糟心的我（2018）
I Feel Bad
第一季
剧集 | 糟心的我（2018） | 导航列表
糟心的我（2018）
I Feel Bad S01E02
Part 3
May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.
Okay, first, you're gonna want to have a bomb-ass cover story.
简单粗暴点 就说你要加班
Keep it simple. You're working late.
如果戴维问东问西
David asks any questions,
就夸夸他来分散他的注意力
distract him with a compliment.
如果他起疑心了 就跟他上♥床♥
If he gets suspicious, offer sex.
-这招好 -最后 不能留照片证据
- Oh, that's good. - Lastly, no photographic evidence.
你肯定会想要在露台留个影
You're gonna want to take deck pics--
每个人都会的
we all do, everybody does.
你必须得
You just gotta...
-不行 不行 -天啊 那个露台
- No, no, no. - God, that deck.
戴维一直想在房♥子后面做个露台
David keeps wanting to put one in the back,
但是我一直都不同意
but I always say no.
你今晚要加班
Hey. You working late tonight?
-没什么事吧 -没事
- Is everything okay? - Yeah, yeah.
没事 都挺好的 我只是
No, everything's fine, I just, uh...
你说话的声音
just the way you said that.
你的声音又低沉又性感
Your voice was so low and sexy.
真的
Yeah?
你想听听我能有多低沉吗
You wanna hear how low I can go?
停 性感老公
Oh--stop, sexy!
我要集中精力在我的工作上呢
I have to focus on the work that I am really doing.
你跟我爸妈会好好的 对吗
So, you'll be good with my parents, then?
当然了宝贝 我会的
Oh yeah, baby, I'll be fine.
赶紧回家吧 咱们好...
Just hurry home and...
喂
Hello?
那难道是亚马逊的亚历克萨
Is that an Alexa?
需要帮忙吗
How can I help you?
你愿意问我这句话就已经够了
Just that you would ask me that means so much.
没人在乎咱们女人的需求
No one ever cares about our needs.
你说对不对
Am I right, sister?
就知道欺负压榨我们女人
I mean, people just want to take, take, take.
-你有孩子没 -还没呢
- You have kids, girl? - Not yet.
我在为杰夫·贝索斯守贞呢
I'm saving myself for Jeff Bezos.
亚马逊集团董事会主席兼CEO
有志气
Oh, yeah.
他挺抢手的
Yeah, he's a catch.
-玛雅 -你好
- Oh, Maya. - Hello.
桑尼陪孩子去了
Sonny's with the kids.
今晚只剩咱俩独处了
It's just us tonight, man.
-好甜蜜啊 -别胡思乱想 傻蛋
- How intimate. - Don't make it weird, weirdo.
现在来谈谈你的财政状况
Now, let's talk about your finances.
我死也不去疗养院
So, I'm never going to go to a nursing home.
打算怎么养我啊
What's your plan for that?
♪ I got the heart ♪
♪ Passion of a grinder ♪
我也太坏了
I'm terrible.
这可是价值一千美元的乳液
This is, like, $1,000 worth of lotion.
又不花我的钱
Not my thousand.
老娘这皮肤得又滑又嫩了
Damn, I'm gonna be so smooth.
♪ Y'all know me ♪
♪ I make moves like a boss ♪
私人护工
Private nurse...
步入式浴缸
walk-in tub...
小赌怡情的零花钱
a little fun money for my gambling hobby...
总共需要
and the total is...
凭你这点破工资 下辈子吧
Unthinkable, on your meager salary.
BGM: My Neck, My Back(Lick It) by Khia
♪ My neck, my back ♪
♪ My - ♪
♪ Just like that ♪
♪ My neck, my back ♪
♪ My - ♪
♪ Just like that ♪
没想到你还醒着
I didn't think you'd be up.
咱要不要办理长♥期♥医疗保险
Hey, do you think we need long-term care insurance?
你老妈需要 她倒是点醒了我
Because your mom does, and she has me thinking.
让我好好的思索了一番
She has me really, really thinking.
不要啊 我还没给颓废戴维打气
Oh, no, I wasn't there for Humpty-David,
他就被我妈弄崩溃了
and my mom broke him.
宝贝 你健康的很
Baby, you're so fit.
肯定很长寿的
You're gonna live forever.
