大嘴巴（2017）

Big Mouth S03E09

Part 1 Oct. 9, 2020, 10:54 a.m.

NETFLIX 原创剧集
yeah, you're in deep dookie now, Kemosabe.
你现在麻烦大了忠实的朋友
So why don't you just come clean and tell us the whole story?
你干嘛不老实招来把整个事情和盘托出？
Um, okay.
好吧
And really paint a picture. Do all the voices.
要把画面描绘出来复述所有声音
I'm Nick's Dad.
我是尼克的父亲
I might be gay.
我可能是同性恋
And I'm the hot mom.
我是辣妈
I love Jay like a son and a lover.
我爱杰伊就像爱儿子和情人
You know what? Don't do the voices. You're goddamn terrible at it.
算了吧不要声音了
Just tell us what happened.
你太不擅长了就告诉我们发生什么事了吧
Okay, well, at the end of every school year,
好吧在每个学年结束时
we have this big three-day standardized test,
我们会进行一场为期三天的大型标准化的测验
the Academic Skills Survey.
学术技能鉴定考试
Sure, the ASSes.
当然学技鉴考
Now, that's a hard test.
那个考试挺难的
Yeah, well, I tried to explain to Elliot and Diane that I don't take the ASSes.
我试过向艾略特和黛安解释我不用考这个狗屁考试
What do you mean, you don't take the test?
你说不用考试是什么意思？
Principal Baron said I bring down the school's average,
巴伦校长说我会拉低学校平均分
so I'm the child they're okay leaving behind.
所以他们不介意扔下我
Every year on test day, they send him to the zoo alone.
每年的考试日他们会把他单独送去动物园…
I'm not alone.
我不是独自一人
I hang out with the monkeys.
我跟猴子一起玩
They love close-up magic
他们喜欢近景魔术
and are very dear friends.
也是很好的朋友
The school sends you to the zoo?
学校把你送去动物园？
hold on. I have a note.
等等我有个便条
Where is it? it's in here somewhere.
在哪呢？就在这里某个地方
Hang on. I know.
等等我知道了
I bet it's in the wet section.
我打赌它在湿区
Jesus Christ.
老天爷啊
this backpack is a disaster.
这个背包真可怕
No wonder you're struggling at school.
难怪你在学校不好过
You're totally disorganized.
你简直毫无章法
Guys, guys, it's okay.
诸位没事的
Nobody cares about me.
没人在乎我
No, Jay. You're staying with us now, and we care.
不对杰伊你现在跟我们住我们关心你
Okay. But the monkeys are gonna be disappointed.
好吧但是猴子们会失望的
One more sleep.
再睡一觉
Then, the magic boy returns!
魔术男孩就会回归
Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay!
杰伊
God, I love this new recumbent bike.
天啊我爱这个卧式自行车
It's so easy on my back and my knees.
我的后背和膝盖都很轻松
Yeah, you've mentioned that.
嗯你说过了 -我刚发现
and I just found out that Trader Joe's has a shower.
乔氏超♥市♥还有淋浴
So if I get that job, I can bike the 20 miles there...
如果我得到那份工作我可以骑36公里去上班…
There's a shower at Trader Joe's?
乔氏超♥市♥有淋浴？
Well, it's a hose in the back, but yeah.
就是后面有根水管啦但好歹也行
You're late.
你迟到了
Please tell me she did some practice exams for the ASSes tomorrow?
请告诉我她为明天的学术技能鉴定考试做了模拟试题
Mom, calm down. ...-
妈冷静点
I'm just excited for you to start this journey.
我只是为你要开始这趟旅程感到激动
You could be the first female president.
你可以成为首位女总统
Wait. We've never had a female president?
等等以前没有女总统吗？
Shannon's puttin' too much pressure on you.
莎侬给你加了太多压力
You're still a kid. You're not even usin' tampons yet.
你还是个孩子你还没用卫生棉呢
Yeah, I don't wanna put anything, like, inside.
是啊我不想在里面塞任何东西
That diagram was scary.
那个图解太吓人了
Why's her leg up on the toilet?
她干嘛把腿放在马桶上面？
Jessi, if you ace this exa... Sorry, when you ace this exam...
杰茜如果你考得好… 抱歉当你考好的时候…
I thought for sure we had a woman president.
我以为我们肯定有过女总统
...you'll get into all the honors classes.
你就会进入尖子班
I can totally picture a lady's hand on the Bible.
我完全可以想象女人的手放在《圣经》上
Then Teen Jeopardy! -
然后就是《危险青少年》 -唉
And then Yale. Yay, New Haven!
然后是耶鲁大学对xa0纽黑文
What was that? -What?
那是干嘛？ -什么？
My mom mapping out my path to the White House?
我妈在描绘我的白宫之路？
No, for a second I thought I saw that gloomy Depression Kitty.
