大嘴巴（2017）

Big Mouth S03E09

Part 3 Oct. 9, 2020, 10:54 a.m.

哇我是个男孩还是家商店啊？
Ladies and gentlemen, who wants to be smarter than a fifth grader?
女士们先生们谁想比五年级的学生聪明？
We're in seventh grade.
我们读七年级了
It's loser thinking like that, Jessi,
那样是废柴的想法杰茜
that makes you a fuckin' joke. -Excuse me?
让你像个该死的笑话 -你说什么？
You couldn't dazzle a tribe of monkeys with sleight of hand
你都不能能用花招迷惑一群猴子
if your bullshit life depended on it.
如果你的狗屁人生都押在上面
Jay's right. His Adderall's amazing.
杰伊说得对他的阿得拉超赞
When I squint, I can see through people's clothes.
我眯眼的时候就能看穿人们的衣服
Now, it'd be a crime to keep this miracle drug to myself,
把这样的神奇药物据为己有就是犯罪
so I'm selling these pills for the low, low price of $20 each.
所以我以每片20美金的超低价售出
We don't need your drugs, Jay. We're already smart.
杰伊我们不需要你的药我们已经很聪明了
You're basically trying to sell Randy Newman
你基本上是像给兰迪纽曼贩卖♥♥
a bitingly satirical pop song.
一首辛辣讽刺的流行歌♥曲
I'm tempted, but addiction runs in my blood.
我心动了但我骨子里就是瘾君子
My Uncle Skip got hooked on motion sickness pills.
我叔叔斯基普迷上了晕车药
Soon one Dramamine became two,
一片茶苯海明很快变成两片
then wham, bam, thank you, Dram, he tried to marry his own boat.
马上就坏事了他最后想娶自己的船
Yeah, Jay, it's wrong, and we are not interested.
是啊杰伊这是不对的而且我们不感兴趣
I want one. Give me one.
我要一粒给我一粒
hashtag metoo.
我也要
Business wolf, sellin' pills! Wolf of Walgreens.
商业精英卖♥♥药丸沃尔格林之狼
Ha-ha. Yeah, pills. Ha-ha. For my bungholio. Ha-ha-ha.
对献给我的桶孔之神的药丸
Okay, FDR introduced the New Deal in 1933 for what reason?
好富兰克林德兰诺罗斯福 1933年实行新政是因为？
All right, okay, New Deal, New Deal,
好的新政
because the old deal wasn't working, right?
因为旧的政策不行了对吧？
the old deal fuckin' sucked.
旧政太烂了
Right, so he brought in the New Deal, a better deal.
对所以他实行新政更好的政策
Deal or No Deal, Howie Mandel. Howie Man-deal.
《成交不成交》豪伊曼德尔豪伊曼迪尔
this is all gold. -Here's the deal with Howie Mandeal.
这些都是金句 -这是和豪伊曼迪尔打交道
I'm fuckin' hard right now. Are you hard right now?
我的老二现在超级硬你硬了没有？
I've never been less hard.
我一直都这么硬
My dick's inside of my stomach. I'm all balls.
我的老二在我肚子里我整个人都是蛋
Put that in.
把这个写进去
my God. Nick's already on the essay.
我的天啊尼克已经在写作文了
Maury, I need your help.
毛瑞我需要你的帮助
Well, well, well. Look who's interested in Maury again.
瞧瞧谁又对毛瑞感兴趣了
Come on, I know I screwed up, baby.
拜托宝贝我知道我搞砸了
I know it, but listen,
我知道但是听着
when this test is over, I am gonna jerk off so much
考试结束后我会疯狂打飞机的
I will need one of those big Gatorade bottles with a handle
我会需要一个带把的大佳得乐瓶子
just to rehydrate. ...huh.
用来补充水分
And then, when I'm done drinkin' it, you know what I'm gonna do?
等我喝完的时候知道我要干嘛吗？
I'm gonna fuck that bottle.
我会操那个瓶子
Will you put a warm sponge inside?
你会在塞一块温暖的海绵吗？
The warmest sponge money can buy.
用最温暖的海绵多贵都行
That actually sounds really nice.
听起来很棒
So will you help me? -Okay, fine.
那你会帮我吗？ -行吧
Here's what we know. You're not smart. -That's true.
这是我们已知的：你不聪明 -没错
You have no Adderall. -I do not.
你没有阿得拉 -我没有
You've gotta cheat.
你必须作弊
Copy the smart girl's answers. - my God, you're brilliant.
抄那个聪明女孩的答案 -我的天啊你好聪明
And while you're at it, you can look down the front of her shirt.
抄的时候可以往下看她衬衣的前面
All right, let's just focus on one thing at a time.
好吧咱们一次先干好一件事
Maybe later you go to the bathroom, do a little self sucky-fucky.
没准待会你可以去卫生间玩一玩自吸自撸
Maury, you know I can't reach.
毛瑞你知道我够不着
Not yet. That's why every couple months,
现在够不着所以每几个月
we must try.
我们就必须尝试
Ah, yes, the monthly try.
是的每月尝试
By the end of the semester,
学期结束的时候
you'll be eating your own ass.
你就能吃自己的屁♥股♥了
They'll call you Armadillo Boy,
他们会称你为犰狳男孩
and families will come from far and wide to watch you feast upon yourself.
