fair.
而这个应该是“大”
And that one is a "big."
法官阁下嗯我申请无效审判
Your Honor, um, I call for a mistrial.
我刚刚获知被告和摩尔女士
I've just learned that the defendant and Ms. Moore
之间存在（影响审判的）联♥系♥
have an existing relationship.
她们每天5点42分都同乘
They share a daily commute
在亨特学院站的市区六号♥线
the 5:42 downtown six train at Hunter College Station.
等一下我觉得我们刚刚忽略了个大新闻
Slow down. I think we just blew right past the big news here.
这个据说失明的被告刚刚认出了我？
That the allegedly blind defendant just recognized me?
哦不不不她没认出你
Oh, no, no, no. She didn't recognize you.
是马认出来的
The horse did.
我每天也坐这线路通勤
That's my daily commute, too.
奥利维亚我们是地铁伙伴啊
Olivia, we're subway buddies.
真的吗？嗯那太疯狂了
Really? Well, that's crazy.
难以相信我们竟然没碰到过对方
Can't believe we haven't seen each other.
你们两我都见过...好几次了
I've seen both of you-- a bunch of times.
嗯你真会帮倒忙
Well, you're not helping.
你知道吗？我们只能认罪了
You know what? We just plead guilty.
你怎么受得了她的？
How do you put up with her?
我只需要一张单人桌
I just need a table for one.
这周末你就不能帮我抽个空吗？
Can't you squeeze me in this weekend?
哦等等等等我有说过我的名字叫丹.菲尔丁吗？
Oh, wait, wait. Did I say that my name is Dan Fielding?
额我是说额名字是
Uh, I meant, uh, it's
朱迪·丹奇女爵士
[British accent] Dame Judi Dench.
在餐厅订不到桌？
Can't get a table at a restaurant?
啊不是随便什么餐厅
Ah, it's not just any restaurant.
是科尔蒙松
It's Chromosomme.
哦！我听说过这地方
Oh! I heard about that place.
他们用科学方法基于你的
They use science to design your perfect meal
面部化验头发样本
based on a cheek swab, a hair sample,
以及你死也不会说的秘密为你设计完美膳食
and a secret you swore to take to the grave.
我唯一能约到的时间就是工作日
The only chance I have to get in there is during the week,
但我们总是很晚才离开
but we're always leaving here late.
我一般都完全赞同艾比的共情司法
I'm all in favor of Abby's empathetic justice,
但当它挡在我和完全为我口味设计的
but not when it gets between me and a risotto
意大利调味饭之间的时候就不是这么回事了
that was genetically engineered for my tongue.
好吧至少你不会碰到
Well, at least you're not gonna have her
她在地铁上跟着你
following you around on the subway,
并且想跟你土味聊天
trying to make chitchat with her big hick energy.
是啊法官她不怎么擅长坐地铁
Yeah, the judge isn't good on the subway.
我和他坐过一次
I rode with her once.
她扶住柱子然后就戳到她的脸好几次
She held the pole and then touched her face so many times.
这是我的六号♥兄弟
There's my twin sixter.
因为我们都坐六号♥线
'Cause we both take the six train.
-她懂了 -是啊我们都懂了
- She gets it. - Yeah, we got it.
我看你在外边站了半天了
And I watched you stand outside in the hall
直到你想到了才进来
till you thought of it.
我很高兴能和你一起多待些时间
I'm so excited to spend some more time together.
你可以教我该怎么做我还是个“新纽约人”
You could show me the ropes. I'm still a "Newb Yorker."
好吧我真没啥头绪
Okay, that one I can't take credit for.
当有人朝我打喷嚏之后我和他们说“保佑你”
Someone screamed it in my face when I said "bless you"
结果他们对着我尖叫
after they sneezed on me.
我觉得我不得不去坐早班车了
I think I'm gonna have to take the earlier train.
是啊的确或者还有办法你知道吗？
Yeah, sure. Or you know what?
你可以搬去丹佛
You could move to Denver.
我打赌那边可能也有律师的
I bet you there are probably lawyers there, too.
哦对不起
Oh, sorry.
有些人不当人啊
People are animals.
奥利维亚！
Olivia!
哦好吧你也坐早班车了
Oh, good. You took the early train, too.
我还担心我们会互相错过
I was worried we'd miss each other
而且我们的工作和私人生活将保持独♥立♥
and our work and private lives would stay separate.
嗯显然我的租约里写着管♥理♥员♥
Well, apparently, my lease says my super
周二晚上能在我的公♥寓♥里洗澡
gets to shower in my apartment on Tuesday nights,
所以想给他点私人空间
so I like to give him his space.
经典
[ Laughs ] Classic.
-所以你是不是... -我们也许不该谈话
- So, are you, um-- - We probably shouldn't talk.
这城里有个连环杀手
There's a serial killer in the city
他的目标是互为朋友的女人们
who targets women who are friends.
没事他们抓住了那个家伙
No, they caught that guy.
我知道是因为他是我兄弟
I know 'cause he's my brother.
哦我喜欢你的耳环
Oh. I like your earrings.
管好你自己变♥态♥
Keep it in your pants, perv.
你在干什么啊？不要和别人搭话
What are you doing? Don't talk to people.
还有也不要有眼神接触
Also, don't make eye contact.
也不要给任何人糖果
Or offer anyone candy.
-即使是万圣节？ -万圣节你要待在家里
- Even on Halloween? - You stay inside on Halloween!
我喜欢这样
I love this.
奥利维亚大♥师♥告诉你纽约的生活
I'm getting an Olivia master class on New York City.
推广码：fuhgettaboutit
Promo code-- fuhgettaboutit.
我们遇到了一个小技术问题
We're having a minor technical issue.
各位乘客请耐心等待
Hang tight, everyone.
嗯额外的地铁伙伴时间
Well, that's bonus subway buddy time.
所以你的那个兄弟真的不会出现在这车上？
So there's really no chance your brother's on this train?
好吧我和驾驶员谈过了
Okay, I talked to the driver,
目前没有关于维修的最新消息
and there's no update on the maintenance issue.
也没有空调的最新消息
Also no update on the air-conditioning.
这是其他没有更新消息的清单
Here's a list of other things there's no update on.
我有个最新消息你一点用都没有
Here's an update-- You're not helpful,
而且所有人都能看见你的奶头了
and everyone can see your nipples.
事态越来越焦灼了
Things are getting tense.
哦你不是被吓坏了吧？
Oh, you're not gonna freak out, are you?
你要知道我不会牵手的
You should know, I do not hold hands.
我没事一切都会好起来的
I'm okay. Everything's gonna be fine.
好吧我们已经脱离维护秩序的社会规范了
Sure, we've been cut off from the societal norms that maintain order,
但是我们被某种更强大的东西联♥系♥在一起
but we're bonded together by something even stronger--
人类天生的体面
innate human decency.
退后你们这些畜生
Stay back, you jackals.
送外卖♥♥是我的工作
It's my job to deliver this food,
餐厅是黑帮开的
and the restaurant's run by the mob.
如果你们对我做了什么他们会加倍奉还的
There's nothing you can do to me that they won't do worse.
好吧当老鼠来吃我们的时候...它们会的...
Okay, when the rats come for us-- and they will--
我会把你们所有人先推出去
I will sell out every last one of you.
我确定体面很快会恢复的
I'm sure the decency will set in any minute now.
不我们完蛋了
Nope. We're screwed.
这里没救了
Nothing's holding this together.