公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S05E12
Part 3
Jan. 27, 2024, 11:50 a.m.
我是怎么知道那个名字的
How do I know that name?
我知道这是个冬日的早
I know it's a winter's morn,
私处冲洗器品牌
但它感觉就像夏天的夜
but it feels like a summer's eve,
私处冲洗器
因为"混♥蛋♥"来这个楼里了
'cause "the Douche" is in the building.
咋滴啦 女士们
What's up, ladies?
哦 哇
Oh, whoa!
闻起来像是呕吐物在里面拉了屎
Smells like some vomit took a dump in here.
发生什么了
What happened?
我们食物中毒了 Tom
We got food poisoning, Tom.
你是怎么没有食物中毒的
How do you not have food poisoning?
因为他什么也没吃
Because he didn't eat anything.
他只是拍照
He just took pictures
然后说着那个"哇"因素
and talked about the "wow" factor.
不正确啊 你们吃的所有东西我都吃了
Not true. I ate everything you did.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
有什么你没吃的吗
Is there anything that you didn't eat?
哦 是啊
Oh, yeah.
我没吃那些蠢爆的迷你披萨饺
I didn't eat those stupid mini-calzones.
Haver食规矩第六条--
Haver-food rule number six--
永远不吃需要我自己蘸酱的东西
never eat anything with a sauce I have to dip myself.
给我淋上啊
Drizzle it on for me.
我又不是你的女仆
I'm not your maid.
披萨饺...背叛我了吗
The calzones... betrayed me?
不会再犯了 伙计们
Never again, guys.
皇天在上 厚土为证
As God as my witness,
他们对我已经死了
they're dead to me.
好了 嗯 Tommy感觉不错
All right, well, Tommy feels great.
而我要去吃点意面了
And I'm about to go eat some lasagna.
回见
Peace!
我害怕这个公园会给我增税
I'm afraid this park will raise my taxes.
啊 嗯 别害怕
Ah, well, fear not.
在通常公园部预算和我们的公♥司♥合作伙伴--
Between the normal Parks budget and our corporate partners--
我也害怕公园会很吵
I'm also afraid the park will be noisy.
而且都是蜘蛛
And full of spiders.
而且晚上很黑
And dark at nighttime.
我害怕很多东西
I'm scared of a lot of stuff.
一切都很好
Everything's fine.
我很好 我是Walter 我很好
I'm fine. I'm Walter, and I'm fine.
这会是个半裸公园吗
Is this gonna be a topless park?
我不觉得有半裸公园这个东西
I don't think there are topless parks.
那 我们建第一座
Well, let's build the first one
成为英雄啊
and be heroes.
如果这要是个半裸公园的话
If this is going to be a topless park,
我就不给你的申请书签字
I won't sign your petition.
如果她要去半裸公园的话
If she's going to the topless park,
我就不给半裸公园申请书签字
I'm not signing the topless park petition.
你知道 我收回 我还是来
You know, I take that back, I'm still in.
怎么着 我是Harris
What's up? I'm Harris.
是啊 是啊 忘记那个无所谓的Pawnee公园吧
Yeah, yeah. Forget whatever that Pawnee Commons is.
我同意那个变♥态♥
I'm with that pervert.
半裸公园 半裸公园
Topless park. Topless park!
半裸公园 - 半裸公园
Topless park! - Topless park!
你是去哪上学的呢
Where'd you go to school again?
西北大学 我学的是符号♥语言学
Northwestern. I studied semiotics.
写了篇关于数字世界叙述方式的论文
Wrote a thesis on narrative forms in the digital world.
然后你成了恶搞节目主持人 还发明了运动"玷污球"吗
Then you became a morning shock-jock and created the sport "taint ball"?
是啊 你知道 这个"混♥蛋♥"人格
Yeah. You know, the Douche persona
是我上大学的时候想到的
is something I came up with during college.
开始只是讽刺
It started as satire,
然后 你知道 我们滚雪球发展到现在这个地步了
and, you know, we snowballed to where we are today.
我是说 我知道是个很蠢的事情 但至少能买♥♥单
I mean, I know it's a silly thing to do, but it pays the bills.
嗯 我觉得 你可能该回到你的演播室
Well, I think, you probably need to get back to the studio,
玩点放屁笑话 对一些移♥民♥开玩笑
play some fart jokes, make fun of some immigrants.
实际上 一个放屁移♥民♥的段子会真的很好笑
Actually, a farting immigrant segment would be really funny.
再见了噗
Ay dios...
留神得不错 Leslie
Good looking out, Leslie.
