尖叫皇后（2015）
Scream Queens
第一季
剧集 | 尖叫皇后（2015） | 导航列表
尖叫皇后（2015）
Scream Queens S01E06
Part 1
Sept. 10, 2020, 10:50 a.m.
《尖叫女王》前情提要
Previously on Scream Queens...
你必须从我们中选一个
You need to choose one of us.
好吧 罗杰 我跟你走
Fine, Roger, I'm coming with you.
如果有人知道我爸是查尔斯·曼森
If someone found out my dad is Charles Manson,
他们一定会认定我就是凶手
everyone would immediately assume the killer is me.
红衣恶魔绑♥架♥了我
The Red Devil kidnapped me
把我带到他的老巢
and took me to his evil lair.
红衣恶魔爱上你了
The Red Devil is in love with you?
今晚我们要选出卡帕公♥馆♥的下一任会长
Tonight we cast our votes for the next president of Kappa House.
去拿弹珠吧
Grab some marbles.
该投票了
It's time to vote.
好了 我再确认一遍
All right, so remind me again.
黑色代表扎丹 白色代表香奈儿
It's black for Zayday, white for Chanel?
还用问 你觉得可以应付吗
Obv. Do you think you can handle that?
我让你负责计算选票
I only gave you the job of tallying the votes
只是因为我觉得你这类"雨人"最擅长算数
because I thought you Rain Man types were super good at counting.
《雨人》中自闭症患者雷蒙是数学奇才
或者你是那种"白♥痴♥天才"
Or are you one of those idiot savants
只不过偏"白♥痴♥"而少"天才"
who's heavy on the idiot, light on the savant?
两者都不是 承蒙羞辱
I am neither, thank you very much.
早在美国精神分♥析♥协会
Years before the Psychoanalytic Society of America decided
为赚钱整出个新名目
there was money to be made by creating what they called
"自闭症光谱"之前
the autism spectrum,
姐被称为白日梦患或者怪胎
I would have been considered a daydreamer or quirky,
就像年轻时的佐伊·丹斯切尔
like a young Zooey Deschanel.
我既非白♥痴♥也非笨蛋 我只是时代的受害者
I am not an idiot or a moron. I am simply a victim of my times.
你知道自己裤子穿反了吧
Are you aware your pants are on backwards?
赶紧给我数选票
Start counting the damn votes.
等下 如果票数相同怎么办
Wait, what happens if it's a tie?
还没有出现过这种情况
It's never happened before,
但根据卡帕法典 两位就会同时当选
but Kappa bylaws state that the two of them would rule together.
票数相同
It's a tie.
你成功了
You did it!
算是吧
Well, sort of.
虽然不是最理想的结果
I know it's not ideal,
但我觉得你我可以联手胜任联合会长
but I think you and I would make great copresidents.
什么 我才不要和预备会员做联合会长
What? No, I'm not gonna be copresident with a pledge!
显然是蜡烛放屁精数错票数了
Farty McCandlewax clearly miscounted the votes!
淡定 香奈儿 又不是她的错
Calm down, Chanel, it's not Farty's fault.
那是谁的错啊
Then whose fault is it?
南瓜园派对被取消可不是我的错
It's not my fault that my pumpkin patch was canceled.
某些人因为忌惮我的性感火♥辣♥而不给我投票
It's not my fault that some people didn't vote for me because
可不是我的错
they're too intimidated by my hotness.
因为有人四处暗♥杀♥卡帕成员
It's not my fault that, because someone is killing Kappas,
让我来不及
I didn't have time
逐一贿赂在座每一位给我投票可不是我的错
to individually bribe each and every one of you to vote for me.
不 所有这一切 要怪只能怪一个人
No. Clearly there is only one person to blame for all of this.
就是五号♥
Number Five.
你说什么
Wait, what?
我恨在座各位今晚令我大失所望
I hate all of you for letting me down tonight,
但是 五号♥ 我最恨的就是你
but, Number Five, I hate you the most.
我知道全怪我自己选的跟班不是白♥痴♥就是怪胎
I know it's on me that I chose idiots and weirdos to be my minions,
但迄今为止 你堪称白♥痴♥怪胎之最
but you are by far the most idiotic and the most weird,
所以在座之中 我最要责怪的人是你
and so I blame you more than any of them
怪你没本事确保我连任会长
for not finding a way to ensure I retained my presidency tonight.
香奈儿 别这样 咱们聊聊嘛
Chanel, come on, let's talk this through.
不要 我已经无话可说
No! I am never talking about anything ever again!
我恨死你们了
I hate you all!
我们为楼下刚才发生的一切深表遗憾
Yeah, super sorry about what happened down there.
你笑什么
Why are you laughing?
笑你们白♥痴♥啊 我投了扎丹一票
Because, you leg humpers, I voted for Zayday.
我就是让她赢
I wanted her to win.
那你刚才在楼下大发雷霆是怎么回事
What about that fit you threw down there?
