糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E05

Part 2 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

- Oh, oh! - Yeah, 'cause I'm gonna have some!
那我去拿盘子
Well, I'm gonna get some plates then.
来吧
Okay! Back it up.
来吧来吧来吧
Backing it up. Back it up, back it up.
离我老公远点你这个鲜美多汁的贱♥货♥
Get away from my man, you saucy bitch.
糟了
No!
抱歉滑地上了吃沙拉吗
Sorry, it just slipped. Salad?
奇怪的凳子痔疮膏
Weird chair, hemorrhoid cream--
你不应该在家办公吗
Okay, shouldn't you be working from home?
或者在厕所
Or the loo?
瑜伽球是为了锻炼核心肌群
Okay, the yoga ball is for my core,
这管膏是为了消除眼袋
and the cream is for my puffy eyes.
闭上嘴让我好好活吧
Just shut up and let me live.
埃梅别忘了在发布会上
Hey Emet, don't forget you're giving a speech
你还要给我的学生们演讲呢
to my mentees at the launch party.
他们筹集了好多钱做路费
They've raised a lot of money to make the trip,
而且兴奋极了
and they're super excited.
我也很兴奋我喜欢鼓励
I'm so excited too. I love encouraging
想要投身于科技公♥司♥的年轻女性
young women who want to work in tech.
女孩们需要一个坚强的
Girls need a strong,
聪明的沉稳的女性做榜样
smart, stable role model.
你知道那是抹屁♥股♥的药膏吗
You know that's ass cream, right?
当然说到屁♥股♥
Huh? Yeah. Hey, oh! Speaking of ass,
我该怎么告诉我老公他屁♥股♥都胖成老太婆了呢
how do I tell my husband he's getting a mom butt?
你毫无胜利希望
That is a no-win situation.
你看啊如果你不告诉他
I mean, if you don't tell him, then he
他就要一胖不复返了
waddles down this chubby path.
如果你告诉他你每次摸他时
If you do tell him, then he recoils
他都会忍♥不住往回缩
every time you touch him.
我和我妈就是这样的
That's what it's like with me and Mother.
大学时我定了这么个计划
I had this plan in college.
我意识到我没办法得到九分的人
I kinda realized I couldn't get a nine,
但是我可以找个六分的然后通过诱导
but I could get a 6 and secretly turn her into
让她不知不觉地改掉毛病
a 9 without her ever knowing it
成为一个九分的人
by gaslighting her into fixing her flaws.
我把它叫做「六进九计划」
I called it my 6-to-9 plan.
-真不错 -他是德国人
- That is horrific. - He's German.
随你们怎么看我
Hey, judge me all you want,
但是我能教你
but without David ever knowing it,
让戴维在不知不觉中吃得更健康做运动
you could get him to eat healthy and exercise, so...
我在听呢
Okay, I'm listening.
用格瑞夫这个卑劣但是聪明的计划
Do I feel guilty about using Griff's awful
会不会让我觉得有负罪感会
but brilliant plan? Yes.
但是这样我可以把每天的日常活动
But this way, I could turn everyday activities
变成锻炼同时又不伤到戴维的感情
into exercise and spare David's feelings at the same time.
-亲爱的 -什么事
- Oh hey, honey? - Mm-hmm?
你能把垃圾扔出去吗
Could you take out the garbage?
拜托上钩上钩
Come on, take the bait, take the bait.
天啊太重了
Oh! Jesus, these are heavy.
怎么你终于把你妈切成块了吗
What, did you finally snap and cut up your mom?
老天真好笑
Oh, God, that's funny!
用你臀部的肌肉小心别闪到腰
Watch your back and use your glutes.
在派对照片上
I was gonna look younger,
我会更显年轻而戴维会更显苗条
and David was gonna look thinner in that party picture.
没有谁会有损失
Who's getting hurt here?
路易受伤了他摔了一跤
Louie's hurt! Louie took a fall.
好了好了你会没事的
Okay, okay. You're gonna be okay.
我要去拿点冰块
I'm gonna get some ice.
爸爸不得不把我从西莫卡街抱回来
Dad had to carry me from Sycamore Street.
把受伤的可怜路易抱回来成功
Carrying poor, hurt Louie--yeah right.
老爸完成了有氧运动
Dad just got his cardio in.
有需要随时叫我
Call me anytime.
我甚至让莉莉说服戴维
I even got Lily to convince David
如果他想要成为酷爸爸
he had to learn some moves
就得学些舞蹈动作
if he wanted to be a cool dad.
卡罗琳的爸爸跳得很好
Caroline's dad is amazing at it!