你们啥时候要再来一次
You guys ever want to do this again,
无衣版的 那就叫我
sans clothing, give me a shout.
恶心 - 那句是"混♥蛋♥"讲的
Gross. - That was the Douche talking.
诚实说 这个项目祝你们好运
Honestly, good luck on this project.
听起来真的很有意思
It sounds really interesting.
我要快速扫下这些胸器
I'm gonna scan a quick pic of them boobies
往"拍屁♥股♥银行"放一点点小存货
for a little deposit in "El banco de spanko."
刚刚是"混♥蛋♥"讲的
That was the Douche talking.
混♥蛋♥国度哦
Douche nation.
你们知道图书馆在哪吗
You guys know where the library is?
哇 好吧 那招可行不通了
Wow. Okay, that's not gonna work.
我们从头开始吧
Back to the drawing board.
没必要了 我选择Howard
No need. I choose Howard.
你要和"混♥蛋♥"生个宝宝了吗
You want to have a baby with the Douche?
他叫Howard Tuttleman Leslie
His name's Howard Tuttleman, Leslie.
我知道他在电台节目里扮演一个讨厌的角色
And I know he plays that obnoxious character on the radio,
但他生个好人 他的家庭健康
but he's a good guy, his family is healthy,
而且他很成功 很聪明
and he is successful and smart.
Ann 你不是认真的吧
Ann, you cannot be serious.
我是的 我已经决定了 我很肯定 - 好吧
I am. And I've made my decision. I am sure of it. - Okay.
"混♥蛋♥" 嘿 "混♥蛋♥"
Douche! Hey, Douche!
Howser议员
Councilman Howser.
Knope女议员
Councilwoman Knope.
咋滴 Leslie
'Sup, Leslie?
你想在我卡车背后来一发吗
You wanna funk this junk in the back of my trunk?
刚刚是"混♥蛋♥"讲的
That was the Douche talking.
好吧 听着 Ann采访你才不是为了她的博客
Okay, look, Ann is not interviewing you for her blog.
她在打算生一个孩子
She's thinking about having a baby,
而她在考虑你作为捐赠者的可能性
and she's considering you as a possible donor.
哇
Wow.
你知道 我对生娃这事儿也考虑很多了
You know, I've thought a lot about having kids.
这是我们称作生活的伟大冒险中很重大的下一步
It's the next big step in this grand adventure that we call life.
坦白说 我不觉得你是做这个工作的合适人选
Frankly, I don't think you would be the right man for the job.
嗯 坦白说
Well, frankly,
我不觉得这是你能决定的
I don't think it's for you to decide.
你知道 如果我们生了个小姑娘
You know, if we had a little girl,
我会叫她Elizabeth 随我祖母的名字
I would name her Elizabeth, after my grandmother.
她是这么一个坚强惊人的女性
She was this strong, amazing woman.
而如果我们生了个男的
And if we had a boy,
我不知道 我会叫他个有趣的名字吧
I don't know, I'd name him something funny,
大屌♥
比如Dick 或者"O.J."
like "Dick" or "O. J."
O.J.指橄榄球运动员和杀人嫌疑犯O.J.Simpson
我想我有很多事情要考虑啊
Guess I have a lot to consider.
我天
My God.
我把Ann直直送进了"混♥蛋♥"的虎穴
I have driven Ann right into the belly of the Douche.
嘿 怎么啦 - 哦 没事
Hey, what's up? - Oh, nothing.
我就是来的路上在听电台
I was listening to the radio on my way here,
然后我听到些非常有趣的对话
and I heard something very interesting.
所以 疯狂Ira
So, Crazy Ira,
记得那个妹子Ann吗 我曾经...
remember that chick Ann I used to...
是啊 她可是辣到起火呢
Yeah, she was smoking hot!
结果发现 她居然想要怀我的宝宝
Turns out, she wants to have my baby.
然后 她的蕾丝宝朋友跟我说
Anyway, her lesbo friend tells me
她正在觅食找宝宝豆呢
she's on the prowl for some baby beans...
然后决定是我或者其他几个吃屎的
And it's down to me and some other turd-munchers.
哇 你该生气啊
Wow. You should be angry.
不敢相信Howard对你那么做
I can't believe Howard did that to you.
不敢相信你对我那么做
I can't believe you did that to me.
我在做一个非常重大的人生决定
I am making a very important life decision,
而你背叛了我
and you betrayed me.
因为我觉得你在犯一个重大的错误
Because I thought you were making a huge mistake.
你看 我理解
Look, I get it.
我知道你在情场失意
I know you're frustrated with dating,
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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