实习医生格蕾

Grey's Anatomy S20E01

Part 6 March 18, 2024, 8:45 p.m.

I need to know.
他的血还在我鞋上
His blood is still on my shoes.
我的手昨晚是我的手在保持阿特曼医生的心跳
And my hands- - my hands kept Dr. Altman's heart beating last night.
我现在都不知道她是不是还活着
And I don't even know if she's alive right now
因为恩杜古把我从介入放射科赶出来了
because Ndugu kicked me out of the IR suite.
我我集中不了精力
I- - I can't focus.
我无法思考我还可能被开除
I- - I can't think, and I also might be fired.
被这个唯一愿意雇我做外科医生的地方开除
From the only place that would hire me as a surgeon.
我们是实习医生
We are interns.
我们找人的时候你们应该要在的但我们拼命找了
You were supposed to be there when we called, but we- we called and we paged,
我们多希望能有人打开门进来
and we hoped that someone would come through those doors
可是直到一切都来不及才有人出现
and no one did until it was too late.
一直有人在问我接下来怎么办
People keep asking me what's next.
我还以为至少能给我24小时来消化一下呢
I thought I'd at least get 24 hours of taking it all in.
不如接下来几天我的手术你帮我消化了吧
Well, how about taking over my surgical cases for the next few days?
你没事吧
Uh. Everything okay?
昨天在飞机上你打掉了我手里的一杯酒
You knocked a drink out of my hand, yesterday on the plane.
昨晚在颁奖结束之后我又点了一杯
And then last night I ordered one after the awards.
我没喝
I didn't drink it.
差点就喝了而且我就一直在想着这件事
I almost did. And it's been in my mind ever since it happened, and
我现在不放心自己进手术室
I don't trust myself in the OR right now.
可能永远都放不下这个心了
I'm not sure I ever will.
你会的
Oh, you will.
你之前就经历过你知道要怎么回去
And you've been here before, and you know how to get back.
重新开始是很难没错
And starting over can be hard
但这能让你想起你为什么要坚持到现在
...but it'll remind you why you have made it this far.
不用担心你的手术
And don't worry about your surgeries.
谢谢你贝利
Thanks, Bailey.
我成功清除了血栓恢复了她腿部的血液循环
I successfully removed the clot and restored circulation to her leg.
所以我们现在会继续给她用肝素并且密切监控
So we'Il keep her on heparin for now, and then we'II monitor her closely.
谢谢你真的谢谢你
Thank you, really. Thank you.
我去给你买♥♥点咖啡 -好
I'|Igo get you some coffee. Okay.
血管和凝血检查交给我了你可以回家了
AlI right, I've got the cue on vascular checks and the coags, so you can go home.
但我是这个病例的负责住院医生而且这是阿特曼医生
Oh, but I'm the resident on the case, and it's Dr. Altman.
而且你也熬了一个通宵了你该回去休息一下
And you've been up all night, so go home and get some rest.
你会去休息吗
Are you going to?
趁我还没改主意赶紧回去施密特
Go home before I change my mind, Schmitt.
泰迪怎么样了
How's Teddy?
她还没醒
Uh, she still hasn't woken up yet.
你生气了吗
You're mad?
没有
No.
你这就是在说谎了而且你生气了
Now you're lying, and you're mad.
听着我告诉他们待在教室里好吗
Look, I told them not to move, okay?
我说过他们不能碰病人不能行医
I said they couldn't touch patients or practice medicine,
但他们没听我的话又搞砸了
but instead of listening to me, they screwed up again.
这不一样啊
And this was different.
是没错这次他们甚至做了开腹探查
Yeah, right, this time, they actually performed an ex lap.
对啊因为患者要死了
Right, because the patient was dying.
而且我就在旁边指导他们
And I was right there guiding them through it.
是梅瑞狄斯你不明白
Yeah, Meredith, you don't get it.
如果他们一次又一次地搞砸
If they keep screwing up over and over and over again,
那我就不能搬去波士顿
I can't move to Boston.
什么
What?
如果项目要黄
If the program's falling apart,
那我的良心就让我没法走好吗
I can't leave in good conscience. Okay?
就算是为了跟你在一起我也做不到
Even if it is to be with you, I can't do it.
你是最讨厌波士顿的了
You hate Boston.
是我懂但总得给个第二次机会
Yes, I do. But, you know, second chances.
我都不知道我还能不能在波士顿工作
Well, I don't even know if I still have a job in Boston.
只要你不提你的研究就行
