糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E02

Part 4 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

and they said no TV tonight.
别啊外婆
Oh, come on, Grandma.
听话
Come on.
我小时候都是听故事长大的
When I was a kid, we told stories.
那是1977年
The year was 1977.
一场瘟疫袭击了我的村子
A fever swept through my village.
村子叫做格林威治
The village was Greenwich,
而那场瘟疫叫做舞蹈
the fever was boogie,
而我则感染了「舞蹈」
and I tested positive.
不好
Oh, no.
我也要发病了
I'm feeling symptoms.
♪ I love dancing ♪
♪ Dancing ♪
几位我在想
Guys, I've been thinking.
我们让埃梅像个爷们一样思考
Are we really helping things by telling Emet
-这没问题吧 -当然没有
- to turn into a dude? - Hell, yeah.
她终于能掌控自己的人生了
She's finally taking charge of her own life.
谁是世界的脊柱男人
Who run the world? Dudes.
换个角度思考
Yeah, but think about it this way:
如果埃梅变成爷们谁还会来照顾我们呢
If Emet's a dude, who's gonna take care of us?
她确实帮我们守住了软糖镇
She did let us keep Gummy Town.
她皮包里总能找到创可贴
And she always has Band-Aids in her purse.
她在我电脑上贴了便笺
She put a Post-It on my computer that says,
提醒我「蹲坑别忘了拴腰带」
"Button your pants before you stand up."
超有用的
That's very helpful.
你们俩傻缺可没这么贴心
Neither of you two clowns would do that for me.
这位埃梅粉丝团主席
Hey, president of Emet's fan club,
给我拿点橡皮糖好吗
you wanna get me some gummy bears?
好听你的格瑞夫
Yes. I will do that, Griff.
别盯着我屁♥股♥看
Don't look at my butt!
-看一次笑一次 -一点都不好笑
- Never not funny. - That's actually not funny.
尽管戴维插了一脚但我们还是挺欢乐的
Despite David's invasion, we were having fun.
你好啊
Hello.
你能相信麦肯齐穿短裙婚纱结婚吗
Can you believe Mackenzie wore a short wedding dress?
你好我是麦肯齐
"Hi, I'm Mackenzie.
可能要步入婚姻殿堂也可能要去跳钢管舞
"I might walk down an aisle or shimmy down a pole."
你好麦肯齐我是个衣服上
"Oh, hey, Mackenzie, um, I'm a grown man
有别人签名的成年人
that has other men sign his clothing."
嫁给我好吗
"Will you marry me?"
太好玩了
Aww, this is fun.
但把孩子们都丢给我爸妈还是有点过意不去
But I do feel a little bad sticking the kids with my parents.
我也有点
Yeah, I do too.
不如我们把他们的奶酪都吃掉
Hey, let's eat these peoples' cheese
然后穿着他们的衣服做♥爱♥吧
and do it in their clothes.
给我给我我要无花果的
Mine, mine. Figs, me.
♪ It's heaven on Earth ♪
♪ When we're in a disco ♪
♪ Doing our favorite moves ♪
莉莉拜托你让他们别跳了
Lily, please make them stop.
外公
Grandpa?
能给我们拿点水果吗
Can you get us some fruit?
我这就给你摘点
I'll pick you some fruit.
摘水果呀摘水果
Picking fruit, picking fruit,
摘水果呀摘水果
Picking fruit, picking fruit.
这家伙最好在能乱花钱的时候好好享受
I mean, this guy better enjoy his disposable income while he can,
因为他一旦有了孩子生活就成了
'cause once he has kids, it is like...
尿布空手道牙套结扎
diapers, karate, braces, vasectomy.
还有你也得和三点式泳衣
And by the way, you can say "Ciao-maste"
说再见感恩了
to all your skimpy little two-pieces
因为会留下剖腹产的刀疤
once you get that C-section scar.
我超喜欢这样和你一起怼人家小夫妻
I love this. I love hanging out with you, busting other couples.
我们超会玩
We're good at it.
这就是我要的
This is all I need.
我就喜欢这样的你
Like, this is the you I like.
你死定了
Oh, you're a dead man.
「你就喜欢这样的我」吗
"This is the me that you like"?
不撤销删除删除删除
No, undo. Delete, delete, delete.
我是说我喜欢你开心的模样
I just meant... I like it when you're happy.