你身上一股怪味
You smell weird.
下班是不是去哪浪了
Did you go somewhere after work or what?
-想做♥爱♥吗 -好啊
- Wanna do me? - Yeah.
我都等不急再去爽一次
Oh, I can't wait to be inside of you again.
-啥 -没事
- What? - Nothing.
有人昨天享受了跟房♥子的禁忌之恋
Somebody got some house last night.
我有一丝丝悔意
I feel a little guilty,
但不得不承认效果显著
but you can't deny the results.
我现在是更称职的母亲 更优秀的妻子
I mean, I'm a better mom, and I'm a better wife.
我在工作日和老公做了爱
I had sex with my husband on a weekday.
好样的
Nice!
满足自己让我成为更完美的女人
Taking what I need has made me a better woman...
我是爷们我说了算
'cause I'm a man.
我完全支持男女平等
Look, I'm all for equality for women,
但可不是为了让你们染上男人的臭毛病
but not just so they can take on all the worst qualities of men.
-臭毛病才有趣 -这我可说不好 埃梅
- But those are the fun ones. - I don't know, Emet.
我感觉你有点得意过头了
It seems to me like you're getting a little cocky,
自以为是会让人变得粗心大意
and when you get cocky, you get careless.
你有没有记得关掉手♥机♥的定位系统
Have you turned off location tracking on your phone?
那个「寻找朋友」的功能关了没有
What about "Find My Friends"?
我就是靠这功能捉奸前任的
"Find My Friends" Is how I caught my last ex.
当时她正骑在我「朋友」身上 讽刺吧
Ironically, I found her on my friend.
我有个主意
I have an idea.
我要把「寻找朋友」关掉
I'll turn off "Find My Friends."
我说的就这意思
I literally just said that.
她剽窃我的主意
She stole my idea.
你果然是爷们
You are a man.
就在你因杀害这几个女孩被处决之前
Right before we execute you for killing those girls.
我会为你送上最后一餐
I'll bring you your last meal.
-如何 -我没意见啊 Ice-T- How's that? - Sounds good to me, Ice-T.
最早的匪帮说唱艺人
我饿了
Oh, I'm hungry.
外卖♥♥去哪了
Where is my food?
你的邮政账户和我的邮箱关联
Your Postmates account is linked to my email,
所以你一点外卖♥♥ 我就会知道
so when you order food, I get an alert.
是我太大意了
I got cocky.
戴维 我发誓我没有躲着你和孩子们
Okay, David, I swear, I was not running away from you or the kids,
都怪父母占用了我二十分钟的个人时光
but my parents stole my 20 minutes,
这才逼我不得不男人叉
so I had to manspread to get a better spot
好让自己感觉更好
in the human centipede.
埃梅 埃梅 我只想对你说
Emet, Emet, all I have to say to you is,
你竟敢
how dare you...
不邀请我加入
not let me in on this.
天呐 他想加入
Oh, God, he wants in.
告诉他你需要私人空间
Just tell him you need space.
解释下二十分钟的意义
Tell him about the 20 minutes.
他会理解的
He'll understand.
没问题 快进来
Sure, yes! Get in here!
-可以 -当然
- Yeah? - Yes!
-好啊 -太棒了
- Yeah. - What? Amazing.
太令人激动了
Oh, this is gonna be great.
我们来规划一下吧
Okay, okay, here's what we're gonna do.
第一 处理下那几个蜡烛
A, we're gonna get rid of those candles
味儿太重了
because they're stinky.
第二 我看到《三个臭皮匠》的影碟了
B, I see some "Three Stooges" DVDs.
把这些都解决了
We are gonna crush those.
首先
First...
我要抱你去卧室
I am gonna carry you to the bedroom.
总好过全盘泡汤
Well, it's this or nothing,
那就听他的吧
so I pick this.
-来吧 -好啊
- I'm in. - Yeah.
我该提醒你的 我迷恋上抹乳液了
I should have warned you, I went a little nuts with the lotion.
对
Yeah.
这么一来孩子就交给我父母带了
So it was just my parents watching the kids.
-应该没问题吧 -不行
- That'll be fine, right? - No!
你们父母加班呢
Your parents are working late,
他们说今晚不准看电视
糟心的我（2018）
I Feel Bad
剧集 | 糟心的我（2018） | 导航列表