黑色星期一

Black Monday S03E05

Part 1 July 14, 2021, 5:36 p.m.

《黑色星期一》前情提要
Previously on Black Monday...
让小老头基斯
Just let little old Keithy
来操办葬礼就好
take care of the funeral arrangements.
抬棺人在给法夫时尚做模特吗
Are the pallbearers modeling Pfaffashions?
很聪明对吧
It's genius, right?
迈克见鬼了这是宽摆裙吗
Mike? Holy shit, are those Skants?
我叫这个屁蓬
I call it an ass cape.
敬两位我生命中最重要的女人
To the two most important girls in my life.
道恩告诉了我一切
Dawn told me everything.
她真是你的好朋友老蒙
She's a really good friend to you, Mo.
与我关系非常亲近的两人
Two people very close to me
在神秘的情况下遇害了
were killed under mysterious circumstances.
我怕下个死的就是我
I'm afraid I might be next.
不退款
Uh, no refunds.
诺米告诉你吧你绝对猜不到
Nomi, I'm telling you, you're never gonna guess.
我知道我们在一辆电梯里
Well, I know we're on an elevator
-根据我脚下的感觉 -不是吧
- based on the feeling in my feet... - No.
还有这糟糕的电梯音乐
...and this shitty elevator music.
好吧但说句公道话这可能是任何地方
Okay, but to be fair, it could be anywhere,
我很吃惊像你这样的
and I'm surprised that a jazz fiend
爵士乐爱好者会说它很烂
such as yourself would call it shitty.
今天是周六所以办公室没有人
And it's Saturday, so the office will be empty.
天啊你能停下吗
Oh, my God, will you stop?
你会毁了你所有的生日庆祝
You're gonna ruin your whole birthday thing.
如果非要我猜
Well, then if I had to guess...
我请你不要这么做
Which I have asked you not to do.
我会说你在带我回录音棚
...I would say you're taking me back to the studio....
不是
No.
重新创造我们相见那晚的魔力
...to re-create the magic of the night we met.
老蒙这太棒了
Mo, that's perfect.
-我们可以追随我们的直觉 -好吧
- We can chase our instincts... - Mm-hmm.
我们的冲动瞎忙一气[我们的尾巴]...our whims, our tails.
你差得太远了
You are so far off.
是吗
Oh, am I?
好吧先让我给你个小惊喜
Well, let me start off with a little surprise for you.
-好吧 -闭上你的眼睛
- Okay. - Close your eyes.
好吧睁开
Okay, open up.
-不诺米不要 -不要吗
- Oh, no, Nomi, no. - No?
不不行诺米诺米
No, no, Nomi, Nomi.
-是吗 -等等不
- Oh, yeah? - Wait, no!
这是... 诺米爵士乐队在... 诺米
This is-- Nomi! There's jazz-- Nomi!
-诺米诺米 -来抓我呀
- Nomi, Nomi! - Come and get me.
诺米不不不别这样诺米
Nomi, no! Oh, no, no, no, Nomi!
不不不该死
No, no, no, no, no, shit.
你们好伙计们
Hey, fellas.
黑色星期一
第三季第五集
各位我们面临着形象危机
People, we have an image crisis on our hands.
别忘了还有血
And don't forget blood.
这点很难忘记
I mean, it's kind of hard not to
因为实在太可怕了
because it was so nightmarish.
基斯你对节日食品的选择
Keith, your festive festival food choice
反映了你同样差劲的判断
reflects the same poor judgment
从而让我们陷入这场混乱
that got us into this mess.
你为什么在吃那个
Ugh, why are you eating that?
我过着非常积极地商业生活
I lead a very active business lifestyle.
我需要一份能让我保持体力的午餐
I need a lunch that can keep up.
好吧荣耀电台我们教堂的长者可以作证
All right, HGTV, as our church elders can attest,
这不是我们第一次"形象危机儿"
is not new to image "crisis-ies".
你就是这样复数应该是"形象危机们"
Is that how you-- the plural should be, like, "Crises."
-形象危机机 -就像番茄和西红柿
- "Crisis-es." - "To-may-to," "To-mah-to."
不是因为番茄和西红柿
Well, no, 'cause "To-may-to," "To-mah-to"
只是发音不同
is just a pronunciation thing.
这是复数的拼写问题
This is more about a pluralization.
-好吧基斯 -我只是说说
- Okay, Keith... - I'm just saying.
这就像是番茄和西红柿
It'd be like "Tomatoes," "Tomatoes."
关键是我们之前面对过这样的问题
