糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E02

Part 2 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

- You gotta manspread. - Manspread.
男人叉指的是一个男人坐在地铁上
Yeah. See, manspreading is when a guy, or man, sits on a subway
他的腿是分开的或者伸开
with his legs apart, or spread.
你不用居高临下地教我怎么男人叉
Okay, you don't need to mansplain manspreading to me.
你看看你老实巴交的坐姿
Look at the wussy way you're sitting right now.
你太拘礼了连自己的椅子都占不满
You're too polite to even take up your own chair.
我当然占得满椅子
I can take up a chair.
这没多难只是
That's not that hard or just, like--
我也可以像你们一样...
I can do the things that you guys--
其实这么坐一点也不舒服
it's actually not-- that's not even comfortable.
男人叉太难看了
You know what? Manspreading is gross,
我不会做的我相信我能用端庄的
and I'm not doing it. I know that I can handle this
女人的方式解决这件事
in a dignified, lady way.
就像梅丽尔·斯特里普那样从容
Like Meryl Streep in everything.
我会满足所有人的要求
I will just meet everyone's needs
而且还能神不知鬼不觉地
and eke out a teeny tiny break for myself
给自己挤出点时间来小憩一下还无伤大雅
without anyone ever knowing or getting their feelings hurt.
你一定会是人体蜈蚣最差的部分
Yeah, you'd definitely be the worst part of the centipede.
那些家伙全说错了
Those guys were wrong.
女人想成为人体蜈蚣的哪个部分都可以
Women can be any part of the centipede they want.
我只要保留住我宝贵的二十分钟就好
I just need to preserve my precious 20 minutes.
我可以做到我可以
I can do it. I can...
搞什么呢我的妈
What the "Fuh"? Mom.
-在搞什么呢 - 我来告诉你在搞什么
- What the "Fuh"? - I'll tell you "What the fuh."
这个厨房♥的旋律一点都不流畅
This kitchen has no flow.
烹调就像跳舞
Cooking is a dance.
灶烹调油
Stove, cooking oil.
而这里呢我想拿调料
Instead, I'm reaching for the spices,
结果找到的却是塑料袋
and plastic bags is what I find.
妈我们快饿死了
Mom. We're getting hangry.
外婆说她要能跳起舞来才能做饭
Grandma says she can't cook until she can dance.
-妈 -埃梅
- Mom. - Emet?
给我找个桶和柔和点的洗涤剂
I need a bucket and some mild detergent.
桑尼我是让你去买♥♥点水果
Sonny, I asked you to buy some fruit,
可不是去邻居那里偷
not steal fruit from the neighbor's yard.
我又没伤害谁
Who am I hurting?
我就像只安静的麻雀
I'm a quiet squirrel,
越过篱笆拿我想要的
climbing over fences, taking what I need.
有东西在动
Something moved!
-有东西在动 -吃饭
- Something moved! - Food!
-吃饭吃饭吃饭 -好了好了
- Food! Food! Food! - Okay, okay, okay!
行了别叫了
Okay! Cap it!
我来叫外卖♥♥ 戴维你让大家挺住
I will get take-out. David, keep everyone alive,
把我爸水果里的鬼东西干掉
but kill whatever's in my dad's fruit.
看看搞定了
There. Needs met.
无需男人叉
No manspreading required.
一人世界马上就来
See you soon, 20 minutes.
大家赶紧的
Okay! Hustle up, everybody!
饭来了我的天
Food's here! Oh, my God.
我今晚想跟你睡
I need to sleep with you tonight.
-人家好怕怕 - 什么
- I'm scared. - What?
十二频道获取了这段恐怖的
Channel 12 has footage of this gruesome,
行刑式的凶杀案录像
execution-style murder.
十二频道新闻
疑犯仍然在逃
Suspect still at large.
在逃是什么意思
What does "at large" mean?
在逃就是说他还逍遥法外还可能杀人
"At large" Means he's still out there and could kill again.
爸
Dad!
抱歉他或者她还可能杀人
Sorry, uh, he or she could kill again.
爸好了听我说
Dad-- okay, listen to me.
松手松手我都喘不上气来了
Let go, let go, let go. I can't breathe.
宝贝我今晚给你多读一段睡前故事吧
Hey, honey, I will read you an extra bedtime story tonight, okay?