-是吗 -再见小肚腩
- Oh, yeah? - Bye, jelly-belly.
这样跳转个圈
And this way. In a circle.
-继续跳 -好的好的
- Keep going! - Okay! Okay!
-你学会了继续跳 -好的
- You've got this! Keep going! - Okay!
我眼冒金星是正常点吗
Am I supposed to see stars?
你存了劳拉·克劳馥和埃梅的图片
Ooh, you got pictures of Lara Croft and Emet.
真是可悲的黄♥片♥库存伙计
That's a sad spank bank, man.
不是诺曼让我为他的学员们
No, Norman's asked me to make a presentation
介绍女性榜样
for his mentees on female role models.
什么埃梅和楚易都在帮你指导学员
What? Emet and Chewey are helping out with your mentees?
这算什么所有人都齐心协力除了格瑞夫
What is this, all hands on deck, except for Griff's hands?
格瑞夫怎么了
What's wrong with Griff's hands?
你对女人一窍不通
They are attached to a vile misogynist.
我反对我可以教他们很多东西
I resent that. I have a lot to teach them.
其实我把妹一流的
I'm actually a champion of chicks.
格瑞夫你这个讨厌女人的天才
Griff! You woman-hating genius.
太棒了你的「六进九计划」非常有用
Yes! Your 6-to-9 plan is totally working.
你用了格瑞夫的「六进九计划」吗
You did Griff's 6-to-9 plan?
他第一次告诉我那个计划我吐了
The first time he told me about that, I threw up.
但我只是在不伤害戴维自尊心的情况下
But I'm just doing it to help David
帮助他变好
without shattering his ego.
一旦我们有了完美的派对照片
Once we get that perfect party picture,
我绝对不会再欺骗他
I'm totally done tricking him.
事实上六月我们要参加一个婚礼
Actually, we have a wedding in June,
可能那时才会结束
so maybe I'm done then.
无论如何性福之夜棒极了
Okay, anyway. Sex tonight! It's good.
这是一种生活方式
It's a lifestyle.
欢迎回来动感单车手
Welcome back, SoulCycle.
我不得不骑到三挡那么快
Yeah. Had to take the three speed.
埃梅的车启动不了所以她开了我的车
Emet's car wouldn't start, so she took mine.
不得不说论起让人保持苗条
I have to say, I prefer the direct approach
我更喜欢我老婆的直接方法
my wife takes to keeping the jelly off my belly.
你说什么
What?
不会吧你还没看出来吗大男孩
Come on, you haven't figured it out, big boy?
埃梅在悄悄地让你进行减肥计划
Emet's got you on a secret weight loss plan.
什么
What?
玛雅给你「拍肉肉」时你就该猜出来的
You should have had a clue when Maya gave you that Fat Pat.
「拍肉肉」是什么
Fat Pat?
就是她会拥抱你
It's a hug she gives you
来检查你是不是胖了哪里胖了
to check if and where you've put on weight.
我以为那个拥抱有重大意义
I thought that hug meant something.
我还跟我妈说了那个拥抱
I called my mother about that hug.
埃梅知道这些吗
Emet knew about this?
你们好
Hello, boys.
你的拥抱是个骗局
Your hug was a lie!
我还以为我们更加亲近了
And I thought that we were getting closer.
我们确实更亲近了孩子
We were getting closer, beta.
你向我膨胀了
You were expanding towards me.
亲爱的
Hey, sweetie!
你能不能帮我拿一下尿布
Can you just help me with the diaper--
不好计谋被识破了是吗
Oh no, I'm caught, aren't I?
尿布包吗
Diaper bag, hmm?
难以置信你怎么可以这样
Unbelievable! How could you?
好了祝你们婚姻幸福
Okay. Well, enjoy your marriage!
所以你同意了你♥妈♥的♥主意
So you agree with your mother.
你不来跟我明说却跟我耍花招
Instead of coming and talking to me, you resort to tricks?
好了戴维听我解释
Okay David, listen to me.
我知道这看起来是这样因为确实如此
I know that's how it looks, because that is what I did.
但我只是不想伤害你的感受
But I was just trying to spare your feelings.
好吗那难看的照片
Okay? Look, I was bummed...
让我很难受我只是希望今年我们能
About that bad picture, and I just wanted
-拍出一张好照片 -你明白这种感受吗
a good picture of us this year.- Do you know how this feels?
单纯靠外表来评价我
I'm being judged solely on how I look.
我明不明白这种感受当然戴维我是女人
Do I know how it feels? Yeah, David, I'm a woman!
我只是质疑了你的外表六秒钟