糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E04

Part 3 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

- Is to be ashamed. - Right.
路易不能像我那样长大
Louie's gonna grow up differently than I did.
现在轮到我进行性教育的时候了
So I guess it's time for my sex talk.
或者说唱我的性教育歌♥
Or should I say... my sex song?
还能这样酷
Oh, that's on the table. Cool.
我要在路易品尝社会恶果之前教好他
You konw what, I can mold Louie before society gets to him.
我要确保我们养育出一个清醒的儿子
I'm gonna make sure we raise a woke son.
我明天要带他去工作
I'm gonna take him to work tomorrow
给他看看女性也是聪明
and I'm gonna show him that women are smart,
并且有创造力的人而不只是
creative, and more than something to just...
穿胸罩的人
put a bra on.
宝贝记住
Okay, sweetie, remember.
姑娘们也有本事
Girls are capable,
创意十足而且有感情
creative, and have feelings, okay?
很多女人都是艺术家或者老板
Many of them are artists and bosses,
比如你妈妈我
just like your mama.
我们生来不是为了给男孩看的
We are not just something for boys to look at.
即使是她吗
Even her?
珊德拉
黄昏的黎明
求你珊德拉帮帮你的姐妹吧
Come on, Xandra, help a sister out.
我可是来教育他的
I'm supposed to be molding him.
即使是她也一样
Yes, even her, okay?
当然她很丰满但那不是她的全部
Sure, she is...very curvy, but that doesn't define her.
你知道她配出了治疗丧尸病毒的解药
Did you know she formulated the antidote to a zombie virus
并且还成了末日临时政♥府♥的总统吗
and is now president of the apocalyptic transitional government?
附加一句是民♥主♥政♥府♥
A democracy, I might add. Ahem.
她有深度有本事
She is complex and capable
并且值得被尊重
and deserves to be treated with respect.
我都不知道这些
Wow. I never knew all that.
了不起的女士
What a lady.
对
Yeah.
-你好 -怎么了
- Hey! - What's up?
走开肥宅
Oh, go away, pig man.
你们不能毁了我的计划
You will not ruin this for me.
肥宅特别尊重女性
Pig man has nothing but respect for women.
而且我同意关于珊德拉的那段话
And I agree about Xandra.
再忙都有时间健身我疯狂崇拜她
Mad props to a busy lady who finds time to keep it tight.
就像我妈妈
Just like my mom.
女性对这世界做出了很多贡献路易
Women contribute a lot to the world, Louie.
比如没人想组织你的个人秀时
Like, when no one wants to produce your one-man show,
她们愿意给你五千块
they give you five grand
就因为你是她们的小可爱
because you're their little fuzzy-face.
天哪我想念我妈妈
God, I miss my moms.
给你五千块估计不行
Okay, maybe not five grand.
记住小伙子
So remember, lad.
女性和我们不平等
Women, they aren't our equals, okay?
女性大大优于我们
They're much better.
而她们又得到了什么报偿呢
And what do they get to show for it, eh?
我告诉你吧
I'll tell you what.
跑路到苏格兰高地的丈夫
A husband who vanishes into the Scottish Highlands
和想要把她的存在彻底剔除的儿子
and a son who needs to be cleansed of her very existence.
在弹旧六弦琴啊
Tickling the old six-string.
在给路易想首新歌♥
Uh, noodlin' on a new jam for Louie.
好帮他走出困境
Trying to help him out.
真贴心
Sweet.
给我听听吧大歌♥手
Lay it on me, Ringo.
-真的吗 -弹吧
- Yeah? - Yeah.
行吧
All right.
♪有时有那么一种感觉♪
♪ Sometimes you get a feeling ♪
♪从你裤裆深处传来♪
♪ Deep inside your jeans ♪
♪你♥爸♥爸我就要告诉你♪
♪ That is when your father ♪
♪这感觉的意义♪
♪ Will come tell you what it means ♪
♪这就叫勃起♪
♪ That's an erection ♪
♪这就是勃起♪
♪ That's an erection ♪
♪这就是勃起我的儿子♪
♪ That's an erection, my son ♪
我说不准你是个烂吉他手还是烂父亲
I can't tell if you are a worse guitar player or father.
