家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S02E18

Part 1 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:31 p.m.

Oh, my God, you are the stupidest Dad in the world!
天哪你真是世界上最弱智的爹
Did the divorce kill some of your brain cells?
离婚把你弄脑残了吗
I hate cleaning houses when the clients are home.
我真讨厌主人在家时做清洁
I can't believe you!
真不敢相信
Be invisible.
快隐形
Why would you buy me these jeans?!
你买♥♥的这叫什么牛仔裤
Look at these holes!
看看这些洞
They're in all the wrong places!
哪儿都不对哪儿
How am I supposed to know
我怎么知道
the right holes from the wrong holes, huh?!
哪个洞对哪个洞
Well, maybe that's why Mom left you!
怪不得老妈把你甩了
You don't have the right to ignore my feelings!?
不许无视我
La, la, la... Fine, then I'll "Lalala" You! La, la, la, la,
你是我天边最美的云彩我也唱
La-la-la-la! Can't hear you! ?La-la-la-la! ?
让我用心把你留下来留下来
And I'll tell you something else, Dad!
我跟你说老爸
You're not fooling anybody with that stupid toupee.
别以为你戴着二♥逼♥假发就是文艺青年
She's crazy.
她发疯呢
This is all my own hair.
我这都是真头发
It's made from my own hair.
是用我的真头发做的
Say, ladies,
女士们
I'm leaving town for a business trip, for a couple of weeks,
我要出差公干几周
and I'm looking to hire a live-in
我正在物色个住家保姆
to look after the house and, uh, Natalie.
看家并且照顾娜塔莉
One of you interested in a little extra pay?
你们谁有兴趣赚外快
I guess Hope's not going to let us sleep in today.
看来喜旺是不会让我们睡懒觉了
Maybe if we just lay here quietly, she'll go back to sleep.
也许我们躺着不动她就又睡着了
God... I guess not.
天哪没戏了
Hey, Hope.
喜旺啊
How about just five more minutes, okay?
再让我们睡五分钟怎样
What happened? Nipple, nipple, nipple!
怎么了奶头奶头
My nipple's caught! Uh, try pushing it!
我的奶头夹住了推一下
Ooh, God... That's not it! Try pulling it, try pulling it!
妈妈啊这样不行拉拉看拉拉看
You were right.
你说得对
Grapes make taking walks so much more fun.
葡萄让遛弯儿变得好玩多了
One mushy one left, you want it?
就剩最后一颗了你要吗
All yours.
你吃吧
I did it.
成功进肚儿
What's all this?
这是在做什么
Jimmy almost lost his nipple in a crib accident.
吉米的奶头差点被婴儿床夹掉
Told you those long nipples were going to
我就说你那对超长奶头总有一天
come back to haunt you one day.
会要你好看的
He gets that from my side of the family.
那是遗传了我家的基因
On the plus side, they're also very sensitive.
不过这样的奶头很敏感哦
Oh, good to know.
有点儿意思
Anyway, the crib's been recalled,
总之我们要扔了婴儿床
along with a lot of this other old baby stuff, too.
还有很多旧的婴儿用品
It can't be that dangerous.
没这么危险吧
Jimmy played with most of this stuff; he's fine.
这大部分是吉米的玩具他不活得好好的
No, come to think of it, he was always getting hurt.
不回想起来他总是受伤
My nipple, my nipple, my nipple!
我的奶头奶头奶头
Yeah, in retrospects, I can see that we should've
这么一想我们的确应该
paid more attention to child safety.
更加重视孩子的安全
And now Hope has to sleep in a cardboard box
现在喜旺只能睡在纸箱里
and play with a teddy bear I made from a bag of rice
玩我用大米和柔软的马桶套
and a fuzzy toilet seat cover.
自♥制♥的泰迪熊
Come to think of it, she could choke on the rice.
糟了她可能会被米粒噎到的
Damn it!
可恶
We need to find a way to make some fast money!
我们要想法子快速致富
Jimmy, you think if we knew how to make fast money,
吉米我们要知道怎么快速致富
we would have spent our whole lives making slow money?!
还会整天在这儿数钢蹦儿吗
Unfortunately, I know how to make some fast money.
不幸的是我知道怎么快速致富
Hello.
你好
Hi. I don't know if you're still looking for a live-in but...
