公园与游憩（2009）

Parks and Recreation S05E04

Part 4 Jan. 27, 2024, 11:50 a.m.

Well, I-I wish I-I could, but I--
哦去他的好吧来看
Oh, screw it. Okay, here.
这是根阴♥茎♥ 对吧
This is a penis, right?
你在上面放个避孕套然后你把顶端这么拉一下
You put a condom on it, and you pull the tip like this,
然后把它整个沿着阴♥茎♥往下卷到底
and you roll it all the way down the penis.
你们猜怎么着给所有人发避孕套了
Tell you what, condoms for everybody!
谁想来点
Who wants some?
所有人享受安全性♥爱♥咯
Safe sex for everybody!
嘿 - 这是--
Hey! - This is--
嘿谁想来欢乐一下
Hey, who wants to party?
这是来自市长办公室的批评
It's a censure from the mayor's office.
太正式了
It's so official.
我是说看看这个纸张的质量
I mean, look at the paper quality.
这可不是开玩笑的
This is no joke.
我知道我应该给教育公众帮忙
I know I'm supposed to help educate the public,
但我也有责任维护♥法♥律
but I also have an obligation to uphold the laws.
你是我的老板我这里该怎么做
You're my boss. What's my move here?
实际上 Leslie 你现在是我的老板了
Actually, Leslie, you're my boss now.
对哦
That's right.
为什么我还这么奇怪地害怕你呢
Why am I still weirdly scared of you?
我很自信而且擅长用眼神沟通
I'm very confident and I make a lot of eye contact.
是么
Hmm.
作为你的市政经理
As your city manager,
我推荐你正式道歉
I recommend that you formally apologize
而且在将来你继续维持法律的标准
and that, in the future, you stick to the letter of the law,
但私下来讲作为你最好的朋友...
but between you and me, as your best friend...
啥-- - 我有点仰慕你在那边做到的事情
Wha--? - I kind of admire what you did up there.
让我很高兴曾经投票选你作为我的市议会成员
Made me happy that I voted for you as my city council member.
重竞选David Murray进入国会
好的这样很好就保证
Okay, this is great, just make sure
不要让镜头离他太近好吧
that you don't go too tight on him, all right?
嘿能问你个问题吗 - 嗯
Hey, can I ask you a question? - Mm.
议员是个什么情况
What's the deal with the congressman?
认真的就他看起来有点像机器人...
Seriously, like, he seems a little robotic...
还是什么
Or something?
是啊是啊他很棒的是啊
Yeah, yeah, he's great, yeah.
他需要的时候就打开
He turns it on when he has to,
而不需要的时候他就坐在那
and when he doesn't, he just sits there.
没有意外很完美
There's no surprises, it's perfect.
哦议员你能就坐在那个椅子上
Oh, congressman, can you just sit in the chair
测试一下卫星信♥号♥♥吗
to test the satellite feed?
好啊行啊
Okey-dokey.
就过一些你的政♥治♥演说
Just run through some of your stump speech.
我们经历了一些艰难的时期
We've gone through some difficult times,
但我们是俄亥俄人我们很坚强
but we're from Ohio. We're tough.
我们不只是在这些艰难时期存活
We won't just survive these dark times,
我们还会蓬勃
we will thrive!
很棒很好
That's great. Good.
酷毙了
Cool beans.
待会儿见
See you guys later.
天我爱死他了他是最棒的
God, I love him. He's the best.
抱歉我撞坏了你的车
I'm sorry I crashed your car.
请原谅我 Ron 拜托了 Ron
Please forgive me, Ron. Please, Ron?
拜托
Please?
你在干什么呢你要杀了我吗
What are you doing? Are you going to kill me?
你为何总是需要分心呢 Tom
Why do you need to be constantly distracted, Tom?
事实是
The truth is
我花了很多时间看着屏幕
I spend a lot of time looking at screens
是因为最近
because recently,
我现实生活里的很多事情都不是那么好
a lot of the stuff in my real life isn't going that great.
所以我宁愿玩"涂鸦跳跃"也不要思考那些事
So I'd rather play Doodle Jump then think about that.
好吗我很抱歉我真心的
Okay? I'm sorry, I really am.
去坐在你办公室里
Go sit in your office
我考虑一下要不要把你交给法官
while I consider whether to turn you in to the judge.
而你在那里呆着的时候别涂鸦也别跳
And while you're there, neither doodle nor jump.
嘿我只是想来表示一下我的支持
Hey. I just wanted to come lend my support.
你在上面准备说点什么呢
What are you going to say out there?
我不知道啊我被批评了这可是大事
I don't know. I got censured, it's a big deal.
嗯如果你问我的话你被选上是来领导的而不是来追随的
