公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S05E13
Part 2
Jan. 27, 2024, 11:50 a.m.
Assault and battery.
我记住的方式
The way I remember that,
我想象35根人参和42只公鸡
I picture 35 a-salt shakers and 42 batteries.
很好 纵火的犯罪代码是多少
Great. What is the criminal code for arson?
纵火是533
Arson is 533.
你知道我怎么记住的吗
You know how I remember that?
我想象533个人参和公鸡点着了一栋楼
I picture 533 salt shakers and batteries lighting a building on fire.
哦 我太紧张了
Oh! I'm nervous.
宝 看着我
Babe, look at me.
你会通过这次考试 你会成为一个警♥察♥的
You are going to pass this test, and you are going to become a cop.
如果你不行 那我就和你离婚然后和别人结婚
And if you don't, I'll just divorce you and marry someone else
然后再找你出轨
and then cheat on them with you.
那也太贴心了
That's so sweet.
还有 我给你搞了个幸运符
Also, I got you a lucky charm.
我在路边捡了只死兔子
I found a dead rabbit on the side of the road,
然后我把它的脚剪掉做成了一个幸运符
and I cut its feet off and made it into a lucky charm.
宝贝 你也太怪异了
Baby, you are so creepy.
谢谢 我爱死了
Thank you. I love it.
Dwyer 到你了
Dwyer, you're up.
我叫Leonard Tchulm
My name is Leonard Tchulm.
我是印第安纳州应急准备部门的头
I'm head of the Indiana Department of Emergency Preparedness.
而今天我要给这个镇子带来死亡和毁灭
And today I'm going to bring death and destruction to your town.
我是Leslie Knope 我是Pawnee应急沙皇
I am Leslie Knope. I am the Pawnee Emergency Czar.
而今年 我们的准备超过了充分
And this year, we are more than prepared for your test,
但 呃 碰巧的是 今天有一点点不方便
but, um, it just so happens, today is a little inconvenient.
很好 因为演习的最佳日子
Good, because the best day for a drill
就是所有人都不方便的那一天
is when it's inconvenient for everyone.
我母亲今天要做肠镜
My mother is getting a colonoscopy today.
我甚至不确定有没有人能送她回家
I'm not even sure there's anyone there to drive her home,
所以我们都在做出牺牲 Knope女士
so we're all making sacrifices, Ms. Knope.
嗯 听到你母亲的消息我很抱歉
Well, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.
嗯 我们还没到那种关系
Mmm. We're not that close.
哦 很好
Oh, good.
好了 志愿受害人们
Okay, volunteer victims,
现在请戴上你们的身份牌
please put your identification placards on now
去你们遍布镇上的指定地区
and go to your designated areas throughout town.
第一出动人员们 回到你们的站点
First Responders, return to your stations,
然后模拟现在开...
and the simulation begins...
指针过12了
Went past the zero.
我要等到它走到...
I got to wait till it goes...
好的 始
Okay, now.
好了 警官们 把门闩上
All right, Officers, bolt the doors.
我们正式进入紧闭模式了
We are officially in lockdown mode.
大门直到Leonard宣布演习结束后才会打开
The doors will not open until Leonard announces that this drill is complete.
我今生组织过最重要的活动
The most important event that I have ever organized in my entire life
八个小时后就要发生了
is happening in eight hours,
而我被卡在这个房♥间里
and I am stuck in this room.
这真是个噩梦
This is a nightmare.
等等 也许这真是个噩梦
Wait. Maybe this is a nightmare.
不 飞不走 这是现实生活
Nope, can't fly away. This is real life.
应急备灾演习进行中
我现在要随机打开这十个信封中的一个
I'm now going to open one of these 10 envelopes at random
来确定你们的模拟灾难
to determine your simulated disaster.
Pawnee面临的是...
Pawnee has been hit by...
一个禽流感的变种
a strain of avian flu.
好的 禽流感 中大奖了
Yes! Avian flu! Jackpot.
这是个简单的 伙计们
This is a simple one, guys.
所有人打开文件夹 好吗
Everybody open their binders, okay?
"Knope协议"吗
"The Knope Protocol"?
更正
Correction.
是"碟-Pawnee-谍 Knope协议"
That's "Mission Im-Pawnee-ble: Knope Protocol."
好 如果各位就遵守我的指示
Now, if everyone just follows my instructions,
我们会轻松通过 我们90分钟之内就能搞定了
we will ace this test, and we will be done in 90 minutes.
"第一步 播放DVD场景"
"Step one, insert the DVD scenario."
嗯 上面会放什么呢
Hmm. What could be on this?
晚上好 这里是第四频道首席主持人Willow Tremaine 带来突发新闻
Good evening, this is Channel 4 lead anchor Willow Tremaine, with breaking news.
禽流感刚刚降临了Pawnee镇
Avian flu has just hit the town of Pawnee.
我们现在现场连线St. Joseph医疗中心了解最新情况
We go live now to St. Joseph's Medical Center for an update.
你好 我的名字是Donatella Breckinridge 医学博士
Hello, my name is Donatella Breckinridge, M.D.