不知道你是否还在找住家保姆
Oh, I'm so sorry.
抱歉
We already hired somebody.
我们已经找到了
She threw soup at me!
她用汤泼我
I quit. Wha...
老娘不干了什...
You're hired.
就用你了
Burt, if we go over it one more time,
伯特再来一遍的话
we're just gonna start crying again.
我俩又要哭成泪人了
It's just for two weeks, till we have enough money
不过两周就能赚够钱给喜旺买♥♥
to buy Hope all the new stuff she needs.
新的幼儿用品了
We can make money some other way.
我们可以想别的方法赚钱
What if I sell my plasma
不如我去卖♥♥血浆[也有等离子的意思]
to those people that make the fancy TVs?!
卖♥♥给那些做超炫电视的人
I miss Virginia.
我想维吉妮亚了
We all miss Virginia, Maw Maw.
我们都很想她曾奶奶
That's why we're eating meatloaf,
所以我们在吃烘肉卷
which somebody thought would be great if it was made of tuna.
还是某人自作聪明用吞拿鱼做的
Well, it should've worked. It's the chicken from the sea.
味道本该不错的吞拿鱼是会游的鸡
But that's stupid, no one eats chicken meatloaf.
你太二了谁会吃烘鸡肉卷呀
It doesn't even make sense!
哪有怎么做饭的
I'm sorry, it's not the loaf. I just miss my wife.
抱歉问题不在肉我只是想老婆了
Time for my bath. Been a couple of days, so
我该洗澡了几天没洗了
prepare for a long one.
我要洗个痛快澡
Good luck with that.
祝你好运
I'll tell you what you missed on Phineas & Ferb.
我会告诉你《飞哥与小佛》播了什么的
Oh, too late. I already got my finger on my nose.
太迟了人家手指早放鼻子上了
You can put your finger anywhere you want.
随你手指放哪儿
You're still bathing Maw Maw.
你都逃不掉给奶奶洗澡的命
Only reason we're doing this is 'cause of your baby!
这一切杯具都是因为你的孩子
I don't blame you. I blame society
没在怪你我在责备社会
which says we can't let you swallow the same toys,
他们不允许你吞那些玩具
which passed harmlessly through your father.
你♥爸♥就吃过不也没事
Look, I'll do all the other chores except for Maw Maw.
除了照顾曾奶奶其它家务我都包了
Every time I try to take care of here, she thinks I'm Paw Paw,
每次照顾她她都把我当成曾爷爷
and she tries to kiss me!
还想舌吻我呢
She did that to me all the time.
她也一直那样对我的
You just have to know how to handle it.
你只要掌握应对窍门就行了
Wilfrid
威尔弗雷德
Hey there, Mr. Gardener Man,
你好啊园丁先生
I got something better for you to do with that green thumb.
如此巧手为我所享才不负恩泽
Hello, Burt!
你好啊伯特
Good luck with that bath.
祝你给她洗澡顺利
Just so you're prepared, the carpet does match the drapes,
提个醒某处银丝密布
and it's a deep shag.
韧如木耳
Oh, my God.
我的妈呀
You can stop doing my laundry!
你可以不用帮我洗衣服了
I won't need any more outfits
我不需要衣服穿了
because I'm never leaving my house again!
因为我再也不会踏出房♥门一步了
What's wrong?
怎么了
I have a third eye, that's what's wrong!
我变成三只眼了问题就出在这
Oh, but that's nothing. I can fix that.
这没啥要紧的我可以解决
You can?
你能吗
Oh, yeah!
当然
Okay...
好了
Oh, my God! It's completely disappeared!
我的天完全看不出了
Mm-hmm. I've always been good with makeup and stuff.
化妆什么的姐一直很拿手
My son only lets me do it to him
只有酒过三巡以后
when we've both had a few beers,
我儿子才让我给他化妆
and I absolutely promise never to tell anyone.
还让我保证绝不告诉任何人
Don't tell anyone I said that...
可别说是我告诉你的
Okay!
搞定
You're dry now,
头发擦干了
and don't worry, that thing on your back was a raisin.
别担心你背上只是一粒葡萄干
Oh, thank you.
谢谢
I feel better.
我感觉舒服多了
Let me just get your fiber shake ready
我来帮你准备好纤维奶昔
and your humidifier like you like it,
再打开你爱的加湿器
and you are good to go!
就完事了