公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S05E13
Part 3
Jan. 27, 2024, 11:50 a.m.
不
No.
我可以给浴缸灌满水然后一次淹死一只
I could fill up a bathtub and just drown them one at a time.
好吧 我们就当我们没聊过
Okay, let's forget we ever talked.
知道了 杀掉它们
Got it. Kill them.
哦我的天 太可怕了
Oh, my God. Horrified.
Jamm议员 能拜托你联♥系♥疾控给他们更新情况吗
Councilman Jamm, can you please contact the CDC and give them an update?
Chris 你能联♥系♥警长让他知道发生什么了吗
Chris, can you contact the police chief and let him know what's going on?
还有 健康主任Ann Perkins 我们的零食情况如何
And, Health Director Ann Perkins, how are we doing on snacks?
我准备了早餐棒 - 哦我的天 棒里的一餐
I got breakfast bars. - Oh, my God! A meal inside a bar.
谢谢 你太擅长这个了
Thank you. You are so good at this.
好的 伤亡情况更新 只有四位死亡
Okay, casualty update, only four dead,
其中两位已患重病而且是兄弟
two of whom were already gravely ill and brothers.
那个家庭损失惨重
That family took a terrible hit.
嗯 那是好消息
Well, that's great news.
传染被控制住了 鸟群数量也在合理范围
The infection is contained, bird population's under control.
我觉得我们已经阻止了这场病毒爆发
I believe that we have stopped this outbreak.
没那么快
Not so fast.
很抱歉告知你们这个房♥间里有人开始出现症状了
I regret to inform you that someone in this room has begun exhibiting symptoms.
Christopher Traeger
Christopher Traeger.
什么
What?
几个月前 想到一种传染病 即使是假设的
A few months ago, the thought of an infectious disease, even hypothetical,
也会让我直接俯冲进倒霉村
would have sent me careening towards Bummerville.
现在我被感染了一种杀人病毒
But now I am infected with a killer virus,
而我感觉很好
and I feel fine.
咨♥询♥哦
Therapy!
这也太不合规了
This is highly irregular.
我们可是逐字遵守了协议啊 - 不 你们没有
We have followed protocol to the letter. - No, you did not.
遗憾的是 没人联♥系♥运输部门停止公交服务
Unfortunately, no one contacted the Transit Department to shut down bus service.
所以 你和一个感染者乘坐了同一班公交
So, you rode a bus with a contagious man,
他传染了你和另外39个人
and he infected you and 39 others.
这不可能 我不坐公交
That is impossible. I do not ride the bus.
我在公交后面骑车 用它防风
I ride my bicycle behind the bus as a windbreak.
无关紧要 准备好腹泻吧
Doesn't matter. Prepare for the diarrhea.
好吧 是谁该和运输部门打交道的
Okay, who was supposed to deal with Transit?
交通
我的错 伙计们 是我的错
My bad, guys. That's my bad.
Chris 非常抱歉
Chris, very sorry.
该死 Jamm
Damn it, Jamm.
真该让动物管理部门把你杀了
I should've had animal control kill you.
你想让我杀谁啊
Who you want me to kill?
没谁
No one.
我会杀的
I'll kill him.
在我搞定这些鸟之后
As soon as I'm done with these birds.
你好
Hello.
我是来接受关于今晚宴会的采访的
I'm here for the interview about tonight's gala.
是啊 听着 我有点不太舒服
Yeah, listen, I'm a little under the weather.
我上周去了一次船上酒会
I went on a booze cruise last week.
它一个小时之前刚刚结束
It just finished up an hour ago.
一条完全无关的消息是 我的过敏太严重
On a completely unrelated note, I have horrible allergies.
很抱歉 - 是
Sorry to hear that. - Yeah.
但我确实需要宣传这项活动
But I do need to promote this event.
别担心我 我是个专业人士
Don't worry about me. I'm a true professional.
节目一定会继续的 - 倒计时5 4 3 2...
The show must go on. - In five, four, three, two...
大家好 我是Joan Callamezzo
Hello. I'm Joan Callamezzo.
今天的节目不会继续了
Today's show will not go on.
看起来她的过敏反应发作了
It seems like her allergies are kicking in.
讲话 讲话
Talk. Talk.
我吗 - 你 讲话
Me? - You, talk.
我的名字叫Ron Swanson
My name is Ron Swanson.
我在此来跟你们说今晚举办的一场 为Pawnee公园筹款的正式宴会
I am here to tell you about a black-tie gala fundraiser for Pawnee Commons happening tonight.
所有筹得款项将会用于建造一座公园
All proceeds will go toward building a park.
会是一个愉快的场合
It will be enjoyable.
我要说的真的就这些了 所以或许我该走了
That's really all I had to say, so perhaps I should leave.
不不不不 不 留下
No, no, no, no. No, stay.
