大嘴巴（2017）

Big Mouth S03E06

Part 2 Oct. 9, 2020, 10:54 a.m.

这些都同等重要 -安德鲁小声点
They bred and there were... -Andrew...
他们生了孩子 -安德鲁拜托…
minimal problems with the children. -This...
孩子问题很少 -我会…
I'm doing my report on my new best friend, Duke Ellington.
我的报告是关于我的新挚友艾灵顿公爵
Jay, what the fuck are you talking about? Duke's mine.
杰伊你♥他♥妈♥在说什么？
Whoa, are you saying you own him?
伯爵是我的 -你是说你拥有他吗？
What? That is super hashtag problematic.
什么？ -这下问题就大了
Jay... John Oliver is gonna fucking torch you, bro.
杰伊… -约翰奥利弗会把你烧死的哥们 -好吧
Fine. You know what, everybody?
诸位是这样的
I'm gonna do my report on Harry Houdini.
我的报告要写哈利胡迪尼
What? No! You can't even begin to understand the father of modern magic.
什么？不行你根本没法了解现代魔术之父
is that who he was?
他有这种背景？我以为他是…
I thought he was, like, a ballerina who cried a lot and had a huge, weird butt.
一个经常哭有个又大又怪屁♥股♥的芭蕾舞♥女♥演员
That... What? No, you can't... What? No!
什么？不行你不可以…什么不要
Too late, Jay. -His butt was perfect.
太迟了杰伊 -他的屁♥股♥无懈可击
I'm doing Harry Houdini, the emotionally fragile...
我要写哈利胡迪尼这位情感脆弱…
...and famously thicc male ballerina.
以粗壮著称的男芭蕾舞演员
It is nothing for me to gain mass.
对我来说增加肌肉是小菜一碟
Psst, Jessi. -What?
喂杰茜 -干嘛？
Let's play Do the Thing again. -Ugh, I don't know if I wanna play.
咱们再来玩“嗨起来”吧 -唉我不知道要不要玩
I'm not great at that game.
我不擅长那个游戏
Aw. -I don't even know how to win.
唉 -我都不知道怎么赢
Win? You mean have an orgasm?
赢？你是说到高♥潮♥吗？
Ugh, don't say that word. -Would you rather I said climax?
呃别说那个词 -你宁可我说性♥欲♥高峰吗？
No. -Full release?
不要算了 -充分释放？
No thanks. -Pussy scream?
阴♥道♥尖叫？ -不要
Nope! Okay, let's stick with orgasm.
好吧咱们就用高♥潮♥好了
And while we're speaking plainly,
我们坦率地说吧
so when I put my hand to my vagina... ...hm... Right...
我把手放在阴♥道♥上的时候… -嗯…好吧…
...it feels... medical.
感觉…是在体♥检♥
Well, jeez Louise, when you talk about it like that,
老天爷哦你这么一说
takes all the bubbles out my soda pop. -Sorry.
把汽水里的泡泡都搞没了 -抱歉
Besides, there's more than one way to do it.
再说了办法也不止一个
All right. -Joojle it.
好吧 -你去久久一下
I think it's Google. Here we go, okay. -It's Joojle.
我觉得是谷歌♥一下好的 -是久久
"How to have an orgasm."
如何到高♥潮♥
All right, well, here's an article in Good Housekeeping.
好吧《时尚好管家》里有一篇文章
Ew, that sounds like work.
那个听起来像是工作
Look over there, Bethany's First Orgasm.
看那里《贝瑟妮的第一次高♥潮♥》
Right, but that looks porn-y.
对但看起来好色情
And that's why we are interested? -I guess we are, All right.
所以我们才感兴趣吧？ -是吧？那行
my God, oh, my God,
我的天啊
This is my first orgasm!
这是我的第一次高♥潮♥
It's nice that they got her balloons.
真好把她的气球都拍出来了
Why don't you put down that vibrator?
