黑色星期一

Black Monday S03E08

Part 2 July 29, 2021, 1:21 p.m.

*Although we both lie close together*
*内心却远隔万里*
*We feel miles apart inside*
*是我说过或做过什么吗*
*Was it something I said or something I did?*
*是我说错了什么吗*
*Did my words not come out right?*
*尽管我努力避免伤害你*
*Though I tried not to hurt you*
*尽管我努力了*
*Though I tried*
*但这大概就是人们常说的*
*But I guess that's why they say*
*所有玫瑰*
*Every rose*
*都带刺*
*Has its thorn*
*就像黎明*
*Just like every night*
*终会照亮黑夜*
*Has its dawn*
*就像牛仔*
*Just like every cowboy*
*总是哼着哀伤的曲调*
*Sings a sad, sad song*
*所有玫瑰都带刺*
*Every rose has its thorn*
祝你胃口好
Bon appe-titties.
-你调换了我们的杯子 -你怎么发现的
- Did you swap our glasses? - How would you even know that?
因为我的激浪是无糖版
'Cause my Dew is diet
因为吃了那么多年甜品
'cause my insulin is jacked from years
我的胰岛素已经严重过高了
of the ole two-finger dessert.
-你想害死我吗 -不是你想害死我
- Are you trying to kill me? - No, you're trying to kill me!
-什么 -拜托蒂芙
- What? - Come on, Tiff!
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
防水布折磨工具我的死囚餐
The tarps, the torture tools, my death row meal.
就算你没有下毒你的厨艺也够要我命了
Even if you didn't poison it, your cooking alone.
不错啊混♥蛋♥
Good one, Leno.
我们一直都知道结局会这样
We always knew it would end like this.
这些不是折磨刑具是做水疗用的
These aren't torture tools. These are spa tools.
死皮剪皮肤针磨骨机
Cuticle nippers, skin needler, bone sander.
那个是折磨刑具
Well, that one is a torture device,
但是它对拇囊炎很有用
but it's great for bunions.
我的拇囊炎确实比情景喜剧里的婆婆还重
I do have worse bunions than a sitcom mother-in-law.
就是说我没打算要你命
Exactly. I'm not trying to kill you.
我打算把你宠上天
I'm trying to pamper you
就像我们以前没钱的时候那样
like we used to when we had no money.
我那是有钱但你不肯让我花
Well, I had money, but you wouldn't let me spend it.
你不记得了吗
Don't you remember?
乞丐也宠爱
Pamper du Pauper!
全美最棒的居家水疗
Oh, America's finest at-home spa
给从峡谷农场解放的小可怜
for the poor and disen-Canyon Ranch-ized.
扔开那把剑别再想着害我了
Put that sword away and stop trying to kill me.
我要把你大卸八块小婊砸
I'm gonna cut you up, you bitch.
老天我们从前多快乐啊
Oh, God, we used to have so much fun
敷着面膜泥聊着八卦互相撕蜜蜡
just mud masking and gossiping and waxing each other's--
真不敢相信我居然不知道你是同性恋
I can't believe I didn't know you were gay.
想想我有多惊讶
Imagine my surprise.
自从我们住进
Ugh, we haven't done that
那栋可怕的公♥寓♥楼就再没那么快乐过了
since we lived in that horrid apartment.
我好想念那地方想念我们以前的生活
I miss that place, and I miss our old life,
在你进入詹玛集团之前
before you started working at the Jammer Group
在我进入职场之前
and before I started working full stop.
你曾是我最好的朋友
You were my best friend.
我知道我们都假装高♥潮♥
I mean, I know our orgasms were fake,
但我们之间的爱是真的对吗
but our love was real, wasn't it?
老天我是怎么了
God! What has happened to me?
多年老友想宠爱我一下
My oldest friend tries to do something nice for me,
我却觉得她是企图要我的命
and I think she's trying to kill me.
我们的确有段时间没有这样了
It has gotten away from us a bit.
拜托你真的以为我会自己动手杀人吗
Come on, do you honestly think I'd do my own wet work?
不你会像洋子一样外包出去
Well, no, you'd farm that shit out like Yoko.
约翰·列侬第二任妻子
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
只是我很久都没有朋友了
It's just been a while since I've had a friend.
你有朋友
You have friends.
老蒙道恩那个穆♥斯♥林♥小哥无眉小哥
Mo, Dawn, the Muslim fella, that guy with no eyebrows.
-我想说尧恩 -那是因为你的失读症