接...接个电♥话♥
Take a... Take a phone call.
显然 现在我要开始接听来电了
Now I will take your calls, apparently.
你好
Yes?
嘿 Joan 帮我裁定个赌局
Hey, Joan, settle a bet for me.
历史上最性感的情侣是谁
Who's the sexiest couple in history?
暮光之城的男女主演Robert Pattinson和Kristen Stewart
Rob和小K 还是比伯...
R-Patz and K-Stew, or Bieber...
嘿 情况如何
Hey, how's it going?
呃 嗯 模拟灾难完全就是场灾难
Uh, well, this simulated disaster is a total disaster.
你那边怎么样
How are you?
Ron替你上了《今日Pawnee》
Ron subbed for you on Pawnee Today.
Ron谁 Ron Swanson吗
Ron who? Ron Swanson?
上电视吗
On television?
你知道我们是想要让人来的 对吧
You know we want people to come, right?
Donna还是一把椅子也没找到
Donna still can't find any chairs.
我们不知道Jerry去哪了
We don't know where Jerry is.
然后有些消防员把空地当做紧急演习的伤员安置点
And now some firemen are using the lot as a triage center for the emergency drill.
好的 现在你这么做 听我说...
Okay, here's what you do. Listen to me...
注意了
Attention.
病毒恐慌导致手♥机♥信♥号♥♥塔过载
Panic from the outbreak has overloaded cell phone towers.
请将你们的手♥机♥放入这个盒子
Please deposit your phones into this box.
哦我的天 这场演习根本结束不了了
Oh, my God, this drill will never end.
好的 告诉消防员... - 所有手♥机♥
Okay, tell the firefighters... - All phones.
...在高中设置安置点
...to set up triage at the high school.
所有手♥机♥ - 然后...
All phones. - And then to...
但我这个电♥话♥很重要 - 所有手♥机♥
But I'm talking to someone important. - All phones.
让我跟他把重要事情说完
Let me tell him something important.
搞定 Ben 搞定它 - 好吧
Fix it, Ben! Fix it! - Okay.
咋地啦
What?
找到一把椅子 知道下一把在哪了
Found one chair, got a lead on a second.
随时汇报
Keep me posted.
所以这次测试会确定你有没有适合做警♥察♥的性格
So this test will determine whether you have the right personality profile to be a police officer.
为了保证这台机器正常使用 你的名字是Andy吗
Just to make sure the machine is working, is your name Andy?
我不知道要怎么回答
I don't know how to answer that.
一个简单的"是"或者"不是"
A simple "yes" or "no."
嗯 所有人都叫我Andy
Well, everyone calls me Andy,
但我的全名是Andrew 我觉得 所以...
but my full name is Andrew, I think, so...
不是
No?
等等 是
Wait. Yes.
我们继续
Let's move on.
场景 一个高中生年纪的孩子请求拿你的配枪
Scenario, a high-school-aged child asks to hold your service revolver.
你怎么做
What do you do?
是的 我把枪给他
Yes, I give it to him.
我还是小孩时 我一直想试一下条子的枪
When I was a kid, I always wanted to hold a cop's gun.
让这个梦想在另一个孩子身上成真 嗯...
To make that dream come true for another kid, well...
那才是当警♥察♥的意义
that's what being a cop is all about.
场景 你拦停了一辆超速车辆
Scenario, you pull a car over for speeding.
发现是你的父亲
You find out that it's your father.
你如何处理这个情况
How do you handle the situation?
嗯 首先 我会是
Well, first, I would be like,
"爸...
"Dad...
"你还活着啊
"You're alive?
什么情况啊
What the hell?
"我要好多话要跟你说
"I have so much I want to say to you.
"我爱你 我每天都想你
"I love you. I've missed you every day.
"我希望你能见见我的老婆 April
"I wish you could meet my wife, April.
"还有 你知道我的接球手套去哪了吗
"Also, do you know where my catcher's mitt is?"
你们不是应该吧把她抬到哪里躺着吗
Shouldn't you be taking her to lie down somewhere?
哦 不 要是被她发现我们把她从镜头前带走 我们都会被开掉
Oh, no. If she ever found out that we took her off camera, we'd all be fired.
所以继续接电♥话♥就好 你做的很棒 - 3 2...
So just keep taking phone calls. You're doing great. - Three, two...
再次问好 我是Ron Swanson 我仍然在接你们的电♥话♥
Hello, again. I'm Ron Swanson, and I am still taking your calls,
希望是和今晚的宴会有关
hopefully, about tonight's gala.
你上连线了
You're on the air.
嗨 Joan出什么事了
Hi, what's wrong with Joan?
她严重宿醉 而假装成是过敏
She has a bad hangover, which she is pretending is allergies.
她会没事吗
Is she gonna be okay?
不知道 从没宿醉过
Wouldn't know. Never been hungover.
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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