家家户户会从四面八方赶来观看你对自己大快朵颐
OK, yeah, back to the test.
好的回到考试
Keep moving, Glaser. Synonym for capricious.
继续格雷泽反复无常的同义词
Mercurial, fickle, volatile.
变幻莫测变化无常不稳定
Get out of here, you shitty kitty.
滚出去该死的凯蒂猫
Yeah, vanish, evacuate, fuck off.
对消失撤离滚蛋
Is it just me, or were there some curveballs in that test today?
就我这么觉得还是今天的考试有些坑？
No, I think it's just you, Magoo.
没有我觉得是你的问题脱线先生
That shit was a cakewalk.
这考试简直易如反掌
And my toes, baby,
我完全可以
they're covered in frosting. -What?
边答题边吃零食 -什么？
Hey, Jay, I wanna buy more Adderall.
嘿杰伊我想再买♥♥些阿得拉
I'm in a race with these meth addicts about who can take a sink apart faster.
我在和这些冰♥毒♥成瘾者比赛看谁能更快地戒毒
Hold on. Are you guys all on study drugs?
等等你们都在吃学习药吗？
That's not fair.
那不公平
Yeah, it's a major bummer, but I feel amazing.
对啊真的好烦人但我觉得很棒
And I just realized there's a better way to fold my T-shirts. Sorry, bye.
我发现有更好叠T恤的办法抱歉再见
Not sorry. Bye.
并不抱歉再见
How are we supposed to compete when everyone else
别人都在不正当竞争的时候
has their thumb on the scales? -I know.
我们要怎么跟他们拼？ -是啊
If I'm not the smartest person in our grade,
如果我不是年级里最聪明的人
then, well, who... who the heck am I?
那我到底是谁？
I'll tell you who I am!
我会告诉你我是谁
Someone who has earned the respect of people with no teeth.
赢得了没有牙齿的人的尊重的人
Jesus, this blog says Malala didn't get into Yale
天啊这条博客说马拉拉没进耶鲁
'cause she didn't have enough extracurriculars.
因为她没有足够的课外活动
How do you get on blogs? -What? That's your fucking question?
你怎么上博客的？ -什么？你♥他♥妈♥要问这个？
Well, I mean, are they different from websites?
我是说跟网站不一样吗？
I shouldn't have to explain this to you.
我不需要向你解释
Shred those shanks.
踩爆这两条小腿
Please. This was great for taking the test,
求你了这个考试很好用
but now I need to go to sleep.
但我现在需要睡觉
My mind feels insane.
我觉得自己疯了
Sleep is for the weak,
睡觉是弱者干的
like Jimmy Smits
就想吉米史米茨
who doesn't deserve to eat the shit out of Andy Garcia's smooth Cuban butt.
他不配吃安迪加西亚光滑的古巴屁♥股♥里拉出来的屎
What? -Now crank up that anxiety knob,
什么？ -现在启动焦虑旋钮
because we're gonna start fixating on what broke up your parents' marriage
因为我们要开始专注于父母婚姻破裂的原因
in three, two, one... go!
三二一开始
Andrew, now that you're a big-time cheater...
安德鲁你现在是个作弊高手
Um, don't call me that, please.
别这么叫我拜托
...the test is no longer an issue, right?
考试就不成问题了对吧？
I suppose, yeah.
我猜是吧
So I was thinking maybe you can...
那么我在想也许你可以…
stroke your dick until you come? -!
撸到射♥精♥？
Look at you with the ideas.
你还挺有想法嘛
All right, any time now. -Hm.
好的随时都行
Is something wrong?
有什么不对劲吗？
I don't know what's goin' on. It's just...
我不知道怎么回事就是…
Completely soft. God, is it me?
完全疲软天啊是因为我吗？
Am I not sexy anymore?
我不性感了吗？
No, it's not you. It's me. I think I'm just worried about the cheating.
不不是因为你是我的问题我觉得我就是在担心作弊
no. You've got Cheater Peter.
噢不你有作弊性不举
Cheater Peter? -It was a big problem for a dear friend.
作弊性不举？ -对密友来说这是大问题
I'm not gonna name names, but he's a famous cyclist,
我不想点名但撒谎皮特是个著名的自行车骑手
one testicle, first name Lance.
一粒睾丸名为兰斯
Lance Armstrong?
噢兰斯阿姆斯特朗？
Lance Armstrong.
兰斯阿姆斯特朗
Hey, game boy,
嘿游戏男孩
time to turn off the Fortnite and turn on the good night.
该关掉《堡垒之夜》开启美好夜晚了
I heard about Fortnite on NPR.
我在国家公共电台听说过《堡垒之夜》
Nah, I'm good. I'm gonna stay up.
我很好我待在楼上就好
Where did this Xbox come from?
这个微软游戏机是哪来的？
I bought it with cash, and it's kind of none of your goddamn business.
我用现金买♥♥的跟你们屁关系都没有
Jay, you've got more testing tomorrow.
杰伊你明天还有更多考试
Turn the game off now. -!
立刻把游戏关掉
Fuck all these rules. Leave me alone.
去他妈的规矩别烦老子
Whoa, Wario, bring back Mario. - I've had enough of this.
哇瓦里奥把马里奥带回来 -我受够了
At my old house, there was only one rule,