杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S01E08
Part 1
Nov. 20, 2020, 12:19 p.m.
Wait, wait.
等等
Are we really gonna do this?
我们真的做吗
Yes. Yes! Okay.
当然 好的
Intercourse, intercourse.
上♥床♥ 上♥床♥
Intercourse.
上♥床♥
Intercourse.
上♥床♥
Sorry, that was weird.
抱歉 这样太诡异了
No, no, no. It's okay.
没关系的
I have to go to the loo.
我得去下洗手间
Okay.
好的
Hey, tiger.
虎妞儿
You're having sex tonight.
今晚你要做♥爱♥
Don't give me that look, just do it.
别给我这副表情 勇敢上吧
I'm sorry.
对不起
No. You kidding?
道什么歉啊
Don't worry about it.
别担心
It's fine.
没事的
I just haven't had sex with anyone
六年来我只跟
but Spencer in six years, and I get so nervous.
斯潘塞上过床 我好紧张
It's like starting a new job with a really weird interview.
好像是开始新的工作前 遇到了诡异的面试
Don't worry about it. I'm good.
别担心 我挺好的
I'm more than good.
非常好
It's okay.
没事的
You know what?
告诉你
Tomorrow night.
明天晚上
Let's just go out to dinner and then just nail each other.
先填饱肚子 然后大做一番
Just pound each other.
一干到底
V-bomb on the P-bomb.
小花儿上小鸟儿
I would have the... P-bomb, right?
我才是小鸟儿吧
Yes, I'm confirming the appointment.
是 我是在确认预约
I made the damn appointment. That's what.. why wouldn't...
我预约过了 所以... 为什么要...
Yeah, okay. Appointment confirmed.
好的 预约确认了
Thank you. Thank you very much.
谢谢 太谢谢了
Yeah, there's not a chance I'm going.
会去才怪
Can you not do this to yourself?
你别这么糟蹋自己行吗
Look at your hair, you look ridiculous.
看看你的头发 丑死了
What am I supposed to talk about for an hour? It's a haircut.
要我一个钟头说什么啊 剪个头发而已
No, you're trapped.
不 去了就被困住了
You can't move, and they're standing behind you with their hands
不能动弹 他们站在后面 手放在
in your hair, and they expect you to talk back.
你的头发里 期望你互动谈天
Oh, yeah, it's your baby.
这是你的宝宝啊
He's cute.
很可爱
Yeah, your baby's cute.
你的宝宝好可爱
Okay, I tell you what, man, just come to my place.
这样吧 兄弟 来我剪头发的那家
No, I'm not going to a black barbershop, Winston.
我不会去黑人理发店的 温斯顿
I've seen the movies; I know how fast they talk.
我看过电影 知道理发师语速有多快
I don't need to seem any less cool than I already do.
我不想让自己显得更土鳖
Want to go to my salon? Hey, guys.
去我的美发沙龙如何 好啊各位
Hey. So, um...
好啊 那个
heads up, Paul's coming tonight.
提个醒 保罗今晚会来
And I just wanted to tell you
我要告诉大家
that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree.
我会把他当枫树般榨干
I'm gonna be searching for some syrups.
让糖浆源源不断
I'm gonna be having sex with him.
我会和他上♥床♥
All right, hey!
太好了
Why are you telling us this? 'Cause I want to.
为什么要告诉我们 我想说啊
I want to give you a heads up. You nervous? You need tips?
我要给大家提个醒 紧张吗 需要支招吗
No, I'm not nervous.
我不紧张
Just, you know, I can drive stick.
我会开手动挡的车
Yeah, 'cause it seems like you're freaking out a little bit.
你看起来一副六神无主的样子
With this whole activity.
对性能完全不熟
That's not stick, that's automatic.
这不算手动挡 这是自动挡
That's not automatic.
这怎么是自动挡呢
Another bathroom break, Schmidt?
又上厕所啦 施密特
You know, I've been timing you all day.
我整天都在帮你计时
Seven minutes and 23 seconds.
7分23秒
I wonder what was going on in there.
真好奇你在里面做什么呢
You pooped.
大便了吧你
Can you stop timing me, please?
拜托别计时了好吗
It's ridiculous that you do that. I will break you.
