神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S08E07

Part 1 Sept. 5, 2021, 12:03 p.m.

神烦警探
早安汤米堂亲我爱你
Good morning, Cousin Tommy. I love you.
早安梅尔堂亲我爱你
Good morning, Cousin Mel. I love you.
早安山姆堂亲我爱你
Good morning, Cousin Sam. I love you.
早安汤米堂亲我爱你
Good morning, Cousin Tommy. I love you.
早安贝卡堂亲我爱你
Good morning, Cousin Becca. I love you.
生日快乐老爹
早安汤米堂亲我爱你
Good morning, Cousin Sam. I love you.
早安博伊尔老爹我爱你
Good morning, Pappy Boyle. I love you.
早安贝卡我爱你
Good morning, Becca. I love you.
超长抱抱耶
Ooh, extra-long hug.
今早怎么这么好兴致啊老爹
What got into you this morning, Pappy?
老爹
Pappy?
老爹
Pappy!
查尔斯
Oh, Charles.
你大爷爷的事情要节哀啊
I'm so sorry about your great-uncle Pappy.
你还好吗
You holding up okay?
还能撑住
I've been managing.
真的还撑得住吗
Mm... Have you though?
二号♥往前站一步
Number two, step up. Say, "Charles,
说"查尔斯我是老爹我永远爱你"
it's Pappy. I'll always love you."
好吧 "查尔斯我是老爹我永远爱你"
Okay. Uh, "Charles, it's Pappy. I'll always love you."
那你为什么离开我了
Then why did you leave me?
总之谢谢你们愿意陪我去奔丧
Anyway, thanks for coming with me to the funeral.
我想我们应该准备就绪了
I think we're all packed.
等我去拿了棺材就可以出发
I just got to go grab the coffin.
等等为什么是你带棺材去
Wait, why are you bringing the coffin?
我以前有一次突发奇想带了棺材去奶奶葬礼
I brought a coffin to my nana's funeral on a whim,
大受好评
and it was a big hit.
所以你猜谁成了棺材堂哥
So now, guess who's the coffin cousin?
不得不说啊泰瑞
Got to say, Terry,
我是真没想到你也愿意陪他
I'm a little surprised you're coming to this.
我说实话是想离开孩子一阵子
Honestly, I need a break from the kids.
卡格妮与蕾西一直想害我摔下楼梯
Cagney and Lacey keep trying to trick me into falling
好拍抖音视频
down the stairs on TikTok.
泰瑞不想再把另一只脚也扭了
Terry can't sprain another ankle.
我个人呢迫不及待要去
Well, I, for one, am pumped to be going.
-期待参加丧礼吗 -泰瑞我真的很无聊
- To a funeral? - I'm so bored, Terry.
我被停职87天
I've been suspended for 87 days.
麦克被送去托儿所了
Mac gets dropped off at day care,
我只能自己在家玩游戏《动物森友会》
and I just sit at home playing "Animal Crossing."
但没有朋友来买♥♥我的虫或化石
But no one will buy my bugs or fossils.
我好希望能有与真人之间的正常互动
I'm desperate for some normal human interaction.
棺材送到啦
Coffin delivery!
好吧我刚才说的互动
Okay, fine. It doesn't have to be
也不一定要正常或是与真人我来者不拒
normal or human. Any interaction will work.
你忘了带你的午餐
Yo. You forgot your lunch.
谢谢你迪亚兹
Oh. Thank you, Diaz.
长官我都没意识到你还住在罗莎家
Sir, I didn't realize you were still staying at Rosa's.
我还以为婚姻咨♥询♥很有成效呢
I thought couple's counseling was going well.
不再有了
Not anymore.
为了满足凯文我提出会减少26%工作时数
At Kevin's request, I offered to reduce my work hours by 26%.
凯文要求我减少50%
Kevin countered with 50.
我还以30%
Which I countered with 30.
而凯文再表示40%
Then Kevin says 40--
做咨♥询♥也这么斤斤计较的吗
Seems like a lot of math for therapy.
谢丽尔医生也这么说
That's what Dr. Cheryl said...
所以我们炒了她
which is why we fired her,
我们现在找拉马努詹博士谈
and now we're working with Dr. Ramanujan.
他是一个世界观很正的物理学家
He's a physicist with a nice, concrete worldview.
反正凯文的最低价码是36%以上
Anyway, Kevin refuses to budge from 36%.
我开始担心会没赢他了
And I'm starting to worry that I might lose to him.
你是担心会没了他吧
You mean lose him.