Well, if you ask me, you were elected to lead and not to follow.
这可能是我本该说的
Which is probably what I should've said
而不是我实际说的那些
instead of what I did say.
我对说过的话也感觉很糟
I feel terrible about what I said too.
不你是对的
No, you were right.
我知道但我还是感觉很糟
I know, but I still feel terrible.
抱歉继续
I'm sorry, continue.
我在这段关系里有点迷失自我了
I kind of lost myself in this relationship.
我在网上买♥♥了根套索啊 Leslie
I bought a lasso online, Leslie.
噫
Yikes.
我把所有的牛仔裤换成了牛仔短裤
I turned all my jeans into Daisy Dukes.
我的人格好像被我的约会对象同化了不管是谁
My personality kinda gets swept up in whatever guy I'm dating,
而我想改变这个现状
and I want to change that.
我和Ricky了断了
I broke it off with Ricky.
嗯那很好但我要告诉你
Well, that's good, but I'll tell you,
他永远套不到跟你一样好的小母牛了 Annie Oakley
he'll never lasso another heifer as fine as you, Annie Oakley.
那个插播广♥告♥的故事是
The story of that commercial break is
它结束了
it's over.
Leslie "批评"的实际含义是什么
Leslie, what exactly does "censure" mean?
这意味着我因为打破法律规则被正式惩罚了
It means that I have been formally disciplined for breaking the law.
嗯你知道他们怎么说 "你打破了你就买♥♥下"
Well, you know what they say, "You break it, you buy it."
这真的在这里不适用啊
That doesn't really apply here.
这话跟Pier 1的乡亲们说吧
Tell that to the folks at Pier 1,
一家已经不允许我进入的家具经销机构
an establishment I'm no longer allowed inside.
Perd 我想道歉
Perd, I'd like to apologize.
谢谢你
Thank you.
为这个城市的过时法律道歉
Apologize for the antiquated laws in this city.
教育禁欲的州都有最高的未成年人怀孕比例和性病感染率
States that teach abstinence-only have the highest rates of teen pregnancy and STDs.
继续这项政策太荒唐了
To continue this policy is insane.
你们看我们都想要同样的结果对吧
Look, we all want the same thing, right?
我们想要更少的不必要怀孕和更少的性病
We want fewer unwanted pregnancies and fewer STDs.
为什么我们不用上我们所有的武器呢
Why don't we use every weapon that we have?
我知道你们中大部分人都不同意我这一点
I know that most of you don't agree with me on this,
但我会非常努力地争取改变你们的观念
but I'm going to fight very hard to change your minds,
而到那之前我会拿着这份批评
and until then, I will take this censure,
而我会骄傲地戴着就像一块荣誉勋章一样
and I will wear it proudly, like a badge of honor.
哇来自一个女性的强烈之词
Wow, strong words from a woman
而她正试着将一张纸钉在自己的外套上
who is trying to pin a piece of paper to her blazer.
节目的下一项我们听听你们粉丝的声音
Next up on the program, we hear from you, our fans,
在我们的新环节 "你们在吗 Perd狼们
in our new segment, "Are you there, perd-verts?
是我 Perd 主持一个新的环节
It's me, Perd, hosting a new segment."
你们在吗
Perd狼们
是我 Perd
主持一个
新的环节
我好无聊啊
I'm so bored.
我有个东西给你孩子
I have something for you, son.
我的iPhone吗 - 不
My iPhone? - No.
我要给你一本非电子的书
I am giving you a non-electronic book
由树木做的纸制成的
made of paper from a tree.
它叫做《汽车修理手册: 1982》
It is called Auto Repair Manual: 1982.
你会从头读到尾
You will read this book from cover to cover,
而你会帮助我修理我车的损伤
then you will assist me in repairing the damage to my car.
我不会向法官举报你
I will not report you to the judge,
但如果你再出错你要害怕的就不仅仅
but if you slip up again, you will have much more to fear
是什么穿着长袍的虚弱政♥府♥官员了
than some feeble government employee in a robe.
谢谢 - 还有两件事
Thanks. - Two more things.
你的手♥机♥拿回来之后
When you do get your phone back,
你和另一个人类交谈时不能再盯着它
you will not stare at it when you're talking with another human being.
交谈的时候直视另一个人的眼睛
Look a man in the eye when you speak with him.
第二如果你随时需要
And second, if you ever need
和谁讨论你的问题...
to discuss your problems with someone...
去找Leslie 她是为这些烂事而生的
find Leslie. She lives for that crap.
去工作吧
Get to work.
他们在媒体虐杀我啊