黑色星期一

Black Monday S03E04

Part 2 June 26, 2021, 10:46 a.m.

不如你直接滚吧亚西混球
Why don't you get the fuck out, Yasshole.
某人昨天心情不太好[在床错误的一侧醒来]Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
我一晚上都在做♥爱♥
I was having sex all night!
老蒙承认你和诺米
Look, Mo, there's no shame in
处在不同的人生阶段
admitting that you and Nomi
有着不同的消化规律
are in different stages of life
没什么丢人的
and digestive regularity.
我们完全处于同一阶段懂吗
We're in the exact same stage, okay?
那就是蜜月旅行
That's the honeymoon stage.
-别担心我现在很好 -行
- Don't worry, I'm doing great. - Okay, fine.
道恩
Dawn.
正想找你
Just the person I wanted to see.
我们要举办订婚晚宴
We're having an engagement dinner...
周六11点你来吗
Saturday at 11:00. You in?
当然但上午11点
Oh, for sure, but isn't 11:00
不应该是订婚早午餐吗
more like an engagement brunch?
是晚上11点你个老年人
11:00 P.M., Mee-maw. This one.
我知道像你习惯了早餐特惠
I know you're used to the early bird special
-因为你是个老古董 -没问题
- 'cause you're old as shit. - That'll do.
好那好爱你
Okay. Okay. Well, love you.
爱你
Love you.
我♥操♥
Fuck!
该死
God damn it!
刷牙呢
Brushing your chompers, huh?
牙白的像珍珠
The old pearly whites.
不错
Nice.
葬礼计划的怎么样了
How's the funeral planning going?
珂琦真的要人命
Corkie is a real diedzilla.
蒂芙
Tiff.
我这周忙坏了
Oh, I'm having a bear of a week myself,
而今天都还没到周三
and it's not even hump day.
所以他们才会说我"男女双杀"
But I guess they call me the "It boy".
而不是"提线木偶"
Not the "Sit boy."
明早还有一桩接一桩的工作
Just got back-to-backs all morning.
明天我要将
And tomorrow, I have to give
自♥由♥勋章授予给一只警犬
the Medal of Freedom to a police dog.
周六
And then Saturday,
我要主持斯沃福德牧师的葬礼还有
I have Pastor Swafford's funeral, and--
刚刚那是藐视我
Was that a spit take
还是在正常刷牙
or just run-of-the-mill tooth brushing?
-太疯狂了 -警犬我也觉得
- That's insane. - The police dog? I know.
但除了警犬
But he was the only cop
其他警♥察♥全是白人至上主义者
we could be sure wasn't a white supremacist.
不是如果你出现在葬礼上
No, Corkie will freak out at me
珂琦会冲我发疯的
if you show up at that funeral.
我让基斯接手公♥司♥她已经够生气了
She's already pissed that I let Keith take over the company,
基斯也非常不乐意出钱
and he's pissed that we're paying for this thing.
珂琦怎么可能生我的气
Why would Corkie be mad at me?
我毙了她爸的电视又不是他本人
I shot her dad's TV, not her dad.
你把他丈夫操♥死♥了
You fucked her husband to death.
-行吧 -很糟糕
- Okay. - It's bad.
所以我才要应该去葬礼了
But that's exactly why I have to be there.
他的死勾起了我过去的所有丑闻
His death has stirred up all of my old scandals,
共和党全国委员会认为安抚
and the RNC feels like the best way
我的宗教♥徒♥最好的方式
to reassure my religious base
就是发表一场感人的悼词
is to give a very moving eulogy.
现在肯定是在藐视我了
There's no confusion on that one.
他们要你发表悼词
They want you to give the eulogy?
这比警♥察♥中白人至上主义者
I mean, that is even more insane
多如牛毛的事实还要疯狂
than how many cops are white supremacists.
没那么夸张其实美国的警♥察♥体系
Not really, when you consider the American policing system
最开始就是为了保护白人而存在的
was initially designed to protect white property owners.
行布莱尔
Okay, Blair.
你以为我想这么做吗
Do you think I want to do this?
我上一次上台演讲就被枪击了
The last time I took the stage, I took a bullet.
而且在那之后与我关系非常亲近的两人
And that was before two people very close to me
还在神秘的情况下遇害了
were killed under mysterious circumstances.
我怕要是我不这么做下个死的就是我
I'm afraid if I don't do this, I might be next.
