辛普森一家
The Simpsons S28E11
Part 2
Feb. 2, 2020, 12:06 p.m.
By which I mean he can't end up in your smoker.
已经有人接受了
Wow, I've already got a taker.
他应该是个好人
Well, I'm sure he's a nice, reputable guy.
你好
Hello there.
你是来取猪的吗
Are you here for my pig?
也许 但我要先看看肉质如何
I might be. I have to make sure the bacon is worth the takin'.
你竟然要吃它
You better not eat him!
我每天晚上都要和他通话
I have to talk to him every night on the phone.
-我们有秘密代码 -是"哼哼"吗
- We have a code word. - Um, is it "Oink"?
该死 我不能把它交给你
Damn it! I'm not giving him to you!
你让人感觉开密闭面包车的都是坏人
You make guys with a windowless van look bad!
需要捎你一程吗
Need a ride?
当然
Sure.
你好啊
Hey, how you doing?
那么 你是干啥的
So, what do you do?
老天啊
Oh my God!
极简生活是快乐生活
A decluttered life is a happy life.
极简生活是快乐生活
A decluttered life is a happy life.
极简生活是
A decluttered life is a h...
乔伊斯·卡罗尔·欧茨[美国作家]
Joyce Carol Oates!
噢 不
Oh, no!
我把签名册扔了
I threw out my autogph book!
迪恩·凯恩 美国演员 导演 作家
你傻啊 上面有迪恩·凯恩的签名
Are you nuts? You had Dean Cain!
我知道有迪恩·凯恩
I know I had Dean Cain!
爸 也许她会在菜单上签
Dad, maybe she'll sign a menu.
我只在书和账单上签名
Books and checks-- that's all I sign.
你在干嘛
What are you doin'?
不许把这个没切的熏火腿带进我餐厅
You keep-a that unsliced prosciutto outside my restaurant!
等等 他的狗能进去
Wait. How come he can bring a dog in,
怎么我的猪就得像个雪人似的待在外面
but my pig has to stay outside, like a common snowman?
因为那条狗是执业的治疗动物
Because that-a dog is a therapy animal.
用以平复人们的焦虑感
He's-a licensed to help calm those with anxiety.
别舔我的脸 化妆品含铅
Don't lick my face-- the makeup's lead-based.
但是说到平静下来 我更喜欢我妈的方法
But for calming down, I prefer my mama's methods.
闭嘴
Shut up!
她甚至都不在这工作
She don't even-a work here.
如果我有焦虑症诊断书
So if I get that anxiety diagnosis,
我到哪里小猪猪都可以跟着
Plopper could follow me anywhere.
它甚至可以住在我的办公室
He could live in my office!
喂 焦虑症的症状有哪些
Hey, what are the symptoms of anxiety?
啊不 不要尝试啊 爸 你会惹麻烦的
Oh, no, don't try that, Dad. You might get into trouble.
光是想想就能让我出一身冷汗
Just the thought of it is making me sweat.
我的心跳加速了
And my heart is palpitating.
丽莎 亲爱的 爸爸会帮你的
Lisa, honey, Daddy will help you,
只要你告诉我焦虑症的症状是什么
right after you tell me the symptoms of anxiety.
你现在看到的就是
You're... looking at them!
亲爱的 对不起
Honey, I'm so sorry.
-没事 -我知道
- It's okay. - It's... I know.
-我现在好点了 -会没事的
- I'm better now. - It's gonna be okay.
-没事的 我好点了 -没事 冷静
- It's okay. I'm better now. - All right, calm down.
心跳快得像只兔子一样
Heart's racing like a rabbit.
我得坐下
I have to sit down.
这太有意思了
Oh, isn't that-a sweet?
现在的小孩子都得了成人焦虑症
All the little children have-a the adult anxiety now.
我真的很焦虑 医生
Uh, yeah, I'm really anxious, Doc.
我彻夜难眠 白天上班也不瞌睡
I'm not sleeping at night, I'm not sleeping at work...
好了好了 我懂了
Okay, okay, I get it.
这是医用大♥麻♥的处方
Here's your prescription for medicinal marijuana.
我不要大♥麻♥
I don't want weed!
我想要一个处方能让我带着治疗猪
I'd like a letter for a therapy animal of the pig persuasion.
你们这些装病的人真是令我作呕
Oh, you fakers disgust me!
滚出去 别在这里干扰我的诊所
Get out! You're harshing my clinic.
你要多少片类罂粟碱
How many opioids would you like?
我一片都不想要
I don't want any!
拜托 你多少得有点药物依赖
Oh, come on, you've got to be dependent on something.