- I want to say Yawn? - It's 'cause of your dyslexia.
是韦恩
Wayne.
韦恩在那个小黑屋里爆♥炸♥了都怪我把大家
Wayne exploded at the black site I dragged everybody to
拖去那里因为我以为他们都要害我
when I thought they were trying to kill me.
妈耶我能理解尧恩为什么生气但
Yikes, I mean, I get why Yawn was mad, but--
不是尧恩是真的爆♥炸♥了
No, Yawn literally exploded.
我一直在试图道歉
I keep trying to apologize,
但他们总是把我送的果篮退回来
and they just send back my fruit baskets.
拜托别告诉我你在试图通过
Please don't tell me you're trying to apologize
送果篮来为小黑屋的事道歉
for a black site with a fruit basket.
那送高级蜡烛呢
Fancy candle?
我作为一个绑♥架♥受害人的建议
Take it from a kidnap survivor.
你得亲自去道歉好吗
You need to apologize in person, okay?
去吧现在就去去
Just go, go now, go.
别啊说好的乞丐也宠爱呢
No, what about Pamper du Pauper?
今天本来就是打算好好宠爱你
Well, today was supposed to be all about taking care of you,
不管怎样那就我们从你的内心开始
anyway, so let's start with your insides?
真的吗
Really?
没错我不接受拒绝
Yes, I will not take no for an answer.
再说了我的脱毛膏得九十分钟才凝固
And besides, my horse Nair takes 90 minutes to congeal.
你的小妹妹和你一样坚强
Your muff is as tough as you are.
有人吗
Hello?
-惊喜 -我的老天爷
- Surprise! - Jesus fuck!
-妈的是怪胎巡警 -他妈的法夫
- Oh, it's fucking geek patrol. - Fucking Pfaff.
我猜这惊喜不是为我准备的
I'm guessing this isn't for me.
是吗这也可以是一场
Really? I mean, it could be a "thanks
"谢谢你让我们被一群白皮猪暴打"派对
for getting us all jacked up by the fucking pigs" party.
没错我们应该打得你屁♥股♥开花
Yeah, we should beat your fucking ass.
-好吧我来就是为了这个 -为了被揍
- Okay, that's why I'm here. - To get your ass beat?
-打起来打起来 -凯伦我对天发誓
- Mm, fight, fight, fight. - And, Karen, I swear to God.
吉安卡洛你在这里干嘛
Giancarlo, what are you doing here?
蒂芙不给我零花钱因为我试图亲她脸
Tiff took away my allowance for trying to kiss her face.
她好严格
She's so strict.
喂喂布莱尔
Hey, hey, Blair.
你♥他♥妈♥来这里干什么
What the fuck are you doing here?
好吧我想了很多
Okay, I've been thinking a lot about everything,
然后我决定
and I've decided--
所有人藏起来藏起来藏起来
Oh, everybody, hide. Hide, hide, hide.
好多地方好多人
Places, people.
吉安卡洛你最好给我躲进蛋糕里
Giancarlo, you better cake yourself!
关灯关灯
Lights, lights.
蹲下蹲下藏好藏好藏好
Get down, get down. Hide, hide, hide, hide, hide.
惊喜
Surprise!
老天傻♥逼♥二号♥
Oh, God, shithead number two.
你们记得我的生日
You guys remembered my birthday.
我以为全世界都不会有人在乎我
I thought no one in the world cared about me.
的确没有人在乎你好吗基斯
No one does care about you, Keith, okay?
这是为道恩准备的道别派对
This is a going-away party for Dawn,
你要是砸场子我♥操♥你♥妈♥的♥
and if you ruin it, I swear to fuck.
你操谁的妈
You swear to fuck who?
凯伦你已经很危险了
Karen, you were already on the bubble
不要再智障发言了好吗
for this thing to begin with, okay?
-等等道恩要去哪 -等一下
- Wait, where's Dawn going? - Wait a second.
你邀请了布莱尔和他妈的吉安卡洛
You invite Blair and fucking Giancarlo,
却没有邀请我
and you don't invite me?
去洛杉矶
L.A.
-他是脱衣舞男 -谁布莱尔吗
- He's the stripper. - Who, Blair?
-是吉安卡洛 -怎么了
- Giancarlo. - What?
我死了算了
Oh, I just want to kill myself.
你来干嘛基斯
What are you doing here, Keith?
我我想了很多
Look, I, um-- I've been thinking a lot about everything,
我辞去了雷曼公♥司♥
and I quit Leighman--
不不不我才是想了很多
No, no, no. I've been thinking a lot about everything,
我想说
and what I would like to say is--
好了好了都给我闭嘴藏好
Okay, all right, just shut the fuck up and hide.
藏起来卡洛进蛋糕
Hide. Carlo, cake.
-基斯你要敢是搞砸 -我不会的
- Keith, if you fuck this up... - I won't ruin anything.