尖叫皇后（2015）

Scream Queens S01E01

Part 4 Sept. 10, 2020, 10:48 a.m.

詹妮弗不如你向香奈儿
Jennifer, why don't you tell Chanel
简单介绍一下你的爱好
a little bit about your interests?
我是个蜡烛播客
I'm a candle vlogger.
那是什么东西
What the hell is that?
各位我很喜欢这一款
You guys, I love this one.
我在美体沐浴工厂买♥♥的半价
I got it at Bath & Body works, half off.
我管它叫南希·迈耶斯式体验
I call it the Nancy Meyers experience,
因为当你点燃它
because when you burn it,
詹妮弗蜡烛播客
闻起来就好像奶油色的沙发和绝经期的味道
it smells like creamy couches and menopause.
就如同南希·迈耶斯式的电影
You know, like a Nancy Meyers movie.
四星推荐
Four stars.
我不知道该怎么跟你说香奈儿
Look, I don't know what to tell you, Chanel.
如果卡帕突然涌进一群怪胎和肥妞
If Kappa's suddenly filled with weirdos and fatties,
那你就不用指望受欢迎了
there is literally no way you can be popular.
而我需要你保持知名度
And I need you to stay popular,
因为如果你想继续待在我的
'cause if you want to stay at the top
"待把妹子"名单的首位那是有条件的
of the list of the pieces of ass I'm getting, there's criteria.
条件就是你必须很有知名度
And the criteria is you got to be popular.
可是查德...
But, Chad...
行了我必须让你闭嘴了
Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there,
因为我真的很生气
because I'm getting really pissed off.
查德是个很优秀的人
Chad is an amazing person.
查德·雷德威尔是迪基奖学金协会的主席
Chad Radwell is the president of the Dickie dollar scholars,
而且他很帅他没工夫跟你闲扯
and he's super hot, and he doesn't have time for this.
你在装哭吗
Are-are you fake crying?
别装哭了
Stop fake crying.
你装哭的时候一点也不性感
When you fake cry, you are so not hot.
我只是认为你非常优秀查德
I just think you are amazing, Chad.
任何跟你约会的人都会出名
Anyone you dated would be popular.
她们之所以出名
I mean, they would be popular
是因为当了你的女朋友
because they're dating you.
好吧布恩
Okay. Boone.
谢谢
Thank you.
听着香奈儿我是心理学专业的
Look, Chanel, I'm a psychology major,
所以我就用通俗易懂的说法
so I'm gonna break this down into terms
来给你解释一遍
that you'll understand.
我的自尊心非常强
My ego... it's super strong.
但是还没有自信到
Okay, but it's not strong enough
可以随便和下等人约会
that I can just go around dating garbage people.
没错我的确可以
Like, yes, I could find a random girl
跟一个毫无名气的姑娘约会
who wasn't popular, and, yes,
如果我约她她就会出名
if I started dating her, she would then become popular.
哥们儿这个电影题材太好
Dude, that is great idea for a movie.
应该拍成电影我肯定会去看
Somebody should make that movie. I would see that movie.
我也是你知道应该让谁来执导吗
Me, too. You know who should direct that movie?
迈克尔·贝有史以来最伟大的导演
Michael Bay, the greatest director of all time.
但我不可能约一个
But I can't go date a girl
本来很出名后来沦为普通人的女生
who was popular and then she just stopped being popular.
开什么国际玩笑
Because that would be crazy.
太扯了没人会看这样的电影
It's crazy, and nobody's gonna go see that movie.
你知道为什么没人会去看吗
Do you know why nobody's gonna go see that movie?
我...
I...
因为根本不会有人拍
'Cause it never got made.
但你说过你爱我
But you said you loved me.
我的确有点爱你
I do sort of love you.
只不过...要是大家都爱你
I just... I would love you a lot more
我可能会更加爱你
if other people loved you, too.
听着
Listen,
我不能跟下等人约会香奈儿
I can't date a garbage person, Chanel.
不行我不会这样对待自己
I won't. I'm not gonna do that to myself.
你走吧
Uh, I need you to leave.
因为你搅了我的心情
Okay, I need you to leave because you're bumming me out,
也搅了布恩的心情
and you're bumming Boone out.
我们只想冲那些嬉皮士打高尔夫
And we're just trying to have a nice day
度过愉快的一天
hitting golf balls at Hippies.
