神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S08E07

Part 5 Sept. 5, 2021, 12:03 p.m.

but it is I who manipulated you.
害人者自取其辱之感觉如何啊
How does it feel to suckle from your own tainted teat?
听见你说"辱之" 感觉挺令人作呕
Not as bad as it feels to hear you say "Suckle."
你压根就没打算带托德回家过夜吗
So you were never really going home with Todd?
你们真觉得我会和他谈恋爱吗
You actually think I would have relations with him?
他手表表带是布的耶
His watch has a cloth strap.
我真心以为我们有火花
I really thought we had something.
醒醒托德你配不上本高质量人类男性
Wake up, Todd. I'm out of your league.
你们以为可以干预我的私生活
You thought you could meddle in my personal life,
但从头到尾我都比你们提前设想了十步棋
but I was ten moves ahead the whole time.
现在将军
And now, checkmate.
我超爱象棋
Ooh. I love chess.
你看过《女王的棋局》吗
Have you seen "The Queen's Gambit"?
-是个电视剧 -托德人的忍♥耐是有限的
- It's a TV show. - Todd, I swear to God.
杀害老爹的人其实不是人类
The person who killed Pappy wasn't a person at all.
而是小蛋糕
It was Muffin.
我检查过它的口腔
I checked her mouth,
小蛋糕和老爹有同样的溃疡
and Muffin had the same ulcers that Pappy had.
小蛋糕误食了毒药然后老爹喝了它的奶
Muffin ate the poison, and then Pappy drank her milk.
查尔斯你说过海狸鼠会开门
Charles, you said nutria could open doors.
小蛋糕一定是自己走进了谷仓
Muffin must've let herself into the barn.
这就解释了我们为何在盒子上发现了它的毛
Which explains why we found her hair on the box.
这么说林登真是清白的
So Lyndon was innocent.
等等你怎么知道那是小蛋糕的毛
Wait, how did you know it was Muffin's hair?
你的DNA检测出结果了吗
Did you get the DNA report back?
-没错 -等等你不是说
- Exactly. - Wait, but I thought
报告要一周后才能出来
the report was gonna take a week
因为实验室设备有过敏
because of the lab tech's allergies.
但之后他们决定找人外包
But then they decided to use a subcontractor
外包商不过敏好了不说这个了
who was allergy-free, so let's just move on
我们说点别的吧
and talk about something else immediately.
你说了三次"嗯哼"
Three "Uh-huh's"?
你很明显说谎了
Clearly you're lying about something.
你为什么对我那么混♥蛋♥
Why you being a jerk to me?
给我看报告杰克
Show me the report, Jake.
好吧不过只看第一条结果就行
Okay, fine. But just look at the top result
只有那一条重要
'cause that's all that matters.
"样本毛发属于啮齿目动物"
"Specimen hair was rodent in nature."
就这样
and that's that.
我的老天啊
Oh, my God.
我不是博伊尔家的人
I'm not a Boyle.
好我也爱你爸爸
Okay. I love you too, Dad.
你们换衣服了吗
Did you guys change clothes?
是啊查尔斯现在是明天了
Yeah, Charles. It's tomorrow now.
你煲电♥话♥粥煲了14小时
You been on the phone for 14 hours.
你们也知道常言道
Well, you know what they say,
"老天爷脱裤子在你人生里拉泡屎时
"Time flies when God pulls down his pants
你是会感到时光飞逝的"
and takes a dump on your life."
哥们我很难过
Oh, buddy. I'm so sorry.
作为博伊尔家的一员就是我的身份脊柱
Being a Boyle was the backbone of my identity.
少了博伊尔这条脊柱我只是一坨肉
Without the Boyle backbone, I'm just a bag of flesh.
-一滩糊糊 -别这样你才不是糊糊
- I'm goo. - Come on, you're not goo.
博伊尔家的意义不只是血统
Being a Boyle is about more than blood.
更重要的是你心里的东西
It's what's in your heart.
心里装的就是血啊
Blood is what's in your heart.
你越圆越扎心杰克
You're making it worse, Jake.
好吧那尼古拉吉呢
Okay, fine. Then what about Nikolaj?
他是领养的所以严格上来说
He was adopted, so technically,
他没有博伊尔血统但你也从来没在意过啊
he's not a Boyle, but that never bothered you.
我都还没想到尼克呢
I didn't even think about Niko.
他本来就是外一辈的博伊尔家人
He was already a Boyle once removed
这已经够艰苦了现在还变外两辈
which is tough enough. Now he's twice removed?