♪有时有那么一种感觉♪
♪ Sometimes I get a feeling ♪
♪从我裤裆深处传来♪
♪ Deep inside my jeans ♪
我已经教会路易要尊重女生
Now that I've taught Louie to be respectful to women,
接下来该小心地给他
the next step is a carefully worded
进行初步的性教育了
birds and the bees conversation.
你知道吗
You know what?
有一天等你长大了
One day when you get older, you'll
你会遇到一个你喜欢并且尊重的女孩
meet a girl that you like and respect,
你需要知道下一件...
and you'll need to know about the next...
我和你♥爸♥爸必须告诉你的大事
big thing that Dad and I need to tell you.
你在说关于做♥爱♥的事吗
Are you talking about sex stuff?
因为我已经知道了
'Cause I already know.
什么
What?
怎么知道的谁告诉你的
How? Who told you?
从网上看的吗
The Internet?
我不会告诉你的
Um, I'm not gonna tell you
因为你看起来要生气了
'cause it seems like you're gonna get mad.
宝贝
Sweetie.
你什么都可以告诉我
You can tell me anything.
我不会生气的
I'm not gonna get mad.
外婆告诉我的
Grandma told me.
好吧好吧保持镇静
Oh, cool, cool, cool. Tight, tight, tight.
外婆什么时候告诉你的路易
Hey, uh, when did Grandma talk to you about that, Lou?
在她抓到我偷看内衣店之后
After she caught me looking at the underwear store.
她跟我说我不能这么做因为偷看
She told me I shouldn't do that 'cause it's shameful
胸罩模特很可耻因为她是个下流胚子
to look at the bra lady, 'cause she's a skank.
什么
What?
听着路易
Okay, Louie,
没有女人是下流胚子
no woman is a skank.
但是你外婆是个...
But your grandma's a .
完全不合适太过分了
Completely inappropriate. Over the line.
我之前那么担心路易成长过程中
I was so worried about society interfering
受到社会的不良影响
with Louie's growing up,
却忘了一个更危险的影响
I forgot about an even more dangerous influence:
我的父母
my parents.
你们没权利给我的儿子洗♥脑♥
You had no right to brainwash our son.
我们希望路易能带着成熟的性观念成长
We wanted Louie to grow up with a healthy view of sex.
但是你们毁了这个观念
But you ruined that view.
你们在羞耻和下流的基础上
And you built a skyscraper on a foundation
盖了一座摩天大楼
of shame and skanks.
你们没有权利把你们陈词滥调的性观念
And you had no right to impose your
强加给孩子
effed up view of sex on the kids.
-这是我们的工作 -没错
- That is our job. - That's right!
我总得说点什么
I had to say something,
他在商场偷瞟那个下流模特的眼神
the way he was leering at that dirty mannequin at the mall.
-打断一下 -怎么了
- Excuse me? - What?
为什么我也得挨批
Why am I in trouble?
都是她干的
She is the one who did this.
我想让那孩子像当年的我一样认识性
I wanted the boy to learn about sex the way that I did,
通过观看两个卑鄙的豺狼在沟里做♥爱♥
by watching two rascally jackals make love in a ditch.
你们听着
You know what?
你们两个谁都不许再干预这件事
Neither of you will interfere again.
我会跟他进行一段父子谈话
I will have my father and son moment
一段即美好
and it will be beautiful,
又深刻
and it will be poignant,
还朗朗上口的谈话
and it will be catchy as hell.
没错
Yes.
我的天《勃起之歌♥》吗
Oh, my God, the erection song?
是的
Yes.
路易会求着我看豺狼做♥爱♥的
Louie will pray to see those ditch jackals.
戴维是对的
David is right.
你们两个对性的观念
Anything you two have to say about sex
是过时且守旧的
is backwards and prudish.
我的天你们都没跟我聊过这个话题
My God, you didn't even ever give me a sex talk!
害的我要教她