辛普森一家

The Simpsons S28E09

Part 2 Feb. 2, 2020, 12:06 p.m.

If only.
我们很不愿意看到这种行为发生丽莎
It's never pleasant to see this kind of activity, Lisa.
尤其是你手♥机♥比我的
Particularly on a cell phone that is so much nicer
还高级这么多
than the one I own.
每次都是因为在校车上抢座位打起来的
All the fighting seems to start with who sits where on the bus.
丽莎你似乎对这个校车问题很有想法
Um, Lisa. You seem to have a handle on the bus problem.
不然就你解决吧但别以为我不干事啊
Why don't you tackle it? But don't think I won't help.
我将授予你这条肩带
I'm providing you with a sash.
校车长
史金纳
Skinner!
你让一个六岁的小孩子
You are asking a six-year-old girl
来处理学校的问题
to fix this school's problems.
我八岁了
I'm eight.
您接着说
Oh, carry on.
什么叫我的地板门涉及到了法律问题
What do you mean, there's a legal issue with my trapdoor?
在你回答之前
And, uh, as you explain,
请往后退两步
please take two steps back.
以前的地板门是完全合法的
The old trapdoor was perfectly legal.
是里根时期的祖父条款
It was grandfathered in under the Reagan-era code.
但一旦你要翻新
But once you start renovating it,
就得遵守现代标准
it has to brought up to modern standards.
必须得残疾人适用
And it has to be handicap accessible.
现在的这个陷阱轮椅进不去
A wheelchair would never fall through the current opening.
这不是问题
But that's not a problem!
我不雇佣残疾人
I refuse to hire the handicapped.
那是另外的法律问题
That's another issue.
但现在我们随时会被
But for now, we have left ourselves open
侯默·辛普森起诉
to a lawsuit by Homer Simpson.
好吧史密瑟斯找到这个辛普森
Fine. Smithers, go see this Simpson character
糊弄他签下这个免责条款
and trick him into signing a waiver of liability.
我去跟陪审团主席谈谈
I'll discuss things with the foreman.
芝麻开门
Enrique, mas grande la puerta!
侯默我们已经拼出三块儿了
Look, Homie! We got three pieces together.
今天做得不错
That's a good day's work!
我们为什么不玩阿麦的拼图
Why don't we do one of Maggie's puzzles?
奶牛放奶牛形状那搞定下一个
Cow goes in the cow-shaped hole, boom. Next case.
我本以为你受伤了我们就能多一些
Hmm, I thought the one good thing about you hurting yourself
在一起的时间也算件好事
was that we could spend more time together.
真的吗
You did?
你不是吗
Didn't you?
是是是当然了
Oh yeah, sure, of course.
傻子才会说实话呢
Only a fool would admit otherwise.
史密瑟斯先生进来吧
Mr. Smithers! Come in, come in.
我们的木乃伊在这儿呢已经开始好转了嘛
Oh! Well, there's our tangle-foot! Already on the mend.
得了吧
Yeah, right.
他们说三个月后我才能够到自己的屁♥股♥
They say it'll be three months before I can scratch my ass.
六个月我才能用它
Six before I can really go at it.
听着我不想耽误你的时间
Listen, I-I don't want to take up your time.
我只需要侯默在一些东西上签字
I just need Homer's signature on a couple of things.
首先是大家给他的祝福卡片
First, a get-well card to himself.
你在我脑海
他还需要签什么
And what else does he need to sign?
呃
Oh, a...
免责声明书
...waiver of liability.
我懂我懂
I know, I know.
你们起诉的理由很充足
There are solid reasons to sue.
但是你真想让那些寄生虫律师围在你身边
But do you really want to fill your life
喋喋不休一夜暴富的诡计吗
with parasitic attorneys with get-rich-quick schemes?
诡计一夜暴富
Schemes? Rich? Quick?
寄生虫
Parasitic?
我怎么没想起来去告伯恩斯先生
How could I have forgotten to sue Mr. Burns?
在美国你就是这样发家致富的
That's how you get rich in America.
美诉坚美诉坚
Sue S.A! Sue S.A!
天哪
Oh, Lord.
终于用上了
Finally, a chance to use this.
它设计得很讽刺但我愿意为它捐躯
