糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E12

Part 2 May 11, 2021, 9:16 a.m.

对啊我们是侦探拍档
Yes, we are partner detectives.
这种性张力真让人痴迷
The sexual tension is crazy.
我们回去可以接着玩个角色扮演吧
I mean, this could spin into role-play later, right?
戴维我们不是发春的侦探
No, David, we're not going to be sexy detectives.
听着你开门出去
Now, listen. Get out of the car,
走到卖♥♥三明治的摊上盯着疑犯
head to the gyro stand so we can keep eyes on the perp.
这警♥察♥的对话真带劲
That cop talk is hot.
-我们得行动了 -好
- No, we got to go. - Okay.
我们从后面绕过去
But let's circle back to this.
好
Yeah.
快点
Come on, come on.
他花了六十块钱买♥♥玫瑰
He just spent 60 bucks on roses.
可能是送给我妈的
Okay, maybe they're for my mom.
不可能那些是给情人的玫瑰
No way, man. Those are mistress roses.
给老婆的玫瑰从街边摊花五块钱就行了
Wife roses cost five bucks from Trader Joe's.
这个不难判断
Okay, listen. This'll be easy to figure out.
如果我妈收到了这些玫瑰那平安无事
If my mom gets those flowers later, everything's good.
如果她没收到那她就要崩溃了
And if she doesn't, then she'll be destroyed
很可能要跟搬来我们度过余生了
and probably move in with us forever.
戴维和我非常小心地
David and I had carefully orchestrated
不着痕迹地把花的话题引出来
the most subtle way to broach the topic of flowers.
玛雅最近有人送你花什么的吗...
So, Maya, get any flowers lately or...?
不是这样的天啊他太拙劣了
That was not it. God, he sucks at this.
谢天谢地没有
No, thank God.
花是给蜜蜂和死人准备的
Flowers are for bees and dead people.
没错她说过花不就是
It's true, she says flowers are just plants
-臭显摆的草吗 -我们的答案出来了
- that are showing off. - And there's our answer.
花不是给我妈的
The flowers weren't for my mom.
这亲爱的女人被出轨了
This sweet woman is being cheated on,
而且还是在一把年纪的时候
and so late in life.
妈你还好吗
Hey, Mommy? You doing okay?
我能为你做点什么吗
Is there anything I can do for you?
你有圣培露气泡水
Do you have any Pellegrino
可以帮我把这柴的不行的肉块顺下去吗
to wash down your chalky meatloaf?
-没有 -那你跟我废什么话
- No. - Then why you bothering me?
玛雅我去给你看看有什么带气饮料
Maya, let me see if I can find you something fizzy, okay?
埃梅你来厨房♥帮我一下好吗
Emet, could you give me a little help in the kitchen?
我们找点喝的东西
Oh, let's get something to drink.
-有果汁什么的吗 -什么都没有
- Is there any juice in here? - Nope, nothing.
-好吧 -我们得做点什么
- Okay. - We have to do something.
对我们得停止瞎掺和了
Yes, we do. We have to stop meddling right now.
-什么 -这样是不对的
- What? - It is--it is wrong.
这是他们俩的婚姻
It is their marriage.
是他们俩需要解决的问题
It is their problem to work out.
你必须跟我保证不再跟踪他了
You got to promise me you're not gonna follow him anymore.
谁知道呢
I mean, who knows?
也许你妈不介意呢
Maybe this is okay with your mom.
也许他们的关系很开放呢
Maybe they have an open relationship.
谢谢你这宽心的想法
Oh, thank you for that soothing thought.
我要去就着杯酒吃片药
I'm gonna go wash down a pill with a glass of wine.
伙计们你们说得对
Hey, you guys, you were right.
-我爸可能是有外遇了 -我们就没错过
- My dad may be having an affair. - Yes, we're always right.
你们在干什么别跳了
What are you doing? Hey, hey, stop dancing.
听着我向戴维保证
Focus, listen to me. So I promised David
我不再跟踪我爸了
that I would not follow my dad anymore,
可我没说不能网络跟踪啊
but I never said anything about cyber-stalking.
-你们来帮我 -如果你♥爸♥出轨了
- So help me out, creeps. - Well, if your dad's cheating,
他就会越出越多
he's down for more cheating.
他的卑鄙之手会越伸越长
His scumbag window is wide open.
好恶心继续
Repulsive, continue.
你要做的就是伪造一个身份
What you gotta do is a little something called catfishing.
你懂吗你要做的就是伪造
You know what that is? What you do is you create
一个热情的半老徐娘形象
a fake profile of some hot older babe,
然后说一些性感的话引诱你♥爸♥
and then, you lure your dad in with some sexy talk.
很好
Oh, that's good.
好了好了看我的
Okay, okay, okay, let me try this.
