神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S08E07

Part 2 Sept. 5, 2021, 12:03 p.m.

除了很偶尔才有的堂亲间的嫉妒
Except in that rare instance of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
你就是被停职太无聊
You're just bored from your suspension
所以硬要无中生案
and desperate to find a case to work.
屁咧才没有
No. That's not it.
我就是想告诉你们
I'm just telling you,
我闻到了不寻常的气息
something doesn't smell right here.
的确是老爹开始有味道了
Oh, yeah. That's Pappy's body.
梅尔堂亲负责做的尸体防腐
Cousin Mel did the embalming in here,
我猜她可能是忘了放什么材料
and I think she forgot to add something.
好吧
Well...
好令人不适的真♥相♥
that's a disturbing revelation.
你们干什么呢
Hey. What's going on?
我在帮霍特选约会网站
I'm helping Holt pick a dating site.
这个看着不错
Oh, this looks good.
仅限博士
PhDs only.
其实这里的意思是
Uh, actually in this context,
是仅限弟大物"勃"人"士"
PHD stands for Pretty Huge Dick.
天啊
Oh, my.
那医博就是指"一"般"勃"起大小的人士吧
I can only assume that MDs only stands for Medium Dick.
罗莎我能跟你谈谈吗
Rosa, can I talk to you for a second?
你♥他♥妈♥在搞什么鬼呢
What the hell are you doing?
你为什么想让霍特和凯文分手
Why are you trying to get Holt and Kevin to break up?
我是想让霍特和凯文复合
I'm trying to get Holt and Kevin back together.
他和凯文是天生一对
He and Kevin are perfect for each other.
但有比较才更能让他体会到
He just needs to realize that.
一旦让他看到外面那些烂人
Once he sees what other trash is out there,
他就会马上奔回凯文的怀抱
he's gonna go running straight back into Kevin's arms,
就像南希·迈耶斯的浪漫喜剧电影一样
just like in a Nancy Meyers movie.
所以你还喜欢南希·迈耶斯吗
So you still love Nancy Meyers?
我永远都不会背叛南希·迈耶斯
I will never turn my back on Nancy Meyers.
好吧我加入
Okay. I'm in.
"幸运数字凯文"作战开始
Let operation "Lucky Number Kevin" begin.
取自电影《幸运数字斯莱文》
-我不干了 -别别别
- I'm out. - No, no, no.
我们可以不叫这个
We don't have to call it that.
好了然后我会用这句话作结语
Okay, then I'll think I'll finish up by saying
博伊尔老爹是天下第一抱抱能手
Pappy Boyle was the best hugger.
谁能想到因地铁而失去一只手的他是抱抱能手呢
Which is surprising because he lost his hand in the subway.
不过他常说"拥抱靠的不是双手
But he always said, "You don't hug with your hands,
靠的是你的心
You hug with your heart.
还有下身" 他抱抱会用到他的下身
And your groin." He got that groin involved.
悼词里讲了太多关于下身的事吧
Uh, a lot of groin talk for a eulogy.
各位
Everyone,
谷仓里有线索你们得去看看
there's something you need to see in the barn.
小说《福尔摩斯归来记》中福尔摩斯说过的话
游戏开始了
The game... is afoot.
博伊尔老爹93岁了
Pappy Boyle was 93.
谁又会怀疑他生命的消逝
Who would've suspected that his death stemmed from anything
不是因为时光老人给了他一个无情的拥抱呢
other than the cruel embrace of Father Time?
我这么说可能会有人觉得
To suggest as much might get someone labeled
我很荒诞我是疯子
a crackpot, a kook,
我是因为被停职太无聊了
someone that's "bored with their suspension."
你能不能别学电影《超级大间谍》做的铺垫了
Can you cut the "Harriet The Spy" Windup?
这里味道很大
It stinks in here.
泰瑞你闻到的是谎言和诡计的味道
What you're smelling, Terry, is duplicity and deceit.
我觉得应该是内脏开始发臭了
I think it's actually Pappy's organs.
山姆我插话有点破坏我的节奏
Sam, you're kind of messing with my flow right now.
关键是我检查尸体时
Point is, I was examining the body,
发现了问题
and I found something.
嘴上有典型的溃疡和脱皮
Classic ulceration and desquamation of the mouth.
