粉雄救兵（2018）

For years, I thought I was never gonna get a mustache.
-但你还是留了吗 -就是 "留吧"
- But then you did? - It was like, "Yeah."
我会把两边和后面的修短
I'll take it shorter on the sides and the back,
但留着上面做成卷发
but leave length on top so you can wear it curly.
天 好吵
Gosh, she's so loud.
它生气了
She gets so angry.
亲爱的 等下... 震动得太厉害了
Honey, right there, we can't... She just gets so strong.
家长会后如果你妻子不小心又怀上了
After the current teacher conference, if you accidentally knock your wife up,
孩子的名字必须得是乔纳森 都怪我
you have to name the baby Jonathan. 'Cause it's totally my fault
-给你剪了这个发型 -搞笑
- because I got you his haircut. - Funny.
如果是个女孩 那就用我的姓加上A
And if you have a little girl, it could be my last name with an A on it,
瓦内萨 刚好是我的女装名字
which is Vanessa, which was also coincidentally my drag name.
-不错 像这样 "瓦内萨" -我的天
- And it feels good. It's like, "Vanessa." - Oh, my God.
接纳一切 无需害怕 现在就是最棒的我
Take on the world. Don't be afraid. There's no better person I'm on play.
-可以用我的头发编地毯了 -用地上的头发
- You can make a carpet with my hair. - With the hair on the ground.
博比如果真的收集起来可以做一点什么
I think Bobby's actually collecting it so he can do something with it.
接纳一切
Take on the world.
自信就是性感
Confidence is sexy.
我喜欢他脸上的笑容
I was just really loving the smile that I had to work with,
我知道这块画布愿意让我涂抹
and I know this canvas is willing to be molded,
所以我也愿意创造奇迹
so I'm willing to make a masterpiece happen.
全新改良版利奥
Here's the new and improved Leo.
你好吗
Hello, how are you doing?
-喜欢吗 -我很喜欢
- Do you like? - I really love it.
-感觉怎么样 -焕然一新
- How do you feel? - Feel fresh.
站起来看看 欣赏下自己
Get all up in there. Check it out. Check yourself out.
看 我现在这么体面
Look at that. I look so respectable like this.
大家都会把你当回事的
Everyone will be able to take you very seriously.
只要 只要再装个金牙...
I just need like, like, my golden tooth like...
胡说 什么金牙... 你根本不需要金牙
Get out of here. You don't need a golden... No, we can leave the golden tooth off.
-好吧 -已经很完美了
- Well, fine. - This is perfect the way it is.
-来个墨西哥城贴面吻 -好
- Give me a Mexico City kiss. - Yeah.
-是三下吗 -对 四下也行
- Isn't it three? - Yeah, we'll make it four.
-四下 亲爱的 -四下
- Cuatro, honey. - Cuatro.
我只想玩乐 乐 乐 乐 乐
I just wanna have fun. Fun, fun, fun, fun.
-散下头发 今天任意随性 -喜欢
- So let your hair fall down. Today we do what we want. - Love.
-准备好了吗 -准没准备好都要来了
- Are you ready for this? - Well, ready or not, it's happening.
记得吗 我们在南伦敦的小学
Remember in primary school in South London
经常玩这个
where we used to do this all the time?
-对 -我们一起玩 -还会和积木说话
- Yeah. - We would like to play blocks with each other. - And talking with my blocks.
还得用德国口音
Then we'd do our German accent.
我的天 他看起来太棒了
Oh, my God. He looks great.
快请进
Come on in.
欢迎回家
Welcome home!
-天哪 这是谁家 -你家
- Oh, my God. Whose house is this? - Yours.
-看我 看我 -你鸡皮疙瘩都起来了
- Look at me. Look at me. - You've got goose bumps.
-你鸡皮疙瘩都起来了 -快看
- You've got goose bumps. - Look at that.
你觉得这个房♥子最大的问题就是缺储藏空间
Your biggest problem in this house was your lack of storage.
对
Yes.
所以我加了这些书架 腰部以下
So, I added all these bookcases. From the waist down,
是孩子的区域
you've got the boys' space.
而腰部以上是家庭和父母的区域
Then waist up is family and Mom and Dad.
太棒了 博比 我们没都没意识到
That is amazing, Bobby. None of us realized that,
刚才还在玩玩具
and we were playing with the toys.
沙发换个方向
And this whole flip here with the sofa
-空间就大了两倍 -没错 可以感觉到变大了
- makes it twice as wide. - Yeah, you can feel the space.
小空间里我喜欢用玻璃的咖啡桌
I always like using, in a smaller space, a glass coffee table.
会让房♥间看起来更大
Because it makes the space feel bigger.
准备好看别的房♥间了吗
You ready to see some more?
-全都变了 -我做了这排长凳
- Everything is different. - I built this bench.
光这排长凳就能坐下至少七个人
So now you can fit at least seven people on just the bench alone.
不用担心了 好
We're good. Okay.
这没墙了
There's no wall there.
简直是个新厨房♥ 看起来好大
It's a different kitchen. It looks so big.
-看看其他房♥间吗 -还有吗 走吧
- Ready to see more? - More? Come on.
我喜欢那个窗帘
I love that curtain there.