我只想要治疗猪的处方
I just want a prescription for a therapy pig.
好吧 再加五片类罂粟碱
Fine. Plus five opioids.
一 二 三 四 五
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco.
医生再来一个
And one for the doctor.
天哪 我没想到你已经到这种程度了
Gee, I didn't realize you had gone this far.
一个伟大的音乐家只需要她的乐器
A great musician only needs her instrument.
还有内♥裤♥ 因为这个裙子可能有点短
And underwear-- 'cause this dress is mighty short.
是该来段欢快的演奏了
Time for a riff of joy.
拿着它 我只能感受到漫长无聊的练习
Holding this, I feel only hours of tedious practice.
快乐去哪了
Where is the joy?
太好听了 亲爱的
That was beautiful, honey!
不 并不是
No, it wasn't.
我对萨克斯的感觉
I finally feel about my sax...
终于变得和你们一样了
the way you all do.
春田核电站
好了 布拉伯 我要去小猪们的房♥间了
Okay, Plopper, I'm going to the little pigs' room.
你能顶替我一会吗
Can you cover for me?
太好了 错误一点都不多
Good, good. Not that many mistakes at all.
好吧 那是侯默还是一只看起来像侯默的猪
Okay, is that Homer or a pig that looks just like him?
听声音像侯默 但闻起来像松露菌
Sounds like Homer, but smells like truffles.
扔一包薯片看看
Toss in a bag of chips.
没错 那是侯默
Yep, that's Homer.
-谁是侯默 -椅子上的那只猪
- Who's Homer? ?- The pig behind the desk.
对一个缺乏安全感的人来说 被误认为猪
To a less secure man, being mistaken for a pig
将是个警钟
would be a wakeup call.
这简直太好了
This is great.
我只要在我的永久性记录上说我疯了
All I had to do was say I'm crazy on my permanent record,
然后我就能带只猪来上班了
and I get to bring a pig to work.
-是啊 这里雇用条件可松了 -没错
- Yeah, they are pretty lax here. - ?That's right.
我之前都被麦当劳拒了
I got turned down by McDonald's,
但在这里 我那年蹲监狱他们还付我工资
but, here, they paid me the whole year I was in jail.
你说过要处理掉它的
You said you were getting rid of him.
马姬 我会带它去上班 去老谋子酒馆
Marge, I'll take him to work and to Moe's.
它就像我一样 你基本不会看到它
He'll be like me-- you'll barely see him.
好吧
Fine.
虽然这话很难说出口
This is so hard for me to say,
但我的萨克斯管已经不能带给我欢乐了
but my saxophone no longer gives me joy.
我要把它送给别人
I am giving it away.
这件事真的真的很忧伤
Aw, that is really, really sad.
你能体会到我的感受
Wow, you understand how I feel.
当然 因为我对我的猪的感觉
Yes, because I feel about my pig
和你对那喇叭长笛玩意儿的感觉是一样的
the way you used to feel about your honk-a-ma-flute.
好吧 回到正题上
Okay, back to what really matters.
我接到了球转传到第一个...
So, I get the ball and I pivot to first...
天啊
Oh, my God!
-很抱歉 老爸 -天有不测风云
- I'm so sorry, dad! - Accidents happen.
哇 老侯 撒了的肉汤
Wow, Homie. Spilled gravy
可是会让你想勒死别人的三大戒条之一啊
is one of your top three strangulation triggers.
我绝不会在猪猪面前勒死一个少年
I could never strangle a boy in front of the pig.
我觉得它真已经成了你的精神支柱了
I think he really has become a support animal for you.
它彻底该变了我对动物的看法
He's totally changed the way I look at animals.
把猪排递给我
Pass the pork chops.
春田核电站家庭日
为您打造的保护项目之一
大家都看着我们
Everybody's looking at us.
就好像带着伊丽莎白·泰勒参加奥斯卡一样
It's like bringing Elizabeth Taylor to the Oscars.
儿童乐器
我能摸摸你的小猪吗
Can I pet your pig?
当然 你们都可以摸摸它
Of course! You can all pet him!
两边都要亲
Kiss both ends.
老侯 那些小孩的手上沾满了烤肉酱
Homie, those kids' hands are covered in barbeque sauce.
我知道某人今晚要泡个澡了
I know someone who's gonna get a sink bath tonight.
狗舍
不 离它远点
No! Get away from him!
-我会喷你的哦 -老爸 不
- I'll spray you! ?- Dad, no!
那是宠物动物园里的蛇
That's a snake from the petting zoo!
天啊
Oh, my God!
天啊
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