我自己那二十分钟就这样少了五分钟
There goes 5 minutes off my 20.
-为什么是湿的 - 太好了
- Why is it wet? - Oh, good.
那肯定是杰克吐的
I think that's where Jake threw up.
我们听见孩子吐了
Yeah, we heard the baby puke,
但是并没看见总算找到了
but we didn't see him puke. Found it.
我们还以为他把呕吐物吃了呢像狗那样
Yeah, we thought he ate it like a dog.
-咱们养条狗怎么样 -不行
- Oh, hey, can we get a dog? - No, no.
我们绝对不能养狗
We are never getting a dog.
我得去把我的脚冲冲
I need to rinse off my puke foot.
你这家伙
Dude!
你把狗狗的那张牌给浪费了
You wasted the dog card.
忘了我们的计划了
Remember our plan?
等外公死了以后再说
Wait for Grandpa to die.
虽然我脚上沾了呕吐的东西
All right, I have puke on my foot,
但至少我可以去一个
but at least I get to go to the one place
能让我有片刻安宁的地方
I get some peace and quiet.
妈
Mom!
别告诉我您洗您那个私密地方的同时
Please don't tell me that you are washing your delicates while you...
还在洗您的内衣
wash your delicates.
我是在一水多用啊
I am multi-tasking.
你知道水有多贵吗
Do you know how much water costs?
那您知道看病有多贵吗
Do you know how much therapy costs?
拜托给我留点隐私
Privacy, please.
好吧好吧
Yes, fine. Fine. Fine.
最后的结果就是这样
So it's come to this.
我一人世界只剩下在水盆里
My me-time consists of the 30 seconds it takes
冲脚的这三十秒钟
to wash my puke foot in the sink.
但这一天总算过去了
At least the day is over.
坏了还有邻居那倒霉的快递
Ugh, my neighbor's stupid packages.
现在我还得去处理那个
Now I have to go deal with that.
我的天啊这个地方简直了
Oh, my God. Look at this place.
我感觉我是死后重生到了一个干净
I feel like I've died and gone to a clean, quiet,
祥和没有呕吐物的房♥子
puke-free house.
靠枕们我会像你们写的做我自己的
Yes, pillows, I will "Do me."
我准备好了
I'm ready.
准备好男人叉了
Ready to manspread.
在邻居家的浴缸里
All up in my neighbor's tub.
洗刷刷洗刷刷
Rubba-dub-dub.
游戏之拳
伙计们
Hey, guys.
让开点
Move it.
你今天容光焕发啊
Wait, you're glowing right now.
女人们容光焕发只能是一个原因
There's only one reason why women glow.
-保湿补水 -磨皮
- Moisturizing. - Exfoliation.
-胶原蛋白 -买♥♥了打折鞋
- Collagen. - Shoe sale.
-皮肤微磨削术 -下巴蜜蜡脱毛
- Microdermabrasion. - Chin wax.
-怀孕吗 -更年期
- Pregnancy? - Menopause.
你出轨了
You're cheating on your husband.
没有
No.
你这个小贱♥货♥
You little miss tarty-pants.
我只是
I just...
从我家溜出来去邻居家洗了个澡而已
snuck away from my family and took a bath at my neighbor's house.
那你是跟一个房♥子出轨了
You're cheating with a house.
才不是呢
That's not a thing.
只是那个房♥子特别新
It's just that other house is so new
特别不一样特别好闻
and different and smells nice
那么大的露台我从没见过
and has the biggest deck I have ever--
我是跟一个房♥子出轨了
I'm cheating with a house.
那你可要小心了
Yeah, you wanna be careful.
想不被发现简直太难了
There are a million ways you could get caught.
-相信我我知道 -讨厌
- Trust me, I know. - Ew.
楚易你出轨了吗
Chewey, you cheat?
您高抬我了我没有
That's kind, but no.
我是被出轨了很多次
No, I've been cheated on many a time.
我猜我长了一张
I guess I just have one of those faces
大家见了就想换人的脸
that make you want a different face.
打住打住
Okay, okay.
赶紧告诉我怎么能不被发现吧
So just tell me how to not get caught,
今晚我还得再去呢
because I have to go back tonight.
首先你得有个天衣无缝的幌子