糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E04

Part 2 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

就差一点
Oh. Almost.
没想到的是
Little did I know,
「废物路易长大行动」
Operation Grow the Eff Up
使得这群废物也开始做同样的事
would inspire these eff ups to do the same thing.
你们觉得埃梅说得对吗
Do you guys think Emet's right?
-我们是巨婴吗 -我希望不是
- Are we adult babies? - I hope not.
当巨婴一点都不性感
There's nothing sexy about being an adult baby,
除非是在一些没有品味的黄色网站上
apart from some rather unsavory porn sites. Mm-hmm.
可能我们对于妈妈的依赖
Maybe our dependence on our moms
正是我们无法与女性保持成熟关系的原因
is why we can't sustain mature relationships with women.
伙计如果我妈是
Dude, if my mom is the reason
导致我不能打炮的原因还要她干什么
I'm not getting laid, then who needs her?
我们该怎么做
So what do we do?
妈妈大清洗
Mom cleanse.
戒妈一周
No moms for a week.
我可以做到
Yeah, I can do that.
除了我的药
I can quit anything for a week.
什么东西我戒一周都没问题
Except for my meds.
断药这事得慢慢来
Yeah, I have to taper those slowly.
否则我又要开车
Otherwise I'll just end up
撞进一家丹尼餐厅了
accidentally driving my car into another Denny's.
我喜欢丹尼餐厅
I love Denny's.
终于两星期外加四十七美元之后
Finally, two weeks and $47 later...
好啊
Yes!
成功
Success!
好啊
Yes!
这才是我儿子
That is my child!
一份成人鸡排饭
Grown up chicken for one.
真是香气袭人
Ah, smells divine.
以前我为什么非要吃鸡块呢
Why did I ever need you in nugget form?
成功
Bullseye!
就这样再也不用麦片圈了
And just like that, no more pee Cheerios.
路易
Okay, Louie.
长大的好处之一
One of the perks of being a grown up
就是想花钱买♥♥啥
is you get to spend your money
就能花钱买♥♥啥
on anything you want, okay?
只要别买♥♥枪就行
Just not guns.
行吗宝贝
Okay, sweetie?
别买♥♥能让我上新闻的东西
Don't buy anything that could put me in the news, okay?
-谢谢 -去买♥♥吧
- Thanks. - Go get 'em.
我们的小儿子去买♥♥棒球帽了
Our little boy's buying a baseball cap!
我就知道你喜欢这个
Well, I know you love that.
他为什么换了那么多硬币
Hey, why is he getting all those quarters?
-等等 -怎么回事
- Wait. - What's happening?
什么
What?
去玩那个了
There he goes.
开玩笑的吗
Are you kidding me?
我还以为行动有成果了
I thought we were making progress.
他有长大一点吗
Is he ever gonna grow up?
我觉得他有
Oh. I think he has.
琳达女性内衣店
不我一点也不喜欢这种长大
Oh, no. No, I don't like this at all.
天哪
Oh, my God.
我怎么从来都没注意过路易在看什么
How did I never notice what Louie was looking at?
他喜欢的根本不是摇摇车
It's not the kiddie ride he likes.
而是大男孩的风景
It's the big boy view.
他是骑着毛毛虫先生
He is riding that Mr. Caterpillar
直奔青春期啊
right into puberty.
我想把钱要回来
I want my dollars back.
我以为路易不得不长大了
I thought Louie had to grow up.
但显然他已经长大了
But apparently that's happening..
所以我们现在最好赶紧跟上进度
So now we better hurry and catch up.
那小鬼都开始看咪♥咪♥了
That little guy is ready for boobies?
我怎么没注意到呢
How could I miss this?
他可是穿了件披风上学
Okay, he did wear a cape to school.
谁都会被这假象迷惑的
It would throw anyone off.
他还是个孩子
He's such a baby.
但他也好色他是个好色小宝宝
But he's also horny. He's a horny baby.