干嘛不放下那个按♥摩♥棒♥？
Whoa.
哇
Yeah. -! This is my first orgasm again!
耶 -噢！这又是我的第一次高♥潮♥
Okay, okay. Um, I know we're supposed to believe women,
好吧行了我知道应该相信女人
but if I'm being honest, I don't think that was Bethany's first orgasm.
但是说实话我觉得那不是贝瑟妮的第一次高♥潮♥
And it seemed fake, right? -Yeah.
看起来是装的对吧？ -是啊
But you know what didn't seem fake? That big ol' dick.
但你知道什么不像装的吗？那根老粗的阴♥茎♥
Is that thing supposed to go inside you?
那个玩意应该进入身体吗？
Listen, I do not know.
听着我不知道
To me, it looked like an anaconda that ate a calzone,
我觉得它看起来像一条吃了披萨饺子的蟒蛇
and inside the calzone was a huge fuckin' dick.
在披萨饺子里面是一条超他妈大的阴♥茎♥
She wrote back to my hot abs pic. -Hooray!
她回复了我的性感腹肌图 -好棒！
"That's it, question mark"? What does that mean?
就这样问号♥？那是什么意思？
I think it means she wants a picture of your dick-ture.
我觉得表示她想要一张你的阴♥茎♥图
A snapshot of your fat cock. A portrait mode of your rockin' chode.
一张你的肥阴♥茎♥的快照一个人像模式下拍的摇滚粗短屌♥
Well, I wouldn't say I have a chode. -Whatever. Just do it.
我不会说自己有根粗短屌♥ -无所谓拍就是了
But it could go so badly. -Come on.
但是可能下场很惨 -少来
I mean, what if she sees it and she... she hates it?
万一她看到了觉得…她讨厌呢？
my God! Andrew Glouberman has the worst dick in the world.
天啊安德鲁高博曼的鸡鸡是全世界最烂的
Y'all wanna put this chode on the worldwide?
要把这根粗短屌♥散播给全世界看吗？
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. People send dick pics all the time.
慢着人们一直都在发阴♥茎♥图啊
I just received one from Olympian Shaun White.
我刚收到奥♥运♥选手肖恩怀特发来的一张
What if I just sent her a picture of Shaun White's dick?
我给她发送肖恩怀特的老二图怎么样？
What, are you crazy? His dick's too freckly,
什么？你疯了吗？他的老二太多雀斑了
the pubes are bright red, and he hung one of his medals on it.
阴毛是鲜红色的他还在老二上面挂了一枚奖牌
my God, what is wrong with him?
我的天他有病吧？
It's all ego with that guy. -
那家伙太自负了 -哈
Let's go. -Okay. I'll do it.
咱们拍吧 -好吧我会拍的
But only because I want to arouse my cousin.
但纯粹是为了勾引堂妹
Ugh, I just got the chills.
哎呀我有鸡皮疙瘩了
You know how hard it is to gross out a hormone monster?
你知道要恶心一头荷尔蒙怪兽有多难吗？
So, if you ask me, Harry Houdini was Harry Houdi-neat.
要我说的话哈利胡迪尼就是哈利胡迪尼特
Okay, nailed the last line, now I just gotta work my way backwards.
好的最后一行写完了现在倒着检查一遍
Classic Duke. -Ya-da-da.
经典公爵做派 -哈哈哈
my God, I'm having so much fun.
我的天我好开心
.. What's, uh... What's so funny up here?
什么事情这么有趣？
I'm just workin' on my report.
我只是在准备写报告
Did you know that Duke was a prankster?
你知道公爵喜欢搞恶作剧吗？
I once took a very important screw out of Buddy Holly's plane.
我曾经从巴迪霍利的飞机上取下一颗非常重要的螺丝钉
Up top.
击个掌
Duke, why didn't you ever tell me that story?
公爵你怎么从没跟我讲过？
You never asked.