真是无理取闹 我会让你好看
Hey, Lisa! You were on fire last night, girl!
莉萨 昨天好猛啊 姑娘
I'm taking her job.
她的活儿归我了
What did you do last night?
你们昨晚有什么活动
Everyone from the office went to Jill's bachelorette party.
大家都去参加吉尔的单身告别派对了
Why don't I get invited places?
为什么没邀请我呢
Is it because I'm the only man in the office?
就因为我是办公室唯一的男性吗
"Man." That's adorable. How is it...
男性 太有爱了 这真是...
You know, Sarah got promoted.
萨拉升职了
Sarah? With the, with the gums?
萨拉 暴牙那个
So she's out of the... Yeah. That corner cubicle is free.
那么她搬... 是的 转角隔间空出来了
So much kick-back space.
真♥他♥妈♥的大呀
And, you know, Gina personally invited me
吉娜亲自邀请我参加她今晚的
to her baby shower tonight.
迎宝宝送礼大派对
So that corner cubicle-- that's all mine.
所以转角隔间 是我的囊中之物
You like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan.
你这是学007的大反派吗 计划全泄露了
Mr. Darcy's going to love my new bonnet.
道西先生会喜欢我的新帽子的
Why are we here?
我们来干嘛的
You don't understand.
你不明白啦
You've never been cheated on before.
没人背着你偷♥情♥
Spencer and I never tried anything new,
斯潘塞和我从没试过新招式
and maybe if I'd been... more erotic...
如果我能够在床上更 开放些的话
Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk,
斯潘塞出轨是因为他是个贱男
not 'cause you're bad in bed. It's been six years.
并不是你的床技不好 六年了
Everything I know about sex, I learned from Spencer
我的床技 全是拜斯潘塞
or the Clinton impeachment trial.
和克♥林♥顿♥弹劾案所赐
He used a cigar as a sexual aid with her in the Oval Office area...
在总统办公室区域 他以雪茄作为挑逗工具
Jess! Mom?!
杰茜 妈妈
I'm not listening to NPR.
我没听全国公共广播电台
No. No whistle.
别 别吹口哨
It's terrible!
太丑了
Uh, excusez-moi.
劳驾
Can I try this on, please?
请问这个能试穿吗
Oh, the starfish. You can't try that on.
海星装 不能试穿
Health code.
不符合卫生规定
I'll take it!
我买♥♥了
I hope Paul's packing some coral polyps,
希望保罗能带珊瑚虫过来
'cause this starfish is hungry.
因为这只海星很饥渴
Starfish eat coral polyps. Just pay, Jess.
海星吃珊瑚虫 付钱吧 杰茜
So today I'm gonna show you how to cut your own hair.
今天我来教大家如何自己剪头发
Uh, I consider myself...
我将自己看作...
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing, Nick?
喂喂喂 干嘛呢 尼克
It's a haircut! Human interaction.
这可是理发 自己做不来的
You're a bartender, you talk to strangers every single day.
你是酒保 和陌生人交谈是小菜
I don't like when they touch my head, Winston.
一边摸头一边聊就是不行 温斯顿
I don't like it.
我就是不喜欢
Go to the damn salon! No, it's fine, okay?
去发艺沙龙吧 不 没事的
I'm learning how to do it myself.
我正学着自己剪发呢
I'm learning from this video.
跟着这视频学
Oh! Oh, my god, man!
我的天啊 哥们儿
I was wondering why it had so many views.
我就纳闷怎么这么高点击率
Let's watch it again.
再看一遍
What?
什么事
You know, Gina, I was just walking by and, I mean,
吉娜 我刚好路过
I was literally pulled in here by the glow.
一股力量将我吸引进来
What do you want, Schmidt? I was just working my tail off
想怎样 施密特 我在自己的
at my cubicle, which, between you and me, is surrounded
隔间里辛苦工作 就告诉你哈 我周围
by a couple of chatty Cathys.
是一帮长舌妇[字面意为话痨凯西]
I mean, that's really their names. It's Cathy S. And Cathy G.
她们还真叫凯西 凯西甲 凯西乙
Anyway, they won't shut up about a baby shower tonight
她们一直在说今晚的迎宝宝送礼大派对
for a certain VP VP.
主角是咱们伟大的大孕副总
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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