As puberty begins, hormones are released
随着青春期到来 荷尔蒙开始分泌
and the sexual organs begin to change.
性器官开始发生变化
The uterus is the center of female reproductive activity...
子♥宫♥是女性生殖活动的中心
The uterus? I thought girls had vaginas.
子♥宫♥ 我以为女孩长的是阴♥道♥
I thought that, too, but I guess they don't.
我也是那么以为的 估计不是那么回事
Maybe vagina is, like, slang.
或许阴♥道♥是种俚语的说法
Did someone say "Vagina"?
有人提到阴♥道♥了吗
Oh, no, no, no. Not now. Fuck, yeah, now!
别别别 现在不行 就要现在
Go away. You are not real.
走开 你不是真实的
You're just some hormone monster my brain created.
你只是我的大脑创造的某种荷尔蒙怪物
If I'm not real, then how come I'm sending blood
如果我不是真的 我现在怎么会
to your sweet penis right now?
往你那可爱的小♥弟♥弟♥输送血液
Come on. The ovaries release the egg,
拜托 卵巢释放卵子
then travel down the Fallopian tube.
卵子沿输卵管向下输送
"Fallopian." What a savory word.
"输卵管" 多么活色生香
Describes exactly what it is, you know what I mean?
描述得再恰当不过了 你明白我的意思吗
Okay, I should tell you, this is school and we need boundaries.
我得告诉你 这是学校 我们不能随心所欲
If you want me to go away, you know what you have to do.
要是你想让我消失 你知道该怎么办
Jerk off Jerk off, yeah, yeah, yeah! Exactly.
撸管 没错 撸管
Let's go to the bathroom and climax into that thin toilet paper.
去洗手间吧 对着薄薄的厕纸射一发
How come in all these videos
为什么这些视频
puberty for boys is like the miracle of ejaculation
都在说男生的青春期像是射♥精♥的奇迹
and for girls we're just a yarn ball of aching tubes?
而女生的只是一堆管子组成的线团
Ew, that's gross. Yeah, exactly.
好恶心 可不是嘛
And that's why we need equal pay.
所以说我们需要同工同酬
My dad says when you take into account maternity leave,
我爸爸说 要是你把产假算进去
you do get equal pay.
确实是同工同酬
Your dad's a scumbag DUI attorney.
你♥爸♥就是个负责酒驾诉讼的烂律师
Yeah, and he makes bank.
没错 但他能赚大钱
Too bad he can't afford tweezers for that unibrow.
可惜他买♥♥不起拔毛的镊子 眉毛都连在一起了
Shut up, Matthew! Come on, come on, come on!
闭嘴 马修 快点 快点
Wheels up in 30 seconds.
你还有三十秒
Ms. Kazan, can I please go to the bathroom, please?
卡赞老师 我能去洗手间吗
If you don't get out of here right now,
要是你还不离开这儿
we're gonna "Jackson Pollack" all over your pants.
你的裤子就要变成杰克逊·波洛克的画作了
Who? He's a famous abstract expressionist.
那是谁 著名抽象表现主义画家
Oh, my God... I'll take notes for you, Andrew.
天啊 我帮你记笔记 安德鲁
Thanks, Missy. Let's go, let's go.
谢谢你 米西 快走吧
I'm coming, I'm coming. Not yet.
我来了[我要♥射♥了♥] 还没呢
That's why we gotta get to the bathroom, sweetheart.
所以我们得去洗手间 亲爱的
Am I a lucky guy or what?
我是个幸运儿 对不对
I've got this beautiful family, a gorgeous home,
我有这么棒的家人 再好不过的家
the sounds of Duke Ellington-- a great African-American American.
艾灵顿公爵的演奏 他是个伟大的非裔美国人
Andrew, did you know that Duke Ellington died in this house?
安德鲁 你知道他就是在这座房♥子里去世的吗
I did, Dr. Birch. This house has rhythm.
我知道 伯奇医生 这座房♥子有他的韵律
That's right. What can I say? I love cocktail facts,
没错 我能怎么说呢 我喜欢鸡尾酒知识
and I also love this woman.
我也爱这位女士
Not only did she prepare a fantastic meal
她不仅准备了这顿超级棒的晚餐
and birthed three beautiful children--
还生了三个漂亮孩子
no drugs. Oh, please. Nick slipped right out of me.
还没用麻♥醉♥药♥ 拜托 尼克直接滑出来了
Mom, Andrew's here. He's family.
妈 安德鲁还在呢 他算是家人
Anyway, he shouldn't be afraid of a vagina.
不管怎么说 他也不该怕阴♥道♥
Okay, can we be excused? Once you pay the "Snuggle tax."
好 我们可以下桌了吗 先交"拥抱税"
Come here. Come here.
过来 来嘛
Mom!
妈
Oh, I could eat you alive.
我都能把你活吞了
Mom, can you not do this in front of Andrew?
妈 别在安德鲁面前这样好吗
You smell like freshbuttered baby. Give me a whiff.
你闻着就像刚抹上黄油的婴儿 让我闻一下
Mom, loosen your grip. I want to put you back up inside.