当屋顶较低的时候 为了拉伸视觉
When you have lower ceilings, one of the ways to make them look taller
可以把窗帘杆安装得比窗户高一些
is to put the curtain rod higher than the window.
这样视觉上就抬高了屋顶
Because it gives the illusion that your ceilings are higher than they are.
-这边是贝瑟尼的 -好的
- Bethany has her side. - Okay.
-难以置信 -现在你终于也有自己的衣柜了
- Unbelievable. - And then you now finally have a real side of the closet.
为什么不放个标识写上"利奥专属衣柜"
Why didn't you put a note that says "Leo's side of the closet"?
为什么 你觉得她会抢你的地盘吗
What? You think she's gonna try to take over?
看这个洗手间多华丽
Look at this gorgeous bathroom.
我得跟你交代几件事
There's couple of things I wanna go over with you.
首先是头发护理
So first thing is your hair routine.
这是你的护发素
This is your gorgeous cleansing conditioner.
它会让你的头发变得柔顺有光泽
So this is gonna allow your hair to have moisture and shine
也更好打理
and be a little bit more manageable.
把这个喷在卷发上
You're gonna spray this around your waves.
然后...
Give me a...
没错 然后用手指把它按♥摩♥进去
Yes. Now take your fingers and kind of massage that in.
-一直揉进头皮 -感觉不错
- Really like get it all the way to the scalp. - Yeah, it feels good.
对 越揉头发会越卷
Yeah, waves tend to get a little frizzy the more you work with them.
所以一旦成型了就别再动了
So once you get the shape where you like it, I say, leave it.
然后是胡子
And then your mustache.
它有了自己的风格 要变得成熟
He's finding his way. He's becoming a man.
沾一点蜡 把它卷起来
Take a little bit of wax, and then really twist it up.
我能想象到你变成当红的ins博主...
I could see this world where you're like a famous Instagramming...
有八字胡的酒保那种
like the bartender with the handlebar mustache.
-这样吗 -对吧 我喜欢
- See? - You know, why not? I love it.
我觉得你已经准备好以新造型出现了
I feel like you're like ready to take your new look on.
这就是我喜欢的地方 我...我感到很自信
That's what I like about it. It's like... I'm confident about it.
你在做什么
What do you have here?
-你要做晚餐给妻子... -做晚餐吗
- You'll be making dinner for your wife... - I'm gonna make dinner?
-...和家里人 在见面会之前 -好啊
- ...and your family before your, your big event. - Okay.
-你感觉怎么样 要参加第一次家长见面会了 -很好 和之前相比
- How are you feeling about that, I mean, parents' meeting for the first time? - Good. Compared to when I started this,
好很多 我感觉自己像
a lot better. I feel like
经历了艰苦征程的英雄奥德赛
the hero who's at the end of the odyssey.
-我喜欢这个比喻 经历了艰苦征程的英雄奥德赛 -对
- I love that. Hero at the end of the odyssey. - Yeah.
我们要做番茄辣肉酱
We're gonna be making Amatriciana sauce.
我放了熏火腿
So, what I did is I got prosciutto.
变成棕色就可以拿出来了
Take it out of the pan when it's nice and brown.
留着油脂
You leave the fat there,
然后切个洋葱放进去炒熟
and what I did is actually is cut up an onion. And then basically I cooked it down.
如果是给孩子的 就不要太辣
If you're making this for the kids, obviously you probably don't want it to be spicy.
-现在我们要... -作为墨西哥人
- For now, we're gonna... - As a good Mexican,
-我肯定 肯定要让他们吃点辣 -那就加点
- I think I need, I need to like, like to do that to them. - There you go.
在洋葱粒里
We have the chili flakes in here that
加辣椒面 然后加番茄酱
we're adding to the onion, and then tomato paste.
可以买♥♥罐装的 管装的更贵
You can buy it in a can. It's a little more expensive if you buy it in a tube,
但能保存更久
but it lasts a lot longer.
让洋葱完全吸收番茄酱和辣椒面的味道
Have the onions sort of soak up all the paste and the chili flakes.
然后放番茄
And now, we're gonna put in tomatoes.
我喜欢这个酱的一点是
What I like about crushed with sauce that we're making,
里面有番茄碎块
I wanna have little chunks of the tomato with the sauce.
我喜欢这种不完美 这么多就够了
I like the fact that it's imperfect. That's really all you need.
-还有个新宝贝 -好吧 这是什么
- Here's another little new baby. - Alright, what is that?
-你知道这是什么吗 -不知道
- Do you know what this is? - No. I don't.
这是台意面机 它会和面然后挤出来
This is a pasta machine. It kneads it, and it pumps it out.
太棒了
This is fantastic.
我不知道能怎么放松了
I don't know how I'm gonna relax.
这段时间太精彩了
This has been such a great, great time.
昨天看到其他父亲其实有和你一样的感受
Yesterday, how did it make you feel knowing that these other fathers
感觉怎么样
were feeling exactly what you would feel?
感觉很棒 感觉自己不是独自面对这种情况
It feels great to be like, you are not alone in these situations.
现在我理解为什么妻子
Now I understand wifey going,
总带着孩子和朋友们一起出去玩了
you know, you know dating with her friends and the kids.
-确实挺开心的 -没错
- They do have a great time. - Yeah.
今晚你要去做一些
So tonight, you're gonna be
你以前抗拒的事