剧集 | 大嘴巴(2017) | 导航列表
NETFLIX 原创剧集
So, to begin with, we both love romantic comedies--
从头说起 我们两人都爱看浪漫喜剧
This is actually how we met. -Let me tell it.
我们就是这么相遇的 -我来说好了
Okay. -I was watching Must Love Dogs--
好吧 -我当时在看《征婚广♥告♥》
Diane Lane. -Diane Lane.
天啊 戴安莲恩 -戴安莲恩
Diane... Lane.
戴安莲恩
There's a scene where she comes down for her date with John Cus--
有一幕讲述她和约翰库萨克约会 -我很喜欢那一幕
I love that scene. -Yes, she's in this spaghetti strap dress.
她穿着一件吊带裙
Ooh-la-la. -I look over next to me,
性感极了 -我往身边一看
and who's sitting thereThis guy!
知道谁坐在我身边吗? -就是我
He was a dog.
他是一只狗
I really thought he was a large dog. -Woof, woof!
我当时真的以为他是一只大狗
So anyway, he suggests we double down
话说回来 他建议再看一部电影
and watch Nights in RodantheNo!
就看《罗丹岛之恋》吧 -不是
It wasn't Nights in Rodanthe. -Yes, it was.
不是《罗丹岛之恋》 -是
It was Under the Tuscan Sun. Yes. -Ugh, as much as I hate to say it,
是《托斯卡纳艳阳下》才对 -算了 我不想承认
he's right. -He hates when I'm right. He hates it.
他说得对 -每次我说对时 他都不高兴
Like, when I'm like, "Let's jerk off in the shower."
例如当我建议一起到厕所撸管子时
Well, it rattles me, you know? You're so... often wrong.
我气坏了 你又不是不知道你经常搞错
But when I'm right... -When you're right, you're right!
可是每当我说对时… -就真的说中了
So Diane's life had come to a standstill--
电影中戴安的人生遇到了瓶颈
Right, she needs to find herself in Italy.
她必须到意大利去重拾自我
Okay, and this whole family sees her on a balcony,
他一家人看着她穿着胸罩
and she's in her bra. -And we paused it,
站在阳台上 -我们把影像停在那一幕
and I did what I did,
我做了那一刻该做的事
and, uhYeah, the rest is history.
然后… -接下来就不必多说了
Wow, that was over 18 months ago.
天啊 那是18个月前发生的事
Feels like I've known you a lifetime. -Yeah.
感觉上我们已经认识很久了 -对啊
Diane Lane. -Diane Lane.
戴安莲恩 -对 戴安莲恩
Is any of this usable?
这些片段都用得上吗?
《青春无禁忌》呈现
剧名:我毛茸茸的情人
I am your new Hormone Monster.
我是新来的荷尔蒙女怪
Okay, just gonna...
那我就…
Why do my nipples hurt so much?
乳♥头♥怎么这么疼呢?
Happy Valentime's Day, my little baby Bunsen burner.
情人节快乐 我的小种马
hey, happy Valentine's Day.
对啊 情人节快乐
I was just, umSneaking out?
我刚才… -想悄悄溜走吗?
No, I wasn't sneaking out, I just...
不是 我不是想悄悄溜走 我只是…
You know, late for school, but--
上学快迟到了 但是…
Hey, do you know what's going on with my nipples?
你知道我的乳♥头♥是怎么回事吗?
yeah, they're gonna get all tender and swolled up like a Butterball turkey.
它们会变得鼓胀疼痛 就像包装火鸡一样
And do you know if this is, like, normal for boys?
对于男生而言 这是正常的吗?
Absolutely. I think so. -What?
是吧 -什么?
Maybe. -Hold on,
应该是吧 -慢着
am I the first boy to ever have a lady hormone monster?
我是第一个有荷尔蒙女怪的男生吗?
Pssh, no! Course not. - good.
胡说 当然不是 -那就好
You just happen to be my first boy. -What?
你只是刚好是我的第一个男生
I'm the first boy you've ever had? -They like me with girls, mostly.
我是你的第一个男生 -女生都喜欢我
I don't think I'm a girl, am I?
我不是女生 是吧?
No, you definitely got a penis. -Right, I'm a boy.
没错 你有肉♥棒♥ -对 我是男生
Or a girl, with a penis. -You know what? I really just gotta go.
也可能是有肉♥棒♥的女生 -算了 我该走了
All right, you run along, baby. I'll be here farting up in your bed.
宝贝 你快去吧 我打算在你的被窝里放屁
m, that smells like raw honey.
闻起来像天然的蜂蜜
Sorry, forgot my my God! What is that?
抱歉 我忘了…天啊 这是什么味道?
You like that? -No!
喜欢吗? -才怪
That came from the front.
这股屁是从前面出来的
Okay... all right.
搞定
What do you think of my valentine for Missy?
我给蜜茜的情人节礼物如何?
Okay, let me... -Will you put your glasses on?
我来看看 -你大可戴上眼镜
I don't need 'em. I don't need glasses.
我不需要眼镜
Okay, let me see... "Your move, mama."
让我看看 上面写着:“轮到你了 老娘”
Right? -Interesting.
不错吧 -有意思
Remember, I saw on your computer that she still has a thing for me.
我记得上回从你的电脑了解到 她对我还有意思
So you're telling her to make the next move,
你不曾有过行动
even though you've made no move?
却叫她采取进一步行动?