我们先确认一下
Okay, let's just make sure that we
我们看到的是不是我们想的那样
actually saw what we think we saw.
我们得超级淡定特别自然
But let's be super cool and chill about it
-不能把他吓着 -有我呢
- so we don't freak him out. - Dude.
小伙子
Hey, buddy.
妈妈和我
Mom and I... .
我们好像知道你那么喜欢
We, well, we think we know why
在商场骑毛毛虫先生的原因了
you've been riding Mr. Caterpillar at the mall so much.
不用大惊小怪
NBD, no big whoop,
但是呢
but, uh,
你是不是想偷瞄
maybe you're just trying to get a little look-see
女士内衣店呢
at the ladies' underwear store?
对不起我真的...
I'm sorry. I'm so so--
-不不不 -不不不
- No, no, no, no, no, no. - Oh wait, no, no, no.
你没犯错
You're not in trouble.
我们可是
And we are just, like,
很淡定开明的人
cool and chill people.
-对 -特别淡定
- Yes! - Super chill.
你没什么可羞愧的
No, you have nothing to be ashamed about.
真的
Really?
-对 -完全没有
- No. - Totes.
你只不过是到了年纪
Listen, you are just getting to that age
开始意识到女孩的身体和男孩不一样了
where you're starting to realize that
开始意识到女孩的身体和男孩不一样了
girls have different bodies than boys.
你可能就是想看看她的...
Maybe you were just trying to get a look at her...
-胸罩 -天哪
- Bra. - Oh, God.
我的宝宝刚刚说了「胸罩」
My baby just said "Bra."
很好很好和我想的一样
Good, good, good, that's what I thought,
和我想的一样
that's what I thought.
行行行
Cool, cool, cool. Tight, tight, tight.
-对 -这没什么...不好
- Yep. - That's...fine.
感到好奇是很正常的
It is totally natural to be curious.
仔细想想
I mean, if you think about it,
胸罩就像...胸部穿的鞋
the bra...is like the shoes of the chest.
好比你的内♥裤♥就像你那里穿的鞋
Whereas, like, your underwear would be the shoe of your--
你知道我怎么想吗
Okay, you know what I think?
我觉得我和你♥爸♥得稍微谈谈
I think maybe that your dad and I just need a quick second to talk
-把这事搞清楚 -对
- and figure this out. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
-谈谈 -对的
- Talk. - Yeah, yeah.
-就一下 -就我们俩
- Just a minute. - Just us.
没事
Okay, that's fine.
你们可以回头再来找我
You can circle back with me later.
我们会的
Okay, we'll do that.
我们回头就会找你
We'll just have our people call your people.
我们回头谈
We'll interface later.
这衣服真不错
Oh. That is a good outfit.
我特别乐意给你脱掉
I wouldn't mind taking that off of you
然后跟你做点什么
and then doing things with you.
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
我从那家给你儿子性启蒙的店里买♥♥的
I got it at the store that turns your son on.
天哪戴维我们该怎么办
Oh, God. David, what are we gonna do?
我们要怎么给这个小孩做性教育
How are we gonna give a sex talk to a kid
他可是把《怪物电力公♥司♥》当恐怖电影看
that thinks "Monsters, Inc." is a scary movie?
这事来得比我们预期的早一点
Yeah, okay, so it's happening
这事来得比我们预期的早一点
earlier than we thought it was gonna happen.
但路易长大了这样...
But Louie's growing up. That is...
挺好的
kinda cool.
我妈妈从没给我进行过性教育
My mom never even gave me a sex talk.
她就是往我床上扔了好多浸会教堂的小册子
She just threw a bunch of pamphlets on my bed from the Baptist church
上面说我自♥慰♥的时候上帝就在盯着我
telling me about how God was watching me masturbate.
我们连浸会教♥徒♥都不是
We're not even Baptist.
你知道我绝不会教他什么吗
You know what I'm not gonna teach him?
-就是自惭形秽 -对