辛普森一家

The Simpsons S28E10

Part 3 Feb. 2, 2020, 12:06 p.m.

总在那里的熊
Bear Who's Always There
你便便时的窥探者
and Snoop While You Poop.
可真有趣啊
Won't that be fun?
太有趣了
So much fun.
宝贝那是给你妈妈的礼物
Oh, now sweetie, that's a present for your mother.
又一个铁定顺利的圣诞节
Another Christmas in the bag.
我爱我的榨汁机
I love my juicer.
别担心马姬我会加水果的
And don't worry, Marge, I'm adding fruit.
你知道
You know,
我还有一个礼物给你
I might have one more present for you.
什么
What is it?
什么
What is it?!
什么
What the...?!
欢迎来到小丑阿壳的清醒沉思之时
Welcome to the Krusty the Clown Sober Contemplation Hour.
祈祷祈祷孩子们
Pray, pray, kids.
我们今天将会有一个激动人心的表演
We've got a very uplifting show today.
我主在上
He is risen.
现在请安静地沉思
And now please silently reflect
《傻猫和坏鼠》的新教义
upon the wholesome new teachings of Itchy and Scratchy.
*他们祈祷他们祈祷*
*They pray, they pray*
*他们祈祷不杀生*
*They pray and they don't slay*
*祈祷祈祷祈祷他们和平共处*
*Pray, pray, pray, they found a way*
*虔诚的傻猫和坏鼠*
*The pious mouse and cat.*
《傻猫和坏鼠》演出
《傻猫和坏鼠》
基♥督♥之怒
《以赛亚书》2:4
他们要将刀打成犁头
They shall beat their swords into plowshares.
我认为我们该穿上些衣服了
I think it's about time we put on some clothes.
事情就这样发生了
And then this happened.
爸爸你搞砸了整场演出
Wow, Dad, you wrecked your entire show
只是为了证明你爱我
just to prove you love me.
等一下等一下
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
奶油派来了
Here comes a cream pie.
在圣诞节时期赠给穷♥人♥
接下来有很多搞笑的喜剧演员
Coming up next, we've got some hilarious comedians.
终于等到了
Finally.
安德鲁好泥人
Andrew Nice Clay,
拉里线人
Larry the Fable Guy
乔·皮斯克派林
and Joe Piscopalian.
如果他非要改宗的话
Oh, if he was gonna convert,
他为什么不选一个搞笑一点的宗教
why didn't he pick a funny religion?
比如拜火教
Like Zoroastrianism.
他们最伟大的神叫马自达
Their top god is named Mazda.
你难道不觉得很好笑吗
Tell me that's not hilarious.
现在就让我们迎来大家期待已久的一刻
And now the moment you've been waiting for...
宇宙的本质就是我们不得不等待每一刻的到来
The nature of the universe is we are forced to wait for every moment.
马自达教导我们说
As Mazda teaches us...
我的女儿会为大家吹奏圆号♥
My daughter will play the French horn
不许任何人掉裤子
and no one's pants will drop.
大概只有我掉裤子了
I guess this will just be for me.
看看你如此从容冷静
Well, look at you, all cool and collected.
星期天即便是上帝也要休息
Oh, well, even the Lord rested on Sunday.
但阿壳没接受洗礼之前都不是我们的人
But Krusty's not ours till he's b-b-b-baptized.
你必须得到他的灵魂和他自动转账的银行路由号♥
You have to get his soul and his bank router number on autopay.
他想用传统方式受洗
Oh, he wanted to do it the old-fashioned way,
和内华达州妙龄小姐在小河里进行
in the river with Miss Teenage Nevada,
但小河冻住了
but the river's frozen.
我要等到冰化了才行
I have to wait until the ice melts.
我帮你准备了个更快的提姆
I had you pegged for a closer, Tim.
奥格登维勒在找一个监狱牧师
You know, Ogdenville is looking for a prison chaplain.
上一个人
The last one, well...
他弄了一个很酷的纹身
he got a very cool tattoo...
然而非己所愿
that he didn't ask for.
教堂老鼠
*和圣人一起*
*Gather with the saints*
*在河边相聚*
*At the river*
*河水流淌在上帝的宝座旁*
*That flows by the throne of God*
*上帝的宝座*
*Throne of God*
请受洗候选人上前
Will the baptismal candidate please approach?