不是没了是没赢
No. Lose to him.
咨♥询♥就像是一场国际象棋赛
Therapy is a chess match.
而...
And...
我将战无不胜
I will prevail.
或者这一切的重点是挽回婚姻
Or it's about saving your marriage.
你应该为此做出浪漫的巨大妥协
You should make a grand romantic gesture.
-好蠢的主意啊 -你不是吧
- Ugh, so dumb. - Seriously?
你个爱看南希·迈耶斯电影的人真这么觉得吗
From the woman who loves Nancy Meyers movies?
没错我当私♥家♥侦♥探♥学到了一件事
Yeah. Here's what I've learned as a PI.
人类没救了人人出轨爱情只是泡影
People suck, everyone cheats, and love is an illusion.
写浪漫喜剧的南希就是傻子霍特该去找新的
Nancy Meyers is a fool, and Holt should start dating.
-什么 -你们没听错
- What? - You heard me.
这才是你唯一能赢凯文的方法
It's the only way you're gonna beat Kevin.
我在想想我在考虑
I'm thinking about it. I'm considering it,
我决定了
and I've decided.
我同意
I'm in.
到啦
Here it is.
博伊尔老爹的农场
Pappy Boyle's farm.
我小时候每个暑假都在这里度过
I spent every summer here as a kid.
不得不说这里比我想象中好
Got to say, it's nicer than I was expecting.
老爹经济状况不错
Pappy did well for himself.
他曾去纽约读商学院
He went to business school in New York.
在华尔街找到工作
He got a job in Wall Street.
有一天他的手被地铁门夹到
And one day his hand got caught in a subway door.
把他从时代广场一路拖到皇后区
And he was dragged from Times Square into Queens.
市历史上最大一笔和解金
Largest settlement in city history.
老爹应该花点钱在害虫防治上啊
Pappy should've used that cash on pest control.
到处都是巨型老鼠
There's giant rats everywhere.
泰瑞它们是海狸鼠
Those are nutria, Terry.
它们跟老鼠完全不一样
They're nothing like rats.
它们的腰部比较有肉
They have meatier haunches,
牙齿颜色也比较橘黄
and their teeth are more orange.
海狸鼠其实是很好的宠物呢
You know, nutria are actually great pets.
它们亲人又聪明
They're affectionate and smart.
它们知道怎么开门
They know how to open doors.
而且还能挤海狸鼠奶呢
Plus, you can milk them.
能挤...
But...
但该挤吗
should you?
老爹就喝海狸鼠奶
Pappy drank nutria milk,
而他身体老当益壮
and he was fit as a fiddle.
反正你们一定要好好参观这里
Anyway, you got to see the house.
我都等不及带你们看我出生时的毯子了
I can't wait to show you the rug I was born on.
在那之后"一定"有洗过对吧
Sure it's been cleaned since then.
查尔斯·博伊尔我爱你
Charles Boyle, I love you.
山姆·博伊尔我爱你
Sam Boyle, I love you.
尸体在哪里
Where's that dead body?
他在谷仓里看起来超可爱
He's in the barn, and he looks adorable.
太好了
Ah, terrific.
葬礼其他部分都准备好了吗
And everything's set for the funeral?
有一个小问题
There's one little issue.
我们找不到老爹的遗嘱
We can't find Pappy's will.
-什么 -他想要把农场
- What? - He wanted to leave the farm
留给宗亲会
to the Council of Cousins,
但如果我们找不出遗嘱
but if we don't find those papers,
就会由林登堂亲顺位继承
it goes to Cousin Lyndon.
那可不行
Oh, no.
-林登堂亲是谁啊 -老爹的儿子
- Who's Cousin Lyndon? - Pappy's son.
他是家族里的不合群份子
He's the black sheep of the family.
等等所以现在有一个富豪族长
Wait, so we have a wealthy patriarch
莫名去世一份消失的遗嘱
who mysteriously died, a missing will,
还有不合群份子即将继承一切吗
and a black sheep set to inherit everything?
在场只有我怀疑有刻意的杀人动机吗
Am I the only one who suspects foul play here?
他不是莫名去世他高龄93岁了
He didn't die mysteriously. He was 93.
泰瑞老兄他老当益壮呢
He was fit as fiddle, Terr.
全靠喝了海狸鼠奶
From all the nutria milk.
别胡思乱想了
Don't be ridiculous.
博伊尔家的人才不会杀人
No Boyle would ever commit murder.
博伊尔家人之间连生气都不会
Boyles don't even get mad at each other.