糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E04

Part 1 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

糟心生活
第一季第四集
我儿必须要长大
我喜欢带孩子们逛购物中心
I love taking the kids to the mall.
在那每个人都能有自己喜欢的
There's something for everyone.
妈妈喜欢拿试用装
Mama likes to get her samples on.
我帮朋友再拿点
Just taking some for a friend.
谢谢
Thank you.
莉莉喜欢让摊位的导购员拍马屁
Lily likes getting sucked in by the kiosk carneys.
而有个小家伙
And there's one little guy
他就喜欢坐摇摇车
who just loves going on the kiddie rides.
可悲的是不是这个小家伙
Sadly, it's not this little guy.
是那个
It's that one.
最近每次我们来购物中心
Lately, every time we come to the mall,
路易都闹着要坐摇摇车
Louie insists on riding the kiddie rides
周围全是四五岁的小朋友
with the four-year-olds.
不过你猜怎么样
But you know what?
我是从来不会为自己的孩子感到难为情的
I'd never be embarrassed by my own child.
你孩子怎么还喜欢坐这种小孩的摇摇车呢
Your kid still likes the baby rides, huh?
那不是我的孩子绝对不是
That's not my kid. Nope.
在购物中心跟我的两个孩子渡过的又一天
Yep, another great day at the mall with my two kids.
宝贝你觉不觉得路易太幼稚了
Babe, do you think Louie's immature?
我在想是不是我们太宠他了
'Cause I'm thinking maybe we coddle him too much.
什么我们没有宠他啊
What? We do not coddle him.
我也不知道
I don't know, I mean,
你看我们早上帮他穿衣服
we help him dress in the morning;
他还吃特制的儿童餐
He still gets special kid's food,
他的尿盆里还必须放一个麦片圈
and he still needs a Cheerio in the toilet bowl
才能知道往哪儿尿
to know where to aim.
还记得我们把麦片圈拿走的后果吧
Okay, remember what happened when we took the Cheerio away?
把擦手巾都弄湿了
Soaked the hand towels.
他居然尿到自己身后去了
He somehow peed behind himself.
所以他更需要长大
All the more reason that he needs to grow up
自己去做这些事情啊
and do stuff for himself.
你这是说的什么鬼话
What nonsense are you talking?
路易多么的天真可爱
Louie is such a sweet, innocent boy.
干嘛要拔苗助长让他长成一个
Why do you want to rush him to grow into
浑身是毛粗声恶气的变♥态♥男呢
a disgusting pervert man with hair and sounds?
我就是想让他不借助麦片圈也能撒尿
I mean, so he can pee without cereal.
这要求过分吗
Is that so much to ask?
其实你妈妈说得对
You know, actually, Mommy's right.
让路易保持童心吧
Let Louie be young.
美好的童年眨眼就过去了
Childhood goes by so fast.
我的童年也曾多姿多彩
Mine was such fun,
直到我看到一辆人力车撞上了一个女人
until I saw that woman get hit by the rickshaw scooter.
-天啊这太糟... -还没说完呢
Oh, God, that's terr- Not finished.
她被撞飞到铁轨上
She ricocheted onto the railway track.
人们想把她拉出来
They tried to pull her out,
可火车来得太快了
but the train was coming too fast.
叮当咣童年结束了
Bing, bang, boom, childhood over.
这牌好
Ooh, come to papa.
每次家人不附和我的想法时我都很郁闷
I hate it when my family doesn't just agree with me.
不过也许我小题大做了
But maybe I was stressing over nothing.
另外老爸哪天得看看心理医生了
Also, someday, my dad needs therapy.
走了
Gin.
你们小的时候
Hey. When you were kids,
你们妈妈是什么时候不再宠你们的
when did your mom stop coddling you?
一直到我十几岁我妈都允许我
Oh, well, my mum used to let me sleep in her bed
跟她一起睡
until I was a teenager.
即便是现在只要我回家
Even now, whenever I go home for a visit,
我们还会来个小拥抱什么的
we have a little cuddle.
抱歉你刚才是说宠爱还是拥抱
Sorry, did you say "Cuddle" or "Coddle"?
现在不重要了
It just became irrelevant.
