尖叫皇后（2015）
Scream Queens
第一季
剧集 | 尖叫皇后（2015） | 导航列表
尖叫皇后（2015）
Scream Queens S01E05
Part 3
Sept. 10, 2020, 10:49 a.m.
我要告诉你个小秘密
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
我是传说中的"左右开弓"
I'm what you call a "Switch-hitter."
你是双性恋吗
Wait, are you bisexual?
因为"左右开弓"好像是这个意思
Because that's what "Switch-hitter" means.
你是在说"双面间谍"吗
Do you mean "Double agent"?
是的
Okay, what, yeah.
双面间谍
A double agent.
我有个主意
See, I have an idea.
詹妮弗 我们能跟你说句话吗
Jennifer, can we talk to you for a second?
你写什么呢
What are you writing?
我在给蒙什教务长写信 反对她取消万圣节
A tart missive to Dean Munsch for canceling Halloween.
你知道万圣节对于啃蜡社区来说有多重要吗
Do you know how big Halloween is in the candle community?
那是蚂蚁农场吗
Is this an ant farm?
实际上 那是个蚂蚁家族
Actually, it's an ant family,
这是桑德伯格家族
This is the Sandberg family.
大概有一百万只蚂蚁
There's about a million of them.
有一只蚁后 叫黛博拉
There's a mom ant, Deborah,
它只负责躺着 它有大约一百只雄蚁老公
who mostly just lies around and she has about 100 husband ants,
来和它滚床单
who come around and give it to her good,
它可喜欢滚床单了
which she really enjoys.
它还有大约一百万个不育的女儿
And then there's about a million sterile daughter ants
每天给它觅食 给它当奴隶
who feed her and are her slaves.
真是个模范家庭
So, an ideal family.
扎丹要竞选主席
So Zayday is running for president.
她一定会输的
And she's going to lose.
公♥馆♥里只有八个姑娘
There are only eight girls in this house.
你们 香奈儿和香奈儿三号♥
You guys, Chanel and Chanel #3
会给香奈儿投票
will all vote for Chanel,
扎丹即使有萨姆 我和格蕾丝的票
which means Zayday would need Sam and me and Grace
结果也还是平局
to all vote for her, and then it'd be a tie
香奈儿就还是主席
and Chanel remains president.
但如果香奈儿五号♥还有你和我
But if Chanel #5 and you and I
转而给扎丹投票
throw the votes to Zayday...
她就赢了
She'd win.
然后我就要求做她的副♥主♥席♥
And then I'd beg to be her second-in-command,
在幕后操控一切
while quietly pull the strings behind the scenes
就像迪克·切尼那样
like Dick Cheney.
如果香奈儿五号♥同意 她的回报是有机会
Chanel #5 will be rewarded by getting to run
负责南瓜园闪灵菲菲女士音乐会
the Pumpkin-Patch-Shining- Fergie-and-Fergie-Concert.
人家不是真的想要啦
I don't really want that.
而我可以给你一个很有趣的工作 比如会计
And maybe you will get a really exciting job like treasurer.
这个计划漏洞太多
This plan involves a lot of circuitous logic.
比如 扎丹为什么要让你当副♥主♥席♥
Like, why would Zayday just make you vice president?
她怎么不任命格蕾丝 她们可是最好的朋友
Wouldn't she ask Grace? I mean, they're, like, best friends.
香奈儿有一柜子法国蒂普提克蜡烛
Chanel has a closet full of Diptyque candles
她点一次就扔掉
that she lights once
就因为它们被用过了
and then throws away because they're used.
什么
What?!
给我看看
Show me.
天啊 这些蜡烛得一百美元一支呢
Oh, my God! Those are, like, $100 each!
这是能买♥♥到的质量最好的蜡烛
They're the highest quality candles that can be purchased retail.
我可以把它们融成一只大蜡烛
I could melt them down into one large candle!
这想法真是太妙了
What a brilliant and revolutionary idea.
你现在对我的提议有什么想法
So what do you say?
今日考试
奥伯林小姐
Excuse me, Ms. Oberlin?
你是在作弊吗
Are you cheating?
怎么会
God, no.
凯子是我的亚洲枪手
Kai Zi is my Asian.
什么
Excuse me?
他不是这个班的学生
He's not in this class.
甚至不是这个学校的学生
He's not even enrolled in this school.
我雇他来陪我参加考试
I keep him on retainer to come take tests with me.
只要是数学和理科考试
Anything math or science...
把卷子给我
Hand in your test.
