公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S05E17
Part 1
Jan. 27, 2024, 11:50 a.m.
我想找Ronald Ulysses Swanson
I'm looking for Ronald Ulysses Swanson?
他出去了 我能捎个信给他吗
He stepped out. Can I take a message?
当然 告诉他刚刚赢得了St. Elmo牛排馆的免费晚餐
Sure. Tell him he just won a free dinner from St. Elmo steak house.
我就是Ron Swanson
I'm Ron Swanson!
你收到了传票 祝你今天愉快
You've been served. Have a nice day.
我不喜欢你
I don't like you.
但我尊重你的努力
But I respect the effort.
哦 天 传票吗
Oh, man, subpoena?
是哪个前妻 Tammy一号♥还是Tammy二号♥
Which ex-wife is it, Tammy one or Tammy two?
都不是
Neither.
显然Jeremy Jamm议员不开心
Apparently councilman Jeremy Jamm is not pleased
因为我在Leslie婚礼那晚给了他脸一拳
that I punched him in the face on the night of Leslie's wedding.
他要告我
He's suing me.
$13000的牙齿矫正手术费用
$13,000 for orthodontic surgery,
$6000的珐琅质修复费用
$6,000 for enamel repair,
还有四千六百万的精神损失费
and $46 million for psychological damages.
是啊 这个数字听起来差不多
Yeah, that seems about accurate.
那家伙真的是最烂的
That guy is the worst.
我们应该告Jamm的父母 因为生了这么坨人类屎汉堡出来
We should sue Jamm's parents for spawning a human turdburger.
Ron 嘿 让我做你的律师
Ron, hey, let me be your lawyer.
我会反对任何人说的所有事情
I'll object to everything anyone says,
审讯一直结束不了 你就不用付钱了
trial will go on forever, you don't have to pay.
问题解决
Problem solved.
很善良的提议 Andrew
That's a kind offer, Andrew,
但我不会雇律师的
but I won't be hiring an attorney.
我会代表自己
I'll represent myself,
就像在所有法律事务和牲畜拍卖♥♥中一样
as I do in all legal matters and livestock auctions.
我希望我们能有四千六百万
I wish we had $46 million.
我们可以买♥♥下我父母的房♥子然后把他们驱逐出去
We could buy my parents' house and evict them.
很意外他对此反应这么正常
Surprised he's taking it this well.
啊
Aghh!
April 能拜托 联♥系♥一下维修部门吗
April, could you call maintenance please?
公园
与
游憩
公园
与
游憩
第5季 第17集
第5季 第17集
好的 向左边移♥动♥一点点
Okay, move a little bit to your left
然后转过身来
and then turn to the side.
好的 保持不动
Okay, and freeze.
就是在这个位置
That is the exact spot
一个18岁的Ben Wyatt举♥行♥了就职典礼
where an 18-year-old Ben Wyatt was inaugurated
成为明尼苏达州鹧鸪城的市长
as mayor of Partridge, Minnesota.
哦 嗯 非常感谢 是的 也祝贺你
Oh, well, thank you very much. Yes, congratulations to you.
我也不知道 - 我起鸡皮疙瘩了
I don't know. - I have chills.
不敢相信他们终于要把城市钥匙给我了
Can't believe they're finally giving me the key to the city.
不敢相信居然花了这么久
I can't believe it took so long.
镇历史上的每一任市长他们都给了钥匙
They gave the key to every other mayor in the town's history,
而我保证他们之中没有人有你这么可爱的屁♥股♥
and I guarantee that none of them had as cute a butt as you do.
也没有人让这个城市的失业率飙升到30%啊
And none of them caused the city's unemployment rate to hit 30%.
你讨论百分比的时候真的好性感
You're so sexy when you talk about percentages.
Ben任市长的时候 他把镇上所有的钱
When Ben was mayor, he sunk all of the town's money
拿来开了一家冬季体育场 叫做"冰城"
into a winter sports complex called "Ice Town,"
然后他们就破产了
and they went bankrupt.
现在他们出于友好的姿态邀请他回来
Now they've invited him back as a gesture of goodwill,
而他终于能让人生中的这个悲惨章节有个结局了
and he'll finally get some closure on this miserable chapter in his life.
耶 Ben
Yay, Ben!
小镇英雄
Town hero!
是的 - 呜
Yes! - Whoo!
哎呀 这不是被告人 Ron Swan衰吗
Well, if it isn't the defendant, Ron Swansuck.
你为啥要这么做 Jamm
Why are you doing this, Jamm?
星际传奇 Chronicles of Riddick
这场官司简直是星际扯淡
This lawsuit is Chronicles of Riddick-ulous.
我告诉你为啥
I'll tell you why.
因为我受够了你们公园娱乐这帮人了
It's 'cause I'm sick of this whole Parks and Rec gang.