这是中毒的常见表现
Telltale signs of poisoning.
也就是说...
In other words...
我们这发生了一起
What we have ourselves here
经典的谋杀案...
is a good ol' fashioned murder...
天啊
Oh, no.
而被杀的是你们挚爱的亲人
Of a man who you all loved dearly.
我不该学电影《利刃出鞘》中的口音的
I shouldn't have done the "Knives Out" accent.
好了有人被下了毒
All right. A man has been poisoned,
他的遗嘱消失了
his will is missing,
只有一个人会从中受益
and there's only one person who stands to profit.
林登·博伊尔
Lyndon Boyle.
林登不会杀人的
Lyndon's not a killer.
他确实没参加去年夏天的博伊尔家族视频会议
I mean, he did skip a Boyle family Zoom last summer.
是啊确实
Yeah, it's true.
会议只有7个小时
It's seven hours out of your day.
找时间参加有那么难吗
How hard is that to fit in?
好了准备一间审讯室
Okay, let's set up an interrogation room.
我要让这个人越难受越好
I wanna make this guy as uncomfortable as possible.
我还以为要让他待得难受点
I thought we were going for uncomfortable.
给他摇椅是怎么回事
What's with the rocking chair?
这里是农场所有的椅子都是摇椅
It's a farm. All the chairs are rockers.
但别担心他的茶我泡不够久
But don't worry, I under-steeped the tea.
茶好淡啊
Ugh. It's so weak.
为什么要像对待犯人一样对待我
Why am I being treated like a criminal?
好吧是我误会了
Okay. I stand corrected.
我们想问你几个问题
We'd like to ask you a few questions.
描述一下你最后一次和你父亲联♥系♥的情景
Tell us about your last contact with your father.
老爹吗
Pappy?
我们在他的生日派对上见了面
Well, I saw him at his birthday party.
好的那晚有什么奇怪的事发生吗
Mm-hmm. And was there anything unusual about that night?
什么事都没有
Nothing unusual at all.
我们吃了一头猪从鼻到菊
We ate a pig from snout to anus,
然后我们轮流给彼此做了头部按♥摩♥
and then took turns giving each other head massages.
我累了所以我找到老爹
I was tired. So I found Pappy,
祝他生日快乐
wished him a happy birthday.
我们拥抱了六分钟
We hugged for six minutes.
这是他去世前我最后一次见他
It was the last time I saw him alive.
你看到他哭的样子了吧
Did you see those tears?
不可能是他做的
No way he did it.
你认真的吗
Are you serious?
假哭谁都做得到
Anyone can fake cry.
只要想点伤心事就好了
You just have to think of something sad.
比如有一集《忍♥者神龟》
Like that episode of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
莱昂纳多昏迷了的那一幕
when Leonardo was in a coma.
有用吗
And that works?
有用
Yeah.
当然有用
Yeah, it does.
走吧
Now, come on.
我们去找找林登故事的破绽
Let's go poke some holes in Lyndon's story.
那个派对太棒了大家都玩得很开心
It was such a great party. Everyone had the best time.
除了林登
I mean, except for Lyndon.
林登不开心吗
Lyndon wasn't happy?
是的很奇怪
Yeah, it was strange.
他当时穿过客厅
He was passing through the living room.
我问他要不要给他个手活儿
I asked him if he wanted a little HJ.
但他无视了我
But he just ignored me.
谁会拒绝让堂亲给他手活儿啊
I mean, who doesn't want an HJ from their cousin?
等等手活儿是什么意思
Hold up. An HJ?
用手给头按♥摩♥的活儿
A head job. A massage.
大家不都这么说吗
Isn't that what everyone calls it?
-当然 -当然不是
- You bet. - Absolutely not.
好了林登为什么生气
Okay, so why was Lyndon angry?
我觉得肯定是老爹对他说了什么
I bet it was whatever Pappy said to him.
等等老爹在哪里说了啥
Wait. What Pappy said when?
当时他们在老爹的书房♥里
When they were in Pappy's study.
我们听到谈话声大了起来
We heard raised voices.
-然后林登说... -晚安
- And then Lyndon said... - Good night.
他走出房♥间
Walked out of the room,
然后关上了门
and closed the door behind him.
他就说了这一句吗晚安
That's all he said? Good night?
各位...
Gentlemen...