杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S05E01
Part 3
Nov. 20, 2020, 3:16 p.m.
No, seriously, everybody, calm down.
行了 都听我说 冷静点
Act normal around me.
把我当普通人就行
I'm a fun guy. I do pranks.
我很幽默的 我也会恶作剧
Uh, Cece's last wedding? The badger that fell down
希希上次婚礼的时候 一只獾掉下来
and almost killed a bunch of people-- that was me!
砸到了一群人 就是我♥干♥的
I'm Prank Sinatra, baby!
我可是恶作剧界的辛纳屈
Old Brown Eyes.
黑"心"豆豆
Ain't no prank like a badger prank,
獾恶作剧是最狠的
because a badger prank got badgers,
因为里面涉及了獾
and it's dangerous as hell!
而獾是十分危险的
Ms. Parikh.
帕里克女士
Who are you?
你是谁
Oh. My goodness. Of course.
天哪 原来如此
I must be completely unrecognizable to you
我现在的样子一定
from the countless photos you must have seen.
和你见过的无数照片中的我不同
In honor of your visit, I stood
为了欢迎您的到来
the humble recipient of a professional shampoo.
我今天做了专业的发型
So you're the man who's marrying my daughter?
所以你就是要娶我女儿的人
Sure am. No wonder she didn't tell me that she was engaged.
没错 怪不得她没跟我说她订婚了
Oh, no, then.
不是吧
I'm assuming she was afraid I would disapprove.
看来她是怕我不同意
But now that you've met me... I disapprove.
但你现在见了我本人... 我不同意
Mm-hmm. Strong disapprove.
强烈反对
Let's take a moment to applaud your daughter's instincts.
那我们先来赞赏一下你女儿的直觉准确度吧
No, no, no. Look, Schmidt. Mom.
不不不 听我说 施密特 妈妈
I'm sorry.
对不起
I can explain everything.
我可以解释
Presenting...
有请...
...Cece's mom!
希希的妈妈
Except for that. I'm her mom.
除了这个 我才是她妈
You're her mom? That's my mom.
你是她妈 这是我妈
Then who are you?! Not her mom.
那你是谁 不是她妈
That's her mom!
那才是她妈
A dumb little boy you are!
你可真够蠢的
Yeah. Hello.
喂 是我
So, does Cece's mom love Schmidt, or what?
希希的妈妈是不是很喜欢施密特呀
Which Cece's mom? The real one or the one I may have kidnapped?
你说哪个 是她亲妈还是我绑♥架♥来的这个
Th-The real one?
亲...亲妈
Anything for Officer Bishop!
为毕警官做什么都可以
The Carport Hero!
车♥库♥英雄
Thanks, Glen. Sorry to army- crawl into your home like that.
谢谢格伦 抱歉我这么狼狈地进了你家
We come from a country of 400 million men.
我们国家有四亿男人
Let's say half of them are no good.
假设一半男人不好
Another half, very ugly.
剩下的人里一半都太丑
That's still 100 million eligible men.
那也还有一亿大好的男人
Sure, ten percent are gay.
好吧 10%是同性恋
Puts us at 90 million men.
这样还有九千万男人
Ms. Parikh, I love Cece.
帕里克女士 我很爱希希
Cut it in half again just for fun.
再砍一半 就当好玩
45 million men.
四千五百万男人
Cece, when were you gonna tell her? I'm sorry.
希希 你打算什么时候告诉她 对不起
On our wedding day when we were standing beneath
在婚礼当天 站在为我们定制的圣台前
our custom hybrid mandap-chuppah?
你才打算说吗
I'm so sorry. I just...
真的对不起 我只是...
I wanted the moment to be right.
我只是想找个好的时机再告诉她
I'm sorry.
对不起
We meet again.
我们又见面了
Hello! Is anyone here?!
你好 有人在吗
Jess?
杰茜
Winston! Oh, thank God!
温斯顿 谢天谢地
I need your help.
我需要你的帮助
Hey, Jess, let me ask you something.
杰茜 问你个事
Uh, I'm a fun guy, right?
我是个有趣的人 对吧
I mean, I have a way about me.