我在哈佛医学院以全班第一的成绩毕业
I graduated first in my class from Harvard Medical School,
所以我知道自己在说什么
so I know what I'm talking about.
这是禽流感 或者我们说的"H5N1"
This is the avian flu, or we call "H5N1."
而它会展示出几种症状
And it presents itself in a number of ways.
发热 肌肉酸痛 疲劳 腹泻...
Fever, muscle ache, fatigue, diarrhea...
等等 你是给每个灾难都做了张DVD吗
Sorry, did you make a DVD for every disaster?
嗯 你该看看我的埃博拉病毒妆
Mmm. You should have seen my makeup for Ebola.
无论如何 我们听听这个聪明性感的医生怎么说吧
Anyway, let's listen to what the smart and sexy doctor has to say.
如果你或者你认识的人觉得你感染了禽流感 拨♥打♥这个号♥码
If you or someone you know believes you have avian flu, call this number.
我是个医生 我可以来照顾你
I'm a doctor and I can take care of you.
Donna 我们帐篷搭建能按时完成吗
Donna, are we on schedule for the tent setup?
桌子出现了 这很好
The tables showed up, which is good,
但没有椅子 这很糟
but there are no chairs, which is bad.
好的 嗯 从某些地方找些椅子来
Okay, well, get some chairs from somewhere.
领导得不错 鼓舞人心啊
Great leadership, inspiring.
哦 天啊 Leslie应该要上《今日Pawnee》宣传宴会的
Oh, God. Leslie was gonna go on Pawnee Today to promote the gala.
我去
I'll do it.
无意冒犯 Ron 但我不觉得你适合上电视
No offense, Ron, but I don't think you'd be great on TV.
我可以说出完整的句子而且不哭
I can speak in full sentences and I won't cry.
有道理 我上次确实哭了 祝你好运
Fair point. I did cry last time. Godspeed.
轻松通过
I aced it.
我所有题都答对了 我知道我可以
I got everything right. I know I did.
我一次也没睡着
I didn't fall asleep once.
嘿 那很棒啊 我太为你骄傲了
Hey, that's awesome. I'm so proud of you.
我知道 我经常让自己惊讶
I know. I constantly surprise myself.
我现在只需要搞定那个性格评估
All I got to do now is a personality evaluation,
然后我们就能去给Leslie帮忙了
then we can go to help Leslie.
嗯哼 - 你看 我提前搞定了
Mmm-hmm. - Look, I got done early.
这是给你的礼物
This is a gift for you.
用口香糖做了恶魔角 然后我在侧面写了666
Devil horns made out of bubblegum and I wrote 666 on the side.
撒旦兔兔 我爱上了
Satan bunny. I love it.
我们性格评估之前还是藏起来 好吧
Let's hide it before the personality evaluation. Okay?
这么决定不错
That's a good call.
嗯 闻起来太棒了 主厨 你在做什么呢
Mmmmm. Smells amazing, Chef. What you cooking?
一点红酒烩鸡吗 一点马赛鱼汤
Little coq au vin? Little Bouillabaisse?
你马屁拍够了啊 Haverford
You can stop the ass-kissing, Haverford.
我知道你为何在这 那个宴会我不能做
I know why you're here. I cannot do the gala.
免费承办这么大的项目 商业上讲根本没道理
It doesn't make business sense to cater something that big for free.
拜托 如果宴会进行不完美 那块地可能会变成大肚汉堡
Please. If the gala doesn't go perfectly, that lot could become a Paunch Burger.
那不会冒犯你精细的巴黎感官吗
Doesn't that offend your refined Parisian sensibilities?
我是奥兰多人
I'm from Orlando.
而且我也不在乎大肚汉堡
And I don't care about the Paunch Burger.
如果又是一家法国餐厅 或许我还会担心
If it was another French restaurant, maybe I'd worry.
嘿 嗯 你猜怎么着 - 怎么着
Hey! Well, you know what? - What?
怎么着 你想怎么着
What? What you got for me?
滚出我的厨房♥ - 好吧 好吧 好吧 对不起 对不起 对不起
Get out of my kitchen! - Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
对不起 对不起(法语)
Pardon! Pardon!
嘿 听得见吗
Hey, can you hear me?
哦 Leslie 你上电视了啊
Oh! Leslie, you on the TV!
嗯 你也在我电视上 Brett 我们这是电视会议
Well, you're on mine, Brett. We're having a video conference.
哦 好吧
Oh, okay.
Pawnee被禽流感袭击了
Pawnee has been hit with the avian flu.
屌♥哦
Tight.
不 这是坏消息
No, this is bad news.
我需要动物管理部门所有人
I need everyone there at Animal Control
消灭镇上所有已感染的鸟类
to eradicate all the infected birds in town.
"杀掉所有鸟"
"Kill all birds."
这是为了那个演习 对吧 - 是的
This is for the drill, right? - Yes.
但实际上我可以真的杀掉这些鸟吗
But I'm actually gonna kill these birds for real?
不 不 假装就好
No. No, just pretend.
行
Right.
所以我怎么杀掉它们 就 用枪吗
So how do I kill them, like, with a gun?
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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