夜间法庭（2023）

Night Court S01E07

Part 2 April 28, 2023, 11:20 a.m.

这里已经没有规矩了现在是丛林法则
The norms are gone. It's subterranean law.
把你的包给我
Give me your bag.
什么？我用这些东西做不出武器来
What? I can't make a shiv out of any of this!
奥利维亚在哪？
Where's Olivia?
我没有时间和精力去记个新名字
I don't have the time or energy to learn new names.
你明白我的意思对吗冠军？
You understand what I mean, right, champ?
六号♥线出故障了
The six train broke down.
所以艾比和奥利维亚可能来不了了
So Abby and Olivia might not make it.
我们得找人来替她们的班
We had to find some people to fill in.
全体起立
All rise.
曼哈顿刑事法庭第二庭现在开庭
Manhattan Criminal Court Part 2 is now in session.
由尊敬的默里·弗洛伯特阁下主持
The Honorable Murray Flobert presiding.
这些鸡肉面条真不错
That is some good chicken noodle. Mmm!
是我的错觉还是这真的有种代课老师来了的氛围？
Is it just me or does this guy have a real, like, substitute-teacher vibe?
嗯先跟大家说下我患有法官肘
Uh, just an FYI, I have judge's elbow.
所以我只能用嘴做出法槌的声音
So I'm gonna be making the gavel sound with my mouth.
你知道吗如果我们通力合作我们能在当着
You know, if we work together, we might be able to get, uh,
这个老鸡肉面法官做任何想做的事
old Judge Chicken Noodle there to do whatever we want.
我也许能及时赶到科尔蒙松
I may make it out in time to go to Chromosomme after all.
而我今晚可以去脱衣舞俱乐部
And I can go to the strip club at night,
在它还像电影里脱衣舞俱乐部的时间段
when it's like a strip club in a movie.
白天不行那时候它就像纪录片里的样子
Not during the day, when it's like a strip club in a documentary.
额问下这里的Wi-Fi是哪个？
Uh, excuse me. What's the Wi-Fi here?
我需要它来查看案件卷宗
I need it to look up case files.
还有谁有网飞的号♥能借我个吗？
Also, does anyone have a Netflix password I can borrow?
也是为了案子
Also for case stuff.
或者我们什么也不用做
Or we may not have to do anything at all.
我觉得可以打电♥话♥给拉斯让他把香槟室准备好了
I better call Russ and tell him to get the champagne room ready.
你见到拉斯帮我和他打个招呼
You see Russ, tell him I said hi.
你知道我要去的是家男性脱衣舞俱乐部对吗？
You do know I'm going to a male strip club, right?
是的在这工作前我在那干过
Yeah, I had a job before this.
也许你需要些其他事来转移注意力
Maybe you need something else to focus on.
我这有个好游戏“蟹魔入侵”
I have this great game called "Crab Attack."
哦对了我的手♥机♥自从下了“蟹魔入侵”
Oh, right, my phone's been locked with ransomware
就被勒索软件锁住了
ever since I downloaded "Crab Attack."
别装做你很冷静的样子
Don't act like you're the calm one.
我才是冷静的那个都在我掌握之中
I'm the calm one. I'm in control.
除非这都是我的幻觉
Unless control is an illusion.
我是说我没法掌握地铁故障
I mean, I can't control the subway breaking down
或者宇宙在不断膨胀
or that the universe is constantly expanding
而在其中我却连个一居室都买♥♥不起
and I still can't afford a one-bedroom in it!
嘿！你以为你在干什么？
Hey! What do you think you're doing?
-那是我的座位 -你的座位？
- That was my seat. - Your seat?
我怎么不知道我和冯.长凳公主在同一辆车上
I didn't realize I was on the train with Princess Von Bench.
哇哦！让我们不要忘记我们作为人的体面
Whoa! Let's just not forget our innate human decency.
艾比别管闲事
Abby, stay out of this.
嗯总得有人要做点什么
Well, someone's got to do something.
-这个地方快要崩溃了 -这里不是法庭
- This place is coming apart. - This is not court.
她们不需要听你的
They don't have to listen to you.
你是对的
You're right.
这里不是法庭
It's not court.
但也可以是我们应该进行一场裁判
But it could be. We should have a trial.
我是说这只是场简单的争执
I mean, this is just a simple dispute.
我们可以一起解决这事
We can figure this out together.
这样我们就不会乱想了
It'll give us something else to think about.
你们要知道我实际上是个法官
You know, I'm actually a judge.
还有谁有任何司法经验吗？
Does anyone else have any legal experience?
我在“法律与秩序”里演过尸体
I played a dead body on "Law & Order."
（法律与秩序，一部比较真实反映美国法律制度的剧集，1990年开播，
2010年结束。共20季456集）
我们都在“法律与秩序”里演过尸体
We've all played a dead body on "Law & Order."
