大军团广场事件（2020）

Grand Army S01E08

Part 3 May 7, 2021, 6:59 p.m.

I do think, however, it's important for us to focus on looking ahead.
我觉得对我们而言更重要的是向前看
There's a lot of healing that can happen
在我们非常不完善的司法体系之外
outside of our very imperfect justice system.
还有很多治愈的机会
Joey?
乔依
Sorry.
抱歉
Let's talk about what's…
我们来说说...
going on in your body right now,
你现在身体的情况
and how you're processing the trauma.
你如何应对这种创伤
Which one?
哪一种
The rape that never happened?
没有发生的强♥奸♥
Or the rape kit I stupidly put myself through,
还是我做的那个强♥奸♥检查当时笨透了
even though everybody told me it would turn up nothing?
尽管所有人都说没任何发现
Or maybe the fact that I've…
又或者是我
fucked my entire life over for no good reason?
无缘无故地就毁掉了自己的人生
Which one do you wanna talk about?
你想谈及哪部分
When do you start Sacred Heart?
你何时开始去圣心学校
I start next week.
下周开始
How are you feeling about it?
你有什么感觉
Like I can't believe that I have to start over at a new school
不敢相信我要在高三末期
at the end of junior year…
去新学校重新开始...
and live with my dad.
还有我和我爸住在一起
How is it going at your dad's?
在你♥爸♥那边情况怎样
It's only been one night.
就一晚上
I don't know. I know he's trying, but…
我不知道我知道他在努力xa0但是…
it's just really weird.
就是很奇怪
Tell me about that.
告诉我
When…
就在...
…he came to my mom's place…
...他来我妈家...
…after she told him what happened,
...在她将所有事告诉他之后
it's the first time that he'd been inside of our apartment since he moved out,
那是他搬走后第一次来我们家
and not just, like, in the doorway or by the elevator.
不是在门口或者电梯旁
And he stayed the whole night, and…
他留下来过夜
I hated having him there.
我讨厌他在家里
But then it was like,
但后来就像
"You should fucking live here."
"你真的该住在这里"
And I've been so fucking mad at him for cheating on my mom.
我一直很怨恨他出轨背叛了我妈
But then that night, he was, like, sitting on our couch…
但那天晚上他就坐在我们的沙发上
and he cried.
他哭了
It was the first time we hugged like that in a really long time.
第一次我们拥抱这么久
And I was like…
我想…
this is still my dad.
他依然是我爸
And I'm still his little kid.
我还是他的小女孩
And now he can probably picture it, you know?
现在他大概会这么想你懂吗
And I'm responsible for that.
我也是有责任的
I'm fucking things up for everyone,
我把所有人的事情都搞砸了
and I wish that my family wouldn't have to be impacted by this bullshit.
我希望我的家庭不用受这些破事影响
Joey…
乔依...
you are not responsible.
你没有责任
Yeah, I am though.
对我有
Like, no matter what everybody's saying, I actually am.
不管其他人怎么说但我有责任
I chose to go with them.
我自己要跟他们出去
I hailed the cab.
我叫的出租车
I got fucked up.
我明明一塌糊涂
But I still feel like I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing.
但还是觉得我做的都是对的
But I've lost so much in all of this, and they've lost nothing.
但我失去了很多他们毫发无损
Fuck me!
不是吧
So I'm trying to understand, but I have questions.
我试着去理解但我有些疑问
OK.
好吧
All the stuff about next year and the taking the bus to come to see me,
你说的明年还有坐巴士来看我的事
and you don't wanna be away from me. Was any of that real?
还有你不想远离我这些是真的吗
Yeah.
是的
I… I wanted it to be.
我希望是这样
So you were just gonna date me, even though you knew that...
你要和我约会即使你知道…
I didn't know.
我不知道
I mean, I knew, but…
我是说我知道但是…
