家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S02E17

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:30 p.m.

If you do the spanking,
你要是肯打他
I'll do something you don't want to do.
我就替你干♥你♥不愿干的活
What do you hate doing?
你讨厌干什么
Answering stupid questions.
回答愚蠢的问题
Sorry, but you just set me up so perfectly.
不怪我这可是你自己下的套
Burt, pick something. Okay, um...
伯特随便挑一个那就
You're responsible
你负责
for getting all the rodents out from under the house.
弄走房♥子底下所有的啮齿动物
And for picking up dog poop, if we ever get a dog.
要是咱家养狗你负责捡狗屎
Deal. And while you're spanking your son,
就这么定了你一会儿打儿子屁屁时
make sure you tell him he's never getting a dog.
告诉他这辈子别想养狗狗了
As hard as it was to do, after that one spanking,
虽然难下狠手但是打完后
you were like a totally different kid.
效果显著
We didn't even have to tell you to clean your room anymore.
你开始主动收拾自己的房♥间
All clean!
超干净
Please don't spank me again.
千万别打我屁屁
You ate your vegetables...
你还乖乖吃蔬菜了
Delicious, Mommy. Please don't spank me again.
好好吃哦妈咪千万别打我屁屁
and you stopped putting up a fight at bedtime.
到点儿也老老实实上♥床♥睡觉了
Okay, Jimmy, time for bed.
吉米该睡觉了
Time to hit the sack.
睡觉觉咯
Please don't spank me again.
千万别打我屁屁
I can't believe you spanked me.
真不敢相信你打了我屁屁
It had to be done.
我别无选择
And it only had to be done once.
一次性搞定
No, no, no. No, no.
别别别别
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
住手别扔啊
Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't!
放开小猪猪我的小祖宗
Okay.
镇静
Okay, deep breaths!
深呼吸
Deep breaths.
深呼吸
Deep breaths...
深深深呼吸
Look, I know this looks bad,
我知道现在有点揪心
but kids go through phases,
不过成长必经阶段嘛
and I'm not ruining my relationship with her
我可不想采用这种速战速决的手段
as a quick-fix for this phase.
而毁了我们父女感情的
Yeah, well, when you finally come to your senses
等你哪天幡然醒悟
and end up spanking her, you'll see
打她屁屁之后你就知道
we're not the idiots you think we are.
我们才不是二缺父母呢
Why did you stop?
怎么停了
Burt?
伯特
Do you have superglue on your finger?
你手上粘了强力胶是不是
Okay, no problem.
镇定没事的
On the count of three, we'll just pull apart like a wishbone.
数到三就能轻松分开了
Well, my wish is that I end up
我只祈求
with a little piece of your finger on my nose
你的手指掉点肉
instead of you having a little piece of my nose on your finger.
给我留个完好的鼻子
Okay, I'm going to wish for the opposite of that.
我跟你的愿望正好相反
Understood.
可以理解
So, whoever gets the bigger piece gets their wish.
幸运之神将肉落谁家立见分晓
You ready? No.
准备好了吗没有
Too bad. One, two, three.
那也没辙一二三
What are you doing?
你干嘛呢
Preparing a date for Mr. Raccoon.
对浣熊先生使点美熊计
"Jennifer Aniston" by Jennifer Aniston.
詹妮弗·安妮斯顿出的同名香水
No man can resist this.
没男人能抵挡诱惑
Except Brad Pitt.
除了布拉德·皮特
And John Mayer.
还有约翰·梅尔
And Vince Vaughn. And Bradley Cooper.
文斯·沃恩布莱德利·库伯
And that homeless-looking guy from Counting Crows.
还有乌鸦乐团那个活像流浪汉的家伙
So you're just going to lure him out and trap him humanely?
你打算引诱它出来活捉它吗
No.
不
I stuffed a bunch of razor blades in here.
这里面全是刀片
He's gonna hump this thing to death.
它一扑倒就死翘翘了
Could I just suggest something else?
