糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E09

Part 2 May 11, 2021, 9:16 a.m.

Uh, David, is this not a good time?
没事现在很方便丹尼斯
No, this is a great time, Dennis. Umm--
丹尼斯
Dennis?
是你老说的那个光头傻帽吗
Is that that bald turd you're always talking about?
-小梅 -别呀亲爱的怎么回事
- Ems. Ems. - No, babe. What?
在家视频办公有点问题
Uh, little bit of a Skype problem at home.
我得去公♥司♥
I need to go into the office.
你下午能带一下孩子们吗
So, can you take the kids for the afternoon?
-好吗 -不行戴维
- Yes? - No, no, no, David.
-这里不是托儿所 -埃梅看我
- This is not a daycare. - Emet. Emet, watch.
我要来了埃梅看着啊
I'm gonna do it. Emet, Emet, check it out. Ready?
不是给孩子们的不是给孩子们的托儿所
Yeah, no, for children. It's not a daycare for children.
我试着在家办公
Okay, I tried working from home.
毫无效率
It wasn't productive, so,
找不到帮手我们就要丢工作了
we can't keep our jobs without help.
除非莉莉能扛起当妈重任否则就得雇人
So either Lily is the mom now, or we hire someone.
你们用不着那么担心
You guys shouldn't be so worried.
找个保姆没那么不好
Okay, having a nanny isn't all bad.
我经历过的有些比较凶
I mean, sure, some of mine were cruel,
有些还挺好但有一点是肯定的
and some of them were kind, but one thing's for certain:
♪自己铺床的孩子是个聪明孩子♪
♪A boy who makes his bed is a very clever lad♪
♪聪明的孩子就不需要个老子♪
♪And a very clever lad doesn't need his dad♪
有点像《欢乐满人间》但比较压抑
It's like Mary Poppins but depressing.
是个事啊
Yeah, it's something.
好吧戴维你说得对
Okay, fine. David, you're right.
我们是该雇个人
Maybe we should just do it.
在我妈恢复之前我们找个保姆
We'll hire a nanny until my mom gets back.
那我们该怎么跟你妈说呢
All right, what should we tell your mom?
你疯了吧什么都不能说
Are you crazy? Nothing.
如果我能瞒着她跟个白人约会一年
If I can hide dating a white guy for a year
我也一定能把保姆的事瞒几个礼拜
I can certainly hide a nanny for a few weeks.
快来看我的大红球看着
Check out my big red ball. Watch!
记住了别理他当他是空气
Okay, you know what? Just ignore. Ignore him.
千万不要跟他讲话
Do not talk to him, ever. Ever.
并排的
Side by side.
如果保姆是个变♥态♥狂或者会嗑药可怎么办
Okay, what if the nanny is a sociopath or a meth addict
或者长了一对大小眼我老忍♥不住盯着看
or has a weird sized eye that I can't stop looking at,
然后她察觉到我的不安
and then she senses that it's making me uncomfortable
转头报复在孩子们身上
and she takes it out on the kids?
从介绍上看这个女的比我们俩
On paper this woman is more qualified
都更有资质带孩子
to raise our children than we are.
我喜欢她这么敲门
Oh, I like her knock.
敲门见性格啊
Mm-hmm. Knock says a lot about a person.
等一下很高兴见到你请进
Just a sec. Nice to meet you. Come on in.
-你好 -你好
- Hi. - Hi!
-我是安娜·梅 -你好啊
- I'm Anna Mae. - Yes, hello.
妈妈好这一定是我的小朋友杰克吧
Hello, Mommy. And this must be my friend, Jake.
来抱抱吧软萌小宝贝
Now you come to me, little smoosh muffin.
别介意他刚开始的时候
Just don't be offended because he does sometimes
可能会有点认生
take a minute to just warm up to strangers and...
-他没问题 -厉害
- He's just fine. - Wow.
小窍门我会在两只耳朵后面抹点香蕉
Little trick--I just dab some banana behind each ear.
小孩都喜欢不过也特招果蝇
Kids love it. Unfortunately, so do fruit flies.
-真是 -这就有一只
- Sure. - Oh, there's one.
路易把我的发带还给我
Louie, give me back my hair tie!
你们别闹了
Guys, cut it out!
路易
Louie!
-这是我的发带 -我有用
- It's my hair tie! - I need it!
小伙子我猜这一定是那个东西吧
Is that what I think it is, young man?
我只听说过
Wow, I have heard of those
绝没想到你居然又一个
but I can't believe you actually have one.
这个不是发带或者武器
This is not a hair tie or a weapon.
这是个姐弟关系魔法绑定带
This is a magical sibling bonding band.