-我是克莱尔 -对
- Uh, I am Claire-- - Yes.
-圣克罗伊 -漂亮听起来好污
- St. Croix! - Nice, she sounds filthy.
-听着像个死尼姑 -无所谓了书呆子
- She sounds like a dead nun. - Okay, whatever, nerd.
就这么定了克莱尔·圣克罗伊
This is happening. Okay, Claire St. Croix
是个六十多的丰满寡妇
is a 60-something buxom widow
刚刚加入了我爸的活跃老年小组
who just joined my dad's active senior group.
好友请求发送
Friendship request sent.
天呐我要吐了
Oh, God, I want to throw up.
大功告成
Bam. Okay!
什么他接受了这么快
What? He accepted already?
老天我爸就是个荡夫
God, my dad is a slut.
好了该我上场了
Okay, let me take the wheel here.
那好我来说让我想像
Okay, yeah, I'll dictate. Let me get in the mindset
一个丰满的寡妇好了好了
of a buxom widow. Uh, okay, okay.
你好我老公的逝世
Howdy, the passing of my husband
使我的心变得跟我的双峰一样沉重
has left my heart as heavy as my breasts.
我的天不这太奇怪了
Oh, my God, no.That is weird.
别紧张大胸女
So relax, heavy boobs.
克莱尔已经给你♥爸♥发了一条信息了
Claire already sent your daddy a message.
什么你已经发了
What? You did?
你好可爱啊单身吗
"You are cute. Are you single?
一起去吃个晚饭吗眨眼表情
Would you like to go to winky-face dinner?"
用什么眨眼表情啊格瑞夫
Winky-face, Griff?
我爸就是个谦谦君子
My God, my dad is a distinguished, classy man.
愚蠢的勾引表情是不会骗到我爸...
He's not going to fall for some dumb winky--
我的天他回了
Oh, my God, he's replying.
告诉我他说了什么不别告诉我了
Okay, tell me what he said. No, don't tell me what he said.
别担心好吗他说他受宠若惊
Don't worry, okay? He said he's flattered,
但是他爱他美丽的妻子玛雅
but he loves his beautiful wife, Maya.
看见没这才是我认识的你♥爸♥
See, this is the your dad that I know.
他说一会儿再聊
And he said he'll chat with you later.
他要去上美术课了他还发了一幅他画的画
He's got to go to art class, and he sent a copy of a painting
说万一克莱尔也想报名呢
that he did in case Claire wants to sign up.
-什么 -老年人可以打八折
- Huh? - Seniors get 20% off.
那是他买♥♥的玫瑰花
The roses he bought! Oh!
他没有搞婚外情
He wasn't having an affair.
等等那是他画的他在上美术课
Wait, he painted that? And he's taking an art class?
我就是个画家但他从来没说过
I mean, I'm an artist, and he never even mentioned
自己对这些事感兴趣
that he was interested in those things.
-好了你让开 -好吧
- Okay, you know what, move over. - Yeah.
我可以自己跟我爸聊
I can catfish my own dad.
克莱尔·圣克罗伊和我爸开始了某种
So Claire St. Croix started having the kind of amazing,
我永远做不到的不可思议的深刻交流
profound conversation with my father that I never could.
原来是美术课让他重获生机
Turns out that art class made him feel alive again.
那也是为什么他打扮得花枝招展
That's why he was dressing colorfully,
还做白日梦喝红酒
daydreaming, and drinking wine.
-我们要出去 -什么
- Hey, we're going to head out. - Huh?
伙计们听着
Oh, guys, listen to this.
我爸在学印度艺术他也喜欢康定斯基
My dad studied art in India, and he loved Kandinsky, too.
也是我最爱的艺术家但我们从来没聊过
That's my favorite artist, but we've never talked about it.
我们就不打扰你和你♥爸♥坠入爱河了
Well, we'll just leave you to fall head over heels for your own dad.
你知道这一切都很古怪吗
You know this is all really weird?
-连我都觉得怪了 -好吧
- And that's coming from me. - Okay.
我爸和克莱尔聊到了彼此的婚姻
My dad and Claire are talking about their marriages.
克莱尔的老公在一次太空人队的比赛中
Claire's husband was killed by a foul ball
被界外球砸死了
at an Astros game.
她很想念他等等等等
She misses him, blah, blah, blah.
现在克莱尔有机会问桑尼他的婚姻了
Now, Claire gets to ask Sonny about his marriage,
天我超级想知道这件事的真实过程
and boy, did I want to know the truth about that.
你知道我刚刚在想什么吗
You know what I was just thinking?
如果我发现我爸在搞婚外情
If I found out that my dad was cheating,
-我会疯掉的 -是的
- I would be beside myself. - Yeah.
那你还好吗
Anyway, how are you holding up?
还行顺便说一下
Fine. By the way,