糟心的我（2018）

I Feel Bad S01E05

Part 3 May 11, 2021, 9:15 a.m.

You've questioned your looks for like six seconds.
可自从芭比娃娃去了海滩我就一直受此质疑
I've been doing it since Barbie went to the beach.
对女人来说整个世界都在「拍肉肉」
The whole world is a Fat Pat for a woman.
你知道机场那就有一家塑身衣店吗
Do you know that there is a Spanx store at the airport?
无论我们去哪
Doesn't matter where we're going,
-我们都要瘦着去 -我还注意到
- we just have to get there thin! - And I've noticed
那些店附近会有家威泽尔椒盐卷饼店
they're always next to a Wetzel's Pretzels,
-都是误导人的信息 -我承认好吧
- which is kinda mixed messages. - And, yes, okay?
我欺骗了你但只是因为我知道
I tricked you, but only because I know
让别人指出你的缺点有多么难受
how awful it feels to have someone point out your flaws.
所以你猜怎么着不客气
So, you know what? You're welcome.
因为今年的派对我们才不要像去年那样
Because now, we won't go to that party
看起来好像怪物史莱克和他的怪物老婆
looking like Shrek and Fiona like last year.
肯定没有这么糟糕
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
我的天啊
Oh my God!
我们一定要拍出你说的完美照片
Okay, we're gonna get you that good picture.
-谢谢 -这张照片必须消失
- Thank you! - That has to go.
我爱你抱一个
Oh, I love you! Come here.
-五个深蹲 -好吧
- Five squats. - Okay.
诺曼你不能不让我教你的小姑娘们
Norman, you can't keep me away from your little girls.
抱歉凯伦工作上的事
Sorry, Karen. Work stuff.
格瑞夫你怎么这么看重这事
Griff, why does this matter to you?
因为我喜欢赢好吗
'Cause I like to win, okay?
不管怎样这不重要因为一个特别的人
Anyway, it doesn't really matter, because somebody
在男厕所听到我表演B-Box
special heard me beatboxing in the men's room
于是就邀请我在发布派对上打碟
and asked me to DJ the launch party.
我会向那些学员发表讲话
Oh! Ha ha. I'm gonna address those mentees.
还是伴随着音乐讲话
And it's gonna be through music.
格瑞夫如果真的想帮那些女孩
Griff, if wanna help those girls,
不要总想着是为了自己
stop making this about you.
你看你不参与
Yeah, see by removing yourself,
就是为孩子做的最正确的事
you're doing what's right for the children.
至少这是我爸离开时说的话
Or at least that's what my dad said when he left.
凯伦你能不能拿了酸奶就走
Karen, will you just pick a yogurt?
我喜欢酸奶酸奶
I like yogurt. Yogurt.
你知道奶酪有别的意思是吗
You know what yogurt means, right?
她在排卵期
She's ovulating.
你就是个危险人物
You are just nothing but red flags.
我们已经满头大汗了
Hey, since we're already sweaty,
你想不想把父母送回家
do you wanna send your parents home
跟你练出好身材的丈夫去「耍一下」
and take your husband's new body out for a joyride?
可以我很愿意这么做
Yeah, I can get into that.
别亲了怪恶心的
Oh, stop tonguing, sickos.
给你♥爸♥倒杯健康蔬果汁他需要喝一杯
And give Daddy some of that green slop. He needs it.
好吧愿原力与你同在
All right. May the force be with you.
这真有效
Wowee! That is potent.
还很快速
And fast.
太生动形象了
Oh...that is TMI.
好了冲刺阶段
All right, home stretch day.
我要去涂蜡除毛去死皮保湿
I'm getting waxed, wrapped, peeled, scraped, moisturized,
还要被吐口水因为美容师口齿不清
and spat on--that's just 'cause the facialist has a lisp.
亲爱的你觉得我需要做那些吗
Sweetie, do you think I need any of that stuff?
亲爱的不要你做得很棒
Sweetie, stop. You're doing great.
不不不不要宠坏我
No, no, no. Don't coddle me.
社会可不会宠坏你
Society doesn't coddle you.
我听着呢说吧
See, I listen to you. Give it to me.
来吧打击我
Come on, hit me.
-好吧 -来吧
- All right. - Yeah.
你的额头油光发亮
Your forehead's shiny,
你的眉毛跟木偶的一样
and you're getting Muppet eyebrows.
-不要看我 -我要打电♥话♥给美容师
- Don't look at me! - I'll call my people.