It was designed ironically, but I would die for it.
如果你赋闲在家是因为在工作场地受伤
Are you home during the day because you were injured at work,
或是学校博物馆教堂伊♥拉♥克♥ 电梯上
school, museum, church, Iraq, elevator plummet,
不平坦的人行道被犯规不犯规的球击中
uneven sidewalk, hit by foul ball, hit by fair ball,
或在艾迪塔罗德派对
or Iditarod viewing party?
第一个你说的第一个
The first one! The first one you said!
我是麦斯威尔·弗林其打给我
Call me, Maxwell Flinch, at
555-555-5555.
Five, five, five...
等等前三个5和最后六个5中间
Wait, what was the number after the first three fives,
数字是什么
but before the last six fives?
辛普森在你做什么仓促的决定之前
Uh, Simpson, before you do anything rash,
伯恩斯想让你先享用这块祝福蛋糕
Mr. Burns wanted you to enjoy this get-well cake.
上面是什么字
What's that writing on top? ?Oh!
就是些用草莓写出的使我们免责的声明
It's just, uh, strawberry boilerplate absolving us of liability.
你只需要在这里这里这里咬一口
Now just bite here, here, here,
在这里啃一下舔这里
nibble here, lick here...
你的夫人需要吃了这块小蛋糕
Uh, your wife needs to eat this cupcake...
先生凭一块蛋糕你就能贿赂我吗
Sir, you cannot bribe me with cake.
因为我刚刚吃了好几个派呢
Because I just ate several pies.
你好史密瑟斯先生
Hello, Mr. Smithers.
你还没有放弃啊
I see you haven't given up.
享用蛋糕吧
Just enjoy the cake.
只要别在公♥证♥人面前就没事
As long as you don't eat it in front of a notary public, you're fine.
我就是公♥证♥人
I'm a notary public.
你把你的公章给阿麦了
You gave your ink pad to Maggie.
我我和你一起出去吧
I'll, um, I'll walk out with you.
先别走你们可以帮我
Don't go yet. You guys can help me
看看新被罩的样式如何
brainstorm a pattern for my new quilt.
马姬我说什么你别往心里去
Marge, I mean this in the nicest way:
你对有趣的定义让我想一枪崩了我的脑袋
your idea of fun makes me want to blow my brains out.
马姬我觉着喜喜庆庆的挺好
Oh, Razzmatazz is perfect, Marge.
它挺红的
It's-it's uh-- it's red,
但不是太红
but not, uh, too red.
你说得对
You're right!
不如你多呆一会
Why don't you stick around
我们可以喝点茶讨论一下缝纫样式
and we'll discuss stitching patterns over tea?
乐意至极
I'd like that.
那我就把蛋糕带回养老院
And I'll take the cake back to the home
和老年伙伴们分享
and share it with the seniors.
典型
Typical.
我来陪爸爸
I'll keep Dad company.
谢谢你巴特
Thank you, Bart.
唉它掉地上了
Oh, I dropped it.
你在我后背上放了什么
Hey, wha-what did you put down my back?
可能是毒蜘蛛
Could be a tarantula,
可能是线团
could just be some yarn.
我去苗浩斯家了
I'll be at Milhouse's.
什么鬼
What the hell?
为别人倒茶而不用帮着咀嚼
Oh, it's such a pleasure to pour tea for someone
感觉可真好
and not have to help him chew it.
我们已经决定了
We've made our choices.
虽然世界不理解他们
And the world doesn't understand them,
但是我们理解
but we do.
马姬我觉得你最能理解被别人问
You know Marge, somehow I feel that more than anyone,
"你到底看上他什么了"这种问题了
you understand those horrible words, "What do you see in him?"
我从没同人谈起过
I never said this,
但你有没有想过我们坚持下去
but did you ever think we cling to these guys
是因为我们害怕承认自己当初错了
because we're afraid to admit we were wrong?
你真的这么想
Do you really think that?
我尽量把这种想法用在好的方面
Well, I've tried to use it constructively.
认命吧
认命吧
认命吧
我尽量做到心如止水
I try to have "The serenity
接受无法改变的事情
to accept the things I cannot change
和有勇气改变可以改变的事情
and the courage to change the things I can."
他们在
That's what they said to me
戒酒互助会上也是这么说的
at that Alcoholics Unanimous meeting!