快把手腕给我晚了就不灵了
Hurry up! Show me your wrist before it loses its power.
我能感觉到
Wow. I feel it.
-这女的还真行 -是啊非她不可了
- Oh, this bitch is good. - Yeah, that is the real deal.
你是谁
Who are you?
她是安娜·梅是你们的新保姆
Yeah, uh, guys, this is Anna Mae and she's your new nanny.
她可是有魔法的
'Cause she's magic.
你们晚饭想吃什么鸡肉派怎么样
So, what do we want for dinner? Chicken pot pie?
你们想要脆皮底还是饼干顶的
Are you more of a crusty bottom or like a biscuit top guy?
-这个 -等下两个都要吗
- Well-- - Wait. Both?
人能同时爱上两个女人吗
Can you love two women at once?
能
Yes.
我和格瑞夫一直在说
Uh, me and Griff have been talking
我们想去你的城♥堡♥
and we want to come to your castle.
对啊我们俩的公♥寓♥你都祸害过了
Yes. You've taken dumps at both of our apartments
这样才公平
so it's only fair.
而且现在黑人也可以去了
And I know black people are allowed now
英国哈里王子夫人美国黑人女演员
因为梅根公爵夫人一脚端开了门
because Duchess Meghan kicked down the door.
早上好
Hi guys, good morning.
安娜·梅做了松饼这女人太神奇了
Anna Mae made muffins. This woman is amazing.
她会做饭打扫卫生还哄孩子
I mean, she cooks, she cleans, she tricks the kids.
这就是我梦想的贤妻良母的样子
This is exactly what I dreamed parenting would be like.
我猜不会有新鲜搅拌好的黄油
I don't suppose there's any freshly churned butter
配松饼吧
to go with them, is there?
没有
No.
那她还是比不上保姆塔比瑟啊
Well, she's no nanny Tabitha, then.
完了完了这太糟了
Oh, no, no, no, this is terrible.
我妈要好了
My mom is gonna be fine.
过几天她就能下地了
She's gonna be back on her feet in a few days.
太糟了
Damn.
我每晚都祈祷我妈妈身体健康
I pray every night that my mom stay healthy
看来只有我会这样
but that's just me, I guess.
只有你好吗我希望她健康
That is just you, okay? I want her to be healthy.
我只是希望她一小段时间里
I just don't want her to be able to walk
不能走路或起身
or get up for a little while.
这有错吗
Is that so wrong?
主治焦虑紧张有催眠镇静之效
安娜·梅就像是阿普唑仓片修♥炼♥成精了
Anna Mae is like if Xanax became a person.
我和戴维要做的就是尽可能地
And David and I needed to make this prescription
维持这个处方的药效
last as long as possible.
我只能指望戴维会撒谎
I just had to hope David could lie.
孩子们向你问好他们和特里纳在一起
The kids send their love. They're with Trina.
你不认识她但她确实存在
You don't know her but she exists.
我的远房♥表妹是亲戚
She's a third cousin of mine. Family.
只是暂时照看你还好吗
It's only temporary. How are you doing?
我想我的外孙们
I miss my grandkids.
不许坐那是高级座椅
Hey, no sitting. That's the fancy chair.
-你在干什么 -我忘了家庭站规了
- What are you doing? - I forgot family stands.
妈妈我们很开心你感觉好多了
Oh, Mom, we are just so glad that you're feeling
但是你应该慢慢调养知道吗
so much better but you should take your time, you know?
我们不希望你
I mean, we wouldn't want you to come back
还没康复就回来
before you're ready.
你又会伤到自己的
You could reinjure yourself.
你可以休息半年
You could be gone for, like, six months.
胡说八道小时候
What nonsense. When I was a girl
尽管我得了疟疾全身发热
I won the jump rope competition
可还是赢了跳绳比赛
while I was burning with malaria.
我坚强着呢
I'm a strong woman.
她说得没错快扔块石头在她脚边
Oh, she's right. Quick, throw a wooden block
绊倒她
at her feet and hobble her.
玛雅孩子们想你但是他们很好
Maya, the kids, they miss you but they are fine.
我在家工作算是吧
I'm working from home, kinda.
你可以慢慢恢复
You should take your time and get well.
也许我是该多躺一段时间
Yeah, perhaps I should stay off my feet a bit longer.
必须的妈妈
You definitely should, Mom.
桑尼房♥间里既冷又热
Oh, Sonny! It's both too hot and too cold in this room.
当然亲爱的
Of course, my love,
我应该根据你的要求将空调温度既调高又调低
I shall both raise and lower the thermostat per your needs.
我们得走了你好好休息既温暖又凉快