神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S08E03

Part 4 Aug. 21, 2021, 10:38 p.m.

Yes, but earlier, I was talking to the squad,
给这一刻施加了很大压力
and I put a lot of pressure on this moment,
我之后后悔了
which I then regretted.
我担心反而会自食其果
I feared I might be hoist on my own petard.
没有食果
No petard hoisting here.
他们在我面前无所不谈
They talked about everything in front of me--
包括他们是如何策划整件事的
how they planned the whole thing,
他们打算装病多久
how long they were gonna pretend to be sick.
尽管你身体不适你还是全录下来了
And you recorded it all, despite your own illness.
我必须说你太牛了
I must say, I'm impressed.
因为我勇猛无双对吗
Because of how tough I am, right?
猛♥男♥中的猛♥男♥
The toughest.
好了首先我们得...
Okay, first things first. We got to get--
那是什么怪声
What--what is that?
我把麦克风别在胸口附近
I had the mic close to my chest.
估计是录到了我肚子咕噜咕噜的声音
So I guess it must have picked up my stomach noises,
但后面会停下来的
but I'm sure it stops eventually.
肚子还在叫
More stomach.
肚子继续叫
More stomach.
全是肚子叫声
It's all stomach.
这就是了
And there it is...
恶果
the petard.
我需要你帮忙我们的逮捕量仍然很低
I need your help. Our arrests are still way down.
但根据计步器显示
But according to the pedometers,
我们的希契科克和斯卡利们
our Hitchcock-and-Scullys
巡逻了数英里之远
are out there logging miles on the beat.
他们怎么会没看见犯罪
How are they not seeing crimes?
你怎么知道他们在走路
How do you know they're walking?
我刚说了
I just told you--
他们的计步器数字暴涨
their pedometer numbers are through the roof.
单纯可怜的小艾米
Oh, poor, simple Amy.
你仿佛从没为了骗你的人寿保险经纪
It's like you've never had to mess with a medical device
而给医疗设备动手脚一样
in order to trick your life insurance agent.
开课啦
Watch and learn.
他们利用
They're just using
按♥摩♥椅来摇动计步器吗
the massage chairs to jiggle their pedometers.
人生总能找到出路
Life always finds a way.
-找到什么出路 -做懒猪的路
- To do what? - To do nothing.
敏特曼医生只是在正常上班
Dr. Mintleman's just working his normal job
没犯罪
and not being a criminal.
真不敢相信我最后的时光是这样度过的
I can't believe this is how I'm spending my final days.
也许并不一定得这样别管案子了
Maybe it doesn't have to be. Screw this case.
有没有什么你一直想做的事
What's something you've always wanted to do?
你有遗愿清单吗
Do you have a bucket list?
有但整张清单就一个愿望
Well, yeah, but, I mean, it's only one item.
很好不管是什么我们都去完成
Great. Whatever it is, we're doing it.
-活到110岁 -你玩我呢
- Live to be 110. - Come on!
我以为我找到了漏洞嘛
I thought I found a loophole!
不如这样好不好
Okay, how about this?
我们来趟公路旅行横跨美国
We go on a cross-country road trip--
我骑机车你坐机车旁的边车
me on a motorcycle, you in my sidecar?
要不我们参加烹饪比赛
Or we enter a cooking competition,
你躲在巨型厨师帽像《料理鼠王》操纵我
and you "Ratatouille" me from inside of a giant chef's hat?
我找到影后戴安娜·维斯特
I track down Diane Wiest,
让你终于用上"偷吃通行证"
and you finally try and use your hall pass?
你露出欣慰的笑容我想就是这个了
You're smiling, so I guess that one's it.
和维斯特翻云覆雨说实话博伊尔
Oof, going with Wiest, huh? I got to be honest, Boyle--
我不确定你能做到
I'm not so sure you can pull that off.
她演艺事业正火红
I mean, her career is red hot.
刚和梅姨合拍了部电影
She just did a movie with Streep.
不杰克我笑不是因为这个
No, Jake. That's not why I'm smiling.
是因为你太懂我了
I'm smiling because you know me so well.
我们是最好的朋友我当然懂你了
Yeah, we're best friends. Of course I know you.
虽然你刚才的提议都很完美
Well, as perfect as all your ideas were,
但没什么能比得上和我最好的朋友坐在这
nothing tops sitting here with my best friend.
我♥干♥嘛要和戴安娜·维斯特♥共♥赴巫山
I mean, why would I want to go to town on Diane Wiest
我明明可以和你大干一场
when I can go to town with you?
