神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S08E07

Part 3 Sept. 5, 2021, 12:03 p.m.

我破案了
I just solved this case.
长官如果你想在这些网站上约到人
Sir, if you wanna get a date off of these sites,
你简介中的照片就得拍得再露骨一点
you're gonna have to give me a little more from your profile photo.
我刚摆了8个姿势拍照
I just gave you a series of eight poses,
每张都增加了八分之一的性张力
each increasing in sexual provocativeness by one-eighth.
如果你想我的性感程度
If you wanted septiles or deciles
每张增加七分之一或十分之一你应该先告诉我
of sexiness, you should've told me.
怎么了
What?
你为什么这么在意桑迪亚哥
Why do you care so much, Santiago?
我以为你不喜欢我去约会
I thought you didn't like the idea of me dating.
没错一开始不喜欢
Yes, initially.
但我想到你说
But then I thought about your metaphor
爱情就像一场国际象棋赛
about how relationships are like a chess match.
-没错 -这个比喻说服我了
- Mm-hmm. - And it really convinced me.
我的那个结论的确很有力
That was a strong observation.
你为什么不把这个简介照片
So why don't you think of this profile photo
想成是一步妙棋
as an epic chess move?
就像1987年弗拉基米罗夫的闪电一步
Like Vladimirov's Thunderbolt of 1987.
把门关上迪亚兹
Close the door, Diaz.
我要摘掉领撑了
I'm removing my collar stays.
为什么又让我来这
Why am I back here?
我说过了那天没什么特别的
Like I told you, it was a typical night.
没错堂亲围圈亲吻
Right. Cousin kissing circle,
吃完晚饭每个人都打嗝了
everyone gets burped after dinner--
很正常
normal stuff.
让我们聊一下打嗝之后
But let's talk about what happened
发生的事好吗
after the burping, shall we?
你到底想说什么
What are you getting at?
那你觉得那晚发生了什么事
What exactly do you think happened that night?
就等着你问
I'm so glad you asked.
我觉得老爹叫你进书房♥
I think Pappy called you into his study
然后告诉你他把你从遗嘱里除名了
and told you he was cutting you out of his will.
怒火上来了音量也提高了
Tempers flared. Voices were raised.
-什么 -你很生气
- What? - You were furious
你不能继承农场
you wouldn't be inheriting the farm.
我根本不想要农场
I don't even want the farm.
我一直更喜欢住在市区
I've always been more of a city boy.
我住在波基浦西[哈德逊河地区最大城市]
I live in Poughkeepsie.
好吧可能那也说得通
Well, I guess that settles it.
除了你没说我爱你
Except you didn't say I love you.
你说什么
Excuse me?
当你离开的时候你说"晚安"
When you left, you said "Good night."
你没有说"我爱你"
You didn't say "I love you."
你或许是不合群份子
Now, you may be a black sheep,
那你始终是博伊尔家族的一员
but you're still a Boyle.
博伊尔家人永远都会说"我爱你"
And a Boyle always says "I love you."
-也不是永远 -你看看周围
- Not always. - Look around you.
到处都写着
It's written everywhere.
博伊尔家人永远会说我爱你
行了我们当时是有吵架
Okay, fine. We were fighting.
但跟遗嘱无关
But not over the will.
老爹因为我缺席了今年夏天的
Pappy was mad at me for missing
家族视频会议很生气
that Zoom call this summer.
说实在的林登你缺席还想有什么好下场
I mean honestly, Lyndon, what did you expect would happen?
他说我是博伊尔家族的耻辱
He said I was a disgrace to the Boyle name.
所以我没说"我爱你"
So I didn't say "I love you."
我就怒气冲冲离开去棚屋了
I just stormed out to the shed.
我是去拿祖母的面团
I went to get the Grandmother Dough.
祖母的面团
The Grandmother Dough?
在这儿
Here it is.
博伊尔家族初代原版酸面团
The original Boyle family sourdough starter,
原版面团的初代版
the mother of the mother dough.
