杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S01E22
Part 1
Nov. 20, 2020, 12:21 p.m.
感谢大家在这个重要的日子齐聚一堂
Thank you guys for joining me on this momentous day.
正如你们所知 今年对我来说很艰难
As you guys know, it's been kind of a rough year for me.
我卡洛琳被甩了
I got dumped by Caroline,
然后是茱莉亚
then Julia.
我为爱而生
I opened myself up to love,
却深受其伤
I was hurt badly,
又重新封闭自己
and I closed myself up again.
楼下邻居给无线加了密♥码♥
The downstairs neighbor put a password on their Wi-Fi...
-跑题了 -讨厌 -我也觉得
- Off topic. - Off-putting. - Okay. I agree.
所以我已经决定
So I've decided...
放弃把妹
to give up on women,
把那些精力投入到...
and put all that energy into...
西红柿
tomatoes!
知道吗
You know what?
还以为他不会犯傻呢 咱这纯粹是自找的
It was on us for thinking this wasn't gonna be stupid.
谢天谢地 我以为他要给咱们推销东西
Thank God! I thought he was trying to sell us something.
伙计们 我有一整段演讲
Guys, I have a whole speech!
等等 等等 等等 伙计们
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you guys.
我告诉过他不要以西红柿开头
I told him not to lead with tomatoes,
可他不听
but he did.
作为他的朋友 你们不想知道
As his friends, don't you want to know why
他为什么想种西红柿吗
he wants to plant tomatoes?
是因为他想要西红柿吗
Is it because he wants tomatoes?
真是收效甚微的新开始
This is my feeble attempt at a new beginning.
他是在为明日的硕果而播种
He's sowing the seeds for a more fruitful tomorrow.
他在翻开崭新一页 他...
He is turning over a new leaf. He is...
现在别整植物隐喻
Jess, please don't do plant metaphors right now.
-那我稍稍修剪回去 -可你又来了
- Okay, I'll trim it back a little bit. - Okay, but you did it again.
-它成熟于植物隐喻 -停
- It's just ripe with plant metaphors. - Okay, but stop.
看着你们
I'm looking at you guys,
我意识到我也有得到幸福的可能
and I'm realizing that there's a possibility of happiness.
他在寻找一丝太阳光斑
He's looking for a little dapple of sunlight.
-边儿去 -抱歉
- Go. - Sorry.
温斯顿和谢尔比 你俩找到了真爱
Winston and Shelby, you guys have obviously found love, so...
不 你不明白
No, you have no idea.
我明白 因为你们一直把这挂在嘴边
No, I do, 'cause you talk about it all the time.
我觉得大家都明白
I think we all have a pretty good idea.
施密特和希希 你俩差点儿就生孩子了
Schmidt and Cece, you almost made a baby together.
几乎要造人了 想想看
You almost made a person. Think about that!
杰茜
Jess...
你在跟这个我愿与之共度一生的男人交往
you're dating the man that i could see myself growing old with.
拉塞尔 你长的真帅
Russell, you got a great-looking face.
你的下巴轮廓真分明
Your jawline could cut glass.
抓紧他 妹子
Hold on tight, sister.
别让他溜走
Don't let that one slip away.
有点诡异了 尼克
It's getting a little weird, Nick.
言归正传
So, without further ado...
水是生命之源
Water, the source of life.
没事 我有两个喷壶
It's okay, I got two of them.
你们听着
You know what?
下楼吧 如果你们想的话
Go downstairs, if you want!
我不在乎
I don't care!
我有西红柿 我相信自己
I got the tomatoes and I'm bettin' on me!
定格
Freeze frame!
当我跳起来的时候腿是在半空中的
When I'm up in the air and the legs are there.
希希 犹太人来滚床单了
Cece, the Jewish is here to make sex.
其实我叫施密特
Uh, it's actually Schmidt.
我们见过 很多次
Um, we've met, uh, many times.
没错 听说你滚上了希希的床
Right. I hear you make sex through Cece wall.
你听起来像被踩的狗
You sound like dog being stepped on.
我发出的所有声音 都是发自肺腑的
Any noises I make, they come from a very truthful place.