我要向蒙什教务长告发你
I'm reporting you to Dean Munsch.
这是公然违反荣誉准则的行为
This is a clear violation of the honor code.
你肯定是新来的
You must be new here.
你给谁打电♥话♥呢
Who are you calling?
我爸 我要让他炒了你
My daddy. I'm gonna get you fired.
不好意思打扰一下 教授
Excuse me, Professor?
你好 我是香奈儿
Hi, it's Chanel.
是的非常感谢
Yes, thank you so much.
我们找香奈儿·奥伯林
Chanel Oberlin.
香奈儿·奥伯林
Chanel Oberlin?
你因涉嫌谋杀阿加莎·比恩而被捕了
You are under arrest for the murder of Ms. Agatha Bean.
振作点 香奈儿
Chin up, Chanel.
至少你今天穿的不错
At least you wore something nice today.
记得拍存档照片时要微笑
Remember to smile for your mug shot.
天黑前就会有人发到高客上了
It'll be on Gawker by sundown.
天啊
Oh, my God!
我竟然像罗伯特·德斯特一样在打嗝
I'm burping uncontrollably like Robert Durst.
他们会知道是我♥干♥的
They'll know I'm guilty!
有人吗
Hello?
有人吗
Hello?!
快来人救救我
Somebody help me!
很高兴见到你们都在这儿
Ah, I'm glad you're all here.
午饭时间不在这儿 还能在哪儿假装吃饭
It's lunchtime. Where else would we fake eat?
现在香奈儿终于被捕了
Now that Chanel is finally under arrest,
我们终于可以按自己的想法做事情了
we can start doing things the way we want around here.
首先最要紧的是
And the first matter of business should be
找到我们被绑♥架♥的姐妹扎丹
to find our kidnapped sister Zayday.
事实上 作为香奈儿三号♥
Actually, as Number Three,
轮到我负责了
I'm next in line and in charge here.
而我对此事的态度就一个词
And you can sum up my viewpoint on this with one word...
漠不关心
indifference.
姑娘们 扎丹失踪了
Guys, Zayday is out there.
现在可能正在饱受折磨
Probably getting tortured right now.
我们是她唯一的希望
We are her only hope.
是这样 我也希望扎丹不要被虐待
Look, I'm all for Zayday not being tortured
被杀或者随便怎么样
or killed or whatever, but...
但是你不觉得一个想要当主席的姑娘
don't you think a girl who wants to be president of this house
应该能逃脱那个神经病的魔掌
should be able to prove her abilities
以此来证明自己的实力吗
by escaping from the lair of a psychopath?
这和当选姐妹会主席一点关系都没有
That has nothing to do with being sorority president.
其实 在这个姐妹会
Actually, in this sorority,
需要制定很严格的竞选纲领
it would be a pretty powerful campaign platform.
有时 天将降大任于斯人也
Sometimes, in order for a person to achieve their full potential,
必先令其行事独♥立♥
they have to do things on their own.
你们真要弃朋友于不顾吗
Are you guys seriously going to desert our friend like this?
我才是负责人
I am in charge here!
难道还要我提醒你们这学校是有宵禁的
Need I remind you that there is a curfew on this campus
卡帕公♥馆♥已经上了蒙什教务长的黑名单
and this house is already on Dean Munsch's poop list?
你们觉得如果她发现我们都在外面
What do you think is going to happen if she catches us all out
翻箱倒柜地找扎丹 会有什么后果
checking every closet and killer's lair to find Zayday?
那她就终于有理由把我们全部开除了
She'll finally have grounds to kick us all off campus.
学校要是把我们都开除了还怎么保护我们
How do you think making all of us get expelled is protecting us?
现在 请离开
Now, please leave.
该上主菜了
It's time for the entree.
我们走 去找我爸爸帮忙
Come on, let's go ask my dad for help.
我以为你俩还在怄气
I thought you two were fighting.
他是我最好的朋友
He's my best friend.
他是我人生中唯一一个从没让我失望过的人
He's the one person my whole life who's never let me down.
我的生活好艰难
It's... it's hard
我是个男人啊
because I'm a man, you know?
我就爱你是个男人
I love that you're a man.
只是自从格蕾丝的妈妈死了之后
But it's just ever since Grace's mom died,
我就一直没找到
I just haven't found...
没找到合适的
I haven't found the one.
是啊 格蕾丝的妈妈
Yeah, Grace's mom, yeah.
我懂的
尖叫皇后（2015）
Scream Queens
剧集 | 尖叫皇后（2015） | 导航列表