这算我的特殊魅力对吧
Winston, look at me, look around.
温斯顿 看看我 看看这形势
Does your thing seem important now?
现在你的事重要吗
You're the Carport Hero.
你是车♥库♥英雄
Now I need your help.
我需要你的帮助
No more Carport Hero!
别再提车♥库♥英雄了
Tonight, I'm Prank Sinatra.
今晚 我是恶作剧界的辛纳屈
No. No! You didn't play a prank...
不 不 你不会又搞恶作剧了吧...
You are the worst prankster in the world!
你是世界上最不会恶作剧的人
Every prank you do turns out either too big...
你的恶作剧要么就是太过分了...
What is it?
这是什么
Did you register me as a sex offender?
你举报我性侵吗
...or too small.
要么就不好笑
How'd this blueberry get in here?
这里怎么会有蓝莓啊
I don't...
我不...
You should have saw your face!
你真该看看自己那张蠢脸
He did not see that coming.
他根本没想到
Just like no one's gonna see what's coming tonight.
就像没人能想到今晚会发生什么
Nothing should be coming tonight.
今晚什么恶作剧都不该发生
I'm sorry, Jess.
对不起 杰茜
The fuse has already been lit.
导线已经点燃
The lion has spotted the gazelle.
狮子已经找到猎物
The doo-doo is already mid-flight to the fan.
便便已经飞向了风扇
The silly hounds have been released.
愚蠢的猎犬已经放出来了
I repeat the silly hounds have been released.
我再说一遍 愚蠢的猎犬已经放出来了
What did you d... You know what, never mind.
你做了什么... 算了
Just take me to Cece and Schmidt, please.
就带我去找希希和施密特吧
I did a prank. I did a... Oh.
我弄了个恶作剧 我...
I hope the scooter fits in the elevator.
我希望电动车能放进电梯里
There's an elevator?
有电梯吗
I'm trying to find out where to return you.
我在找信息 好知道该把你送去哪
You have pepper spray?
你有胡椒喷雾吗
Why didn't you use that on me?
那你为什么不朝我喷呢
All right, I'll talk to you later.
好吧 一会再聊
Well, Cece's mom hates me.
希希的妈妈讨厌我
Like Jay Z, I have 99 problems.
就像Jay Z 我有一堆毛病
But unlike Jay Z, I have zero caveats.
但不像Jay Z 没人能帮我
I know, and I'm sorry.
我知道 对不起
Okay? I'm sorry I screwed up my easy job.
好吗 对不起我连简单的工作都没做好
And stop being so mean to me,
别对我这么刻薄
or I swear to God I'm gonna fall in love with you!
不然我发誓我会爱上你的
Where you going? Come back.
你去哪 回来
Let me make it up to you.
让我弥补你吧
I know that I said I wanted the easy job.
我知道我说我想干简单的活
But screw that.
但算了
I'm the best man, Schmidty.
我是伴郎 施密特
I want the hard jobs.
我想要做困难的工作
I can handle it.
我能处理好
So what do we got? What do we need?
所以要怎么办 需要我做什么
We're past hard at this point.
现在已经不仅仅是困难了
We're well into impossible.
我们是要化不可能为可能
It's an unfixable situa...
这问题根本没法解决...
Schmidt, I did not just drive 15 miles on a gout throne
施密特 我骑着这破车走了十五英里
to watch you give up.
不是为了看你放弃的
Especially not...
何况...
**In the Year... of Us.*
*今年是属于我们的一年
Look at yourself.
瞧瞧你自己
Look around us.
看看这情况
Maybe this isn't our year. I have a plan.
或许今年并不属于我们 我有个计划
And whatever it is, I'm in. I got this guy's back.
不管是什么都算我一个 我来帮他解决
Don't think we actually need...
我们不是需要...
I know, but I'm in, is what I'm saying.
我知道 但我说我要加入
Whatever it is, I want in.
不管是什么计划我都加入
Okay, whatever. I want in.
好吧 我要加入
Schmidt, how important is this to you?
施密特 这对你来说有多重要
Have I made that clear?
我说清楚了吗
That I want to be, like, a third. You can be in.
我已经说第三遍了 你可以加入
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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