妈 放开我 真想把你塞回我的肚子里去
Okay, we're going up now. Goodbye.
好 我们要上楼了 再见
Love you, Nicholas. Love you. And you, too, Andrew.
爱你 尼克拉斯 也爱你 安德鲁
Sorry.
抱歉
What a fantastic best friend. The kid's dynamite.
那孩子真是个好朋友 小孩就是有活力
From the corner! Swish-hh!
角落投球 空心球
Hey, so this, like, dance on Friday,
星期五的这个舞会
I think I'm not gonna go. Oh, please. Yes, you are.
我觉得我不会去了 拜托 你一定要去
I'm not gonna ask a girl. I don't need that kind of rejection.
我不会邀请女孩一起去的 我不想被拒绝
We're gonna go as a group-- me, you, Jessi and Jay.
我们组团一起去 咱俩还有杰西和杰伊
But Jay's been bragging
但是杰伊一直在显摆
that he's gonna get fingered at the dance.
说他在舞会上 别人会帮他指交
What? He's gonna get fingered.
什么 别人会帮他指交
Okay, first of all, I think he's got that wrong.
首先 我觉得他理解错了
Either that or you have grossly misquoted him.
要么就是你恶心地转述错了他的话
And Jay hasn't even kissed a girl, I guarantee it.
而且杰伊连女生都没亲过 我保证
None of us have. Not, you know, with tongue anyway.
我们都没亲过 起码没用过舌头 你懂的
Of course, 'cause when you do kiss a girl, to make it official...
当然 正式亲女生的话
There's gotta be tongue. Major tongue.
必须要有舌头 各种舌头
You want to flick your tongue around. Ideally.
舌头还要到处轻探 那再好不过
And you really want to get your tongue underneath hers, too.
还要把舌头伸到她舌头下面
Yeah, you want to get in there like a Claritin to just dissolve.
对 你想让它像抗过敏药一样在那底下融化
Yeah. Yeah.
没错 可不是嘛
We know what we're talking about. It's nice to talk like men.
我们都知道在谈什么 像大人一样谈话真好
Yeah.
没错
It stings.
好痛
But it's worth it.
但是值得
What are you doing? Oh, my God!
你在干嘛 我的天
Don't look. Of course. I'm not looking at all.
别看 当然 我根本就没看
No! Sorry. Oh, my God.
不 抱歉 天啊
Sorry for what? I don't know.
为什么要道歉 我不知道
I don't know either.
我也不知道
You know, I actually didn't even see anything.
你知道吗 其实我什么都没看见
I don't even know what you're talking about.
我都不知道你在说什么
Okay. Well, good night.
好 晚安
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the Hormone Monster.
敲门 那是谁 荷尔蒙怪物来了
No, no, no, you gotta be kidding me.
不 不 不 你在开玩笑吧
Nick is right there, sir. And?
尼克就在这儿 还有什么
And I'm a good person.
还有我是个好人
I wouldn't do that laying next to a friend.
我不会躺在朋友身边做这种事
Then why am I here? Oh, my God, you're always right.
那我为什么会出现 天啊 你总是对的
What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing.
我到底是怎么了 没怎么
You're a perfectly normal gross little dirtbag.
你是个完全正常的粗俗的小废柴
Now stare at that cat clock and massage your dinger.
现在盯着那个猫咪钟 按♥摩♥一下你的小♥弟♥弟♥
No. Nick's grandmother gave him that clock.
不 那个钟是尼克的祖母给他的
She knew what she was doing. Yeah, she did.
她知道她是在做什么 没错
Okay.
好
What a little clock-tease.
让钟稍微挑逗你一下
Her eyes are darting back and forth,
她的眼睛来回转动
thinking, "Meow-meow, who's got the cream?"
像是在想"喵呜 谁有奶油"
Me. I've got the cream. Yeah.
我有奶油 没错
Oh, my God. It's okay. It's okay.
天啊 没事的
Just picture your dad's associate Susan.
把它想象成你♥爸♥爸的同事苏珊
Oh, Susan.
苏珊
Susan actually came to the summer outing,
其实苏珊这次参加夏季郊游了
and she said that I was really sprouting into a fine young man.
她说我正在发育成一个很不错的小伙子
That's right. Look at her sinewy arms.
那就对了 看她那肌肉发达的手臂
Susan, show me your top naked. Yeah.
苏珊 让我看你脱掉上衣的样子 没错
Oh, God. And she's got Fallopian tubes.
天啊 而且她有输卵管
Oh, God, okay.
天啊 好吧
So, Susan, um, what's it like
苏珊 在人力资源部工作
to be in human resources?
是什么样的
I'm done.
我完事了
Good night, you prince of Westchester,
晚安 韦斯特切斯特王子
you king of the tri-state area.
三州地区之王
Wait. What do we do about the mess?
等等 这堆东西该怎么办
Sleep in it, pig.
睡在里面吧 小鬼
So we're not going to Jay's to play basketball?
我们不去杰伊家玩篮球了吗
No.
不
It turns out that I have family stuff this weekend.
刚发现我家里这周末有点事
Well... this is me.
我到了
I'll see you at school on Monday? Yeah.
我们周一学校见 好