我能提点意见吗
'Cause I could sing to him,
我可以唱歌♥
and then we could lure him out.
引它出来
Just think, we could set him free.
然后把它放生
He could live a long comfortable life in the wild.
让它回归大自然从此自♥由♥自在地生活
It's a filthy raccoon.
不就只脏浣熊
It's not a whale.
又不是鲸鱼
We're not freeing Willy.
你当放生威利呢
Come on, Virginia.
别这样维吉妮亚
Look at his face.
看看它的小脸蛋
I mean, I'm sure if we got to know him...
要是咱们能多了解它一点...
All right. Stop.
得了打住吧
If you want to sing a song, just give it a shot.
想唱就唱吧
Do you know any raccoon songs?
你会唱浣熊的歌♥吗
Yeah, I do actually. I wrote a song when I was six
还真知道我六岁时写了一首歌♥
to help lure my cat out from under my bed.
把小猫从床底下哄出来了
I'm just going to change the words
改改歌♥词
so it should be perfect.
一样能用
**You heard a noise, so you fled*
*听到声音你惊慌了
**And now you're scared, under my... house*
*躲在屋底你害怕了
**No need to run*
*不要惊慌
**No need to scat*
*无须害怕
**You're just a little nervous because you're a... raccoon.*
*小紧张的小浣熊啊
Hey, you fixed the Porkchesters.
你把猪娃修好了啊
Well, I couldn't find every piece but...
没找着所有的碎片
Do you think your mom will notice that Polly Porkchester
你觉得你妈会发现波利的鼻子
has a piece of macaroni for a snout?
是通心粉做的吗
No, but she might notice that you used cheese puffs for hooves.
不会但奶酪泡芙做的猪蹄可瞒不过去
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
别啊住手可别再画了
Ah, what are you doing?
你这是干嘛呢
I thought we were buddies.
咱俩不是好朋友吗
Buddies don't do this.
好朋友可不兴这样
**We've got to be admittin'*
*我们不得不承认
**With you we are so smitten*
*迷上了你这小可爱
**That's why this song we've written*
*所以为你写下这首歌♥
**So please come out*
*快出来吧
**Sweet...*
*可爱的
**Little... raccoon.*
*小浣熊
Yeah, I don't think it's working.
我看是没戏了
I think he's fallen asleep.
它都睡着了
Yeah, he might be a little bit bored.
可能是这首太无聊了
But I think he'll love the techno remix.
也许电子混音才是它的菜
I'm going to go get Shelley's laptop and turntables.
我去拿雪莉的笔记本和唱盘
All right, buddy, you had your chance.
好了哥们我给过你机会了
Let's do this thing.
还是我这招靠谱
That's right, give it a sniff.
对嘛多闻几下
Damn.
该死
Another rejection for Jennifer Aniston.
又是一个不鸟詹妮弗·安妮斯顿的主
Oh, hey, what do you got there, honey?
宝贝你手里拿着什么呢
Oh, no, Hope.
不会吧喜旺
You took the knobs off the stove?
你把煤气灶的开关拔下来了
Way to go, Dad.
老爸瞧你干的好事
Hope wondered into your zone
喜旺在边上
and you just let her play with the stove again.
你怎么就任由她捣腾炉子啊
Dad?
老爸
What the hell's going on?
什么情况
Hey, you can't park your bike there, man.
哥们那儿不准停自行车
Hope took all the knobs off the stove again.
喜旺又把煤气开关拧下来了
I guess she left the gas on.
煤气估计也没关
I opened all the windows and the doors.
我把门窗都打开了
Should be cleared out soon.
应该一会儿就好
Oh, here it comes!
又来了
Jimmy, she could have killed your father.
吉米她差点杀了你♥爸♥
She could have killed all of us.
我们差点就全死在她手上了
We keep telling her "no" and she's not listening.
她根本把我们的话当耳旁风
You need to make her not so abstinent.
不能再让她任意妄为了