什么
What?
就是一起浪一起大干一场
Hang out. Go to town with each other.
这是形容友谊的常见用法
It's a common friendship phrase.
我没听过
Haven't heard it.
天啊是我的活组织检查结果
Oh, God. It's my biopsy results.
-怎么说 -我不知道
- What does it say? - I don't know.
我太紧张了不敢看
I'm too nervous. I can't read it.
-不是癌症 -不是癌症
- It's not cancer. - Not cancer.
是感染而且完全可治愈
It's an infection, and it's highly treatable.
-所以我不会死 -你不会死
- I'm not gonna die? - You're not gonna die!
我们一定要庆祝一番
Oh, we got to celebrate.
上面有没有说可以乘坐双人香蕉船
Does it say if it's safe to ride a two-person banana boat?
我不知道我看看没说
I don't know. Let me check. It doesn't say.
这样啊
Oh, well...
还有我想明白了
And also, I think just figured out
那些警♥察♥是如何造假诊断结果的
how all those officers got their fake diagnoses.
告诉我们上面写着什么
Tell us what's written there.
病人左睾
Patient's left teste
有节瘤且呈现变色
is gnarled and shows discoloration.
不是那个是上面
No, not that. There, at the top.
谢尔化学医学实验室那又怎么样
ShareChem Medical Laboratory. Yeah, so?
我们本以为是医生出具的
So we thought it was the doctor handing out
假诊断书但他并没犯罪
fake diagnoses, but he's clean.
然而那些警♥察♥知道他使用谢尔化学实验室
However, the officers knew he used ShareChem Lab,
那实验室为大卫·谢尔所有
and that lab is owned by David Share,
99分局警官迈克尔·谢尔的兄弟
brother of Nine-Nine officer Michael Share.
实验室造假了血液检查结果
The lab faked the blood results.
其实那些警官们都并非真的病了
None of the officers are actually sick,
这意味着他们没有旷工的借口
which means they have no excuse to miss work.
不幸的是这是...
Well, unfortunately, that is--
打住我知道你会故意曲解我的话
Stop. I know you're gonna twist my words
变成对你和纽约警局恶毒的抨击
into some vicious attack on you and the NYPD.
所以在你这么做之前
So, before you do that,
我很乐意亲自开启恶毒的抨击
I'd like the pleasure of making the vicious attack myself.
长官众所周知你辱骂教育人的口气太弯绕
Sir, your insults are kind of known to be little too think-y,
或许你还是该...
maybe you should just let--
奥沙利文你♥他♥妈♥就是个...
O'Sullivan, you are a --
我希望你个狗逼...
and I hope your get shoved right into your --
天呐这绝对是截弯取直了
Wow. Well, that was definitely not too think-y.
行了行了被你发现了
Okay, okay, okay. You got me.
那些家伙没有患接吻病他们压根没病
The men didn't have mono. They weren't sick.
-太对了 -但他们现在都病了
- Damn right. - But they are now.
什么
What?
他们似乎聚了一次
It seems they had a meeting,
某人带着严重的肠胃病出席了
and somebody showed up with a very bad stomach bug
结果在场的人都被传染了
and gave it to everyone there.
那位警官的名字好像是杰弗兹
I believe the officer's name was a, uh, Lieutenant Jeffords.
这个恶果
The petard.
真是让我吃了一遍又一遍啊
It just won't stop hoisting.
你好啊长官你错过了晨间简报会
Hey there, sir. You missed the morning briefing.
你还找到了查尔斯的芝士
And I see you found Charles' cheese.
是啊它跟绝望的感觉很配
Mmm, it pairs well with despair
以及这瓶1976年产的红颜容酒庄葡萄酒
and also this 1976 Chateau Haut-Brion.
想一醉方休似乎不应该喝这种酒啊
Doesn't seem like the kind of bottle you're supposed to chug.
这是我加入警队的那一天买♥♥的
I bought it the day I joined the force
本来是打算等我成为局长的那一天再打开的
with the intent to open it when I became commissioner.
天呐这可是大好消息啊
Oh, my gosh, this is big news.
恭喜了长官
Congratulations, sir.
不是他并没有要成为局长斯卡利
No, he's not becoming commissioner, Scully.
我们还是可以抗争蓝色流感的
We can still fight the Blue Flu.
已经结束了警督
It's over, Lieutenant.
我不得不屈服于奥沙利文的要求
I have to cave to O'Sullivan's demands.
长官你不能因为一次挫败就放弃你的努力
Sir, you can't give up on all your hard work because of one setback.
我是个现实主义者