外两辈的博伊尔家人都是笑话
Twice-removed Boyles are a fucking total clown show,
这下尼克跟安德烈亚堂亲有何区别
okay? Niko's basically Cousin Andrea.
抱歉啊安德烈亚
Sorry, Andrea.
我知道自己的身份
I know what I am.
-哇靠 -好了我们回去吧
- Well, damn. - Look, let's go home.
我们要走了吗那葬礼怎么办
We're leaving? What about the funeral?
你的悼词怎么办
What about the eulogy?
我现在觉得自己没资格致悼词
I don't feel right giving it now.
山姆提出了帮忙接手我让他来吧
Sam offered to step in. I'll have him do it.
不不不等等
No, no, no. Wait.
召集堂亲们
Assemble the cousins.
昨晚我们查清了博伊尔老爹的死亡
Last night, we learned that Pappy Boyle's death
并非有人刻意为之
was not foul play.
不过尽管这不是一场谋杀
But even though there was no murder,
但却也发生了一起抢劫案
there was a robbery.
查尔斯的自我意识感被抢夺走了
Charles had his sense of self stolen from him
而凶手是山姆·博伊尔
by Sam Boyle.
你自己说了查尔斯
You said it yourself, Charles,
博伊尔家堂亲间互相嫉妒的历史悠久
the Boyles have a long history of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
山姆无法忍♥受你被选来致悼词
Sam couldn't stand that you were chosen to give the eulogy.
你自己想想
Think about it.
是山姆告诉我们遗嘱找不到了
It was Sam who made sure we knew the will was missing.
"我们找不到老爹的遗嘱"
We can't find Pappy's will.
也是山姆建议大家做DNA检测
Then Sam again who suggested you all get your DNA tested.
"要不所有博伊尔都拔一根头发"
Why not take a hair from every Boyle?
也是山姆确保了大家都知道检测结果
And finally, Sam who made sure we all knew the results.
"你的DNA检测出结果了吗"
Did you get the DNA report back?
你胡说八道我爱查尔斯
This is ridiculous. I love Charles.
好吧那行
Okay, well then.
那我想你不会介意给他一个拥抱吧
I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving him a hug then.
毕竟你这么爱他
Since you love him so much.
当然我最爱抱我的堂亲了
Sure. I always like to hug my cousin.
他湿了
He's gushing!
我靠
Darn it.
我还以为这能帮我隐藏住呢
I thought these would hide it,
但我湿到透出我的腋下尿布了
but I gushed through my pit diapers.
好啦行
All right, fine.
我怀疑查尔斯不是我们家族的人很久了
I always suspected that Charles wasn't one of us.
他13岁就进入青春期而不是25岁
I mean, he went through puberty at 13, instead of 25,
完全不像正常博伊尔家人
like a normal Boyle.
所以当他被选为葬礼致悼词人时
And when he got chosen to give the eulogy,
我心里的某根线就断了
something inside of me snapped.
所以我藏了遗嘱
So I hid the will.
我承认了
I admit it.
你现在高兴了吗
Are you happy now?
-非常 -完全不啊
- Very. - Not at all.
等等什么查尔斯我们解开了谜底啊
Wait, what? Charles, we solved the case.
-他都认了 -这不重要
- He confessed. - Doesn't matter.
我始终不流博伊尔家血
I'm still not a Boyle.
我只是个普通人
I'm just a normal person.
从鼻到菊都是个普通人
Normal from snout to anus.
我们想跟您道歉
We wanted to apologize.
如果您想要鄙视我们有多蠢
And if you wanna gloat about how you outsmarted us,
请便我们活该
go ahead. We deserve it.
我没打算鄙视你们
I won't be doing any gloating.
我是说我昨晚有我回家喝了一杯
I mean, I did last night. I went home and had a drink
庆祝我狠狠击垮了你们
to toast to your humiliation.
但感觉有哪里不对
But it didn't feel right,
因为我没有与我碰杯的人
because I had no one to toast with,
没有人分享我的快乐
no one to share my glee.
虽然赢了但形单影只
I had won, but I was alone.
然后我意识到
And I realized,
我就是这么对凯文的
this is exactly what I'm doing to Kevin.
想着赢下咨♥询♥
Trying to win therapy.
我突然开窍了
And it hit me.
我专注于获得胜利
I care so much about winning
而忽视了自己已失去一切
that I've lost everything.
告诉凯文你的感受
Tell Kevin how you feel.
在下雨你可以在雨中向他跑去