-你喜欢这样 -是的
- Oh, you like that? - Yeah.
你喜欢我开心的模样是吗
You like it when I'm happy?
大家都喜欢女人开心的模样
Everyone always likes it when women are happy.
人们都要求女人笑甚至那个
They--they want us to smile-- even that weirdo
那个我早晨擦肩而过的怪人都是这样
that I--that I run by in the mornings--
但没人在乎我们真正需要什么
but nobody cares what we actually need.
-我在乎 -你
- I do! - You...
我真的在乎你告诉我就是
I really do. Tell me.
你只是觉得你在乎罢了
You think you want to know.
当我们肮脏可怕的需求被人发现时
People burn women at the stake
女人就成了千夫所指
for having the dark and scary needs that we have.
宝贝我见你生过三个宝宝
Sweetie, I have seen three people come out of your body.
你肮脏可怕的需求在我这儿不是问题
I can handle your dark and scary needs.
好有时我要放个假
Fine. Sometimes I need a break.
-行啊 -跟你这儿放个假
- Okay. - Even from you.
大坏蛋
Witch!
我以为咱俩玩得很开心但其实一直以来
I mean, I thought we had fun together, but the whole time,
你只想远离我
you've actually needed a break from me.
你还有什么藏着掖着的
I mean, like, what else aren't you telling me?
难道其实你并不喜欢我的音乐
I mean, do you actually not like my music?
其实你觉得迦勒会炒我鱿鱼是吗
Do you actually think Caleb's gonna fire me?
戴维你听我说戴维
David, listen to me. David, hey.
你是个很优秀的丈夫
You are a great husband,
迦勒也不会炒你鱿鱼
and Caleb is not firing you.
我很爱和你在一起
And I love being with you.
你听懂我是在干什么了吗
And do you hear what I'm doing right now?
-帮我重拾信心吗 -是啊
- Helping me not spin out? - Yeah.
也许这对你来说...
Which is probably...
也是个很大的负担吧
a lot of work for you.
有点儿吧
Yeah.
这些话要说出口对我来说也不容易
Look, it's not easy for me to say this, but...
但有些时候我真的需要一些独处的时间
sometimes I need it to just be about me.
如果你真是这么想的
Okay, but if that's how you really feel,
你明说不就好了
then maybe you should ask for a break.
没那么简单
Look, it's not that simple.
社会对我是双标的
The world judges me differently.
当我想放个假我就是个自私鬼
When I need a break, I'm selfish.
当你想放个假那就是你应得的
When you need a break, you've earned it.
人们会说「真是个好丈夫啊
I mean, "Wow, what a great husband.
一边工作一边还得帮着照顾孩子」
Working and helping with the kids?"
你换条尿布就出名了
You change one diaper, it goes viral.
我换条尿布却被人看不起
I change a diaper, I get shamed,
因为孩子的如厕技能我没教好呀
because, you know, the baby's not potty trained.
抱歉这些我的确没意识到
I'm sorry. I didn't realize any of that.
我无法改变全世界
Look, I can't change the whole world,
但你想歇歇的时候我会帮你顶着
but I can be the guy that has your back if you need a break.
不如这样这俩蠢蛋经常旅游
So how about this? These douchebags travel a lot,
所以我想你可以偷偷溜到这里来
and I'll bet you could sneak back over here
当成是个小小的假期
and make this your little retreat.
我帮你瞒着怎么样
And I'll cover for you, okay?
谢谢你
Thank you.
-等等别... -天啊
- Wait, no-- - Oh, my God.
这都是她的主意
It was her idea!
脱掉脱掉这都怪她
Get undressed. Get undressed! It was her idea!
她需要空间
She needed space!
埃梅我很抱歉
Emet, I--I'm sorry,
但我正过来摘水果
but when I was on my fruit walk,
还以为是邻居家进了贼
I thought I saw someone robbing the neighbor's house.
老爸那个贼就是你啊
Dad, you were robbing the neighbor's house.
别说话
Quiet.
水果是免费的
Fruit is free.
我是良民
I'm a citizen.
这是你和你邻居需要解决的问题了
Look, uh, that's between you and your neighbors,
但现在你可能有轻微的脑震荡
but right now you probably have mild concussions.
有人能照顾你吗
Do you have someone who could take care of you?