就是为啥
That's why.
这个傻♥逼♥把我扔进了游泳池
This munch throws me into a swimming pool.
S05E03 How A Bill Becomes A Law
那个护士还是不愿意跟我上♥床♥
The nurse still won't have sex with me,
她甚至都不是拉拉
and she's not even queer.
现在Swan衰在我嘴上来了一拳
Now Swansuck punches me in the mouth.
在我们Jamm家里 这就叫做...
It's what we in the Jamm family call...
"复仇时刻"
"Payback time."
所有人都这么叫啊
Everyone calls it that.
是啊 因为是我发明的
Yeah, because I invented it.
是 你才不会赢得五千万呢 你个怪人
Yeah, you're not gonna win $50 million, you freak.
或许不会
Maybe not,
但我才不会不赢得空手而归
but I'm not not going to win nothing.
Paul
Paul.
那家伙就是个笑话
That guy is a joke.
这场诉讼肯定会驳回的
This lawsuit is definitely getting thrown out.
我不知道啊 那些可是Jean-Ralphio的律师
I don't know, those are Jean-Ralphio's lawyers.
他们曾经给他搞到了$60,000
They once got him $60,000
仅仅因为他在一个鬼屋觉得太害怕了
'cause he got too scared at a haunted house.
好了 你搞定了吗 我们搞定了吗 我们赢了吗
Okay, are you done? Are we done? Did we win?
这个没有输赢的 - 什么你都可以赢
You can't win this. - You can win at anything.
去年我赢得了一场有机园艺比赛
Last year I won an organic gardening contest.
你是和谁在竞争啊
Who were you competing against?
我自己的味蕾
My own taste buds.
我想要个小孩 而Chris同意做父亲
I wanna have a baby, and Chris has agreed to be the father.
我的生育顾问给我了这个在线测试
My fertility counselor showed me this online quiz
来确定我们是不是合适做父母
that determines whether we'd be compatible parents.
如果这是80年代的话 我们需要做的就是
If this were the '80s, all we'd have to do is, like,
一天别搞碎一个鸡蛋就行
not drop an egg for a whole day.
愚蠢的互联网
Stupid Internet.
好了 我们的官方合作父母分数是...
Okay, our official co-parenting score is...
58%匹配度
58% compatibility.
不是很棒
Not amazing.
哦 我觉得非常好啊
Oh, I think it's fantastic.
我觉得 真的 是我们能期待的最好分数了
I think it's literally the best score we could have hoped for.
不确定真是这样
Not sure that that's true.
哦 巧哎 我刚刚也玩了一下
Oh, snap! I just filled it out for fun.
Chris和我是81%匹配
Chris and I are 81% compatible.
你想要个宝宝吗 Traeger
You wanna make a baby, Traeger?
你的头发 我的其他一切
Your hair, my everything else.
那个孩子简直会所向披靡
That kid would be unstoppable.
伙计们 我也没忍♥住 我也做了
Guys, I couldn't resist. I did it too.
Ann和我有84%
Ann and I got 84%.
嗯 这也太烂了 - 是的 我们没有赢
Well, this sucks. - Yes, we did not win.
所以 Ben以前是个蛮横的哥哥吗
So was, like, Ben a bossy older brother?
他逼你看《星球大战》电影吗
Did he make you watch Star Wars movies?
逼我吗
Make me?
我跟他一样喜欢那些电影啊
I loved those movies just as much as he did.
这也太可爱了
That's so cute.
哦 你很喜欢抱啊
Oh, you do a lot of hugging.
是啊 习惯吧 我们现在是姐妹了
Yeah, get used to it. We're sisters now.
Benji 我真的很高兴你为此回来了
Benji, I'm really glad you came back for this.
这边的很多混♥蛋♥觉得你不会出面的
A lot of jerks around here didn't think you'd show up.
嗯 我不确定 但Leslie给了我额外的动力
Well, I wasn't sure, but Leslie gave me the extra push,
而我觉得能一劳永逸地放下"冰城"这事会挺好的
and I figured it'd be nice to put the ice town thing behind me once and for all.
现在你们都在这了 我们开始吧
Now that you're both here, let's get started.
只有几个问题
Just have a few questions.
你有个活页夹啊 - 是啊
You have a binder? - That's right.
Ben的高中女朋友有哪些
Who were Ben's high school girlfriends,
而你觉得他跟她们都上了几垒
and what base do you think he got to?
呃... - 那是啥啊
Um... - What's that?
而你具体目击到了什么事情呢
And what exactly did you witness?
被告 别名Ron Swanson
Defendant, alias Ron Swanson,
别名我的老板
alias my boss,
使用了适当的力量来避免更多的损害
used appropriate force to prevent further damage
导致到婚礼 人员Leslie Knope
to the wedding of Leslie Knope,
别名我另一个老板
alias my other boss.
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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