尖叫皇后（2015）

Scream Queens S01E09

Part 3 Sept. 10, 2020, 10:51 a.m.

潜伏在女厕所里的鬼
who lurks in women's bathrooms.
什么
What?
为什么又发生在厕所啊
Why another story about a bathroom?
故事本身如此又不是我编的
I'm just telling the story.
红衣魔鬼等到你没有厕纸时
The red cloak waits until you run out of toilet paper.
他会让你选
And then he makes you choose
红色纸
the red roll
还是蓝色纸
or the blue roll.
如果你选红色纸
If you pick the red roll,
他会割断你的喉咙
he'll slit your throat!
你会失血而死
And the blood will run up,
就像你穿了件红斗篷
and look like you're wearing a red cloak.
但如果你选择蓝色纸
But if you pick the blue roll,
他会勒死你
he will strangle you
让你的全身因窒息而发青
until you turn blue.
就像你穿了件蓝斗篷
And it'll look like you're wearing a blue cloak.
故事讲完了
The... End.
现在你们肯定感觉好多了吧
I know y'all feel better now.
-并没有 -不许再讲鬼故事了
- No, we don't. - No more ghost stories!
至少背景别在厕所啊
Or at least stop setting them in bathrooms!
我必须得尿尿去了
I really have to pee.
但现在我是
But there is no way
没法好好用卫生间了
I'm going anywhere near a toilet.
所以恕我失陪我要去找
So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go look
一个大碗在楼梯间尿
for a salad bowl to squat over under the stairwell.
还有人想听鬼故事
Does somebody need another ghost story
吓走自己的不安吗
to scare away the heebie-jeebies?
有我听得很开心呢
Yes, I'm really enjoying myself.
查德
Hey, Chad.
看来是真的
So it's true.
你的鬼魂回来找我们索命了
You have come back to haunt us.
听着你也许已经知道这事了
Listen, you probably already know this
因为你在天堂应该能看见你死后
because you saw it from heaven, but I kind of had sex
我又跟很多女孩上了床
with a few girls in your bed after you died.
无意对你不敬我只是想要点
I didn't mean any disrespect, just kind of wanted
假日性♥爱♥的感觉懂吧
that feeling of vacation sex, you know?
-发型不错啊 -谢谢很好
- And I love the haircut. - Thank you. Nice.
兄弟你好暖和我以为鬼都是冰凉的
Dude, you are so warm-- I thought ghosts were cold or...
或者类似烟雾似的
vapor or something.
你对鬼的了解都是假的查德
Everything you think you know about ghosts is a lie, Chad.
人群中到处是鬼魂你根本不会发觉
Ghosts walk among you every day; you would never know it.
只有鬼魂之间知道谁是鬼
Only us ghosts know who is a ghost and who isn't.
当然
Of course.
你怎么回来了别误会
But why are you back? I mean,
你回来我很高兴只是
I'm super stoked you're here, it's just so much
你自杀后又发生了很多事
has gone on since you killed yourself.
我跟那个保安上♥床♥了
I mean, I had sex with that security guard.
那个颈托妹
That neck brace girl.
摘下了颈托一夜之间变身美女
Took off the neck brace-- got hot, like, overnight.
加尔菲德被人砍了胳膊
Caulfield... He got his arms chopped off,
之后头也被砍了
Then his head.
双胞胎死了
Both the twins are dead.
你不在一切都感觉不一样了兄弟
Just wasn't the same without you here, though, bro.
我回来的原因
I've come back for the same reason
跟大部分鬼一样完成未了心事
all ghosts come back: To finish some unfinished business.
所以我来找你了
Which is why I'm here.
我需要跟你借"约会战衫"
I need to borrow your "Date shirt."
"肯定泡到妞"这件吗什么
My "sure thing Oxford"? Why?
我回来要扎丹·威廉姆斯
I've come back to take Zayday Williams on a really nice,
来一场美好又昂贵的约会讨她欢心
expensive date that will totally impress her.
打住
Hold up.
你知道扎丹是个妹子对吧
You know Zayday's a chick, right?