交叉致意兄弟
Cross swords, bro.
再见
Good-bye.
国♥际♥特♥赦♥组织
Amnesty International.
你好贝恩女士你在干什么
Oh, hi, Ms. Bean. What are you doing?
你要我用芭比娃娃的牙刷
You told me to scrub all the floors
刷干净屋子里每一块地砖
in the house with a Barbie toothbrush.
贝恩女士这个姐妹会只向漂亮女孩开放
Ms. Bean, this sorority is for pretty girls only.
像你我这样的漂亮女孩
Pretty girls, like you and me.
我有个想法能让我们保持这个传统
Now, I have a plan to keep it that way,
我需要你的配合
and you're a part of that plan.
如果蒙什教务长得逞了
If Dean Munsch gets her way,
卡帕将被胖子和少数民族侵占
Kappa's gonna be filled with fatties and ethnics.
那些胖子有着惊人的食量
The fatties will bring their big old appetites,
你知道那些少数民族会带来什么吗
and you know what those ethnics will bring with them?
他们家乡特制的诡异香料
Weird spices from their home countries.
这两者的结合堪比核弹贝恩女士
That is a nuclear combination, Ms. Bean.
少数民族带来的奇怪香料
The weird ethnic spices will send the fatties
会让那些胖子们冲向厕所
racing to the bathroom to blow liquid fire
晃着他们的大屁♥股♥一泻千里
out of their huge, swollen bowels.
一旦厕水回涌
Think of the splash back.
你就要花费很多时间和精力
Think of the undersides of all of the toilets
去清洗所有坐便器的底部贝恩女士
that you're gonna have to sanitize, Ms. Bean.
我不想这样
I don't want that.
我也不希望你这样
I don't want that for you.
给你
Here you go.
欢迎来到现磨咖啡馆请问需要些什么
Uh, welcome to the Grind. What can I get started for you?
你什么都不要对吧
You don't want anything, do you?
我要一杯超大杯不加奶泡
I'll have a trenta, no-foam,
五份浓缩半咖不加奶泡
five-shot half-caf, no foam,
南瓜香料拿铁不加奶泡要98度的
pumpkin spice latte with no foam at 210 degrees.
首先那也太烫了
First of all, that's really hot.
再多两度就到沸点了
That's two degrees below boiling.
不好意思我是不小心掉进宇宙虫洞
I'm sorry, did I enter a wormhole to a universe
来到一家没有把我最爱的秋日饮品
where this coffeehouse does not possess the technology
热到98度的技术的咖啡店了吗
to heat my favorite autumnal tradition to 210 degrees?
我的南瓜香料拿铁必须超热
I like my pumpkin spice lattes extra hot,
所以请按照我的要求来
So please comply with my request.
但是超热指的是76度
But extra hot is 170 degrees.
不好意思你的职业守则
I'm sorry, does your job description
就是让你这么跟顾客争论的吗
entail arguing with your customers,
你这样浪费时间
thereby delaying the moment
顾客等了一天的美味
at which they receive the irresistible,
洋溢着肉豆蔻香气超热
nutmeggy sweetness of the extra hot, no foam,
无奶泡的南瓜拿铁还没做出来吗
pumpkin spice latte they've been thinking about all day?
上帝啊
I mean, God!
女士您要点什么
Ma'am, what would you like?
她什么都不要
She doesn't want anything!
她只要你赶紧给我做一杯超热
She wants you to start making my extra hot,
无奶泡的南瓜香料拿铁
no foam, pumpkin spice latte!
既然我们没办法
So, anyway, since we can't
赶走那群没档次的预备会员
turn the castoff pledges away,
那就把她们都吓走
we're gonna have to scare them off.
-所以我要把你的脸烫烂 -什么
- That's why I'm gonna burn your face off. - What?
当然是假的你傻吗做个秀而已
Not for real, silly, it'll be pretend.
计划大概是这样
So here's the skinny.
我们先大吵一架
We're gonna get in a fight,
然后我会把你的头摁进油锅里
and I'm gonna dunk your head in the deep fryer.
什么不要
What? No!
油又不烫我们会关闭机器的傻瓜
The oil won't be hot. We'll turn off the machine, idiot.
你只需要假装痛得惨叫就好
You'll just pretend and come up all screaming,
保证把这些菜鸟吓个半死
and I guarantee all those newbies will run screaming
然后跑去加入其他姐妹会
into the night and go pledge some other sorority.
这计划怎么样
Sound like a plan?
香奈儿小姐点的98度超大杯五份浓缩半咖
Right, one 210-degree, trenta, five-shot,
无奶泡南瓜口味