共和党全国委员会很可怕
The RNC is very scary.
也许这样才最好
Well, then maybe it's for the best.
也许是时候离开了
Maybe it's time to just walk away.
-我只需要五分钟 -不
- Please let me do a tight five. - No!
我来开场闭场我还可以主持
I'll open, I'll close. I'll host.
但我不要中间时段人还是要有底线的
I won't middle because you've gotta draw the line somewhere.
抱歉我只有三天时间策划一个完美的葬礼
I'm sorry, I have three days to plan a dream funeral.
除非你能告诉我什么样的裙子
So unless you know what color coffin skirt
和金色棺材最配
goes with a gold casket then--
-美国国旗 -谢谢谢谢
- American flag. - Thank you. Thank you.
这不是那个六百万娃娃理发师吗
Well, if it isn't the six million doll hair man.
我的宣传很不错你也知道
My plugs looks great and you know it,
欠操脸的国会议员
Congressman Fuck Face.
你看上去像个宠物公墓
You look like a Chia Pet cemetery.
你看上去像个...欠操脸
Yeah, well, you-- you look like a fuck face.
你就这样出口成"脏"吗
Do you just come up with these on the spot?
怎么了
And what's going on?
我以为那晚我们处的不错
I thought we had a nice moment the other night.
对我已经记不清
Oh, yeah, I can't keep track
我们之间的恩恩怨怨了
of all of these shifting dynamics.
你最近怎么样
Um, how is all of that going for you?
最近一直去猫猫屋
Been going to Housecat a lot,
想跟迈克叙叙旧然后
you know, try to reconnect with Mike and-- -
好吧我需要你说服珂琦
Okay, I need you to convince Corkie
让我在她爸的葬礼上发表悼词
to let me give her dad's eulogy.
什么怎么可能你想做什么
What? How? Why?
因为我会把蒂芙往我竞选中
Because I'll give back the million dollars
投的数百万美元还给你
of company money Tiff donated to my campaign.
我现在还干上
Wow, am I really in the business
售卖♥♥悼词的生意了吗
of selling eulogies now?
你给自己搭建了
You've carved out quite a nice little corner
一个不错的生意平台基斯
of the world for yourself, there, Keith.
如果天主教堂有卖♥♥去天堂的票
Well, if the Catholic church can sell tickets to heaven,
成交
you got a deal.
我打算这么做来着
I was gonna do that.
我打算这么做来着
I was gonna do that.
-老蒙 -我在这里
- Mo! - I'm back here.
右边的房♥间
Room on the right.
这到底是谁的房♥子
Whose fucking house is this?
那个石膏又是什么鬼
And what the fuck is up with that cast?
你有正常的时候吗读读书什么的
Do you ever just be doing normal shit like reading?
很显然我"让伤情加重了"
Ugh, apparently, I "Aggravated my injury"
因为我"鲁莽的行为"
because of my "Reckless behavior,"
所以现在我"胫骨粉碎"了
and now I have a condition called "Shin crumble"
"长远看来"我可能会需要截肢
which is threatening my ability to have two legs "Long-term"
因为我把腿上的石膏"当作玩笑"
because I treated my walking cast "Like a joke"
还把医嘱当作"浮云"
and my doctor's instructions as if they were "In air quotes,"
-所以... -至少现在你不得不休息了
- So... - Well, you know what? At least now, you have to rest
因为这事瞒不住诺米
'cause there's no hiding this shit from Nomi.
是吗
Oh, really?
两只脚一模一样
Twinsies.
好吧也许你说得对
Fine, look, maybe you were right.
也许我和诺米的确正处于人生的不同阶段
Maybe Nomi and I are in different stages of our life.
等等这是原因吗
Wait, is that what this is?
你买♥♥下这栋房♥子是为了她吗
Did you buy this house for her?
老天老蒙你认识她才九天
Oh, my God, Mo, you've known her for, like, nine days.
遇到对的人时你会知道懂吗
Well, when you know, you know. You know?
但她知道你买♥♥了这栋房♥子吗
Yeah, but does she know about this house?
我
I--
我想给她一个惊喜
I wanted to surprise her.
但然后我就开始担心
But then I started worrying that, you know,
也许她目前想要的不是这个
maybe this isn't what she wants right now.
我不知道