Exactly. I always blow it on Valentine's Day
没错 我往年情人节表现得太过火
because I try too hard. But this year?
所以才搞砸了 但是今年…
I'm flipping the script, daddio.
小子 我打算一反传统
A red Kangol hat? -Burgundy.
你居然一顶红色军帽? -错 是酒红色
Andrew, I'm gonna be honest with you.
安德鲁 我不想骗你
You look... insanely good.
你看起来帅极了
Like Billy Crystal at a Clippers game. -That's exactly what I was going for!
像去看快船队比赛的比利克里斯托 -这正是我的想法
Women love Billy Crystal!
女人都爱比利克里斯托 -对 没错
Dina!
迪娜
You understand!xa0You understand!
你懂的
Your dad did not understand.
你♥爸♥不懂
Happy Valentine's Day!
情人节快乐
Valentine's Day sucks!
恶心 情人节是一场噩梦
Is this trying too hard?
我这么穿是不是太过头了?
I got it at Topman, yet it screams bottom.
这是从Topman买♥♥来的 但看起来像廉价品
Top, bottom. These are old paradigms, man.
高级和廉价都是行话
You look like a hot hunk of cheese. -Ah, fuck it.
你看起来像个极品猛♥男♥ -算了
I'm the only out kid in the whole school.
我是全校唯一一个不入流的人
There's nobody for me to give a valentine to.
没有人会愿意跟我一起度过情人节的
That's why I've been pushing you to go on websites.
这就是我为何敦促你上网交友的原因
Going online to meet someone just feels thirsty.
上网交友只会让自己看起来很饥渴
Yeah, thirsty for some of that bussy.
渴望“肛穴”?
Bussy? What is bussy?
“肛穴”?什么是“肛穴”?
It's butt pussy. You're into that, right?I don't know.
就是肛♥门♥ 你喜欢吧? -我不知道
That's why you gotta get online, Matt.
所以你才要上网啊 马修
! They talkin' 'bout butt pussy!
天啊 他们聊起了肛♥门♥
If that makes you uncomfortable, buckle up, y'all!
如果你听了不舒服 那就要采取安全措施了
'Cause this is a double episode! Double the butt pussy!
毕竟这是加长版 所以包含双倍的肛♥门♥内容
That's four cheeks. Spread 'em out, bitches!
两个屁♥股♥加起来总共有四个臀瓣 把腿张开来 贱♥人♥
God, Jay, you're so good at the before-sex stuff.
杰伊 你的前戏太棒了
Yeah, for girls and guys, bro.
对啊 男女都受
yeah, I guess I'm kind of... the ultimate fuck machine?
是啊 我应该就是 那个“最强做♥爱♥机器”了吧?
Jay's about to jerk and chow his way through our brutal course,
杰伊将撸撸通过重重难关
all to become the next...
以成为下一个
Ultimate Fuck Machine!
最强做♥爱♥机器
And here he goes.
开始了
First up is Booby Bridge.
首站是“巨♥乳♥桥”
And... he made it!
成功通过
Now he's gotta get past the Ding-Dong Pegs.
接下来他爬上“大雕洞洞板”
Rock those cocks, dude!
小子 好好操
On to the Double Gazz...
来到了“双高♥潮♥升降机”
If he can just get them to cum at the same time...
看看他能不能让它们同时达到高♥潮♥
Ladies and gentlemen...
各位先生女士
Jay Bilzerian is your... Ultimate Fuck Machine!
杰伊比瑟瑞恩就是“最强做♥爱♥机器”
God, I love fucking you both,
天啊 太棒了 我很喜欢用截然不同的方式
but in such different ways.
干♥你♥们两个
So, what are we doing for V-Day, Jacked Galifianakis?
那我们情人节有什么节目 小种马?
I want a romantic dinner and a magical night of hardcore pounding.
我希望能一起吃顿浪漫的晚餐 然后度过一个销魂之夜
But I wanna do a bro CrossFit workout session
我想一起做混合健身 然后来一个
and stuff that grape leaf.
“狂风扫落叶”
How are we supposed to share you, you stinky little sex champ?
该怎么把你一分为二呢 小种马?
Guys, relax. I can do you both
两位 别激动 我可以同时操你们两个
and give each of you the perfect Valentine's Day.
让你们拥有一个美好的情人节
Now, who should I flop my dick around on to dry it off?
我应该把肉♥棒♥放在谁身上甩干?
Me, bro, me! -No, me, Jay, me!
老兄 我来 -不行 杰 我来
Happy Valentine's Day, Nicky!
小尼克 情人节快乐
m, looks like it's just gonna be the three of us for dinner tonight.
看来今晚只有我们三个人一起用餐了
Did you make your mother a card? -I'm on it.
你有给你妈做贺卡吗? -还没做好
Judd, what about you? -Dad, your breath smells like pussy.
贾德 你呢? -爸 你的口气闻起来像阴♥道♥的味道
It always does. -Ew, gross.
向来都是 -恶心
Nick, your family has no boundaries!
尼克 你家人说话做事都没底线的
They're like Doctors Without Borders.
就像无国界医生
♪ If the doctors ate each other outxa0♪
如果医生互相残杀…
Guys, can we just tone it down this year for Valentine's Day?
各位 今年情人节可以低调一点吗?
Tone it down?
尼克 你叫我们低调?
Nicky, Valentine's Day, it's wonderfulIt'sIt's--
剧集 | 大嘴巴(2017) | 导航列表