宝贝我真的很感谢你这么做
Babe, I really appreciate you doing this.
现在你知道我都经历过什么了
Now you understand what I go through all the time.
我爱你
I love you.
看到没这就是我想你们搬来跟我住的原因
See? That is why I want you to come and live with me.
亲爱的我要最后用一次杏仁磨砂膏
Hey, honey, I'm gonna do one last apricot scrub,
摆脱我油光发亮的额头
really try to beat back this forehead shine.
关门关门
Door! Door!
为什么你在厕所吃蛋糕
Why you are eating cake in a room
这儿可是拉屎的地儿
made for the opposite of eating?
玛雅想我吃得健康点好吗
Maya wants me to eat healthy, okay?
我也没什么意见
And I'm fine with that.
想要尽可能活久一点
I want to live as long as possible.
但我也想享受生活
But, I also want to enjoy my life.
我必须找到保持平衡的方法
So I had to find a balance.
那就是「厕所蛋糕」
And that balance is toilet cake.
所以别出声
So, shhhh.
这几周戴维和我一直在锻炼
David and I had been working on ourselves for weeks,
是时候在派对上闪亮登场了
and now it's time to party.
这不公平爸爸能化妆我却不能
No fair. Dad gets to wear makeup and I don't?
完全不知道你在说什么
I don't know what you're talking about.
这是古铜色化妆品
It's bronzer.
我知道是我发起的但我求你们把衣服换了
I know I started this, but I'm begging you, change.
你们打扮得太过了
You've gone too far.
-好吧 -我感觉不错
- Okay... - I feel good.
我们不会换的
Yeah, not gonna happen.
你俩看起来不错极其迷人
Wow. You guys look great. Absolutely rrr-avishing.
谢了儿子
Thanks, bro.
你知道吗
You know what?
你可以想几点睡就几点睡
You can stay up as late as you want.
-我同意 -就这样
- I like it. - 'Kay?
晚安
'Night.
我敢肯定那个男仆很喜欢我
Pretty sure that valet guy was super into me.
我也这么觉得因为我们都很性感
Same, 'cause we sexy like that.
我们都很性感
We are sexy like that.
等等房♥间里只有我露着乳♥沟♥吗
Oh, wait, am I the only one in the room with cleavage?
我们是不是打扮得有点过了
Is it possible we over-shot it?
二位
Wow, guys.
-你好 -这太有趣了
- Hey! - This is so funny.
抱歉解释一下
Sorry, explain it to me.
你们俩看起来有些疯狂
You two look insane because...
你是说我们看起来很性感吗
You mean we look hot?
你们俩好像活生生的迈阿密海滩
You look like if Miami was a person.
是的我们得走了
Ugh--yes, yes, we do. And we need to go
要不然又要被拍了
before they get another picture of us.
那照片会显得我们像肤浅的白♥痴♥一样
One that makes us look like shallow idiots.
-我们很性感 -你们不能走
- We look hot. - You can't leave.
我指导的女孩儿们在那边
The girls I'm mentoring are here,
你应该给她们做演讲的
and you're supposed to talk to them.
还有《重编码》的记者来了
Also, a journalist from "Recode" is here,
她在报道整个派对
and she's covering the whole thing.
好吧我不知道这个情况
Ahh. Okay, I did not know that.
我很乐意给她们演讲
I look forward to speaking with them.
拜托
Oh, come on!
没事的没事的
It's okay, it's okay.
我不想给那些女孩传递错误的信息
I just--I don't wanna send the wrong message to these girls.
你看起来挺好的
You know what, you look great.
我能补救回来
I can fix it! I can fix it!
真的要这样吗
Okay, whoa! Really?
没错就这样拿着它
Yeah, right here. Okay, hold that.
我依然是一个有能力的榜样
I am still gonna be an empowered role model
或许能照几张完美的照片
and maybe even get my perfect picture.
喜欢这些的感觉可真不好
I do not like how much I like these.
-戴维 -抱歉我觉得
- David. - Sorry. Look, I think
你反应过度了
that you are overreacting, we do not
我们没有你想象中的那么难看
look as bad as you think you we do--
真的看看周围
No, seriously, look around and we--
我现在懂了我确实打扮得挺蠢的
Okay, I see it now. I completely over-douched.
我们俩都是给我你的眼镜
We both did. Give me your reading glasses!
好
Okay.
我看起来聪明点了吗