The point is, we've been down this road before.
1977年我们曾一度成为蛇教堂
Back in 1977, we briefly became a snake church
直到许多教区居民去世后
until many parishioners died,
我们才成为一间反蛇教堂
which is when we became an anti-snake church...
-好吧 -直到更多教区居民
- Okay. - ...until even more parishioners
在抓捕所谓的蛇时死去
died while pursuing said snakes,
我们这样才变成了
which is how we became
你们如今了解并喜爱的蛇中立教堂
the snake-neutral church that you know and love today.
我就是这样失去我妻子的
That's how I lost my wife
那时和蛇结婚还合法
back when snake marriage was legal.
耶利米当你违背了自然界的基本法则
Jeremiah, when you violate the basic laws of nature,
就会就会产生一些恶果
there's-there's gonna be some fallout.
-请节哀 -总之
- So sorry for your loss. - Anyway,
荣耀电台和法夫时尚必须
HGTV and Pfaffashion need to issue
就受害者在电视上发布一条联合道歉
a joint televised apology honoring the victim.
等等我们拿到我们的钱了
Wait a second. We got our money.
公开募股的事已回到正轨
The IPO is back on track.
我不明白为什么法夫时尚
I don't understand why Pfaffashions
必须为荣耀电台道歉
has to apologize for HGTV.
我不明你为什么还在这里
I don't understand why you're still here.
蒂芙
Tiff,
-你是位聪明的 -是的
- you're a smart... - Yes.
-精通媒体的 -对
- ...media-savvy... - Yes.
-有责任感的 -没错
- ...responsible... - Yeah.
-虔诚的 -不是
- ...religious... - No.
-女人 -是的
- ...woman. - I am.
我希望你制♥作♥这个节目
I want you to produce this spot
而我去努力收买♥♥受害者的遗孀
while I work on buying off the victim's widow.
-我立马去做 -很好
- I shall at once. - Great.
耶利米和希西家已写好了讲话稿
Jeremiah and Hezekiah have already written a script.
蒂芙我希望你一字不落的照着念
Tiff, I want you to stick to it word for word.
-好吧 -基斯
- Okay. - And, Keith,
你可以滚一边去[舔棍子]you can suck stick.
非常乐意
Gladly.
你会喜欢
You are gonna love
联调局给你新安装的安保系统先生
your new FBI-installed security system, sir.
特工给了我全套资料
The agent gave me the full rundown.
在有刺客企图刺杀我的情况下
Ah, well, it'll be nice to have a place to feel safe
有个感觉安全的地方真太好了
with an assassin plotting against me.
这把三螺栓功能锁
Well, this triple-bolt action lock
不会放任何人进来
will keep anyone out.
至于监视
As for surveillance--
没错他们什么时候来装摄像头
Yes, when do they put in the cameras?
上周
Last week.
我们联调局的隐藏摄像头系统非常低调
Our FBI hidden camera system is so discreet,
你永远不会知道我们何时
you'll never know where,
在何处是怎样安装的
when, or how we installed it.
沃纳
Werner.
猜猜摄像头在哪
Guess where the camera is.
太神奇了我都看不到它
It's amazing. I can't even see it.
因为这就没有
'Cause there's not one.
他们要舍弃这里才能监控所有洗手间
They had to lose it to cover all the bathrooms.
沃纳
Werner.
洗手间吗
Bathrooms?
我经常去楼下的那个冲澡
'Cause the one downstairs is where I go to take a sh--
停相信我他们知道
No, believe me, they know.
好吧但是我一般去楼上那间撸管
Okay, but the one upstairs is where I go to mastur--
他们知道先生
They know, sir.
他们正想为这事给你请一个教练
They're working on getting you a coach for that.
-沃纳 -顺便说一句
- Werner. - Oh, by the way,
他们建议你提供一份你的敌人名单
they suggest that you get them a copy
越快越好
of your enemies list ASAP.
我没有敌人清单
I don't have a list of my enemies.
这杀手不会是我身边亲近的人
The killer is not gonna be someone close to me
而且直到最后关头才被怀疑
who goes unsuspected until the final moment.
先生政♥治♥暗♥杀♥在耶稣时代就出现了
Sir, political assassination has been around since Jesus.