糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E03

Part 4 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

把书放下再要份《傲骨贤妻》录像
to put his book down and try to get an audition
因为你还是很傻
for "The Good Wife" because he's dumb again.
激光枪战开玩笑吧
Laser tag? That sounds rad.
没错激光枪战
Okay, yeah, laser tag.
有人提到激光枪战了吗
Did someone say laser tag?
-妈妈提到了激光枪战 -的确有人提了
- Mom said laser tag. - Someone did.
你还记得你总是想让我带你去
Hey, you know how you're always trying to get me
激光游戏城但我总说
to go to Laseropolis and I'm always like,
「不行那糟透了我特别讨厌那地方」
"No, 'cause it's hell and I hate it more than anywhere."
她讨厌那里比讨厌我爸妈的家还厉害
She hates it worse than my parents' house.
对极了
Yeah, totes.
猜猜谁拿到了贵宾券
Well, guess who got VIP passes?
但贵宾券只能今天用
But they're only good for today.
什么只能今天用
What, they're only good for today?
只能今天用我们得今天去
They're only good for today. We have to go today.
这样你就得错过优等生授奖典礼
Which means you'd have to miss the honor roll thing,
但是能和其他孩子
but, I mean, who wants to go
一起喝着饮料
to some sort of honor roll ceremony
进行热血沸腾的星际大战
when you could go play space wars
谁还会想参加
with a bunch of kids
优等生典礼呢
who are hopped up on hormones and Slurpees?
不我想参加优等生典礼
Nah, I want to go to the honor roll thing.
-我们得离家出走 -只能这样了
- We have to leave our family. - It's the only way.
我们正在行动
We're Oscar Mike.
注意警戒六点方向
Watch my six.
真激动
This is exciting.
那他妈是什么
What the hell was that?
完了终止行动终止行动
Game over. Abort! Abort! Abort!
你们好
Hello?
再见
Good-bye.
快快快
Go, go, go, go, go.
今天我们是顶天立地的男子汉
Today...we become men.
来吧
Let's do it.
好的
Okay, man.
我好兴奋
I feel alive.
拍得好一点啊老家伙
Take a good one, Googaloo.
大家喊「优等生」
Everybody say "Honor roll."
优等生
Honor roll.
听好了我妈拍好了
Okay. Okay, listen, after my mom
她的完美自♥拍♥照以后跟着我行动懂吗
gets her perfect Instagram picture, follow my lead, okay?
我们的大作完成了
Okay, we've got the money shot.
-我们走 -这不是
- Let's go. - That's not the--
老天抱歉
Oh, God, oh, sorry.
等我一下, 我有点不舒服
Give me one second. I'm not feeling so well.
-怎么了 -我有点想吐
- What's up? - I think I'm gonna throw up.
想吐就吐去呗咱们走
So throw up. Come on, let's go.
我担心如果太晚了蛋糕都被吃光了
I'm worried if we're late, all the cake will get eaten.
我也不行了
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, it's hitting me too.
我知道了
Yeah. Oh. You know what?
我猜一定是埃梅让我们吃的
I'll bet it's from all that bagged chicken
打包的鸡好像我们
Emet makes us eat. It feels like we have...
吃坏肚子了一定是这样的
Food poisoning. I think it's that
一般都是妈妈先中招的
because it usually-it hits the mother first.
在我们吐的哪哪儿都是辱没门风以前
We should probably go before we puke all over
还是先走吧大卫去开车
and bring shame to our family. David, go get the car.
等等
Oh, wait, wait.
我看见能帮忙的人了
I see someone who can help.
是沃克一家
It's the Walkers!
沃克医生你好
Dr. Walker, hello.
不是搞我的吧
You have got to be kidding me.
这些人都是从哪儿蹦出来的啊
Those people actually exist?
沃克医生谢天谢地
Oh, Dr. Walker, thank God.
我女儿和她老公都有点恶心
My daughter and her husband are sick
就因为她不愿意做饭
because she won't cook.
-您能帮忙吗 -我很乐意
- Can you help? - I'd be happy to help.
什么时候开始难受的
When did the pain start?
四天以前
Four days ago.
可能不是吃坏肚子了
This might not be food poisoning.
我看我们得去看急诊
I suggest we head to the ER.
妈咪你会死吗
Mommy, are you dying?
我们要成孤儿了
We'll be orphans.
他们会把我们分开的
They're gonna split us up.
这谎扯太远了
And it's gone too far.
行了停止
Okay, okay, stop it.
停止停止
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
我没法再装了
Okay, I can't do this anymore.
我死不了我好着呢
I'm not dying. I'm fine.
我说谎了
I'm a liar, okay?
路易不在优等生光荣榜上
Louie's not on the honor roll.
但你这么做一定是有充分理由的
But I'm sure you had a good reason for doing it,
咱们还是去吃饭吧
so let's just go to dinner.
意大利餐怎么样
Buca di Beppo's?
我们成功了
We made it.
这都是真的吗
Is this really happening?
我太爱你们了
I love you guys.
别别碰我
Ah, no, no touching
什么
What?
这就是瀑布
That's the waterfall?
她居然抽烟
Oh, she's a smoker?
还杀生
And a murderer?
运动员们在做瑜伽呢
The jocks are doing yoga.
这还真让人「侧目」呢
This is some serious bitch-ass-ness.
真是见光死啊
Never meet your heroes, man.
我靠有个蛋跑出来了
Oh, God, we've had a ball pop out.
确认是睾丸
We have confirmation on testicle.
回电梯吧走吧
Get back in the elevator. Come on, go!
你伪造了一个优等生贴纸
You faked an honor roll sticker?
我会得到一个新手♥机♥的吧
I get a new phone now, right?
差不多吧
Yeah, probably.
宝贝我很抱歉
Look, honey, I am so sorry.
我和你♥爸♥爸只是想
All your dad and I want
让你的自我感觉好一些
is for you to feel better about yourself, okay?
以及希望你早上起来动作能快一些
And maybe get ready a little faster in the morning.
你能原谅我们吗
You forgive us?
其实我感觉轻松了
Yeah, actually, I'm relieved.
我搞不明白我是怎么成了优等生的
I couldn't figure out how I got on the honor roll.
我都没努力
I do not try.
伙计这样吧
Buddy, okay, I'll tell you what.
我们以后谎话少说一点
We'll lie a little less,
你呢努力再多一点好不好
and you try a little more, okay?
大家都高兴了吧
All right, everybody happy?
都高兴了
Everybody's happy.
-意大利餐喽 -好啊
- Buca di Beppo's! - Yes!
不吃意大利餐
No Buca di Beppo.
你让我出了大丑
You made me a glamorous fool.
那给我的道歉呢
So where's my apology?
好吧妈妈我错了
Fine, Mom, I'm sorry.
我没能成为「别人家的女儿」
I'm sorry you don't get the perfect Instagram daughter.
你摊上了我
You get me.
我永远迟到
Okay, I'm always late.
现在我包里还有个脏尿布
I currently have a dirty diaper in my purse.
我有两周没洗衣服了
I haven't done my laundry in two weeks,
我现在穿个紧身裤当内♥裤♥
so I'm wearing a leotard as underwear,
我为了让老妈能爱我
and I was willing to spin a web of sticky little lies
不惜编织一套一套的小谎话
just to have my mom shove love cake in my mouth.
这太可悲了
Wow, that's pathetic.
你说什么
Excuse me.
不行
No, no.
不可以有人这么对我老婆讲话
Nobody talks to my wife like that
当然除了她老妈
except her own mother.