还能用但是罐子的盖子
It's still good, but the lid on the jar
已经卡住一百多年了
has been stuck for over a hundred years.
有个古老的家族传说这个盖子只会被
There's an old family legend that it can only be opened by
天选之博伊尔拧开
The One True Boyle.
我只是想证明给老爸看
I wanted to show my dad that I was
我不是家族的耻辱
not a disgrace to the family.
但我一点也打不开
But I couldn't budge it.
或许他是对的
Maybe he was right.
林登好一个故事
Oh, Lyndon. What a tale.
但那根本不是你来谷仓的原因
But I don't think that's why you came in this barn at all.
我想你来谷仓
I think you came in here
是为了这个
for this.
那个是海狸鼠毒药吗
Is that nutria poison?
是老鼠药海狸鼠是宠物
It's rat poison. Nutria are pets.
你个变♥态♥
You psychopath.
硝基苯
Ah. Nitrobenzene.
它就能造成我们在
That causes the exact type of ulcers
博伊尔老爹口中发现的溃疡
we found in Pappy Boyle's mouth.
瞧瞧我发现了什么
And look what we have here.
一根棕色毛发
A single brown hair,
来自凶手
belonging to the murderer.
泰瑞请把这个交给本地的警局
Terry, please send this off to the local police station
做一下DNA检测
for a DNA test.
现在我们只需要你的毛发林登
Now all we need is one of your hairs, Lyndon.
我没有杀死老爹
I didn't kill my father.
为什么偏偏就要我的
Why am I being singled out?
要不所有博伊尔都拔一根头发
Why not take a hair from every Boyle
这样林登堂亲就不会那样想了
so Cousin Lyndon doesn't feel that way?
当然好主意我先来
Sure, great idea. I'll go first.
这样实验室工作量就增加了
I mean it's more work for the lab,
我倒是无所谓
but it's fine with me.
你觉得这样可以吗林登
Are you okay with that, Lyndon?
哇哦你拔了一根鼻毛
Oh, wow. Went with a nose hair.
没有料到
Didn't see that coming.
但绝对够长了
But it's definitely long enough.
不要
No.
好了长官这个应用操作很简单
Okay, sir. This app's pretty simple.
如果你不喜欢这个人点击"衰"
If you don't like the guy's profile, you click "Dang,"
如果你喜欢点"帅"
and if you do, you click "Daaang."
感觉硬要近似音反而搞复杂了
That sounds needlessly confusing.
哪会 "衰"表示不可以
Why? "Dang" Is bad
而"帅"是很可以
and "Daaang" Is good.
好开始挑选吧
Okay, let's thin this herd.
衣服没塞进裤子不必了谢谢
Untucked shirt, no thank you.
圣迭戈出生恶心
Born in San Diego, yikes.
一个成年人还叫托德
An adult named Todd?
网上约会软件都是这样的吗
So this is what online dating is like?
我之前都没意识到
I didn't realize.
没意识到你和凯文拥有的有多美好吗
Realize how good you have it with Kevin?
不没意识到这一直没变
No, how it hasn't changed.
还是得根据一个人的外貌来挑选
You still have to pick someone based on looks
奢望后面也许会有火花
and hope for a connection later.
上帝啊帮帮我
Oh, Lord, help me.
我要选了
I'm going for it.
-我要点"衰" -别
- I'm clicking "Dang." - No.
"衰"表示不可点"帅"
"Dang" Is bad. Click "Daaang."
为什么搞这么迷惑
Why is this so confusing?
我怎么把帅托德点回来
How do I get Hot Todd back?
DNA检测结果出来了
DNA results are in.
是吗是谁做的
Ooh, and? Who did it?
就是林登对吧
It was Lyndon, right?
毛发属于...
Hair is...
"啮齿类动物"
"Rodent in origin."
什么根本没道理啊
What? Doesn't make any sense.
转发给我
Here, forward it to me.
肯定是海狸鼠的毛毛
Must've been a nutria hair.
到处都是这种生物恶心
Those things are everywhere. Ugh.
等一下这太诡异了
Wait a minute. This is weird.
根据DNA检测