你知道的 “法律与秩序”是播出最长的
You know, "Law & Order" is the longest-running show
带有"&"号♥的剧集
with an ampersand in the title.
好的好的你能说会道
Okay, okay. You like saying things.
你可以做书♥记♥
You can be the clerk.
而看到你守卫这些披萨的样子
And I'm getting some real bailiff vibes
我觉得你是做法警的料
from the way you're guarding that pizza.
奥利维亚你想来做检察官吗？
Olivia, would you like to be the counsel?
你就当在工作了
You could think of it as work.
工作就很好我能把握得住
Work is good. I can control work.
没错而且你可以和最强的对手对抗
Yeah, and you could go up against the greatest opponent of all.
太阳吗？
The sun?
不是你自己
No. Yourself.
你可以同时扮演两边
You could play both sides.
我加入
I'm in.
还有我
And so am I.
你知道我不会这么说话的
[ Normal voice ] You know I'm not gonna do a voice.
哦太棒了！我预定成功了！
Oh, yes! I got a reservation!
我只剩下最后个案子了
I've only got one case left.
我可以早点过去然后嘲笑那些
I can get there early and laugh at people
沙拉检测成阳性的人
who tested positive for salads.
你们绝对猜不到谁来法庭了
You'll never guess who's in the courthouse.
奥林匹克花样滑冰选手成了评论员
Olympic figure skaters turned commentators
也许还会成为杀人犯
turned maybe murderers.
我其实不知道他们为什么在这
I don't know why they here.
约翰尼.威尔和塔拉·利平斯基
Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski.
(两人均为美国著名花样滑冰选手）
他们是最后一起案子的目击者
They're witnesses in the last case.
显然有个花样滑冰选手点燃了赞博尼磨冰机
Apparently, a figure skater hot-wired a Zamboni
并且试图压碎他的对手
and tried to smush his competition.
艾比一定想见见这两位的
Abby would have loved meeting those two.
她可是花样滑冰的铁粉
She's a huge figure-skating fan.
哦也许我们可以拖到她来
Oh! Maybe we can stall until she gets here.
拖？你疯了吗？我已经预定了晚餐
Stall? Are you crazy? I've got a dinner reservation.
所以你大餐比你的朋友更重要？
So your fancy dinner is more important than your friend?
那不只是顿晚餐
This is not just a dinner.
这是被“科学美国人”称为
This is a meal that Scientific American
（《科学美国人》是美国及全世界最知名的科普杂♥志♥）
“令人发指的干细胞浪费”的一餐
called a "heinous waste of stem cells."
好吧我不需要你帮忙
Fine. I don't need you.
我自己就可以拖慢庭审的进程
I can slow this court down on my own.
小心古尔斯你正在滥用
Careful, Gurgs, you're messing with powers
（这句应该是捏他了夺宝奇兵3印第安纳琼斯和最后的十字军里的话）
你无法理解的力量
that you couldn't possibly understand.
（这句应该是捏他了夺宝奇兵3印第安纳琼斯和最后的十字军里的话）
我不是很明白到底是什么意思但我会弄明白的
I have no idea what that means, but I'll figure it out.
所以我们现在到底接不接这案子？
So we doing this case or not?
-除非我能帮上忙 -当然
- Not if I can help it. - Absolutely.
别让我做选择你们都是我的朋友
Don't make me choose a side. You're both my friends.
-除非我能帮上忙 -当然
- Not if I can help it. - Absolutely.
我们可以开始了吗？
Are we ready to begin?
额是的法官阁下我们准备好了
Uh, yes, Your Honor, we are,
没有什么能阻止我们
and there's nothing anybody can do to stop us.
额哦这说我妻子来电♥话♥了
Uh-oh. This says my wife called.
而且是紧急情况
And it's an emergency.
好吧对她来说什么都紧急
Well, it always is with that one.
不管了我们开始吧
Anyway, let's start.
这就是你用来拖延的招数古尔斯？
So that's your great stalling move, Gurgs?
你要知道我以为你会更难对付呢
You know, I expected more from you.
我能说什么呢丹？我已经万策尽了
What can I say, Dan? I'm all out of moves.
好了书♥记♥ 传唤最后个案子吧
Okay, Clerk, call the last case.
-书♥记♥去哪了？ -嗯看看这个
- Where's the clerk? - Well, look at that.
我还是有其他招的
I had more moves.
我们不需要尼尔
We don't need Neil.
反正他只是个会走的笔记板而已
He's just a sentient clipboard anyway.
我也能传唤案件
I can call the case.
我也希望能这样法官阁下
I wish that were true, Your Honor,
但就像大多数法官们说的那样
but it's like the regular judge says,
“没有书♥记♥你没法工作”
"You can't work without a clerk."
嗯这确实挺押韵
Well, that does rhyme.
你最好还是放松点吧丹
You might as well get comfortable, Dan.
你得在这待上一伙儿了
You're gonna be here a while,
因为我保证你没法找到尼尔
because I can assure you there's no way you're finding Neil.