不是那一下我还以为看到了悲观忧郁凯蒂猫
shit. I thought I got rid of my depression.
天啊我还以为自己摆脱抑郁了
you know what it is? I'm thinking of House of Cards.
你知道吗我在想《纸牌屋》
I don't miss you, Greg.
我不想你克雷格
Hey, Andy, why don't you come to bed? Squirt, squirt.
嘿小安不如来床上啊撸一撸
Maury, I'm a little slammed right now, okay?
毛瑞我现在有点焦头烂额好吗？
I got this test tomorrow.
明天要考试
Sure, of course, but don't you want a little break?
当然但你不想休息一下吗？
Of course I want a break. -Don't yell at me.
我当然想休息一下 -别吼我
I am just stressed out, okay?
我压力太大了好吗？
My dad says if I blow the ASSes,
我爸说如果考砸了
I'm gonna end up a loser in Florida like my Uncle Skip.
我就会像斯基普叔叔一样成为佛罗里达州的废柴
snap, Andrew,
我靠安德鲁
you put another one of your dumb-ass babies up in my sloogie.
你又往我的啪啪通道里塞了个蠢崽
Why am I married to Vicky in this fantasy?
这个幻想里我怎么娶了维琪？
The person I wanna have sex with is my cousin.
我想发生性关系的是我表妹
We ain't married neither, but you still gotta pay for this baby's red soda.
我们也没结婚但你依然要
And he's a guzzler, I can tell.
给这个孩子买♥♥红汽水我看得出来他能吃能喝
Why did she call it a sloogie?
她为什么要说啪啪通道？
I think that's the sound it makes?
我觉得可能是拟声词吧
Dr. Engel, I'm concerned about Jay's ability to focus.
恩格尔医生我担心杰伊的专注力
Jay, honey, why don't you tell the doctor what a school day's like for you?
宝贝杰伊跟医生说说上学的日子对你来说是什么样的
Well, first, I'm always super late to homeroom.
首先我会很晚到达主教室
Then I pick at my skin until it bleeds,
然后我就揪起自己的皮肤直到流血
at which point I start drumming relentlessly.
这个时候我开始打鼓打个不停
Once Miss Benitez kicks me out,
等碧妮特兹小姐将我赶出去
that's around when I, quote, "lose time."
大约是在我引用的“失控时间”
I come to...
我恢复理智后
and it's assistant principal's office, principal's office,
就到了副校长办公室接着是校长办公室
drink cups of stuff on a dare.
接受挑战喝好几杯东西
And then I usually stare out the window at a bird
然后我通常透过窗户盯着一只鸟看
and I wonder, "What if I was that bird?
我想如果自己是鸟会怎么样？
Would my shit be white like the bird's shit
我的屎会和鸟屎一样白吗
or green and watery like mine? "
还是像我自己的屎一样又绿又稀？
Enough! I already wrote you a prescription for Adderall, and here's a sample.
够了我给你开了阿得拉的处方给你尝一粒
You're clearly suffering from ADHD.
你显然罹患注意力不集中症
Well, do you think he needs therapy?
你觉得他需要治疗吗？
What? No, no! That's what the pills are for.
什么？不用吃药就行了
Therapy is when my wife wants me to waste one of my four days off because...
治疗是我老婆要我浪费四天假期的一天
"I always mock everything she says."
因为我会嘲笑她说的任何事
Do I really have to listen to him?
我真的要听他的话吗？
Sometimes medication can help.
有时药物会有帮助
You know, when I had Judd, I had postpartum depression...
我生了贾德以后得了产后抑郁症
Done. I totally swallowed it. Hah!
好了我整个吞掉了
Now what happens?
现在会发生什么？
I wanna hump shit.
我想操屎 -我赢了
Where's my wand? I'm poking dog shit with it.
我在用它们戳狗屎
No, I wanna hump that dog shit!
不对我想追捕那条狗
All right, off the ground,
好了起来
maggots. Line up.
蛆虫排好队
I am your pill sergeant
我是你们的药丸中士
and this nonsense is over!
闹剧结束了你们的新命令是
Your new orders. Jay is going to sit quietly on the ride to school.
杰伊去学校的路上会安静♥坐♥着
Yeah, right.
可不是么
lookee here. Someone thinks they're cool.
瞧啊有人觉得自己很酷
We've got a regular Andy Garcia on our hands.
我们手上有位熟悉的安迪加西亚
Well, Garcia, let's see you mesmerize the movie-going public
加西亚让我们看看我的脚踹在你屁♥股♥上的时候
with my foot up your ass.
你还怎么迷倒观众
I'm sorry, I'll be quiet on the ride to school, I swear.
对不起上学路上我会安静的我发誓
That's right!
这才对！
Jay's gonna listen.
杰伊会听话的
He's gonna nod while Diane talks
黛安说话时他会点头
and, when appropriate, he will say,
适当的时候他会说
"Wow, amazing."