杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S05E15
Part 2
Nov. 20, 2020, 3:19 p.m.
It was tough.
那时候日子很苦
We didn't have money
我们没钱
for food, clothes, toys.
买♥♥吃的 穿的还有玩具
My brother and I adopted a rat.
我和我哥养了一只小老鼠
I remember, we called the rat singular wireless.
我记得我们叫它无线鼠
He was sweet.
它本来是个小可爱
Until he ate my brother's pinkie toe clean off.
直到它把我哥的小脚趾一口咬掉
What?
什么
He bit it like a baby carrot.
它当成是小胡萝卜来啃了
Just .
就像这样
It woke me up.
把我吵醒了
That snap, that snap.
那嘎嘣一声
In the end, we laughed about it,
最后我们一笑了之
'cause what else can you do?
因为不然还能怎么办呢
Gosh darn it.
可怕
He ran away after a while--
他没过多久就跑掉了
My brother, not the rat--
我说的是我哥 不是老鼠
He didn't get far, obviously, not with nine toes.
当然了 他没跑多远 毕竟只剩九个脚趾
Listen, it wasn't a great childhood,
我的童年一点也不美好
And I know that I come on strong,
我知道我看上去很坚强
But I guess, if I can scare people with my pranks,
但我想 如果我能用恶作剧吓到别人
Then I know I'm not the only one who's scared.
那我就不会是唯一害怕的人了
What a cruel, terrible world we live in.
我们生活的世界好残酷
I had no idea.
怎么会这样
I'm so, so, so, sorry.
我非常非常非常抱歉
You're stupid, Schmidt.
施密特 你笨死了
And you're-you're stupid, too, Cece,
希希你也笨死了
Stupid.
笨蛋
Okay, wait, so the en... the en...
等等 所以整个
The entire story is a lie?
整个故事都是假的吗
Rhon. Da'd.
又被兰达整到了
Need a little more of this.
我得多喝点这个
Anybody else want some, uh, wine?
还有谁要来点酒吗
Oh, no, thanks.
不用了 谢谢
I salted it.
我加了盐
You salted the wine? How is that even a prank?
你往酒里放盐 这也算是恶作剧吗
You just told her that you salted it before she took a sip.
她喝之前你就告诉她了
Unless of course that the prank is that there's no salt in it.
除非这里面根本没加盐才算是恶作剧
Yes, there's salt.
加了盐了
There's most definitely salt in that.
百分百加盐了
This is delightful.
笑死人了
Mr. Day, I, too, love Sons of Anarchy.
戴先生 我也很喜欢《混乱之子》
You drive a pretty hard bargain.
你真会谈价
I agree to your terms!
我同意你的条款
You just have to sign the papers in person.
你只要亲自来签个名就行
I'm at the dealership for another hour.
我在店里再等一个小时
Ah, I did not think this through.
我是搞不定了
Nick... I have hit a snag in my car buying.
尼克 我买♥♥车的时候遇到问题了
I'm not surprised you came to me.
我早就料到你会来找我
I heard you and, uh, dr. Trap-jaw last night,
我昨晚听到你和陷阱颚医生滚床单
And he climaxes like a woman.
他叫得跟个娘们儿似的
That was me.
是我叫的
Then you sound like a woman when you climax.
那你高♥潮♥的时候叫得跟个娘们儿似的
I am a woman. What's your point?
我就是个娘们儿 你到底想说什么
We're still on your point.
我们还在讨论你的话题
I'm waiting for you to wrap it up.
我在等你赶快说完
My point is...
我想说的是
Your car deal went south, and so you need Nick Miller
你的汽车交易要吹了 所以需要尼克·米勒
to twist some nips for you, yeah?
来为你扭转大局 是吗
Nope. The nips have already been twisted.
不是 局势已经在掌握之中
All I need right now is someone to pretend to be Jeff Day.
我现在只是需要有人扮演杰夫·戴的角色
And I would ask Sam, but he's in a procedure all day.
我本来想找萨姆 不过他一整天都在忙
He's de-webbing some kid's toes.
他在分割一些孩子的脚趾
It sounds whimsical, but it's actually very serious.