I thought if I couldxa0keep focusing on you, things could be different.
我想如果能将注意力集中在你身上情况也许会不同
But it wasn't?
但不是这么回事
We had sex.
我们上过床
I never meant to hurt you or use you... Yeah, I know, but you did use me.
-我没想要伤害你或利用你或… -对我知道但你确实利用了我
And I'm fucking pissed.
我现在很生气
And it makes me angry because I know it's not your fault, not all of it.
我生气是因为我知道这不是你的错完全不是
I wanna be there for you because I love you.
我想要支持你因为我爱你
Saying that makes me feel like a fucking idiot.
说这样的话让我觉得自己像个白♥痴♥
You're not an idiot.
你不是
Did you think I would judge you? No!
-你觉得我会评判你吗 -不是
Then what then?
那怎么回事
Being with you made me feel…
和你在一起让我觉得
normal.
很正常
It made me feel like…
让我觉得...
the son my parents always wanted me to be.
我是父母心目中理想的儿子
The guy the team always needed me to be.
游泳队想要的健将
You made me feel…
你让我觉得...
like who I wanted to be, instead of…
我是我想做的那种人而不是…
And I love you.
而且我爱你
Don't say that.
不要这样说
I do love you. It's just…
我确实爱你只是…
Fuck.
该死
Have you tried anything? With guys?
你有没有试过做和男人
While we were together?
在我们一起的时候
Did you use fucking condoms? I never fully…
-该死的你有用套吗 -我从未…
I'm such a stupid idiot.
我真是个大白♥痴♥
I really thought that…
我真以为…
What am I even doing here?
我来这里做什么
I don't know if you want me to…
我都不知道你是否想我…
I'm sorry.
对不起
I'm really fucking sorry.
真的很对不起
I apologized to everyone,
我向所有人道歉
and no one's accepted my apology.
但没人接受我的道歉
No one's texted me back.
没人给我回信息
Rachel basically doesn't talk to me, and what did I really even do?
瑞秋基本上就不跟我说话我究竟做了什么
Did you tell Rachel you're going through a lot of changes and...
你是否跟瑞秋说你正经历很多变化…
Yes, and she was dismissive.
有她很不屑
So, how can she say I'm being a bad friend when she just…
她怎能说我是个差劲的朋友而她自己…
And also, can I just say…
还有我能不能说…
why is it so wrong that I've changed a little?
我改变一点有什么错
Like, why won't she just accept my apology and move on?
她为什么不能接受我的道歉然后不再计较
I think it might help to think about this a little differently.
我想换个角度思考或许会有帮助
All of this is a practice.
这些都是练习
Atonement, for example, it's a lifestyle.
赎罪举例来说是一种生活方式
A value system, right?
一种价值体系好吗
Apologies are part of that, sure, but…
道歉当然是其中一部分但...
…it's a longer road.
...这是一条更长的路
Yeah, I get that.
对我明白
It's just, I'm really upset, and I need to find a way that...
只是我很不开心我要找到办法…
Leila, why don't you and your family come to services tomorrow?
蕾拉你和父母明天一起过来参加礼拜吧
I think you might really respond to the sense of community here.
我想你会对这里的社区感产生共鸣
My parents aren't religious.
我父母不信教
So…
所以…
Is there really nothing else you can think of that I can do right now?
你真的想不到我现在有什么可以做吗
I wish Judaism worked like that, but…
我希望犹太教有这种效果但是…
unfortunately,
很遗憾
no quick fixes in the Torah.
"妥拉"中没有给出捷径
I'm happy to have these conversations with you.
我很高兴跟你交流
I do wanna make sure you know…
我真的希望你明白...
there is a difference between a spiritual adviser…
精神导师和治疗师...
and a therapist.
是不同的
If you feel like you might wanna talk to someone, we have resources here.
如果你想找人倾诉我们这里有些资源
I can get some recommendations.
我可以为你推荐
No, thanks. I'm fine.
不用了谢谢我没事
Do you have to get that?
你要接吗