你从没问过啊
You only ever wanna talk about yourself. -Typical Nick.
你只想谈你自己 -典型的尼克做派
♪ He's a selfish little prick and his name is Nick ♪
他是个自私的混♥蛋♥ 他叫尼克
♪ And he's got a sweet pair of dick-suckin' lips ♪
他长了一双吸屌♥的嘴唇
He really does.
真是如此
Hey, guys, nobody likes to be objectified.
嘿二位没人喜欢被物化
Do better. -What?
长点心吧 -干嘛
You can't compliment a child on his dick-suckin' lips anymore?
不能称赞一个小孩的吸屌♥唇了吗？
All right, how do I get my dick, my face, and the newspaper in one shot?
怎样能一张照片拍到我的脸我的屌♥还有报纸？
And why is the newspaper important?
这份报纸为何重要？
It looks like you're holding your dick hostage.
看起来你像是把你的老二当成人♥质♥
I want her to know that I took it today, idiot.
我想让她知道我是今天拍的笨蛋
Just take the pic, you can't go wrong.
直接拍吧不会出岔子的
So this one went wrong. -I look ridiculous.
这张看着出岔子了 -我看上去好可笑
Forget it. I'm just gonna send her a nice thank-you note.
算了吧我直接给她发一封亲切的感谢信
Andrew, wait. You may have bad skin...
安德鲁等等你也许皮肤不好…
bad hair, bad arms, terrible legs, a weird, lumbering gait...
发型糟糕手臂不行腿脚也很丑步态古怪又笨拙…
Okay... -But you, you, Andrew Glouberman,
好吧 -但是你安德鲁高博曼
have a good dick, goddamn it.
长了一根好看的老二真要命
I just wish you could see your dick the way I do.
我希望你能像我一样欣赏你的屌♥
Then show me, Maury. Show me my dick through your eyes.
那就给我看看毛瑞给我看看你眼里我的老二
All right, I want you to imagine your dick has a secret.
好了我要你想象你的老二有个秘密
Okay. Like... You like that?
好吧这样你觉得可以吗？
What does he know, Andrew?
他知道些什么安德鲁？
♪ He'll never tell! ♪
他绝不会说的
What do I do with my hands? -Hold it. Hold your penis.
手要怎么放？ -握着安德鲁握住你的老二
And my other hand? -Keep it in there for scale.
另一只手呢？ -摆在那里作为比例尺
Okay, now shake your dick. Loosely.
好的现在晃动你的老二要散漫
Loosely. Now shake it fast... Okay.
散漫地现在快速晃动… -好的
Get that dick off you, it's poison.
把老二甩掉它有毒
Do I shake my butt with my dick? I don't...
屁♥股♥要一起抖吗？不知道怎么…
Okay. -Your dick is poison.
好吧 -你的老二有毒
Who the fuck am I? Who am I?
我他妈是谁？我是谁？
I'm Andrew Glouberman's dick.
我是安德鲁高博曼的老二
How about some funny glasses on it?
好的加个有趣的眼镜怎么样？
I don't do that kind of thing.
我不做这种事
Yeah, it's stupid, I didn't want it, the agency wanted it...
是啊好蠢我也不想要是事务所想要的…
I know my dick's funny, so I don't like to take...
我知道我的老二很好笑所以我不…
Right, but we thought it'd be funnier. But, no, I get it, I agree.
嗯我们以为可以更好笑的不过算了我懂了我同意
I'll have a third champagne if it... I dunno, okay.
我要喝第三杯香槟如果… 我不知道好吧
Smile, but with your penis.
笑一个不过是用老二笑
Hold it, hold it. Yeah, baby.
稳住很好宝贝
that was perfect. -That was good?
完美 -好看吗？
You're honestly a natural. Have you done this before?
老实说你是个天才你之前拍过吗？
No, people say it's illegal. -Yeah.
没有人们说这是违法的 -对
Maybe I'm just gonna be one of those women who can't have orgasms.