听起来很荒谬 但其实是件很严肃的事
Why would you go to him?
为什么你本来想找的是他
He cannot close this deal for you, Jess.
他根本不能帮你搞定这个交易 杰茜
The deal has already been closed.
交易已经搞定了
Right now, I just need, literally, any man.
现在我只是需要一个人 随便是谁
If I could wish a mannequin to life, I would.
要是能让人体模特变成真人 也没问题
Oh, Jessica.
杰茜卡
You understand that fate fused that kid's toes together.
你要明白命运让那些孩子们的脚趾粘到一起
And Dr. Sam is the man for that job,
那是萨姆医生的事
but I'm the man for this job.
而这件事归我管
So if you excuse me,
失陪一下
Let me get my Julius Pepperwood disguise.
我要去拿我的朱里斯椒木装了
Wait, no, no, no. You don't understand.
等等 不不不 你误解了
I just need you to pretend to be Jeff Day.
我只是想让你装一下杰夫·戴
Well, I need some sort of disguise. Absolutely not.
我需要一些道具 并不需要
What about a mustache? That's a disguise.
胡子呢 那也是伪装
Not if I grow one.
我要是长出来就不是了
We're in the car in ten minutes.
十分钟后我们就要上车
You gonna grow a mustache in ten minutes?
你能十分钟内长出胡子吗
No man could do that.
没有男人能
Scientifically impossible.
毫无科学根据
Hey, I guess science always wins, right?
科学总是对的 对吧
See ya in the car.
车上见
All right, now remember,
你记住
Jeff Day is a lovable schnook,
杰夫·戴是个可爱的老实人
Who makes sausage in his spare time.
空闲时间还会做做香肠
You work for the phone company,
你在一家手♥机♥公♥司♥工作
So you call the phones "Units."
所以你把手♥机♥叫做"单位"
All right, what's my back story?
好了 我的背景是什么
Units, that's good. Uh, you're my wife.
单位 挺好的 你是我老婆
You spend all day making sausages,
你成天做香肠
and clucking with the other hens on the kitchen unit.
家庭主妇
No, no. I'm a disgraced ice-skating sensation.
不不 我是个事业不顺的滑冰运动员
I got ex-communicated from the sport
因为抗♥议♥暴露的服装
for protesting that nudie fabric.
而使运动事业受阻
And then I broke my butt.
后来又把屁♥股♥摔烂了
Right, and which toe is webbed?
好的 被缠住的是哪个脚趾
Ugh, Nick, that's real life.
尼克 那是真事
Ugh. This is gonna be a disaster.
肯定会搞砸的
Abort, abort.
走吧走吧
Dollface!
娃娃脸
You're back!
你回来啦
Hi. I am, I am.
是啊是啊
Um, I believe you've been e-mailing with my husband Jeff.
我想你已经跟我的丈夫杰夫通过邮件了
Jeff Day.
我就是杰夫·戴
Lover of meats, enemy of nonsense.
最爱吃肉 最恨废话
Put her there.
来握个手
Nice mustache. My guy.
胡子不错 有眼光
All right.
好吧
Oh, excuse me for a minute.
失陪一下
I have to go feed the meter.
我要去加个油
Uh, excu... Before you go,
等下 你走之前
can you please fill us in
能不能把
On all active pranks at this table?
桌上所有的恶作剧都告诉我们
I think you found them all, okay?
你都知道了
Relax.
放轻松
Oh, wait! Winston...
等等 温斯顿
I put a watch battery in your huevos rancheros.
我在你的墨西哥煎蛋里放了块纽扣电池
In the huevos?
在蛋里吗
No, you did not.
不 不是吧
Winston, she's been sitting down this whole time.
温斯顿 她一直坐在这儿
Does she have someone working with her in the kitchen?
她厨房♥里是不是有帮手
Can you explain to me how that's funny?
你能给我解释一下有趣在哪里吗
'cause you could have cracked a molar or choked to death.
因为你很可能会咬断臼齿或是噎死
It's hilarious, 'cause what if I choke on the battery?
我如果被电池噎死不是很搞笑吗
You know what I mean?
你懂我意思吗
Or if the battery breaks open inside of me, you know?
或者是电池在我体内裂开
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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