杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S05E03
Part 1
Nov. 20, 2020, 3:17 p.m.
杰 茜 驾 到
第五季 第三集
你就找个借口
Just make up an excuse
推了陪审员义务吧 杰茜
and get out of jury duty, Jess.
-求你了 我需要你 -不行 尼克
- Please, I need you. - No, Nick.
这既是权利也是荣幸
It's a right and a privilege.
南非就没有陪审团
In South Africa, they don't even have juries.
他们有一个法官和两个审判员
They have a-a judge and two assessors.
早知道我就像小孩子一样欺负你了
God, I would have bullied you as a kid.
陪审员义务就应该是一种牺牲
Jury duty is supposed to be a sacrifice.
难道我现在不想去上班
Would I like to be at work right now,
参加主题周活动吗
participating in the Spirit Week assembly?
我当然想
Yeah, I would.
我曾经有过很多次难忘的表演
I've turned in some memorable performances in the past.
狐獴的家园 主题周
就一天 没我你也没关系
But it's just one day-- you'll be fine without me.
现在希希和施密特订婚了
Now that Cece and Schmidt are engaged,
她每天都在这儿 东西也摆得到处都是
she's here all the time, and her stuff is everywhere.
没错 她就是个性感的懒妞
Okay, yes, she's a hot slob.
自从她长胸开始就没人让她干过活了
Ever since she got boobs, people stopped making her do stuff.
不不不 这不是理由
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that is not an excuse.
我刚长胸的时候别人就开始让我♥干♥活
When I first grew boobs, people started handing me stuff,
我也会搞得一团乱
and I got messy,
但是长大了就该学会收拾
but then you got to grow up.
-这不一样 -不都是胸吗
- Not the same thing. - They're just boobs.
我保证 今晚我做完陪审员回来
I promise you, tonight when I get back from jury duty,
我会跟她解释清楚 用她能接受的方式
I will explain it to her in a way that she'll listen to,
而不是你那种会让她想把你丁丁切下来
unlike your way, where she'll rip your dingle off
像独角兽的角似的缝到你头上的方式
and sew it back on your head like a unicorn horn.
她根本不住这儿
She doesn't even live here.
也从没签过我们的公♥寓♥协定
She never signed our loft agreement.
甚至都不知道规矩
She doesn't even know all the rules.
看看这是哪儿来的大美女
Hi. Look at you. You look so cute.
谢谢
Thank you.
好喜欢这件上衣
Love this top.
杰茜 你能让尼克别再说湿裤子的事了吗
Jess, Nick needs to stop telling that wet pants story, okay?
-好 -这个礼拜我已经听了四遍了
- I know. - I've heard it four times this week.
我从洗碗机里拿出热杯子
So I take a hot glass out of the dishwasher,
倒进冷水
I pour cold water into it,
然后有个顾客端起杯子
then the customer picks up the glass,
杯底就掉了
and the bottom falls off.
-太疯狂了 -真的假的
- Oh, that's crazy. - For real?
他低头一看
He looks down, and he goes, like,
说"啊我裤子湿了"
"Oh, my pants are wet."
我知道 他应该再修改一下剧情
I know, he-he needs to shape that story.
我不知道你是怎么跟他合住的
I don't know how you live with him.
他是最讨厌的
He is the most obnoxious...
别说了
Knock it off.
停停停 别说了
Stop. Stop it. Knock it off.
杰茜 我想把这幅开创性的
Jess, are you cool with me hanging
小狗打牌的画
this groundbreaking poster
挂在墙上 你没意见吧
of dogs playing poker on the wall?
杰茜 快告诉他他不能
Jess, please tell him that he cannot hang
-挂这幅奇葩的画 -我得走了
- this horrible painting. - I really have to go.
我觉得很好笑 他们在打牌呢
I think it's hilarious-- they're playing poker.
还不如看
Rather see a painting
阿诺·施瓦辛格做♥爱♥到一半的画呢
of Arnold Schwarzenegger, mid-coitus.
快告诉他吧
Just straight up doing it.
晚上回来再说这幅画吧
Let's talk about the painting tonight.
按兵不动 等我回来
Uh, do nothing till I get home.
按兵不动 等我回来
Do nothing till I get home.
按兵不动 等我回来
Do nothing till I get home.
再见
Bye-bye.
-再见 -好的
- Bye. - Okay.