你确定要这么做吗爸爸
You're sure you want to do this, Dad?
感觉挺蠢的
Seems kind of meshugana.
我想为了你成为一个彻底的基♥督♥徒宝贝
I want to be a total Christian for you, babe,
我就浇一下我的屁♥股♥
so I'm gonna shpritz my tuchis...
当心急流
Be careful of the current.
别担心我很多年没被急流冲走过了
Don't worry, I haven't been current in years.
太棒了我的死还是一出冰雪奇缘的恶搞
Oh, great, my death is a hacky parody of Frozen.
爸爸但这个驼鹿是谁
Dad? But who's the moose?
我是你的财务代理人
I'm your first agent.
我们还是第一次讲这么多话
Oh, this is the most we've ever spoken.
我一定是死了
I must be dead.
你还没死
You're not dead yet.
你死了我会知道因为我已经死了
Listen, I should know because I am.
活着并不轻松但你听我说
And life was no picnic, but let me tell you,
死了也不轻松
death is no picnic, either.
你最大的错误就是期待死了会轻松
Your biggest mistake is expecting picnics.
爸爸
Dad!
我猜我改信基♥督♥教这件事让你不高兴了
Oh, I suppose you're not happy that I'm converting.
赫尔修你心脏刚停了所以我就长话短说
Herschel, your heart just stopped so I'll make this very quick.
没有任何一个宗教能促使你成为一个好父亲
There's no one religion that makes you a good father.
你应该做的就是在考虑你自己的事之前
All you got to do is think of your children
先想到你的孩子们仅此而已
before yourself, that's all...
除了飞机上你拿到的那些氧气面罩
except with those oxygen masks that you get on the planes.
那要你先戴好再给你孩子戴
There it's vice-a-versa.
我猜听你的没错
Well, I guess you would know.
你是目睹过上帝面容的拉比
You're a rabbi who's seen the face of God.
实际上我是在你快要窒息的大脑里
Actually, I'm a hallucination caused by cell death
因为细胞死亡而产生的幻觉
in your suffocating brain.
而且我看到你在我葬礼上用手♥机♥在聊天
Also, I saw you texting during my funeral.
不要脸
For shame! ?
快把他拉上来
Oh, reel him in.
你钓到了一个溺水的人
You've caught a drowning man!
不急
Slow down.
我先耍他一会儿
First I'm gonna play him a little.
"我将得人如得鱼"
"I shall be a fisher of men."
我活过来了
I'm alive!
别告诉我前妻
Don't tell my ex-wife.
勒弗乔伊是个英雄
Lovejoy is a hero!
终于有我能解释得了的事了
Finally something I can explain!
*除了杂耍梅尔所有人都皆大欢喜*
*All ended well except for Sideshow Mel*
我要离开你
*这个犹太小丑他没有淹死*
*This Jewish clown, he didn't drown*
*他从水中出来后*
*Reconciled with his daughter*
*就和他的女儿和好了*
*When he got out of the water*
*有个好消息教堂如今坐满人*
*Here's the good news, butts in the pews*
*看侯默仍旧边睡边吃*
*Watch Homer snooze as he still chews*
*我们的表演马上要结束了*
*Our show is almost done*
*阿麦停不下来*
*Maggie didn't stop*
*一次性全压碎*
*At one*
辛普森一家祝你圣诞快乐
阿壳的事我表示遗憾但他还是站犹太这边
Sorry about Krusty, but he's still on Team Hanukkah.
我不想靠技术性问题来赢了你
Um, I hate to win on a technicality,
但他确实沉水里了
but he was under the water.
那就算洗礼
That's a baptism.
也许我们应该问一下马自达
Maybe we should ask Mazda?
我不会去问他的他喝醉了
I'm not going to ask him anything, he's drunk.
说得好像你就没醉一样
Oh, and like you're not!
*听雪橇上的铃铛在叮当叮当响*
*Just hear those sleigh bells jingling*
*一路叮当叮当*
*Ring-ting-tingling along*
*让我们唱起愉快的无宗派的节日之歌♥*
*Let's sing a jolly holiday non-denominational song*
*塑料怪兽拉着我们*
*Being pulled through the snow*
*穿过雪地去参加*
*To our wintertime feast*
*我们的冬季盛宴*
*By a PVC beast*
*我的网站流量刚刚上涨了*
*My website traffic just increased*