布恩
Boone...
你忘了自己是同性恋吗
Did you forget you're super gay?
怎么可能
Um, yeah.
但我不想再当鬼了兄弟
But I don't want to be dead anymore, bro.
听着如果我能让扎丹爱上我
Look, if I can get Zayday to love me
跟我上♥床♥ 我就能重返人间了
and have sex with me, I can stay on earth.
-等下怎么返啊 -你没听过那句话吗
- Wait, how does that work? - Haven't you ever heard the phrase,
上了黑人就没有回头路了
"Once you go black, you never go back"?
-听过 -就这么来的
- Yeah. - That's how it started.
好布恩当然兄弟我想让你留下
Yes, Boone! Of course, man! I want you here.
我想让你重返人间
I want you back in the world of the living, man.
你知道扎丹跟厄尔·格雷在交往吧
You do know that Zayday is dating Earl Grey, though, right?
这没什么可担心
I wouldn't worry about that.
我去跟他说跟他说清楚
I'll talk to him, straighten him right out.
不是吧
Oh, no!
我要选哪一种
Which one do I choose?
不要
No!
不要不要不要
No, no, no! No, no, no!
我才刚做过头发
I just got my hair done!
杀手刚刚在厕所袭击了我
The killer just attacked me in the bathroom.
-我们得赶紧离开 -我们哪都不去
- We have to get out of here! - We ain't goin' nowhere!
除非
Not until
再给我讲个恐怖故事
I hear another ghost story.
如果现在不给我讲个鬼故事
If I don't hear another ghost story right now,
我说不定会吓破胆
I might just have a stroke!
但如果我们留下
But if we stay in here,
那杀手就会进来砍掉你的头
then the killer could come in and chop off your head!
我愿意冒这个险
Well... That's just a chance I'm willing to take.
不我们不能
Nope, we ain't
我们哪儿都不去
Goin' nowhere. Besides,
而且要是让迪尼斯·亨普希尔
Denise Hemphill
从那个夸张过火的楼梯
is not gonna make it down
走下来的话
that crazy, overly dramatic staircase
我非犯心脏病不可
without having a damn heart attack!
谁能讲个鬼故事
Will someone please just tell a scary story
帮大家壮胆出去
so we can get out of here?
好吧
Okay. Fine.
我来讲一个
I have one.
大家都去壁炉旁边坐下
Let's all sit by the fireplace.
事情发生在十九世纪五十年代
It happened in the 1950s.
一个姐妹会成员刚拿了驾照
A sorority sister was returning to campus
在回学校的路上
after getting her license for the first time.
她本来应该中午上路的
She was supposed to leave at lunchtime,
但她因为吃烧烤或者参加舞会耽搁了
but she got delayed at a Weenie Roast or sock hop,
于是她就在半夜
When suddenly, she found herself on the road
独自一人开车回去
in the middle of the night.
我们暂停播放罗伊·布朗的歌♥
We interrupt Roy Brown to give you
来插播一条紧急消息
an emergency news bulletin.
威廉·马斯特森又名肉钩杀手
William Masterson, aka the meat hook killer,
从全防范级别最高的
has escaped from maximum security
布里斯罗精神病院逃了出来
Breslow Asylum where he was being held
他因残杀了十个人而被关押在那里
for the grisly murders of ten people.
请大家锁紧门窗避免出门
The public is recommended to lock their doors, stay inside
尽量避开罗斯湖一带
and avoid the area around Lake Ross.
罗斯湖
前方第三个出口
救命
Help!
救命有人要杀我
Please! He tried to kill me!
-谁要杀你 -他
- Who? - Him!
快报♥警♥
Call the cops!
-这是什么玩意儿 -她的车
- What the heck is this? - Her car.
车后座上有个人
There's someone in the back seat of her car.
想要杀她
He was gonna kill her.
我想提醒她的
I was trying to warn her.
每次他抬起头来
Every time he popped up...
我就又摁喇叭又闪灯的
I would honk and flash my high beams
想把他吓回去
to scare him back down.
我们上
Come on!
我不明白如果他半夜
I don't understand... if he escaped a mental institution