这才对
That's my guy.
是我有问题 还是希希实在是
Is it me, or is Cece really...
太乱了
Messy.
就是
Yes.
哥们
Dude.
我很喜欢我们说话...
I love it when we say things at...
-异口同声 -异口同声
- Same time. - The same time.
-就是 -就是 我们说到
- Just... - Just... we're right there s...
说到
R-Right there s...
等下 我们说话
Wait. When we say things at the...
-异口同声 -异口同声
- Same... time. - Same... time.
你脑袋又卡壳了
Okay, now you're getting in your head again.
放轻松
Just relax.
我们刚才说 希希实在是
Remember the thing about Cece being really...
太乱了
Messy.
-还有我们说话异口 -异口
- And we say things at the same... - The same...
现在你又卡壳了 因为你声音变小了
See, you're getting in your head because you're going quieter.
跟着感觉走
Just go with your gut.
-希希真的 很乱吗 -好好玩 很乱
- Isn't Cece really... messy? - This is fun. Messy.
-因为我们说话都是异口 同声 -同声
- 'Cause we say things at the same... time. - Time.
-不玩了 -我接上了
- I'm done with you. - I had it.
-想逃避陪审员义务吗 -什么
- Trying to get out of jury duty? - Excuse me?
你穿得像是
The way you're dressed,
讲老年人的校园剧里的人
like you're in a school play about old people.
你想让法官觉得你疯了
You want the judge to think you're crazy.
这就是我日常的衣服
These are my real clothes,
而且我也绝对不会逃避陪审员义务
and I would never try to get out of jury duty.
它不仅是种权利 也是种荣幸
It's not just a right; it's also a privilege.
你又是谁 凭什么说我衣服
And who are you to talk about clothes?
你也不过就穿了件蓝色西服
You're just wearing a blue suit.
叫米兰啊
Oh, call Milan.
我可没有找米兰
Notice I'm not calling Milan.
不好意思
I'm sorry.
我很同意你的说法
I actually agree with you.
我们重新认识一下吧
Can we start over?
我能请你喝咖啡吗
Can I buy your coffee for you?
-花草茶 要大杯的 -没问题
- Herbal tea, and make it a big one. - You got it.
不好意思
Oh, excuse me.
好的
Yeah.
尼克
Oh, hey, Nick.
我刚遇到了美国另一个
I just met the other only person in America
在乎陪审员义务的人 而且绝对是理想情人
who cares about jury duty, and he's a gosh-damn dreamboat.
杰茜 紧急情况
Jess, we have an emergency.
希希在洗衣服
Cece's washing her clothes,
我都没法下地
and I can't even get down the hall.
她造了个洗衣大坝
She's built a laundry dam.
-你不能直接跨过去吗 -没时间
- Well, can't you just step over it? - No time.
我得从浴室直接走到厨房♥
You know I need to go straight from the bathroom
事关血糖
to the kitchen. It's a blood sugar thing.
杰茜 我是你室友 温斯顿·毕夏普
Hey, Jess, it's your roommate Winston Bishop.
加个画框就能让本来就很棒的艺术品
Isn't it amazing how a frame can
变得更棒是不是很神奇
elevate already great art?
温斯顿 在我到家之前 你不许把画挂上
Winston, don't hang that picture till I get home.
我想跟施密特谈谈这事
And I would talk to Schmidt about it,
不过看起来他好像对混乱视若无睹
but it's like he can't even see the mess.
他好像被爱蒙蔽了双眼还是怎么的
It's like he's love-blind or something.
我这辈子都没这么爽过
Oh, man, I've never been this happy in my entire life.
我必须要告诉你们
I got to tell you, you guys,
我跟希希刚才边洗澡边做♥爱♥
Cece and I just had shower sex.
别这样
Don't.
他刚才亲你了吗
Did he just kiss you?
为什么他高兴的时候像教皇似的
Why does he act like the Pope when he's happy?
我想我还是自己跟希希说吧
I guess I'll just talk to Cece myself,
我要告诉她她是个恶心的怪物
and I'll tell her she's a disgusting beast,
而且她得听我的 因为我是这屋子里的老大
and she'll have to listen to me 'cause I'm the man of the house.
什么 不不不
What?! No, no, no!
别和希希说
Do not talk to Cece.
还有 你刚说的一切太无礼了 一切
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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