我妈不宠我
Well, my mom did not coddle me, mm-mm.
她其实对我还挺严的
No, she's actually pretty strict.
她给我的借记卡充上钱
Yeah, she loads up my debit card
如果我都花光了
and if I spend all that,
那下周之前都会很糟
ooh, it is too bad until next week.
这不叫严啊
That's not strict.
那孩子不太对吧
Mm-mm, that boy ain't right.
妈妈再见老妈再见
Bye, Mom, bye, Mama.
我爱死你们俩了
I love each of you the most.
再见回头再聊
Bye, catch you two later.
我爱你更多真的
I love you more, I do.
诺曼我都不用问你了
Okay, I don't even need to ask you, Norman.
你跟你的妈妈们聊得太多了
You talk to your moms way too often.
告诉你
For your information,
我每天就跟她们聊一次
I talk to them once a day.
当然有时候一次聊十小时
But sometimes for ten hours.
所以你的平板电脑就是当婴儿监视器用的吗
So your iPad is essentially a baby monitor?
你问这些非常私人的问题是想说什么呢
Are these highly personal questions leading to a point?
如果我不停止宠爱路易
Yes, if I don't stop coddling Louie,
他就有可能长成像你们这些家伙一样的巨婴
he's going to turn into some sort of adult baby man like you guys.
从科切拉音乐节以后我就不♥穿♥尿布了
I haven't worn a diaper since Coachella.
就是我才不是婴儿
Yeah, I'm not a baby.
你才是个小婴儿呢
You're a baby.
我是绿色的
I am green.
上帝啊
Oh, God.
我可不能让路易长成他们这样
I couldn't let Louie turn into them.
我知道我应该怎么做
I knew what I needed to do.
我和戴维展开了「废物路易长大行动」
David and I embarked on operation Grow Louie the Eff Up
这样他以后才不会变成废物
So He Doesn't Become an Eff Up.
我们的计划很简单
Our plan was simple:
用钱贿赂路易让他听话
Bribe Louie with cash to get him to do what we want.
我想泡澡
I like baths!
感觉就像游泳还不用被太阳晒
It's like swimming without all the sun!
是时候像大孩子那样淋浴了
Time to graduate to a big boy shower.
需要帮忙的话给我发短♥信♥
Text me if you need help!
大功告成
Mission accomplished.
干得好
Nice work, buddy.
好样的给你
Good boy. Boom.
我长大时可没人给我钱
I didn't get paid to grow up.
收入的性别差异从小就开始了
The gender pay gap starts young.
欢迎来到我的世界亲爱的
Welcome to my world, sunshine.
太恶心了他漏掉了一处没洗
That's ugly. Wow, he missed a spot.
-好吧 -我来吧
- Yeah, no, - I'll get it.
下一个任务是让路易自己穿好衣服去上学
Our next task was making Louie dress himself for school.
不是吧
Oh, no.
路
Lou, wow.
亲爱的他看起来就像莉莉·汤姆林[喜剧演员]
Oh, honey, he looks just like Lily Tomlin.
-我来帮他做点调整吧 -不要
- Please let me make some adjustments. - Nope, nope,
千万别
no, no, no, no.
稍等一下上个厕所
BRB, gotta hit the boys' room.
可别尿到马桶垫上
Please don't pee on the seat.
要不还是最后一次给他个麦片圈吧
I think I should give him one last Cheerio.
想想擦手毛巾的下场
Think of the hand towels.
结果不是太好
It did not go well.
我们知道这个不容易
No one said it would be easy.
多来点
Keep 'em coming.
亲娘嘞
Oh, mother!
我刚刚坐到了一大滩尿上
I just sat in quite a bit of urine.
亲爱的我相信你
Okay, honey, I believe in you.
不要辅助轮了
No training wheels.
来吧你能行
Come on, you got this.
你行的
You got it.
-好 -好啊
- Yes. Yep. - Oh yeah.
-太棒了 -这样就对了
Yep! Oh, we're doing it!
-他会了 -好啊
- He's doing it! - Yes, yes!
-他会了 -牛
- He's doing it! - Yeah!
完了
Oh, no.
差点就会了
Well, almost did it.