我知道自己演技爆棚
Brilliant performance, I know.
我不得不修♥炼♥演技 才能哄查德上♥床♥
I've had to develop some serious acting skills to have sex with Chad.
那你没有生我的气吗
So... you're not mad at me?
刚才我对你说的都是真心话
Oh, I meant everything I said about you.
我仍然认为你是个废物 我对此无感而已
I still think you're useless. I'm just not sad about it.
我从A&E频道播的黑♥手♥党♥纪录片中
You see, I've learned a few things
学到了一些经验
from watching A&E documentaries about the Mafia.
最重要的经验是...除了不能相信任何人
The most important being... aside from to never trust anyone,
尤其是身边最近的人之外
especially those closest to you...
永远不要在极度危机的时期当老大
you never, ever want to be the boss in a time of extreme crisis.
否则一旦你当了老大 你简直就是个活靶子
As soon as you become the boss, you get a target on your back,
沦为联邦探员 其他家族及野心下属的目标
from the Feds, the other families, ambitious underlings.
没错 你看似大权在握
Sure, seems like you have all the power,
但你承担的风险也最高
but you also take on the most risk.
在杀手盯上卡帕成员之际
Being president of Kappa House
谁担任卡帕公♥馆♥的会长
when there is a killer hunting down sisters of Kappa House
谁就是头号♥目标
means you're the top target.
我倒真是希望
I was actually hoping
你们之中哪个小贱♥人♥能背叛我 投她一票
one of you bitches would betray me and vote for her
让她来个大获全胜 不过...
so she could win the whole thing, but...
如今这局面更好
this works out even better.
因为等我下去和她及她的狐朋狗友言归于好时
Because when I go down and make peace with her and her pasty friend,
我看上去简直就是更纤细版的安吉丽娜·朱莉
I'm gonna look like a skinnier Angelina Jolie.
等等 那这所有的一切 包括南瓜园派对
Wait, so this whole thing... the pumpkin patch,
抵御黑毛舌病
the fight against Black Hairy Tongue...
都是为了引扎丹去送死而精心策划的局吗
was all an elaborate plan to set up Zayday to be killed?
我认为这场精心策划的局更多是为了救命
I like to think of it more as an elaborate plan to save a life...
救我的命
mine.
不要因为我贪生怕死而指责我
Oh, don't judge me for trying to stay alive.
我们都知道你一直在巴结淫♥魔♥拉拉
We all know you've been cozying up to Predatory Lez
因为你觉得她会空手道
because you think she knows karate.
我只是喜欢和她一起玩
I just like hanging out with her.
跟她聊天很酷
She's cool to talk to.
她懂很多... 东西
She knows a lot about... stuff.
三号♥ 你要当拉拉吗
Are you going lesbian, Number Three?
即使我也觉得那个拉拉会员挺可爱
Because while I get that Lezzie Pledge is kind of cute
如果李小龙当过DJ 大概就是那副模样
in a "If Bruce Lee were a DJ" kind of way,
我们也不能跟预备会员上♥床♥
I don't think we should be having sex with pledges.
如果你们跟我来
Now, if you'll follow me,
我想要实施我的"香奈儿最后死"计划的
I would like to implement phase two
第二阶段了
of my "Chanel Dies Last" Plan.
无论她说什么 都不能让步
Whatever she says, do not give an inch.
现在你也是会长了
You're president now, too.
扎丹
Zayday,
这是储藏室的钥匙
this is the key to the storage room.
我们为防核战争而储备的卫生棉
Where we keep our tampon backstock
以及我们所有的秘密都在里面
in case of a nuclear war and all of our secrets.
那是这里最神圣的地方
It's the most holy room in the house,
只有会长才有钥匙
and only the president has the key.
我希望你能收下
I want you to have it.
你玩什么把戏
What's your game here?
我对你毫无信任
I trust you about as far as I can throw you.
不耍把戏
No game.
我可能是个冷血贱♥人♥
I may be a stone-cold bitch,
但我爱卡帕
but I love Kappa
我希望它能挺过这段艰难的时期
and I want it to survive these challenging times.
如果你觉得自己能当个比我优秀的会长
So if you think you can do a better job than I can,
那我觉得应该试着让扎丹管理一下
then I say let's give the Zayday Administration a chance.
姐♥妹♥们♥以及可能在听着的人们
Sisters and anyone else who might be listening,
容我向你们介绍KKT姐妹会的执行会长
I present to you the acting president of Kappa Kappa Tau,
扎丹·什么姓
Zayday... something!
我姓威廉姆斯 但没事
Williams. But that'll do.
《尖叫女王》
第一季 第六集
打扰一下 会长大人
Excuse me, Madam President,
国会议长在一号♥线
the Speaker of the House is on line one.
让他留言
Take a message.
快过来
Oh, come here.
尖叫皇后（2015）
Scream Queens
剧集 | 尖叫皇后（2015） | 导航列表