我这人比较喜欢创造自♥由♥的氛围
I like to create a free environment in the sack.
怎么了
What's going on here?
我喜欢他的脸
I like his face.
我想捶他 捶他 捶他
I want to punch, punch, punch!
美女们
Beautiful women--
你们想说什么说什么 不是吗
you guys can say just about anything, can't you?
你在这儿干嘛
So what are you doing here?
自从我差点让你怀孕以来我们都没怎么说话
So, look, we've barely spoken since I almost impregnated you.
只是 正是这件事
You know, it's just, it's this whole thing
让我开始思考
has just kind of got me thinking.
可能我们发展的有点太快了
Maybe this is just too intense,
我们该喊停了
and we should stop.
你真是这么想的
That's what you want?
我现在就这么觉得
It's how I feel right now, so, yeah.
好吧
Oh... Coolio.
那他就跟我约会吧
So he goes out with me.
娜迪亚 我觉得
Oh, Nadia, I think that...
真是个好主意
I think that's a great idea.
你希望这样 对吗
I mean, that's what you want, right?
是啊 真好 我完全没意见
Yeah. It's great. Totally cool with me.
相处愉快
Yay! We have fun.
我让他围上黑色披巾
I make him put on black shawl,
假装成他奶奶
pretend he's grandma.
好吧 仔细想想
Fine, twist my arm.
我将和俄♥罗♥斯♥火♥辣♥模特约会
I'll go out with the hot Russian model
她祖先说不定曾烧毁了我祖先的村子
whose ancestors probably burned down my ancestors' village.
今天发生了件诡异的事
Something weird happened to me today.
我在拉塞尔的健身房♥遇见了他前妻乌丽
I was at Russell's gym, and I ran into his ex-wife Ouli.
杰茜 你好呀
Jess, hi!
-乌丽 -泳衣真好看
- Ouli! - Oh, that's a great swimsuit.
多谢
Thank you.
某人锻炼得不错哦
Wow, someone's been working out.
你的后背结实的像一包绳子
You back's like a bag of ropes.
天哪
Oh, mama.
当时雾很大
It was really foggy
我一直盯着她的胸看
and I kept making eye contact with her nipples,
后来我慌了神于是邀请她和我与拉塞尔
and then I panicked and I invited her to dinner
共进晚餐
with Russell and me tonight.
-啥 -你干了啥
- What? - You did what?!
乌丽一直是我俩之间一个隐隐若现的存在
It's just that, like, Ouli is like this looming presence,
我们从不讨论
and we don't talk about it,
我不知道
and I don't know,
我觉得这样对我们都好
I thought it would be, like, good for us.
-同意吗 -一切顺利
- Everything okay with Russell? - Everything's fine.
我知道刚开始会紧张
I know it's gonna be tense at first,
因为拉塞尔不喜欢乌丽
'cause Ouli's not Russell's favorite person,
我在一个离婚家庭中长大
but I grew up with divorced parents,
十分擅长摆平这种情况
and I'm really good at navigating these situations.
-我有什么错 -没有
- What did I do? - Nothing!
妈咪没事
Mommy's all right
爸爸没事
Daddy's all right
他们只是看着有点奇怪
They just seem a little weird
投降吧 投降吧
Surrender, surrender...
别在晚餐时跳踢踏舞
Don't tap-dance at dinner.
你真以为我会在晚餐跳踢踏舞
Do you really think I would tap-dance at dinner?
没错 得把你的踢踏舞鞋藏起来
Yes. I'm hiding your tap shoes, Jess.
绝对的
Absolutely.
-我赞成施密特 - 别这样
- I'm with Schmidt. - Don't do it.
抱歉我迟到了
Hi. Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.
记得我们上次拥抱吗
Hey, remember last time we were hugging?
你裸着
You were naked.
太诡异了
That was weird.
不
No!
一点都不诡异
No, that's not weird at all.
我完全没意见
I have no problem being naked.
来份"凯萨蒂亚套餐"怎么样
How are the "Quethadillath"?
其实 我从没吃过这个
You know what? I've actually never had them.
又在翻白眼了
Oh, the eye roll.
真怀念
Mm. Miss that.
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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