Well, you do if you shut up about your research.
听着你会想到办法的你总有办法的
Look, hey, you'II find a way. You always do.
你刚教两个实习医生在撞坏的救护车里做了开腹探查
You just talked two interns through an ex lap inside of a crushed ambulance.
你会找到办法的 -那是有人帮我
You'll find a way. - I had help.
怎么了
What's happening?
我有个主意
I have an idea. Oh.
行
Okay.
韦伯医生给玛克辛拔了管
Dr. Webber extubated Maxine.
她现在很饿在说话而且很生气
She is hungry, talking and annoyed.
今晚你要来我家吗
You wanna come over tonight?
我都说我恨你了
I said I hated you.
我也说过我爱你但我都说我恨你了
I mean, I also said that I love you, but I said that I hated you.
所以呢
So what?
这二者相互抵消了吗
One cancels the other out?
我的意思是当时我显然是在说胡话
What I'm saying is that I clearly wasn't making sense.
因为玛克辛的事我情绪崩溃了
I was an emotional mess because of Maxine
而且脆弱会导致极端情绪的出现
and vulnerability leads to emotional extremes.
我对很多人都说了这两句话
And I say both of those things to a lot of people.
你是说现在吗
Like, as in now?
我不是一夫一妻制的拥趸
I don't subscribe to mononormativity.
而且我我不能一直保持在
And also I- - I can't be walking around
担心让自己爱的人失望的状态里
worrying about disappointing the one person I'm supposed to love.
如果误导你了那我很抱歉
I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.
不
No.
这样这样我也松了一口气
It's- - It's a relief.
我就是想跟你说这件事我也觉得这样更好
You know, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I agree. It's better.
这样就不会尴尬了
You know, so things won't be weird.
行
Well.
那挺好
Great.
挺好
Great- Mmm.
你们到底看不看短♥信♥
Do you or do you not check your texts?
马什在回实验室的路上了
Marsh's on his way back to the lab.
贝利要我们一小时后去查看一下患者的检验结果
Hey, uh, Bailey wants us to check on the patient's labs in an hour.
我这辈子就一个愿望
I've wanted one thing my entire life.
就是这个
This.
成为外科医生
To be a surgeon.
现在我可能会失去一切
And I could lose everything.
又一次失去我所为之努力的一切因为
All I've worked for- - once again- - because...
你说吧西蒙妮
Say it, Simone.
因为我
Because of me.
你昨晚为什么答应帮我
Why did you agree to help me last night?
你可以拒绝的
You could've said no.
你可以跑出去找主治医生
You could” ve run out of the room and grabbed an attending,
但你却拿起了手套
but instead you grabbed a pair of gloves.
因为我拒绝不了你卢卡斯
Because I can't say no to you, Lucas.
我们没用两分钟就弄死了一个人
We killed a man in less than two minutes.
一个优秀的外科医生应该承担失败他们会道歉
Good surgeons own their failures. They apologize.
你为什么不行你为什么不能
Why can't you? Why cant you...
承认我们所做的是错的呢
admit that what we did was wrong?
因为我们没错
Because it wasn't.
我不会为此道歉的西蒙妮
I won't apologize for it, Simone.
我是绝对不会为努力而道歉的
I- - I won't ever apologize for trying.
我不带着后悔而活
I don't live with regrets.
看来这就是你我不一样的地方了
I guess that's where you and I are different.
你后悔我们的事情吗
Do you regret us?
不我只是
No, I just-
你和我昨晚
You and me last night- -
一切都发生得太快了我需要一点时间
Everythings happened so fast, and I think I need a minute.
行
Yeah.
你会对山姆的事情感到内疚吗
Do you feel guilty about Sam?
我感觉很遗憾山姆是我们的病人
I feel badly about him. Sam was our patient.
我知道我在面对他的时候
I know that I could've been a better version of myself
有时是可以表现更好一点的但
around him, at moments, but- -
但
But
我们不在场
we weren't there.
我们不在场
We weren't.
但山姆的死不是因为我们做了或者没做什么
But Sam didn't die because of something we did or didn't do.
他是得了非常严重的并发症
He had a terrible complication
就算是一些最厉害的心胸外科医生都救不回来的
that some of the most talented cardiothoracic surgeons can't fix.
我就感觉
It just feels
在别人再没没机会开心时自己这么开心好像不太对
so wrong to be this happy when other people will never get that chance again.
我我为什么能得到这一切